Learning to Walk Away...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
March 21, 2008 5:27pm CST
As most anyone that's been on MyLot long knows tempers can flare and fights can and do break out. Ppl feel passionately about certain issues and defend them to the hilt. But at what point do you move on? Do you keep fighting long after your opinion has been voiced? Are you driven by the need to try to force ppl to agree with you? Do you insist on resorting to insults, criticism, and hateful mean behavior? Do you really think that browbeating and arguing with anyone is going to make them see your views any better?
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been in on a few doosies of fights here on MyLot…some things push my buttons. I also find that when I’m in a fight, disagreement, difference of opinion (call it what you will) it tends to spill over into my real life. I’m cranky, crabby, short tempered and generally can’t focus on other stuff b/c I’m too worked up over fighting with someone. I like things peaceful, quiet and smooth flowing…I don’t like yelling, name calling, bickering or fighting in general.
I also think it defeats the purpose of MyLot…if your busy fighting with other members then your not bothering with other discussions. I’ve spent days, literally, going back and forth with ppl b/c we disagree over a topic.
I’ve decided that I need to make some changes and what better way then to start with me…so here’s what I’ve started doing. When I go into a discussion and state my opinion and the poster or another member replies back to me, I answer them. If we’re simply discussing, great…that’s the whole purpose of MyLot. But if it’s dragging on and we’re simply bickering back and forth or outright arguing then I simply reply and say “Thank you for your opinion and have a nice day!” It’s polite, I’m showing my appreciation for them voicing their opinion even if I don’t agree with it and it’s ending the discussion b/c there’s nothing left for me to say.
I think it’s much better than turning a discussion into a fight and possibly getting a deleted and much better for my overall frame of mind.
So, will you fight till the death or will you simply have your say and move on?
!!HAPPY EASTER!!
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
8 people like this
18 responses
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
21 Mar 08
I know what you mean, I came to Mylot from a freeby locl forum and there was a lot of fighting and nastiness going on, I did get myself into few little heated moments but when i came to Mylot I promised i was not going to do that so i don't, I walk away, but what does make me a little angry is when people get too serious about their discussions and seem to bite back at you for no reason, in this i walk away too...
@Destiny007 (5805)
• United States
22 Mar 08
That depends what the issue is. There are some issues that the OP's opinions are so ingrained that it is almost fanatical.
One group is those related to lifestyle or behavioral choices, and when I do respond to them I just state my opinion and move on anymore.
There is no point in arguing with idiots, so I refuse to.
When it comes to other things I will stand my ground and fight it out... such as politics or the man made global warming hoax and other junk science issues.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Quoted for truth.
Signed, seconded.
Couldn't have put it better.
1 person likes this
@lonewolfnan (4366)
• Canada
22 Mar 08
I believe in your new direction and I compliment you on making a choice that only you can make-to work on one's self.I do not believe I have had a major dissagreement on here yet but I believe it is because I know I can not change someone else's opinion and that MyLot is here to SHARE ideas,not to ridicule others through verbal/written attacks.At all times I have control on how far the discussion will go simply by refusing to be dragged further.It is great to hear you are seaking (and finding) some peace within.Let others waste their time and energy while you enjoy the day.
1 person likes this
@lonewolfnan (4366)
• Canada
18 Apr 08
First,thank you for the "best response".It is muchly appreciated.
It is a month later.Can you update us as to how your new outlook has helped(or hindered)?I am hoping it has loosened your stress level.
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
18 Apr 08
Like you, I am all for a quiet life and can't really see the point in getting into fights and arguments. I don't like seeing people getting into some really nasty arguments here, and prefer to walk away when I can. I have been lucky enough to have been able to avoid a lot of the aggrevation on here up to now but I have seen so many discussions spiral into slanging matches.
I would sooner simply state my view and leave it. If someone really wants to have a discussion then fine, I am happy to do so, but if someone wants to turn it into an argument then I will simply say thank you and have a nice day
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
21 Mar 08
I have seen quite a few posts with some heated discussions going on between them, I am usually a biter, if someone disagrees with me I will argue the point if I know I am right, but on here it I just find it quite funny, I have not had a fall out with anyone yet, but a couple of things said may have been an intended snipe, but I just laughed at it, its their opinion and sometimes it can be to others the most ridiculous opinion and makes us mad, but if thats what they think then more fool them. I just will not rise to it at all, if someone wishes to snipe or wind me up then fine they can try, but I will not bite!! It does defeat the purpose of myLot because it takes up the whole of your energies just bickering with one person, or you are too mad to answer other peoples discussions, so I will be nice and walk away. One thing I have learnt, in real life, if people have a disagreement with you, they hate nice, if you are nice to them it puts them off what they were mad about in the first place! Happy Easter twoey68
2 people like this
@cortjo73 (6498)
• United States
22 Mar 08
I actually had a moment...and I don't know if it is done yet...with someone else in one of my discussions. The thing is, my topic was not controversial at all. But, this person responded specifically to be a twit. One word. That was all this person contributed. So, I asked a question and they attacked back. I responded with a little witty, possibly snarky response and, that was it...thus far. I have never done that before on myLot but, I feel justified as everyone else was very kind in their responses. And, why not? Seriously, my post wasn't something that was meant, or really even should have invoked a snide comment.
There have been a few discussions between me and others where we respectfully disagree with one another. It is not my desire to make enemies here. I really enjoy my time on myLot and I am truly and genuinely appreciative of the friendships that I have developed here as well as all future friendships.
But, this poster pushed me to a bit of a breaking point. In fact, you can check it out for yourself and, please feel free to tell me if I was in the wrong. Let me try to post the link, I am not sure if I can as I have never done it before. But, I'll give it a shot: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1443692.aspx Check out #1 Unbelievable. What the heck did I do to deserve that. Please tell me if I did deserve it. If you say so, you seem like a reasonable person. I will consider your opinion.
Happy Easter to you!
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
22 Mar 08
That would have irritated me as well. There are some ppl on here that are like that and here's how I handle them :) I negative rate them! Not all over the place or anything childish like that but just on the one response. I very rarely neg anyone but when they do stupid sh*t like that then yes, I will. If it had been me and that person left a message like that in a discussion that I started I would have neg rated them and sent a little note to MyLot admin making them aware of the stunt that poster is pulling b/c more then likely that is not the first time they've done it.
Congrats on reaching 500 too. I was totally thrilled when I reached mine.
!!HAPPY EASTER!!
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Hey Cort, I've come to the conclusion its just another moneymaker/farmer on mylot. Want proof? Here's a discussion that was meant to get responses
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1444324.aspx
It'll be obvious.
2 people like this
@cortjo73 (6498)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Thank you toni_nakama, theprogrammer and twoey68! I am glad to hear that it wasn't just me being sensitive. I can be sometimes. I guess that was sort of the first real time that I have had someone actively try to get my goat here and, I let them get the better of me.
toni_nakama, you hit the nail on the head. That poster should follow the golden rule of, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all! Sheesh! I don't get people who come to a nice community like myLot to stir up drama. I have done nothing to anyone here to deserve such an attitude! Well, by responding the way I did, I guess I can't very well say that now, can I? Oops!
theprogrammer...you are right! That was obvious! Sheesh! Thank you for pointing that out! I wish them luck if they think that that behavior is going to make them tons of money here. If I am not wrong, they administration tends to delete one word answers...right?
twoey68, thank you for the advice. I think I will go back and give him a negative. I just don't want my entire discussion to get deleted if they decide to do that. Everyone else was very nice and I would hate to end up inadvertently punish them. If I give that poster a negative, will that automatically get the admin to delete? I'm still learning the rules and consequences here. And, Thank you for the congrats! Even though I am not here trying to collect my post points, it is fun to watch it go up! It is just a nice reflection of my hard work here!
Thank you again to all three of you for your kind words!
1 person likes this
@Stiletto (4579)
•
22 Mar 08
In real life (ie.offline) I will stand my ground and argue my point till the bitter end! Not online though and particularly not on myLot. I just can't get emotionally involved enough in it all I'm afraid. I've had the occasional spat on here and I will certainly defend my position if someone wants to argue with me but I'm not interested in bickering back and forth with someone. I see this happening all the time on myLot. Sometimes it can be entertaining enough to watch but generally it's tiresome and I can't really be doing with the drama of it all to be honest. So I agree that your new course of action is the best way to handle these situations. Some people just like to argue I'm afraid!
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
5 Apr 08
I do know what you mean and I have been there. I have gotten into a few heated discussions. I have though learned that there are times when it's just best to let it drop and walk away. When one cannot agree at all on any point then no matter one says it won't change the situation or the issue for the other. If anything it can cause them to dig their heels in deeper, I know it has for me. If someone digresses to the point of being mean or being insulting I might state there is no reason for that and then walk away. I would rather let them think they "won" then to deal with the situation.
@hey_baby (425)
• Philippines
22 Mar 08
i not much of a poster, (as you can see from my counter). i am a member of many diff forums. i prefer quality posting -replying to topics i feel i can relate to.
i try sharing my thoughts on these forums. if a disagree with some views, i comment on it (at times) in a diplomatic way.
if someone disagrees with my views, i try to reiterate or explain further what i believe in. if its still isnt enough. i let go of it. there is no sense arguing with people, much more with people i don't know.
i go online to expand my knowledge, to share what i know and keep me company whenever i have nothing to do. why is there a need argue with somebody? life is stressful enough.
bickering online is something i can live without.
as you said, if its plain discussion then its fine. A lot will be learned by both.
although sadly there are other people who expresses opposite views just to create a reaction. maybe they just enjoy pissing people.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Destiny nailed it.
For me though, I usually give it 1 more or 2 more attempts depending on my mood. There are times where things seem "fanatical" other times its just incredibly ingrained.
The point where I don't think it'll be productive, or I know nothing will happen, or if its a complete waste of time, then I'll stop.
1 person likes this
@christianyvesrabara (26)
• Philippines
22 Mar 08
fighting is never the solution, it is just an excuse when things you wanted cant be handed... yupp its better to walk away rather than making things worst.. like they always say, fire confronted with fire would only cause more fire.. but i dont blame people for being short tempered, pusshy, etc... im one of them too and i think this is because of the complexity of our world that increases day after day and our minds cant handle it no more...
1 person likes this
@christianyvesrabara (26)
• Philippines
22 Mar 08
fighting is never a solution. it is only an excuse when you feel things that you want is getting down... i think if things gets nasty, its better to walk away rather than making things getting more tragic. i feel for you twoey.. because our world is getting more complicated, our minds are getting more confused.. hence, we easily lost tempers, moods, etc.. but mind over matter seems like a good idea.. get over the matter by turning away and not by filling more the matter by our exploited minds that makes the matter over you..
1 person likes this
@DuchessLinda (12)
• United States
22 Mar 08
~STAND~STRONG~
I am a strong person who does not follow the DRAMA QUEEN People! Life is way to short to allow total strangers to bug you.
I stay away from topic's that I know will cause others to get their fur up. I work hard at being positive and show RESPECT toward all other's.
I am careful how I word things... (Like I put it like this if it is a touchy subject that I know will get negitive feed back.) (This is how I feel about this SUBJECT, Please to not take it out on other's. If You have a problem with my advice or what not please take it out with me in private. Not Public)
That tends to make people stop and think that they are being silly.
So I wish everyone here total peace.
Blessed Be )o(
1 person likes this
@getunaddicted (210)
• United States
22 Mar 08
Though I am extremely knew to this site, I have been around the net for along time, and have been in many net squabbles. I learned that when someone has a different opinion, even if they are harsh in the way they say it, I still respond with my opinion, and do my best not to seem pushy. if they continue to be harsh, I point out that that is borderline on harassment and request that they either be polite with their discussions, quit the discussion, or be reported.
1 person likes this
@caramello (4377)
• Australia
22 Mar 08
I have experienced this in a discussion where my answer was taken completely out of context and yes a "fight" could have happened, but I chose to leave and did for quite some time, but have returned with a different attitude and if this did occur again, I would deal with it a lot differently. I have been in another forum which was my very first one, and I learnt the hard way about how nasty people could really be and to this day still think about how I could have done things differently, but too late now! I did learn by it though!
1 person likes this
@mbs730 (2147)
• Canada
22 Mar 08
Honestly I have rarely seen anything heated here but let me tell you. I was recently on a forum where I was accused of being a troll all because I was trying to defend myself for something. I can't tell you how much it did hurt because some of the things that they said to me were just plain nasty, not to mention uncalled for. Then they dug up something from way back in the past about me (and I was really going through a bad time at the time.. and it wasn't criminal, stupid YES but not criminal) since they have nothing better to do than to search dirt on people all day long... and exposed it and that just mortified me. I really fell into a funk from that days later, and expressed what happened somewhere else and guess what.. I was mocked there too. Can't win either way. But.. remember, things blow over. I had to walk away, I had no option and I am just hoping that one day what they did to me will come back to haunt them. No one is perfect, everyone has done stupid things in their lives. Some more than others maybe (like myself, I never seem to learn from my mistakes) but please, I could easily if I wanted to find dirt on them but I won't sink down to their level. So yeah unfortunately it did spill into my real life, I binged a lot and stopped exercising and just drowned myself in self pity but fortunately it was short lived :)
@lucy02 (5015)
• United States
18 Apr 08
I don't normally get caught up in the disagreements. I feel everyone has a right to their own opinion. I did get slightly caught up in a religious discussion a while back. I've learned to just leave it and go on though.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Oct 08
twoey you are so right its best to finally just walk away'as one nasty comment by you leads to one by your opponent, and on andon then you get all angry and take it out on your mate, who takes itout on a child who then whops the dog, who then bites the
cat.stop the war, walk away and go to a new discussion. the life you say may be your own lol lol lol lol
