Worrieng mother

Thank you, I need to hear that. I have had some hard days worrying about her things and her doing. Most of it concerns money of course, because she always need money and want me to help her. I can not do that all the time. I have my own bills to pay. I can help with things, but not that. I hope what I have done for her the past week will be in some help. I did get her a job for the summer. It´s the best help I can get her for the time being. I have now, told her, you have to straiten your self up and start to act as an adult and be responsible. Today she missed a doctor appointment, and she has another tomorrow, so I will call her up so she will not miss it. It is an important appointment and can have a huge impact on her life.

One thing that helped me was putting the ball back in their court. If they came to me for money, I wanted to know why they didn't have any. Then I decided where the cut off place would be. And I let them know in no uncertain terms where I stood on the matter. I did my best to not leave them hanging, I learned to explain to them what I was going to do and why, made them repeat it back to me so they couldn't back and say they didn't understand. Then when they came and said they had a speeding ticket, or what ever the crisis was at that time, I would tell them it was 'A decision you made' that caused this to happen or that to happen. People have to be made acountable for their decisions. I notice today that a lot of young people want to blame everyone else for the trouble they get themselves into instead of being made to face the fact that it was a decision THEY made that got them into that place. Your probably going to have to watch her flounder before she gets it, but baling her out all the time isn't helping her. We're moms, we want to help our children. The truth is if we don't back off a little and let them make their mistakes and suffer the consequences, we're doing them more harm than good. Just remind her that she made the decision that caused this or that to happen. Don't harp at her, but when she comes to you complaining. Just say to her, 'It was your decision'

Well, well. My daughter has done a test for ADHD and got the diagnoses on Friday. She has ADHD. The problem is to get this diagnoses so late in life. Her brother got his diagnoses of ADHD for five years ago ( he is 17). He got help in school, in his spear time and he is today a young man with great knowledge about this disorder. It is not easy to get this diagnoses in adult age. But at least now we know what to deal with. They do not have the same ADHD, so she will not have the same medication as her brother. But now, I know the problem and how to support and help her. However, it is not easy to tell an adult what she should do or not do. thank you for your kind words and god advice. I will try to use it when I can.

The thing is, when I was a teen, I was a stay home student. I was studying and kept my self out of trouble. Of course, I had my issues but again, I did stay out of trouble. When I see my daughter do mistakes that will in the long run not be worth it, I do tell my opinion. And I hope she take it in and think about it, if she not take the advice there is nothing I can do.

That might be part of the problem, as you were in doors a lot of the time you never really got out there and experienced the teenage / young adult things and maybe that makes you more apprehensive. But I agree the best you can do is tell her your worries, at least if she does continue to go ahead and do as she wants, she will be more careful than she might have otherwise been.

The young once always know better than their mothers they believe. However, when the mistake is done, and the outcome did not became what they thought it would be, they turn back to mum and say, why did I not listen to you..... But we do tend to learn from our mistakes, and that make us adult more knowledge and wish we can help the kids not do the same mistakes.... thank you for responding.

Unfortunately we tend to be in a circle. The kids do make the same mistakes as the mum and dad did. And parents try hard to help the kids for not do the same. It is that circle you like to cut out. I some time´s wonder if it is a destiny, that we are going to do the same mistakes. However, for my daughter, is not doing the same mistakes I did, she is making her own differently from my. Two days ago, my daughter did a test for being diagnosed with ADHD. And she Has ADHD. This explain why she make the mistakes she does. Her brother got his diagnoses for five years ago, he did get help both home and in school. He was 12 when i got it, she is an adult, now 20.....and the community now has to help her, I can only help when she do ask for it. Thank you for responding and god luck with your kids.

Well, I do let her know it is her own fault she have the life as she has at the moment. She has to face the consequences for her actions. That I can not bail her out all the time. She has to pay for the mistakes she does, or listen to what I say. Unfortunately, she did two day´s ago got her diagnoses of ADHD. Her brother now 17 did get his diagnoses for five years ago. She is an physical adult, but not mental , he is still a child, on going adult age. I can tell that my son will not be able to cope without an adult to help him the day he will live mummy´s home. I guess, now, thinking about it, she should had some help to. But Sicne she got the diagnoses in her adult age, that is now up to her....I still only can advice her....to get the help she really needs. Thank you for responding.

It sounds just like my daughter. She did the exact same thing. Moved away from home, two blocks from my house, let her boyfriend move in with her. It did not end god, however, she did also let her best friend move in with her, and I did not like that either. She started up well, with going back to school for an education, but her friend stooped paying for her self and my daughters money did not help them both. However, she also noticed her big problem reading more than one course at the same time was not good for her. So a little brake to find out why this was the reason. She have made an investigation and did get the diagnose of ADHD. No surprise of mine. Her brother did get his diagnose for five years ago. The differences between them are superior and I have had no chance to know this in her early state. Now, when she has her diagnose she can get the help she really need to finished her school. And to have this knowledge about her self can in her private life be a big change when comes to friends and boyfriends. I got her a job for the summer at my workplace. And she is going to work with me on saterday. Kids always will know better than parents it seems

Thank you for responding. God to hear from someone having experience. Well, she mabee do not listen at the moment, as you she come back later on and say, why did I not listen to you....and yet she will not listen at the time. I guess, the young once always want to be right, even though they know they are wrong.

Thank you for responding, and for your kind words. Some times you worry to much and at the same time know you should not. But you only want what´s best for them. You want them to have the best. But young people today seems to think that every thing solve it self.....no matter what. As you pointed out, just keep praying to the lord will feel better.

Hello and thank you for responding. We are the bests moms, Of course we worrying about our children. It is natural, if we did not, we should not have any. However, some times, I as a mom wish the children could listen more and perhaps understand we only want the best for them and keep them out from unnecessary mistakes that only will damage for them. I guess, it has to do with mom need to have control.....???

As long as you are a mother you will always worries. And when you see the kids doing mistakes they should not have to do, you can not just sit back and watch. You just have to say something. However, I also know I should not. for two days ago she did a test for perhaps be diagnosed with ADHD. The same diagnosed disorder her brother got for five years ago ( he is 17). Now, you can think about all the mistakes she does are related to the diagnose of ADHD. I do hope she will get the help as an adult she do need to cope with the real hard life she has with this diagnose. Thank you for responding.

Thank you Anne for responding. Yes, You do think about the children all the time. Even though You do also know that they are capable of taking care of them self. However, my daughter moved only two blocks away from my home. She started school for adult to become a profession. However, it seems she have trouble to take to many courses at the same time, so she at the time can not finish her study since her teacher said she should take a year of. That caused her losing the study loan of course and she could not pay her bills. She calls me every day and say she have no food, she have no money..I do help her and by the food for her, but she need money....to have fun......now, she have got help from our community.....I will not help her with her bills, I can help her with food and I did today arranged a job to her for the summer. She will be there next week to talk to MY boss, as it is my workplace. I can see she do not eat properly, I hear she is out in the weekends....doing god knows. I have accepted You as a friend. Have a nice evening.

I have talked with her father. We are separated since 6 years back. But we are the bests friend and talk about the kids every week. We are both agreeing on she will not have any money. I can help her with buying food to her. But the bills she has to pay by her self. I have also helped her getting a job at my workplace for this summer. I have trust in her, but when it come´s to money she just are out in the blue.

Thank you for responding and Yes, they should make their own mistakes and have their own experience. However, I do not appreciates when those experience become my bills to pay. I have all the trust in the world in her, but it seems when it comes to money, she think Mom will pay and help her out. I can not, have not enough for doing so. Still, I do, I´ll give her food, but her own bills she has to pay by her self.