The Other Woman...

If they are gonna stray its not any ones fault reall but his own and I cut the SOB loose as soon as I could oh he said he wouldnt do it again but I knew he would and he married my cousin and did her the same way .

I have never been the other woman but once in mu life I was one of many women. I two was young and foolish and I wil never allow that to happen again. I do not cheat and I do not want my partner to cheat either. It hurts it is demeaning it is disrespectful. If it happened I would blame my partner not the other woman. If he wasn't looking he would not find.

Well I have never cheated ... but let me tell you I have been accused by my husband that I have... Then he expects me to forgive him less than a few days later... haha... thats funny... Cheating either way is not good... once a cheater... always a cheater!

I would be a better mistress than a wife. I have a very old fashioned view of marriage.To be a wife means belonging to my husband and having his children.Being his hostess and mostly agree ing with his path in life.Love maybe part of it but isn't essential. I never wanted to have children and I don't want to be a hostess or a helper in some great life plan, especially if that means i don't see him as often as I like. Being the mistress would be more my speed. I shouldn't have his kids. I don't have to play hostess. and when I see him, I get his full attention.The one thing is that I don't want to marry him so his wife shouldn't be threatened because I don't want to take her place. I like mine better. If I were the marrying kind, I would expect my husband to cheat during the marriage so I wouldn't be too upset.But if I am married , there wouldn't be a divorce so i hope he has a mistress like the one I would be.

No thankfully i have not...You were young and made a mistake,and as you said what goes around comes around,just now that you do know you would probably never do that again...I do not believe in cheating and hopefully i will never get into that situation..I do know that a lot of women and men alike cheat,but it is wrong...I really believe that men are not blamed for cheating as much as they blame the woman,but really he is just as much as fault..I think probably that it is because people has a higher opinion of women than they do men..Men are known for their cheats,where as women was not always known as cheaters,but of course i know times have changed and women do not hold the respect that they once had,just my opinion...We all make mistakes and we learn from them..I have made a few myself and honestly it makes me ashamed to admit some of the things i have done...It wasn't like dating a married man but their are lot more things than just that....Some men also lie and women will date them only to find out later that these men are married....I agree the "other women " is always labeled as a bad person,but all situations are different....I learned a long time ago never to judge because you never know when you yourself can get caught up in a situation...So far i have been very blessed not to get involved and to be very careful....I can speak from experience that cheaters not only hurt themselves but they hurt their loved ones and their children and break up home...I was a victim of "the other woman" I was the wife and trust me it almost killed me,and caused me a lot of pain,and we finally ended in divorce...He had a fling,and wanted me back but he had broken a trust,it caused me to go a little wild for awhile,and for that i am sorry,but i was hurting ....Don't be hard on yourself though,you learned a valuable lesson and we use these lessons as stepping stones to a better way...I think in a way some men are weak,and it is sometimes up to us women to keep them straight..Oh well i might be wrong,better stop..Im babbling Haha

First of all, twoey, I'd like to say I admire you for saying what comes around goes around. I was cheated on by my first husband. I can honestly say I was oblivious. We were young, had a good marriage (I thought) and a young child. My ex was just a dog. I really look back and try to see if I could be to blame for his behavior and the answer is no. If he were unhappy he could have talked to me about it before cheating. I absolutely think the cheater is at fault unless they try to reach out to their partner and their partner doesn't want to work on their problems.

I wouldn't say that my husband is innocent if he cheated, because it takes two to cheat, him and the "other woman" . I wouldn't forgive him either though, cuz for me, once a cheater, always a cheater. I had to chance to be the other woman, but didn't want to, i don't want to do to another woman, what i don't want done to me, that's how i think

I think many people seek company outside of marriage because they either had the wrong idea of what marriage should be or they are unhappy with their spouse. My ex treated me poorly and I found it easier to talk to other people both men and women. I guess you could say I was starved for attention and value. My ex treated me like dirt. I developed a friendship with a friend of his. We have now been married for 20 years and he values me as a person as well as a wife.

I regret to say that I too was the other women at one time. I didn't know at first. And when I found out he had already left the person he was living with, so I guess if I am honest regardless of me knowing or not, I was the home wrecker. I am not proud of this, of course and even if I can say in my defense that I honestly didn't know - he was always available, I could always reach him by phone at his mom's house, he was always free to go on weekends with us, he never had to make any phone calls when we changed our plans and stayed out later than what we had planned, he really appeared free - I still contributed to something I never wanted to have contributed to. To be honest I didn't want a relationship with someone like that, and I did end it when I found out. If he did that to the person he was with, he could certainly do it to me as well. But the result was the same nevertheless, and indirectly or not, I was part of the cause for that woman's pain.My mistake, my responsibility at least in part. That said, I find that, at least when she knows, the other woman/or other man does have some responsibility. Regardless of what is being told, the right approach should be "if you're serious about not wanting to stay int the relationship you are in, then get out of it before we get into one ourselves"I feel it goes with that " don't do unto others..."thing because once the shoe is in the other foot, they certainly won't like it, they'll be hurt like everyone else. ANd it does hurt, a lot.And it does create many problems to all involved - including those involved indirectly. Actually I have heard "other women" complaining about how hurt they are because their "Man" is cheating on them - with the wife! Come again? As for the other man, because it's happening more and more they're just the same as the other woman as fair as stigma goes. I've been with touch with men that have gone trough the ordeal of having their wives cheating on them and I've noticed that in most cases their reactions have been the same as the ones women have. No difference. And yes, the tendency will be to blame the "other man". That happens, of course, because it's easier to deal with the situation when one believes most of the blame goes to an outsider. In fact reality is not exactly like that. As they say, it takes two to tango, but if what it takes to help someone feel better is to believe the other woman/man is to blame then be it. That other woman/men opened herself/himself to it by accepting/allowing/participating in the situation. Is the other woman/man someone that lured the other into unwillingly participate in something? No. Does it mean that the other woman/man is innocent and not at fault? No.

I've never the "other woman" and I just dont think I ever could. My ex cheated on me so I know how painful it is and I could never do that to someone else. Plus, I don't think very highly of cheaters, so I would never encourage one by participating. I'll admit that I did blame the other "girl" for a long time, but I know that she could have chased him til the end of time to no avail if he hadn't been a willing partner. So really they are both to blame. What I really can't stand is when someone has a long term affair, like for years and years with the same person. That is so unfair to the spouse. If you'd rather be with someone else, then get a divorce so your spouse can move on with their life too. I would be a heck of a lot angrier with that situation than a one night stand.

I was married to a man who regularly cheated on me. I had a LOT of distaste for the other women involved. As you suggested, it is easier to blame the people (or person) involved that isn't as close to you, as your spouse is. I know all too well the pain that is involved when cheating occurs. But even after that, I still knowingly helped someone else to cheat. He wasn't married, nor engaged, but he was supposedly in a "committed relationship". I was also seeing someone at the time, although we never did have the talk about being exclusive. I rationalized my choice by deciding it was okay because this man I was cheating with was an ex boyfriend of mine, the relationship he was in hadn't been going on for too many months, and it was long distance so they barely saw each other, blah blah blah. Could I still stay with my partner if cheating was involved? Without a doubt, yes. I did try with my marriage, and I know quite a few people who have repaired their marriages after an affair. However, it takes BOTH parties involved to fix it, and my now EX husband was unable to do that, so in my situation, it wasn't repairable.

hi Twoey-I have been in a couple of relationships both for a few years where they cheated on me-I think because of the craving for emotional and tenderness I was unfaithful to them, acouple of times-also I have been "the other woman" in one relationship but eventually I realised that it wasn't going to work and we ended the "affair" amicably-with that one we were both willing participants and I was single-blessings littleowl

No I have never been the other woman thank goodness but I have to say that the straying man is just as much to blame if not more so than the other woman. It was his decision to betray his girlfriend or his wife in the first place so the other woman is really secondary in a way but of course she should not havebeen having an affair with a man supposedly commited to another woman. But if the man had beenfaithful none of thatwould have happen. I do not think a man can be lured away unless he wanted to be lured and he was surely no unwilling participant. He was the iniator in the whole mess.

I have never been "the other woman" it's not a role I'd feel comfortable in. Sure the man is out cheating but it doesn't have to be me he is doing it with. That would make me a cheater too. I don't blame the other woman for anything other than having a relationship with someone they know is already in one. I think it's selfish and cruel and I fault both parties that get involved in a situation like that.

I can honestly say I have never been the other woman. I have had guys cheat on me and no, I didn't put up with it. Matter of fact, I told my husband when we first started dating that if he ever cheated on me he would be out the door, no questions asked. I don't put up with being cheated on. When a man cheats it's both the man's fault as well as the other woman, providing she knew he was married. No different if a woman cheats; it's both her fault and the man she cheated with. Not all men or women cheat though. I have never cheated on my husband, nor has he cheated on me. But there are some out there that do. It's a part of life. There are also couples out there that have open relationships.

is it time for another man ? that really knows what he has before shes gone. ive never managed to make it work after my partner cheated because it will allways be a trust issue . cheaters make us stronger and better lovers so we wont go through it again thank god and family is what we make not blood comitment we hold are values and struggle for the dream in the end just a test of character ?

My ex-hubby cheated emotionally with a woman he worked with. She was also married. We got through it at the time...our divorce happened for other resons that were only loosely related to that event. I actually blamed him more than her because even though she was a willing participant and knew he was married...she also only knew his side of the story and thought he had a terrible spouse and an unhappy marriage which she could sympatize with since she was in the same position. I was hurt more by the lies he told her than the closeness he felt toward her....although that hurt a lot too. I was then later technically the other woman in one of his relationships. It was shortly after our separation and we were having doubts. Ultimately he left her for me...except he and I never actually got together again after that because of other circumstances. His current g/f feels a little threatened by me even now and I think she thinks I could be the other woman again but I'm not.

I think that both parties are at fault, but the woman who has been cheated on can't believe that her husband would stray, so ithas to be the other womans fault. I say, take a look at your relationship and see who really is at fault. Many times the man will stray because of what is happening at home, so the wife has some fault too. I

My Mother was dying of cancer and I needed a shoulder to cry on. Unfortunately that shoulder was married. I tried to avoid him at first, but he kept after me and I was lonely. I was not THE other woman, I was one of many in a succession of women. He believes that coveting another man's wife is wrong, but all other women was just fine. Later on, after I got the strength and better self-esteme that I needed, I broke it off with him. So he just went on to another woman. At that point in time, I found out that everyone else in my community considered him a "Womanizer." They respected the work he did, but would move heaven and earth not to allow him near their female relatives and wives. That would have been nice to know, that he has an endless succession of women and no man in the community lets him alone with their women. At any rate, never did it before and never did it again. It was absolutely stupid on my part. Could I stay with someone knowing he cheated? No. Never asked him to leave her for me. Didn't really want him after all. Just didn't want to be lonely and suffering alone. Admit to my family, heck no! Unwilling, nah, he chased me like I was the only woman on earth for awhile, he could see I needed attention and a shoulder to cry on. He looks for weak females and preys on them like a hunter looking for his next conquest. Then when they smarten up, he goes onto the next weakling.

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