stay or leave

Well I am married and have been with my husband for 10 years but married for 8.5, and honestly, sometimes I wonder if I am only staying with him because I am afraid of being a single mother. But on the other hand, he really is not a bad guy even though honestly I am not really attracted to him anymore. But I also know that I made a commitment to him and unless things were to get bad in the marriage, a lack of attraction is not enough of a reason to stop a marriage. If he didn't have some awful habits I think I would be more attracted to him too. Then again I am sure there are things that I do that get on his nerves terrible too. However, I DO love my husband but don't always like him. Sounds like you are in a similar boat with your boyfriend. You have a child with him but you are not committed to him and you also cannot see yourself with someone else. I would have to say.. don't do anything!! But don't get married either just in case something were to arise, lots of common law couples out there. Not sure what else to suggest but right now.. just don't do anything.

i am not you and i dont live there and i dont have your feelings and thoughts etc but i can give an opion and a thought to your troubled mind. i have been married 12 years. we still have that spark when we kiss. i think that has alot to do with though we dont let ourselves fall into that rut that most do. i mean is it the same old same old with ya'll or do you try to throw in differnt things. i know its hard when you have a kid. like with us out of the blue i will just make a nice dinner and send kids to bed early and then just us have dinner with each other. or i will buy him something little and not expensive just cause. we also talk alot. personally i would stop and think about things is the spark gone cause you are bored or is it gone cause the feelings are not there. if the feelings are not there then you need to think about it. if you only miss him cause you are use to him being htere and want him there cause well he is there. or do you miss him because you want him to be with you and it makes you happy for him to be there. you may just need to get out of the rut. put on some sexy clothes and music. write him a letter and tell him how you feel and give it to him. make a picnic and go to the lake. put the kid to bed early with dinner being quick and then make ya'll something specail and ask him to dance with you etc. best thing is right now for you to see the difference in your feelings and see which way it is then do something about it. are you in a rut or out of the old that you once had. is it a love for a friend or a love of you have my heart.

Yeah if you are not feeling the love when you kiss then thats headed for trouble I think that its not really "him" your missing its a person being there that you miss. If you are not into him then find that mr right he is out there waiting to meet you and your son. Find that person that makes you float while your kissing that when you know your in love when that person can make you feel like your floating around!!! Good luck !!!

young and dum and still chewing bubble gum you are the same girl that wants to get married and giving your mom all those head aches with that cheating jail bird boyfriend of yours i told you already you have issues you need some counseling i also feel sorry for that baby you are bringing him in a emotional triangle GET SOME HELP GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED HELP!!

love is going to do nothing abt u r kiss. it is not a measure of love .. wen u need him or ready 2 do anything for him ten it is love ./.. pure love k.. so dont leave him .. all the best .. i wait for ur reply

are you the same girl that earlier wante to get married?

Yes, you have a bond... your child, and you live together peacefully enough, or you wouldn't miss him so when he's away. I feel you need to spice up your lives a bit more... it's not the time to marry this guy, but try to get out sometimes, either as a couple or as a family unit. Do things that you haven't done before, and have some fun. Use some energy, and laugh a lot... I'm sure that will bring back the passion to your relationship. You're stuck in a routine... the marriage can wait until after you've climbed out of that dreary routine, and have brought the passion back into your relationship. It won't work without all the ingredients, my friend. Brightest Blessings.

I read your other discussion too. You seem very unsure so my advice is don't get married and do a trial separation. You're very young and shouldn't marry until you are sure you are with the one you love.

It sounds like you have the seven year itch. All relationships get old after a while. Try to put some vigor back into your relationship. Hire a babysitter, go to Victoria's Secret, etc. If it's truly meant to be these things should help. Also if you're really comitted to your relationship and want to work on it no matter what, you could try talking to someone like a therapist or pastor.

Well, if you don't feel anything when you kiss him but you miss his presence and you say you love him, maybe you just need to try something new, I mean try to do something different with him like going out to different places or talking about different things... Maybe it's a moment of routine that's making you feel this way.

Have you ever heard the term "7-year itch"? It is when you reach the point in a relationship when the "spark" seems to be gone, but the emotions are not necessarily gone. It is common in many relationships and, as much of the advice you have received shows, many people do end up leaving. Personally, I think it is worth it to try and figure out how to revive that spark. How is the communication in your relationship? Would counseling help? Have you discussed how you feel with him and anything that he may be able to do to help re-build that bond? Try being spontaneous with him and, if possible, take a 1 or 2 night getaway, just you and your boyfriend. Children have a way of making us forget about our own and our partner's needs, both emotional and physical. It is extremely important for us to try to re-connect on a daily basis with our partner, whether it be a 5-10 minute snuggle on the couch after the kids are in bed, holding hands as you walk through the mall, or even a good old-fashioned make-out session. The point is to re-connect physically as well as emotionally on a regular basis. It is also important for you to get some time for yourself on a regular basis. Make sure you are getting a few minutes alone on a regular basis to take care of your needs, even if it is just enjoying (versus just taking) a hot 10 minnute shower and then putting on a silky lotion. If your basic needs are being met, you are more able to focus on the other things in your life, including your emotions toward your partner.

After several years together it is normal for the tinglies to subside. I would ask you if you can tlk to him about anything? Is he your best friend? Do you trust and respect each other? You have had a child together and started to build a life it sounds like maybe you are getting cold feet? Passion is easy to resurrect and I think to often in our society it is accepted to try something new if you are not deleriously passionate. That is a farce no one will ever be able to sustain that. You need to look at the whole picture of your relationship. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and sometimes that initial spark just is not there but we love and respect each other and work at sparking or love life when we need to. I hope all that made sense, feel like I am rambling a bit.

obviously things need to change. I often ask myself the same questions. It takes someone in the relationship to be spontaneous and take the first steps to improve a relationship. You have already aknowledged it, Men like it when you put a little more thought into a night of them, and women like it when a man dedicates his time for them. We all know what men want, and we all know what woman wants (generally, stereotypically speaking)For example, I got a cute inexpensive lingerie set, fooled around all night, and the next day he took me out to see a movie, was extra affectionate and mature. Holding hands, soft kisses, some dialect on the way to and from, sharing the scary movie moments, laughter.. all the good stuff. Maybe you guys could get counseling, maybe you should just tell him your feelings, If you do not love him, you should know inside. If you are just lost, it can be found

you should continue ur relationship with him.

The best thing to do is to talk to him and find out if he is still having feelings toward you. Me and my husband have been together for a little over 3 years and when he kisses me or when I think of little things he does for me I still get butterflies and goosebumps. You might also just need to rekindle the flame take a trip somewhere just the two of you if you can and try to see if the magic will come back and you never know what will happen that will help a lot. Never stay because of a child that will only hurt them in the long run.

I RESPONDED to your last discussion before reading this one even. So I will stick with my opinion and say don't get married. Don't rush into anything one day that you will regret. As I said in my previous post, my daughter is in a similar situation and I wouldn't encourage her to marry the babies father either.

Well, you have one of two scenarios going on... and I've been in this sort of relationship before, minus the kid and 8 years. We were together for 2 and half years. First scenario is that you love him, but you aren't IN love with him. The relationship has become a convenience and it's familiar. You get so used to that person being there, especially after 8 years, that you can't imagine that person ever NOT being there. Missing him when he's gone is a normal reaction when he's all you've really known for 8 years. You can miss a child, a family member or a best friend the same way if you lived with them for 8 years and you were used to them being there all the time. That's also a big part of why the conversation is always about him. Everything you do and have done revolves around him, so that's what you are going to talk about. If you don't feel that spark , it's not going to last. Definitely do not get married regardless of which scenario you fall into. There should never be any doubt about marrying someone until the special day... and then it's expected. Second scenario, which someone has already touched on, is that maybe you are caught up in a routine/rut. This can happen when two people have been together for as long as you have, especially when you have a child. Having a child means less attention for the two of you between the two of you. You need to try and spice up the relationship. Get a babysitter and go out on a date. Cook a special dinner and add candlelight. Try talking to him and seeing if he is feeling less than close lately or if he thinks anything is missing or going stale. Sometimes something so simple as a real heart to heart can put that skip back in your step. Last, a parting comment, getting married never fixes anything. If something needs fixing, don't get married.

Ithink you are falling out of love and not feeling anything when you kiss him is a real indicator there are a lot of young men out there and perhaps one of them is the one you should really be with. I know it would be difficult with a child but its unkind to stay with someone when you are no longer in love with them find a new man and make it legal.

I am kinda in the same situation with you.I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years,sometimes I feel like I don't love him anymore.But everytime I tried to break up with him,ended up failed.I think it's because we've been together too long and the passion between us has fade out.But there si some kind of bond between us,that bond keep us stay together. The first thing you must figure out is,you don't love him anymore or you are just bored with him.I think mostly you are just bored,considering you've been together for 8 years.I suggest you take a break for a while, leave some space for yourself.Maybe you can figure it out all by yourself. Never say break up to him easily,it will hurt your boyfriend as well as you.You guys got a kid, that's more compalicated than us,you need to think about your kid,you have so many responsibilities for him. I hope you can work out your decision,and I hope it's not a breakup. Best wishes for you!

In my opinion, since you asked, you should get married. 8yrs , long yrs and you still are not able to talk about anything else but your bf. What more you need to say that you are totally in for this guy. The notion of not feeling anything does not make sense to me. Maybe it has become 2nd nature. Do not think a lot on this issue as i feel that women today spoil their entire life thinking too much. Trust me, you'll get over this.