cant help but cry, im sad...
By jairgirl
@jairgirl (2877)
United States
April 8, 2008 10:01pm CST
i know this is none of anybody's business (hmmm is my grammar correct?) but i am just trying to ease the sadness inside so i am writing it anyway.
have you ever find yourself having a hard time adjusting and living a normal life if you're husband/wife (partner) is not around?
my hubby is having a convention and he left today, it is really depressing coz we are very used to being with each other 24/7 and trips longer than a day is killing us both.
i tried not to cry when i walk him at the car but when we kissed and hugged, i cant help but have a misty eyes specially when he starts crying (and i cry too).
i want to show that i am ok and i'll be fine coz it is just 3 days trip but still we feel it is too long.
it hurts me more when he said "i miss you already",,, i dont want it to be too dramatic nor cheezy but that's how we are.
i think for someone who is very connected to each other it is hard coz if one is not around the other is not complete.
i told him it is ok and though i am faking that it is ok i need to show i am strong coz it will not help him in times like this at work.
we've been to a lot already and he knew how hard it is to not really have a job to call his own.
and after waiting for so long it came and i dont want him to feel bad that i am feeling this way coz i know it will affect his work if i behave in such a way.
he works so hard and he apologizes that he have to leave and if he ignores me in some ways coz of work it is not his intention.
what makes me happy is that he is aware of it and he always makes sure that family comes first and we just have to compromise.
anyway, sorry to bore you. just hoping i can sleep tonight! so i am scribbling this words.
oh well.
thanks for the time
takecare!
3 people like this
15 responses
@mbs730 (2147)
• Canada
10 Apr 08
I'm sorry and I can imagine that would be hard. You love your husband, you both are a unit so its understandable you would be upset that he is gone. And think of this too, I am sure he would want you to relax as much as you can! So listen to some music, drink some tea or something relaxing and just remind yourself that he will be back home before you know it. Hang in there. It won't last forever :)
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
11 Apr 08
hello,
he is on his way home now, he called me when his plane landed so i am just waiting here.
i am really excited haha!
my heart is pounding like a teenager, i am always like that, guess you can tell how in love i am haha,, guilty BIG TIME
thanks a lot appreciate your thoughts!
takecare!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello mbs730,
your words is like an echo of his words, haha!
he will always reminds me of settling down and try to relax a little bit, he knows i worry so much if he is on a trip (safety and health) coz i cant really watch and take care of him.
yes, i love my husband more than word can say and express so it is really hard not only for me but him as well.
i listen to music all day today and try to listen to happy ones instead of the sappy ones coz i will just depress myself.
btw, i like how you write this post, something in there is just soothing, amazing!
thanks a lot! appreciate the compassion!
takecare and goodnight!
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
10 Apr 08
My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years now. We have been married for 3 years. He is military and has to leave many times. I cry every time. It is difficult to be away from the person you love.
He is usually gone weeks or months though. Sleeping is always difficult in the beginning. It usually takes me a good solid couple of weeks to adjust.
Three days will pass before you know it. The beginning days are always the worst for me too so I know how you feel.
I know for me, the first few times were the hardest but it started getting a little bit easier after that. I have not ever stopped missing him, but I did grow strong enough on my own that I stopped breaking down every time he had to leave. I had to.
I hope you got some sleep. Work on a hobby to take your mind off of it and pass the time. Talk to him on the phone a lot so you still have the connection. It is hard.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello moneyandgc,
i feel for you too, that must be very hard. i used to tell him that i am not gonna survive if he is in service and will be out of my sight that long and i will be in constant worry of his life.
i admire you and your husband, such a huge sacrifice to serve the country!
yes, the first and few nights are the hardest, i was so sleepy last night around 10pm but didnt fall asleep till 4 am so that is really something, our dog feels the same way too.
i feel bad of not sleeping early coz our dog will not gonna sleep till we both go to bed, so i have to.
i am glad to know that you are making it day by day, yes you have to be strong coz he needs you to be strong for him and im sure he feels the same way as you do.
i do a lot of cleaning today and a lot of dog walk as well, tonight i am making myself tired typing here so hope that helps, i can feel my eyes are getting tired but i want it to be really really tired before i go to bed so i dont have to think and be sad coz of it.
we talk all the time whenever he take a break from the consortium, i know it will cost us a lot but it is worth it.
he told me he is very tired and that he wants to come home and hugs me but cant coz of the work,,, oh well!
thank you again and wish you all the best.
it is already hard for me but i know yours is harder...
and i admire you a lot.
takecare!
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
10 Apr 08
It's normal to feel this weay jairgirl as I have too when my husband travelled for work for the first time and a few times after that - he was away for six whole weeks then. My sleeping habits went up the shoot and found myself watching movies several times the whole night because I couldn't sleep in our bed alone LOL.
I was fine during the day because I had my son to take care of but as soon as he was in bed asleep, I felt all alone so waited up hoping to catch my hubby online to chat with. Some of those hours were like 3am or 4.
It does get easier in time though. Because travel comes with the job, he have been on 5 trips since we moved to the USA and it will only get worse. But I have accepted it and even though it is tough on my son, we are hoping that maybe we can join him on a trip or two later in the year.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Awww I really feel for you my friend. HUGS!
Hey, any chance of you both getting a webcam and maybe keeping in touch that way? I know it's not the same but it might help a little.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
thanks for the hugs, that really makes me feel warm. :)
thanks for the suggestion, we both have cam so it is not a problem, i think we are using all means of communication whenever we are away from each other, i am not complaining though.
appreciate your thoughts!
takecare and goodnight!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello,
my sentiments exactly!
my day is fine though it is slow, just the sleeping time is the hardest. even if he is home, if he is not yet in bed, i cant sleep till he is laying next to me so i am very accustomed to that., and yes during those times the aloneness seems to crawl, huhu!
you're lucky you have a son to keep you sane :) at least there is someone that you can really talk to.
i dont have anybody but him so that makes it worst.
we are hoping that this kind of traveling wont take place that often coz he dont like leaving me. he's lucky that his job doesnt require him to travel, unless of course if it's like big projects like this and so many company participates so he cant really say he cant go.
i can bear days of not seeing him but if its longer than a week that's the time that really drives me crazy and he is too.
we really cant expect and ask coz it is a requirement right now and the fact that there is a recession out here, it is not easy to oppose the higher ones or you'll gonna be in trouble LOL.
i admire you for being so strong despite all this.
i wish you guys can join him on his next trip, that will be fun and a good vacation while working too :)
thanks for the encouragement.
takecare!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Apr 08
oh you didn't bore me at all. I think it is beautiful that you feel that way and more so that he does too. I guess I've gotten old and cynical over time. Im single at the moment but now when I'm with a guy, I am so independent that I think maybe I scare some of them away. I have been accused of being a guy in a women's body as I am also very feminine and domestic. your kind of love is beautiful. just keep busy and know that he will be back to you as soon as he can. Think of how many women worry about other things when their hubbys are away. sounds like you don't have that problem so be greatful and just love him.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
10 Apr 08
just thought you need to be reminded of what you really have there. You can find other things to do without worrying like so many do. Enjoy the time and do all the things you don't do when he is there becuz when he is ther you want your time with him. Enjoy knowing that he wishes he could be with you. As for me...I am just fine but if I found the right person...theyd be ok away for however long because with the right person...you just miss them but in your heart you know they are there.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello sid556,
thanks for the kindness and glad that i didnt bore you :)
i am really happy and grateful for the kind of love that we have, i dont have to worry about anything else other than his safety and health.
sorry to hear about your past, i dont think there is something wrong of wanting to be independent, it serves more good than bad. i just wish you will find the love that you deserve though - someone who will make you feel vulnerable in a good way.
i have been hurt before and give up of the thought of finding true love and he is the same way,,,
then he came and i came,,, so we both fill up the emptiness and we make each other dream come true, that is really something!
yup, i have been rearranging anything i can find, tomorrow i will do the closet (it dont need a lot of arrangement but just want to check it)
TRUE, a lot of women will die to have a man like mine and i am wishing that they do find one. it is a wonderful experience finding the ONE, someone who will love you and will make you whole and complete.
thanks for such encouragement, i really appreciate it A LOT!!!
takecare!
1 person likes this
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello,
thanks for the reminder, i really appreciate it!
i do some other stuff to make up my time, if he is here i dont really get a chance to spend time with him till it is evening and weekends.
he have so many deadlines going on and he is starting to feel that it is taking so much of his time to enjoy the US...
i told him it is ok and i understand and i dont want to add up with the stress he already have, just have to give and take i guess.
that's a great thing that you know the meaning and the worth of the ONE, as long as they are in your hearts no matter how far and long is the trip it is manageable.
im sure, when he comes it will be a great relationship coz it is not the caging kind of love and most of the time guys dont like it...
anyway, thanks for the kind words, im really excited to see him tomorrow!
wish you a wonderful day!
takecare!
.Surely he will come back for you..He is working for you dear..For your future.@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello ciades,
thanks for the support, appreciate it!
that's the reason why i am keeping my chin up coz i know it is for us and our future.
im really grateful that he have a job and dont have to stress himself up worrying about future and even just our every day life.
specially after having recession out here, dont want to be in that position coz it is not fun.
oh well, thanks for dropping by.
takecare!
@jeaniezheng (229)
• China
10 Apr 08
Hello jairgirl! We have the same experience.Yesterday my husband went to work again.I feel sad and cry to my eyes aching.Because of my husband's working nature,we hardly live too long together,so departure is common for us.
Sometimes I feel hard to bear it.I feel lonly and hard to live.Although my brother and my friends are aften around me but I still feel sad and restless.
Cry is not a good way but I still cry a lot.So silly.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello jeaniezheng!
ni hao!
i know exactly what you feel and please dont feel nor think that you are silly, a person who is in love feels the pain of the separation be it short or long.
i think in times like this all we need to think (keep reminding yourself) that they work for us and our future and they will always comes home to unite with us!
you're lucky that you have your family and friends around, i dont have any other than my dog and mylot.
i called my mom tonight and chat to some friends but they are all far from me so i cant really be with them.
anyway, i wish you all the best and hope you and your husband will find a better way to be together often.
takecare and good night!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
wo bu hao! (hope my pinyin is right, haha)
im glad that you have stuff to do to make yourself busy, a business is a good one, maybe once it grows you and your husband just work together and dont have to be away.
there are many ways to communicate and im happy that you guys have plenty of it, it sure really helps not to be that sad and the depression as well.
anyway, good luck on your business.
takecare!
zia jian
@jeaniezheng (229)
• China
10 Apr 08
Ni hao!
I now live in a new city.So I am far away from my parents.Last month my brother found a new job in my city now.He wants to accompany me which is also my parents' view.
My husband phone me every day. I always feel sad and lonly.But I try my best to enjoy my life more after this moment.
Many thanks to you and god bless you.May you happy.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
9 Apr 08
i can really understand how you feel because i am also like that with my hubby... we are always together except when we are working and we always go everywhere together... i've been married for 2 years 4 months now and fortunately i never have to experience him having to leave me for days for his work... but he had ever work double jobs before and come home at 1 am every day... it is really killing me when i have to stay at home waiting for him to come home... it is so lonely and i can't sleep as well until i am sure that he had arrived home safely... so i can really understand how you feel... hope you can find something to do to occupy yourself while he is away so that you won't think of him too much... take care and God Bless you...
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Apr 08
hello lingli_78!
glad to hear from you!
it is never easy to be apart, he works at home so being away all day from him always give me the blues how much more days :)
we are hoping that he dont have to travel that long.
i understand what it feels like waiting for your man till he comes home safe, i am always worried myself and he will always tell me to stop being a cat (we have this joke about cat being a worrier haha)
you're a good woman :)
showing your love and affection to your husband and im sure he is the same way with you.
thank you!
yes, i am keeping my self busy with stuff around the home and with our dog so that helps me a lot in the day, just the night that i am really suffering, part of life i guess!
huh? it is not easy not to think of him that much coz he seems to always remind me of his presence.
takecare and wish you all the best!
@xtedaxcvg (3189)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
I have to say that you need these situations where you'll be separated for brief (or even long) periods of time. This can strengthen your relationship and make you even long for each other with every passing day. It also builds trust and confidence. I don't want to be negative but what if (knock on wood) you get separated permanently? That might be fatal to you.. (again knock on wood a million times). You need some space girl. And he needs it too. Even though you're both happy with the type of relationship you have right now, you have to remember that there's always that little bump on the road. There's no perfect relationship so you both have to be ready when the worst comes.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hi,
thanks for a realistic response,
yes, we are very aware of it too, he do reminds me of that all the time and i remind myself too such thing is inevitable and all we have to do is enjoy that moment we have and just be prepared for the future.
TRUE, there is no such perfect relationship or life coz there will always be the "bumps" but that what makes life more beautiful and meaningful so we all have to accept it no matter what.
i dont think that being together 24/7 means that you are not giving the other the space, the fact that he is working (though in the same roof) gives the separation and space for the day.
i honestly feel that there are so many ways to strengthen one's relationship and separation is only one of those (not that i am saying you are generalizing it - just giving my thoughts)
i have been hurt in the past and so is he and we both learned from it and move on...
i appreciate the thoughts for me to ponder, a reminder of a reality i already knew and been reminded many times by my own and still despite all this, i cannot live in the worry and can just enjoy with the NOW,,, life only begins in the NOW the past and the future is only there before and after the NOW so i want to live that way and be happy, cry awhile and be happy again.
if i will cry in the future, then so be it at least i have the happy ones to hold on to (IMHO)
btw, you seem to be a very strong person (i mean emotionally based on your words) great for you!
i always admire such personality.
takecare and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Apr 08
hi subha12,
thanks for posting!
yes, i think and feel it is very normal coz two become one and if the other is not present the other feel the incompleteness of it.
sure 3 days will pass - the question is how fast or slow it'll gonna pass.
dont worry i try not to communicate with him if he is at work and just wait till he message or call me.
i have a huge respect for him and his work and i never want to cause him confusions.
oh well, thanks again!
appreciate it!
takecare!
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Its me too and I guess that is true to every couple! Its really hard especially if a 3 day trip! but, good things nowadays we have cellphone so we call hear our partner's voice anytime we want too right? i remember when i had same situation as you! I was just hugging his shirt all night and smelling it as if he is just next to me! This experienced makes me adore my father and mother who were away from each other for like 15 years and just seeing once a year for like a month just for dad to work and send us to school! I am really sad like my heart is being squeeze when I will think about it now that I know how hard it is for the two persons whose love and closeness is so deep and genuine! Anyway..you can handle that, Just dont be sad a lot and remember you have to maintain your beauty!lol..have a great night then!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
10 Apr 08
hello,
thanks a lot for the support!
i know it is just 3 days but it sure feels like a lifetime indeed!
we do spend so much time and money communicating A LOT! but i guess money doesnt really matter if you are spending it with the one you love.
haha, i am like you, i remember when my mom is with me she hide his shirts so when i am about to sleep i was like.... what the............
my mom just keeps laughing coz she thinks she tricks me haha!
i still do hug his shirts still.
oh one time he have a 2 weeks trip back here while we are in china so he have to ship (mail) me his shirts so i can have it fresh from his body,, hahaha!
i admire your parents, they do sacrifice a lot for their kids, im sure it is very hard for both of them plus the kids,,, at least you all know the sacrifice they did and love them more.
oh i wish i have the beauty,, i think i can sleep forever and i will remain the same, hahaha!!!
thanks again!
takecare and good night!
@jeanniesam (27)
• United States
12 Apr 08
I feel exactly the same way you do. I hate being cheezy and missing my husband like i do when he is gone...but that just lets you know that you really do love him. i am sitting here tonight crying because my husband has been out of town for 2 days and i am so ready to see him tomorrow! smile through the tears!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
13 Apr 08
hello,
ohhh, i guess we are both smiling now.
finally hugging our man, isnt it wonderful?
i made a lot of welcoming stuff in the home, funny coz to some they think it is crazy coz he was just out 3 days but hey, when you love somebody you will welcome him the best way possible right?
sorry to hear that you do cry at night, i know it exactly coz i am the same, i finally have my sleep last night coz he is next to me, such a wonderful feeling!
anyway, i hope he dont have to travel that much again so you will just have him and enjoy each moment you have.
takecare and thanks for sharing your wonderful story
@Carolyn63 (1403)
• United States
9 Apr 08
Awww, you are just too precious. I really never liked it when my hubby went off for a few days either. I was hard to sleep at first cause you are used to having them there with you.
I'm sorry you are sad sweetie. And you never bore me. Hold on to the fact that there is so much love and compassion for one another. It is beautiful and precious.
I found the time seems to pass faster if I go on a cleaning frenzy. I would even rearrange the furniture. He used to say he never knew what to expect when he came home, lol.
Feel better sweetie.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Apr 08
hello carolyn63!
i cant help but smile when you say im too precious, haha he usually act like the gremlin (not sure how you call that creature) in LOTR and keep saying MY PRECIOUS...
thanks for giving me that smile.
the very first time we get separated, one week before my trip we were both crying each single day, i remember him crying so hard coz i try not to cry coz we are just dating then and i am still afraid to show my real feelings coz im not sure if he is the ONE or not.
he told me i am breaking his heart big time coz i dont show no emotion and there he is pouring his heart out.
now it is me who is crying harder, haha!
oh, i do a lot of cleaning if he is on a trip i will rearrange our furnitures, re-pot the plants and place them everywhere in our place, sometimes i will do some painting and just hang it and he will be surprised how i did it or just do some cards for him and place it to areas he rarely look at so he can have little surprises :)
last night i slept at around 4am, he gave me a message asking me to call him at the hotel (it's 8:30am) i am still half asleep but hearing his voice is a good way for me to wake up.
he teases me that he is up 6:44 and i am still in bed,,, oh well, cant blame the spoiled one!
tonight, i will make a thank you card for grandpa and will try to paint something so my honey can have a welcome note in our door :)
hope that keeps me busy!
anyway, thanks a lot for the thoughts it really means a lot to me.
takecare!
@ayessa (1583)
• Philippines
9 Apr 08
Oh what a love you had for each other!
I don't know what to say I wanted to give some piece of advice but I can't able to find the words for just reading your story makes me feel sad too.
Maybe, you must try to focus on something that will make you enjoy and forget for even just awhile that your partner was far from you. We all wanted to always be with out loved ones 24/7 but we all know too that it is not that possible since there are some things that we do. Anyways just try to call or email or chat with him from time to time so that you sadness will be ease even for a short period of time.
Godbless!
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Apr 08
hello ayessa,
sorry i make you sad too it is not my intention.
thanks for your kind words i am really sad tonight and i am having a hard time sleeping so i am still up though i am so sleepy.
i am grateful that i can post stuff here in mylot, it really helps me feel a little better specially when i can relate it with someone.
tomorrow i plan to make a thank you card to his grandpa (he sent us a letter today) so hope that keeps me busy.
yes, it is impossible to be with someone you love 24/7 or even just every single day of our lives, sad but true!
oh we do chat, phone each other, sms, emails if he is on the trip, except of course if he is inside the meeting then he can only sneak in few sms informing me how bored he is and how he wants to go home.
i am just glad it is not a week of separation or months and worst years. i know some couples who have to be separated that long coz of work and i know how sad it is to be on that part.
anyway, thank you so much for the support. it is very kind of you to answer my post.
i wish you all the best and happiness too.
takecare and good night!
@alohahi (7)
• United States
9 Apr 08
Girl, you have a husband that many, many, many women will die for. It is obvious that both of you are deeply in love with each other and no matter the miles between you when he is gone, the love between you is so strong that you will overcome this 3 day separation with ease. Just think of when he is coming home how wonderful it will be!!! Next time he leaves on a trip, but some love notes in his luggage between his clothes! Like in his pajamas....something like 'You will be in my dreams tonight, sleep tight, love you always!' Before you know it, he is back at home!! Take care
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Apr 08
hello alohahi,
thank you for posting!
yes, i am very very much aware how lucky i am to have him and i know he feels the same way.
being away from each other never stops the love grow i feel it helps us to love each other more.
my mom usually thinks we're crazy coz we are so attached to each other that we will talk many times in a day over the phone just to check and say i love you's i told mom we just dont get tired of showing our love and we want to still connect despite the miles.
i am taking one day at a time, keeping myself busy helps a lot,
oh, i love to do the "NOTES thing" he will sometimes call me just to say thank you for the note coz i will place it to stuff he will never think i will place it and the fact that he can see me 24/7 he always wonder how i did that.
last christmas, he bring and showed my christmas card i made for him (i dont work so i just improvise my gifts for him coz i dont like to ask for money and buy him something) to everybody while we are eating dinner.
then he said, she always surprise me with her love and he said i cant imagine how she can sneak in to do those for me.
i was so red coz i dont like being talked around other doesnt matter if they are family or friends.
anyway, he thanks me in front of everybody and that is really something.
btw, this trip of him i place chocolates in his brief case and place a note inside. and the other one is inside his toiletries bag...
i think you are so inlove too, just mentioning such small effort shows the deep expression of such love.
congratulations!
again thanks for the kind words, it means a lot to me!
takecare!
@reeseyj (906)
• United States
9 Apr 08
That is totally normal for people who love each other. Me and my husband are the same way and we have been together for 16 years. Being away from each other for a couple days once in a while is good for your relationship. I know its hard but missing him is good for you.
@jairgirl (2877)
• United States
9 Apr 08
hello reesyj,
thanks a lot for the encouragement. i am happy to know that you have a blissful marriage, not most can reach that years and still have the same intensity of love.
i really hope we reach that years too and more.
i know that being away will make you miss each other more and it is healthy in a relationship (specially being together 24/7 for more than 4yrs) but the pain that accompanies such situation is hard as well despite the goodness it can give.
we are both not use to it, and we may sound silly to most but we are really connected to each other.
anyway, thanks for the support it really means a lot to me.
takecare and good night!
