Question on cutting mom out of the picture...
By work4free
@work4free (15)
United States
February 17, 2008 1:42pm CST
I have had a very rough relationship with my mom my whole life. Without going into every detail I will just say she munipulates,constantly putting everyone on guilt trips if she does not get what she wants and can get violent as well.
I will give you an example of the last incident...
It was Thanksgiving and my youngest daughter is 2 yrs and cries everytime my mom comes around she is the only one that my daughter reacts this way. I have tried everything to remedy the situation but on the morning of thanksgiving my older daughter came up stairs and said she was crying when my mom tried to hold her. So I sent the girls downstairs and told my 2 year old to say sorry to grandma.
The next thing I know my mom is Screaming at both my girls and they came up stairs crying. I went downstairs and tried to calmly talk to my mom and she just started shouting at me"I am sorry that was not very grandma like of me! But I am just so sick of this!"
I started packing up our stuff and said we are going home. Then she goes in my oldest daughter's room and says my daughter is upset because we are leaving. I asked my older daughter if this was true and she said no mommy.
We ended up leaving and I have not really talked to her since. In my point of view it is one thing if she tries to munipulate and make me feel bad but when she starts doing it to my girls I feel like she gives me no choice. I cannot allow this.
If you had a mother like this, what would you do?
7 people like this
16 responses
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
17 Feb 08
I have a mother worse than this. She picked favorites between my two boys early early on and one day I let her watch them for me when I went to a doctors appointment I had.
When I got back my one son (her favorite) was sitting on the couch eating ice cream while my other son (the one she doesn't like) was sitting on the kitchen floor screaming like someone was killing him with a bandage around his hand.
When I asked my mother what happened she said that MY SON (the one who was crying) knocked over a glass and broke it so she made him clean it up and he cut his hand. (He was only 3) and that HER GRANDSON was eating ice cream because he didn't do anything wrong and wasn't being a cry baby.
I picked up both my kids, called my mother a series of nasty names, and that is the last time she has seen any of us. She has never even seen my avatar who I didn't even tell her I was pregnant with and that was over 2 years ago.
I don't pick favorites among my children and I won't let anyone else do so either.
3 people like this
@curiousgal (143)
• United States
18 Feb 08
I definitely know where you are coming from. My mother also picked favorites between my two boys. I had to live with her for like 7 months while my boyfriend and I was trying to get a place of our own. It was so hard those months. My mother absolutely loved my oldest boy and got treated like a king while living there. My youngest son she claims she loved, but she never treated him good at all. There was so much that went on in those 7 months that I just knew I did not want anything to do with her anymore. We got our place on December 1st. I still talked to her after we moved, but after christmas i couldn't take it anymore. I do believe you had made the right choice. It is one thing when your mother treats you bad, but when she is treating your kids bad and unfairly then it's another story and I wouldn't put up with it. You should always have your children first.
@katieV (3)
•
29 Feb 08
you sound like you have a lot of patience with your mum, dont let her treat your children like this, you want your children to be around positive and encouraging people not people who go mad like this! obviously your children, well at least one of them, dosnt like her anyway and for her to cry when she is around, that is a warning sign if you ask me!
@aretha (2538)
• United States
29 Feb 08
i have a father like this and i haven't talked to him in about 3 years. i was an only child and he was always playing his games and being a mean drunk jerk. i gave up on him and didn't talk to him for around 8 years. he lived in the next town and with other family he knew when i was pregnet for my first. he wanted to see him after i had him so i meet him in a public place figured maybe he had changed but only seen him maybe 3 times in close to 2 years. my mom got really sick and it was all hard for me to deal with. after my mom was gone i had no one left as far as parents or siblings so i started seeing him more and letting my son around him. we thought he stopped drinking but found out soon he was hiding it and just wouldn't do it when we where going to be around. after i had my second son he was starting to get mean and unfair to my oldest and i just stopped it. i was not going to allow him to do to my kids what he did to me. so i haven't seen him sense and don't plain to.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
25 Feb 08
I'm planning to get married in the near future.I also had a bitter experience with my mom and I plan to visit her rarely when I get married.I don't want my future children to go into detail on what she has done to me and my boyfriend.
@bagumbayan (2705)
• Philippines
29 Feb 08
I really dont know how and why your mother reacted that way. Is she that kind ever since? Are you living with her?Since you were a kid was she like that? Does she acts the same way to your other sisters? There must be reasons why she is like that. Much more if her attitude is not the same as when you were younger. Do you have your father with you. It might be one of the reasons. At any rate, just a little more patient and understanding to your mom, she will change, give her time. Show your love and care.
@ryan8kristin (37)
• United States
28 Feb 08
i would try to work it out because you only have one mother and whe she is gone you dont have her no more.. i mean i had the same realtionship with my mother and to this day we are still fighting and i am 18 year old .. just give it time you will be close again .
@Liasonfan (1702)
• Canada
19 Feb 08
Well, my kids don't like my mom and I really can't say as I blame them. Oh yes, we all get together and smile sweetly at certain family occassions, but the hurt will always be there. But my mom has a bad habit of picking fav grandchildren too. And my kids are not them. There cousins do everything so much better, don't you know? It really became apparent when she decided to take her 3 kids and their families on 3 separate holidays to Disney World. Both of my brothers and their families got their trips and when it came time for me and my family, she made up flimsy excuses of why we couldn't go. The most hurtful one was my son-in-law. She said he was not part of the family and my daughter and their son could go, but because she was only living with the dad and they weren't married yet, that she wasn't going to pay for him, so he wasn't included. What the hay? He was and still is a valued part of our family. I offered to pay his way, because they were young and struggling. Dear old mom said that was not good enough, what was the point of her free trip? So we got ripped off of a trip. And we are supposed to forgive and forget. Well, I believe we are all Christian enough, we have forgiven, but will never forget. And this is only one example...
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
18 Feb 08
I cut my mother out of my life nearly 5 years ago. She was a social path that would not stay in treatment. She mentally and physically abused her whole family. I had to get her out of my life and my children's life. She was dragging everyone around her down with her in her illness. She really was suffering so much she jumped off a cliff a year and a half ago. Though it tore me to pieces and the guilt was insurmountable (she will always be my mom) I know I did the right thing leaving her. My life has improved greatly since I left her. I was able over time to heal from the situation.
I can't tell you what you should do. But from my experience I understand that though you may love someone so much you sometimes may need to leave for your own sanity.
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
18 Feb 08
I can relate to you somewhat my mom and I had a really rocky relationship as well I never saw her much because my parents were divorced. But when I did see her it was like she never paid much attention to me although my brother and I got a long just fine. He's younger than me and we were always close growing up so I wanted to talk to him and stuff but my mom wouldn't give me his phone # so I had to find it myself on 411.com. But than she got really angry and upset with me. So I have no idea on what she told my brother and my sister-in-law so now I have to write my sister-in-law a letter explaining everything in hopes that my sister-in-law will call me and have my brother call me as well. The point that I'm trying to get at is. Since the confrontation with my mom and catching her in a lie I have cut her out of my life and I have been much more happier ever since. It may be hard at first but it gets easier the more and more you go without talking.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
18 Feb 08
That is definitely a tough one that you are having to go through. First of all, it's not alright for her to do that to you and it's definitely not okay for her to do it to your girls. Maybe the best thing is to stay away from her for a while until she comes to terms with what she is doing to her family. Those poor girls of yours don't know what to do in this situation, just like you don't. I definitely wouldn't let my children around her though. i know she is your mother, but she needs to not only respect you but your children as well. they are young and shouldn't have to be put in that situation. i'll be praying for you and good luck. keep us posted on things and God bless
@curiousgal (143)
• United States
18 Feb 08
I can say that I know how you feel. I have recently quit talking to my mother at the beginning of this year. My mother has to have everything go her way or no way. She always played favorites with my two boys. Buying the oldest toys (not the youngest), letting the oldest play with all the toys (not the youngest), letting the oldest get away with everything while the youngest always got in trouble, plus she would let my oldest spend the nights with her and not my youngest which made him question why does his mama not want him to stay also. Every christmas she would buy both the boys toys, but they had to leave them at her house. They never got to keep any of their christmas toys and play with them. This last christmas was my last time i could put my kids through it. They question why they don't get to keep their toys from mama, but they get to keep their toys from my boyfriend's families, my stepfather's families, but not their own mama. I believe my kids are better off not having to put up with her negativity all the time, playing favorites, and all.
@cortney09 (1345)
• United States
19 Feb 08
It sounds to me like you are doing the right thing. My mom sounds like your mom, minus the getting violent part. My husband and I don't have kids, so I don't have to worry about that. Other than twice, I haven't spoken with my mom in almost four years. I think that you can't let your mom continue to manipulate people.
@Swaana (1205)
• India
18 Feb 08
It is so had to have a person like that and if it your own mom it is even more hurting. Dont think of moving her out of the picture but try to help her make friends with people of her age and also with people of your kids age. This way she will learn what to do and what not to do. It is better late than never.
@Swaana (1205)
• India
18 Feb 08
Luckily I dont have a mother like that, but I have seen my friend's mother who is just like that and it always hurts to go to their home even though he is my close friend. Infact he have always felt so upset to invite any of us to his home. There are so many reasons for that behaviour but still they can be better moms and grandmoms in the course of time which never happens with many.
@jiffys_frog_woman (4050)
• United States
18 Feb 08
my mom sounds like yours she let her own brother rape me when i was younger she has not seen my daughter since 2004 and will not see her cause she does the guilt trips and let something happen to my daughter but i do not know what........she wont tell me........ do what is best for your girls
