Til debt do us part?

Wow thats a scary scenario. I would feel as if i were decieved.I'm afraid of debt let alone a debt of that size what the h*** was he doing to accumulate such a debt, would be my first question. I seriously think i would put of the wedding. I dont think that i would leave him though love is not black and white.But he would have to address his debt problem, because i would want no part of that. Love is one thing, but love does not pay the bills.

I would go on with the wedding. He didn't actually LIE, it was never brought up. Honestly, until you are married (or engaged I guess) then your finances are separate and shouldn't be a factor. Now that you know, figure out how you are going to deal with it together. That is what marriage is all about. When I got married my husband took on my college debt (about 125,000 dollars) I can't remember if he knew beforehand or not, but it didn't matter. If you love this man/woman, then the debt shouldn't matter. Good luck

That's a tough one, but I'll do my best to share what I have in mind. As a guy, I believe I should stand for what is my duty. If in-case I was the one who's in debt, then I might just figure out how to pay it by myself. Though I might confess this to her, I won't really seek for her help. But as for a partner, I would ask first where and how in the world did she ended up with that such huge debt. I would think about it first, if I'd help or not. Because that really depends, since we shouldn't be keeping secrets with each one another. Not to rule out this one reason also, that one of us got that even right before we got married and it could be for the purpose of our immediate family or emergency uses.

Wow, that is a big thing to hold out on until just before your wedding date. Studies show that the number one cause of divorce is financial reasons. I would hope that I could stay with the person. However, that is a lot of debt and something that both people would have to take on. It would be money that couldn't be spent otherwise and I'm afraid I would start to resent my partner if I were paying off their debt. I know a person who used to be a friend to me. She married her husband and didn't tell him about the debt she was in. She ended up telling him about six months into their marriage and now he is paying it off for her since she does not have a job. I feel really bad for him and it's obvious that she is using him. I think this would take a lot of thinking and consideration on my part to decide if I could be with someone who was that much in debt.

If it was very close to the wedding day I would be very worried it would feel like an ultimatum. If your partner told you very soon after the 2 of you decide to marry then I think personally that I would stand by them and get throught it together

It wouldn't be the debt taht would drive me away, it would be the fact that he would have lied to me. I mean, if your about to get married, then the subject of money would have come up so often. He would have had plenty of chances to say something. I dont deal with dishonesty too well.

Mind your spelling tita ... Ohw! I did not read the whole part I would say take Giftsandbagscom suggestion seriously.

Well, this guy doesn't look too good to me. What is he doing fooling around with girls when he is in debt. I mean, marriage is a serious issue. There will be kids and so on, and if you are in debt, you should work to clear it off, not fool around with a woman and then tell her at the last minute that you are in debt. Honestly, I detest men with debts. I have seen too much "debt" mentality in my life. I would boot the guy out of my life in minutes, and to hell with love!! Cheers and happy mylotting

Love conquers everything. if you really love to someone you don't mind what the hindrance of your relationship. In every problem there is a solution. Seek the solution. Much better now two will find the solution. Two heads much better than one.

I would like to believe that I would say true love conquers all. But I honestly don't know if I could be that understanding, that is a lot of money and it would be better spent on making a new life with someone, not paying their debts. I most likely would walk, unless they had a real good plan on how to make the money (with my help) without jeopardizing our financial future.

Well if you truely love this person does it really matter. If so maybe you need to rethink the marriage.

Nah way! Cancle the wedding then pay the debt first. I aint going to wedding unless it's yall settle dowwwnn

This is a situation that I am very familiar with. My now ex-wife dropped a very similar bombshell about two weeks before our wedding. It wasn't 50000, more like 26,000 and some change. Actually I stumbled on the situation while starting to consolidate our finacial life. We sat down immediately and had a long discussion. The overall idea was that she thought that she would've had it taken care of before we were married, some things fell through, and she was ashamed and kind of worried about my reaction. It ended up being a relationship strengthening experience, as the result was that we agreed to share our concerns much more openly, with a keyword given so that the other person would listen and judge as little as humanly possible. Yes you may have noticed that at the beginning of the post I said ex-wife, but the cause of our divorce was not this issue. At any rate, I had a secret of my own, I have somewhat of a trust fund ( I did and do have a policy of keeping this to myself while dating), so paying the debt, and having her return it to my accounts on a more reasonable schedule didn't cause any real problems. The end boils down to the fact that you are pledging your mutual lives together for better and worse. Worse just happened to come early, and if you are truly committed to the marriage, it shouldn't matter.

Probably had to think through. If she hold this one before wedding, how much secret that she kept from me? Can we build marriage based on lies? If it was me,probably postpone the wedding and had a good talk with her.

no debt would drive me away and not marry this person. i think i would back off because he hid things from me and was in debt for reasons he only knew! i would have to ask how he got all these debt... if it was from gambling i really need to know! i am going to spend my life with this person who's got a debt and is not telling me about it and would be dragging me with it on the last minute... making me look like the bad person if i left him with it alone. right?

Keep your finances seperate until hers are straightned out. She should be contributing to all your mutual living expenses but you should get something in writing stating that you are not going to be responsible for that huge debt that she has. Still, it will affect your relationship because that is income that she will not be able to contribute to the life you are trying to build together. Is there someway that she could consolidate in order to get it paid off quicker as well as lower interest rates?

My husbands credit was horrible when I met him. He had a lot of collections on his credit from his ex wife never paying anything I married him anyways and I have worked for 10 years to get his credit up he now has a great credit rating thanks to me When you marry someone you marry there debt to. I love those free creditreport.com reports about the guy who married the girl not knowing how bad her credit was ! It is such a cute commerical.

There would be no marriage until it was cleared. I would be gutted that he had not told me,and had left it that long to tell me, that is a huge debt and one that I would not be willing to take on with someone before I am even wed. Trust would immediately be broken with a partner not being able to trust me enough to tell me, I would think that I was being tricked somehow.

I would be annoyed that he wasnt honest with me and would maybe think twice about marrying him as if he could lie about being that much in debt, who knows what else he could be hiding!! Honesty is a must in a relationship. He's had ages to confess being in debt, he wouldnt have had to confide in the amount but atleast he would have had the decency of admitting he had financial problems!! If I was to marry this bloke I would make him sign something to say that this debt is his and that I want nothing to do with it as he could just be marrying me to help pass on his financial situation. It would take me a while to trust this man again completely!!

Honestly I dont believe that money should be a factor on whether or not you get married.. yes he/she shoulda been honest with the debt that they had but really whats more important money or love? so really thats the question you need to ask youself...