Angel. To the baby we lost
By cane2008
@cane2008 (34)
United States
April 12, 2008 3:53am CST
Written by my girlfriend
You left without warning,
before you even took your first breath.
Now that you are gone I do not want to go on.
I'm sorry if I did anything that cost you your chance at life.
This shouldn't have happened.
Your dad and I want you to know you meant the world to us.
We wanted you more that anything.
I'm sorry I let you down.
If only I had been a better mom,
You might still be here and I'd be happy.
Me and your dad loved you so much,
We were happy when we found out that you were going to be here.
It's just so hard to let you go.
You are our little angel.
I never even got the chance to hold you,
You were gone in a flash.
We love you my child,
We will never forget you.
My girlfriend wrote this after we miscarried and was wondering if it was any good. Her friends are to biased and wouldn't give an honest opinion. So today I am asking for your opinion on two things.
One being the basic is it a good poem? The other being is it normal for a woman to blame herself after a miscarriage even if the doctors told her that there wasn't anything she could have done differently? I am a man so I can only speculate and because this would have been the first child I have never dealt with this sort of thing before. So please be honest in all opinions and if you have dealt with this I don't have to know details I just want to know how can I help her heal????
6 people like this
12 responses
@cane2008 (34)
• United States
13 Apr 08
Yeah i hope so too i just really don't want her to think that if we do get pregnant that we are trying to replace our angel. we never knew if it was a boy or girl it was too soon to tell but we named the baby angel because she said she needed to name it to always give the baby a special place in her heart.
@kezabelle (2974)
•
12 Apr 08
It is really beautiful and more so because it was so obviously written straight from the heart.
I think it is normal for women and sometimes even men to blame themselves when there is a loss of a baby I dont think you can help her heal that has to come from her and it will happen. She must be hurting so much but she is lucky to have you there for her and together you will get through it but I think it simply takes time, let her cry and talk about it maybe have a little memorial for your lost child release a balloon with the poem attached to it something little like to help her everyone is different though and she might not want to do it.
Allow her to remember if this is what she wants I think far too many people feel like others want to forget it ever happened but you cant not when you have lost not only your child but all your hopes and dreams for it and the future.
I truely am sorry for your loss and I hope in time both of you find your hearts are not quite so broken.
xxxx
1 person likes this
@cane2008 (34)
• United States
13 Apr 08
She saw your idea about the balloon and thought it was a wonderful idea that you for taking the time out of your busy day to put just one smile on her face. She never realized how much people care until she sees that they take time out of their day to help with just one suggestion. thank you
@kezabelle (2974)
•
13 Apr 08
You are both very welcome, I hope together you can find a small way to help remember your baby and maybe in the process help heal the hurt a little bit xxx
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
13 Apr 08
it is a beautiful heart felt poem, I feel her anguish and pain,
yes it can happen that a woman will feel she did something wrong, but she must get over that and move on, there will be other babies she has to believe that, no the other babies will never replace angel or that part in her heart where angel will always be, but she has to look forward to more babies because she has so much love to give.
1 person likes this
@cane2008 (34)
• United States
13 Apr 08
thank you so much for your input it really helps me understand how she feels. I was worried when i posted this that no one would respond and I would still be completely in the dark but there are so many good responses that have helped me in helping her. thank you for the kind words and the kind support.
@grayangel (274)
• United States
13 Apr 08
It is a good poem. It is normal to be sad, if you have not all ready noticed women tend to turn things in. They blame them self for things. You just have to be strong this is going take time to heal, you need to be with her and talk to her the best you can.
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
13 Apr 08
That is a really heart-warming poem. I am so sorry to hear what happened to your baby. More often than not, a woman would blame herself for what happened. In a case like this, it would be advisable for you to see an expert, perhaps a psychologist to help your girlfriend cope with what happened. Take good care of her and yourself. God Bless you!
1 person likes this
@misslady007 (83)
• United States
13 Apr 08
That is so beautiful!I went through something like that but different 7 years ago.I was pregnant and my baby will stillborn.I was 8 months and everything was normal throughout my pregnancy until what I thought was labor.After I lost my baby I blamed myself for a long time.I started seeing a counselor it was a group setting where everyone talked about there feelings.The counselor suggested that everyone write a letter to your child about how you feel and why you blame yourself.We also had to talk to a chaplain.The next exercise was to read it aloud like you were reading it to your child with the whole group there.We had to let our feelings flow.That helped me a lot.That is a good way to start the grieving process.
1 person likes this
@cane2008 (34)
• United States
13 Apr 08
Thank you so much. we are trying it is a hard thing to get over but sometimes i think she fails to realize that when i am holding her to make her feel better she is holding me too. It makes me feel better that there are such caring people in the world.
@mbs730 (2147)
• Canada
13 Apr 08
Firstly I am so sorry to hear this. And yes, its a good poem, very touching. And yes I would think its normal to feel guilty over it even though it wasn't her fault by any means and logically she probably knows this.. but emotionally is another story. I have never miscarried so I can't really say for sure but I have been through infertility issues and I know how the guilt is from that alone. Again I am sorry and my thoughts are with you.
1 person likes this
@cane2008 (34)
• United States
13 Apr 08
Thank you she will be glad to know how much people care! Infertility is a hard issue to deal with as well my friend's wife can't have children at all so they decided to adopt. I know this isn't really the option that anyone wants to hear but I have to say there are so many children out there who aren't getting the love or support they themselves need to become healthy individuals. I hope things work out for the best for you guys and the best of luck.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
13 Apr 08
That is a really heart-warming poem. I am so sorry to hear what happened to your baby. More often than not, a woman would blame herself for what happened. In a case like this, it would be advisable for you to see an expert, perhaps a psychologist to help your girlfriend cope with what happened. Take good care of her and yourself. God Bless you!
1 person likes this
@sminut13 (1783)
• Singapore
12 Apr 08
a poem doesn't have to rhyme and all to be good. the poem is really touching and sad especially for expecting families. no one would want this to happen. i just gave birth and i always used to fear of a miscarriage happening which fortunately didn't happen.
but a woman always tends to blame herself, the feelings just occur naturally i feel, since they're the one who's carrying the child and has to be extra careful.
i have a friend who's already miscarried twice. the second was even more painful for her emotionally. she already had a daughter and was hoping for a son. the second miscarriage, when she had it, it was found that it was a boy. it happened around 3-4 mths. nothing can compare to the sorrow i feel.
i can't offer much advice to you as i've never been in this situation, but always be by her side and encourage. time heals all wounds. they're not forgotten but they can be accepted. my best wishes to you and ensure that she's in confinement for at least a mth if this happened just recently. she should take care of herself.
@mandilyn25 (167)
• United States
12 Apr 08
O I can't stop crying.I lost my first child.I was nine months pregnate and the embelical cord rapped around her neck.And that poem was really good it takes alot to bring me to tears and it did.It explans just how you feel somethimes.You have this child you never got to meet and those are some powerful feeling.I got to hold my daughter but it wasn't a pritty sight I will have to say.As for your wif you can't help her heal you can just be there for her no matter what.My problem was I never delt with it.And that led me down a very dangerous path of self distruction.Now it has been six years since our little girl passed on and im finaly dealing with it.It helped me to got to a psyciatrist.You have someone besides family that you can open up to .
The one thing I will tell you is she needs to make sure that she dose deal with it in the right way.So she don't make the same mistakes I did.In my case my husband took it as hard as I did.I think sometimes it's hard on the men cause they feel the need to be strong for us.And thats not the case we need to know how it affected you, so that we don't feel that we are alone in this.I hope this put some insight on your problem.If you have any more questions you know where to find me..Good luck and god bless.
@cane2008 (34)
• United States
13 Apr 08
Thank you so much for taking time to care about my situation. See i wasn't trying to be strong in the hospital room I think we shed about the same amount of tears over this. I am trying my best to be there for her sometimes it is hard because she tries to be so strong all by herself. She's kind of independent like that but she is learning to let me help in little ways. Some nights she wakes up crying from a dream she has she never tells me exactly what they are about but I just hold her and for that I think she is grateful. Again thank you and I wish you all the luck in life for happiness and strength.
@reene0225 (351)
• United States
12 Apr 08
That is a very good poem. Very sweet. It about made my cry. I feel bad for the two of you. Miscarriages are a very hard thing for anyone to go through. I've never had a miscarriage nor have I ever been pregnant, but I've heard it is very common for a woman to blame herself after a miscarriage. She feels somehow that she should have done something different. Just try to console her and be there for her. That's really the only thing I can think of that you can do for her.
1 person likes this
