Who will walk you down the isle?
By winterose
@winterose (39887)
Canada
April 2, 2008 3:07pm CST
Imagine your parents divorced a long time ago, imagine you were may 7 or 8 years old when it happened. Imagine your father though now divorced from your mom has always stayed in your life and has been a wonderful dad.
Imagine your mom is now married to a wonder man who raised you from 7 on and treated you just like his very own daughter and you love him too.
the trouble is your are getting married and you know your real dad would be so hurt if he wasn't asked, he never stopped being a dad to you, he was always there for you but just could not get along with your mom.
You know your mom is expecting you ask your step dad who has also always been there for you and she says he would be very hurt if you didn't ask him.
You are really torn on this because either dad would be appropriate and now you don't know what to do
how would you solve this issue?
5 people like this
18 responses
@Mare73 (1335)
• United States
3 Apr 08
I was raised by my step-father. Although I've always kept in touch with my real dad, I felt it was appropriate for my step dad to walk me down the aisle and I have no regrets. He was the one to raise me, he's the one I put through hell and back during my teenage years, he's the one that talked to me about boys, he's the one that had been there through the good, the bad and the ugly!
Second time around, no one is walking me down the aisle, I'm eloping! BUT if I were to have a traditional wedding, my son would walk me down the aisle.
3 people like this
@twinrachel (215)
•
3 Apr 08
Wow what a dilemma! If they got on really well, I woudl ask them both to do it. Or maybe have one take you part of the way and the other take you the rest. If they did not get on I would probably ask one to do the speech and the other to do the walking - so they had a role each.
I did go to a wedding where the brides parents had divorced and both remarried. Her stepfather paid for the wedding so it was he who got to walk her down the aisle and make the speech. I felt that her father looked a bit like a spare part and it seemed rather unfair as he was still a large part of her life. Perhaps had I known her step father I may have felt that he was better in that role. Of course they may have agreed between themselves very amicably that was the way they wanted things done.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
you never know, you could have been right, maybe he father too felt out of place or was sad about the whole situation, or that is what they all agreed upon, you just never know.
@djmarion (4898)
• Philippines
3 Apr 08
toughie, but honestly speaking my real dad should be the one to walk me down the aisle, i will talk to my stepdad and make him understand the situation, i'm sure he will understand since afterall my real dad is still alive. besides its not just about who will walk me down the aisle that matters, its the one who will be there for me for better or worse that is.
2 people like this
@reejane (293)
• Philippines
3 Apr 08
I got married last October and my father and gradmother walked me down the aisle. It should have been my mother but we have a misunderstanding and we didn't spoke to each other for a long time.
Anyways, all is well that ends well. My mother and I are in speaking terms after the wedding. Too bad that she's not the one who got to walked me back then.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
it is sad but the most important thing is that you are talking again with your mom.
@goodhappens (671)
• United States
2 Apr 08
This would be a hard one, but I hate to say it the natural father if he has always been a dad should do it. This is the time when the parents need to put their differences aside and be adults for just a moment to support their daughter in unison. This is her day, not theirs and I'm sorry if it hurts mom or step dad's feelings but that is the natural dad and they need to understand that and be happy for her and thankful that she had a wonderful step dad to be there for her when she was with mom. The most important is it her day.
2 people like this
@cinderella2007 (2662)
•
3 Apr 08
My parents split up in 1993 (I was 12), though Ive always had contact with them both. They are both happily married now, I would want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I know my stepdad wouldnt do it as he doesnt like big family parties though he attends some, he prefers the quiet life!!
I dont get to see alot of my dad since he moved to Shetland Islands about 2 years ago so him walking me down the aisle would be fantastic.
Back to your discussion though, I would be torn between my dad and stepdad but ask them both to walk me down the aisle, Im sure they would both understand it is a hard decision to make and they should understand that if it makes the bride happy then they should be happy. I wouldnt be able to pick just one, that would tear me up. maybe walk down twice one with each dad haha!! I would walk down with both!
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
4 Apr 08
It would be a sticky situation, but considering that my dad would've always been a dad to me, and always there for me like he should, then i'd ask my dad and explain to my mom and stepdad, that my dad is my dad, and he's always been there for me, but just couldn't get along with my mom and vice versa. I'd tell my stepdad that i totally respect and love him, that i thank him with all of my heart for all those years he's helped my mom raise me, and would hope he'd understand.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160996)
• United States
2 Apr 08
The solution is to honor them both by walking down the aisle with both of them. This is to assume that your mother is not a raging hateful person. I am thinking that she is not, if you have had such a great relationship with both your dads. They all have had a part in your upbringing and helping make you the wonderful person that you are. I have actually known of this happening. Even in the face of a divorce, parents can make good choices that preserve the emotional well being of their children.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
this is not about me it is a question for mylot, I am 53 years old, and divorced.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160996)
• United States
4 Apr 08
Oh, I know it is not about you, you ask lots of "make someone think" questions. I just slipped into the personalization as it was not about me either.It is something to think about.
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
3 Apr 08
As I mentioned in the last reply, about divorced parents and weddings, after eloping, my husband and I are in the process of planning a cerimony to celebrate our wedding.
I have neer been the traditional type, and I think that the tradition of the father "giving the bride away" is sexist and archaic.
I'm either going to go with a friend of mine (half way, and then walk the rest of the way on my own), or I can go entirely on my own.
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
4 Apr 08
I think if I was in that situation, I would have both my dad and my step dad walk me down the isle. That way, everyone will be happy and no feelings hurt. I wouldn't want my big day to be ruined, because both my dad and step dad wasn't there to share the moment with me.
I have seen it done on those wedding programs.
1 person likes this
@aretha (2538)
• United States
5 Apr 08
well if it was me i would have one on each arm. no reason they both couldn't do it. i don't get along with my dad and i couldn't stand my step dad so when i got married i was going to have my mom do it. some thought i was crazy but the point in it is to give the bride away so who better then my mom beings i didn't have a dad. if i could only choose one then it would be my father in this case anyway,its only fair and i think it would be wrong for the mother to be upset about it. i would just have them both do it.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63643)
• United States
3 Apr 08
have both of them walk me down - I went to a wedding of a co-worker who was widowed years before and was finally re-marring - I worked with her and knew him from the office as well - both WONDERFUL people.
She had her 2 grown sons walk her down the aisle.
1 person likes this
@queenofarms (1659)
• United States
12 May 08
I would have one on each arm if I were in that situtation. If my dad really loved and understood me he would not mind. My dad was still alive when I married but he would not give me away. He was happy for me but saddened that I was leaving home. We loved each other very much and he loved my husband also.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
2 Apr 08
That is a very good question. I would have to choose both of them if I loved them both that much. I think that would be the best thing to do. I would not want to hurt either one of them and since they both are dear to me, I would want them both to give me away. I would not want to have to choose.
1 person likes this
@libertarianfreedom21 (3198)
• United States
2 Apr 08
Good question, at first i was going to say, well my dad of course, b/c my dad and mom are divorced and i have nothing to do with my dad really but im still going to ask him to walk me down the isle, but if i had two dad figures that i loved I would ask if they could deal with both of them walking me down the isle. That would be pretty neat i think, if one didnt want to walk down the isle with the other than that one doesnt deserve to walk down the isle, if you know what i mean.
1 person likes this
@kezabelle (2974)
•
2 Apr 08
I would ask my real dad to walk me down the isle, but try and find some way of getting my step dad involved also so he did not feel left out, as in my heart I feel its a job for my dad to do as long as he was still in my life and being a good dad
1 person likes this
@janujennifer (664)
• Philippines
2 Apr 08
I would still choose my real dad to walk me down the aisle. I am sure my mom and my stepdad would understand it. I know I wasn't really raised by my dad for that matter, but then again, he's the reason of my existence. If not for him, I am not alive. Since he has been a good father all these years despite the divorce, I think it is probably just right for him to walk me down the aisle.
