I intervened in a Walmart situation today
By dragon54u
@dragon54u (31634)
United States
May 23, 2008 10:18pm CST
I was in the express line--about 7 people in front of me with a few items compared to 3 people in the other lines with 25-100 items--and I saw a little boy run crying from his mom and two sisters, one that was about 3yrs old and one in a babyseat. He fled to the womens clothes and I could see his feet underneath. His mom couldn't leave and probably hoped he'd come back safely before she was finished.
So I left my line and went over to his feet underneath some slacks in the women's department--Juniors, a departments I've not been familiar with for 40 years!--and talked with him. Seems mom had been grumpy all day and yelled at him and he didn't want to go back. So I told him that moms often have a lot of problems and sometimes they forget that their kids are hurt by their rantings but they still love them and I'd bet his mom is worried because she can't see him but has two other kids to take care of and can't leave them and that's why I came to see him. He thought about it. And thought about it. And asked if it was really true that his mom loved him even if she yelled. I told him, through the roar of my breaking heart, that she did but we all grow up thinking that our kids will always love us but sometimes we take that for granted. And even if she yells at him when he comes back from the slacks rack, she loves him more than she loves her own life.
Well, I escorted him back and he was smiling. I got in another line and when I left I heard his voice again, crying. They were in McDonald's and he was in a seat all alone, broken-hearted. His mom yelled at him and he shuffled over, still crying.
I hope I made a difference, somehow. Such a great little kid, perceptive and loving, sensitive and needy.
WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE MOTHERS THINKING?!!! Hey, I've been there, stressed without support and at the end of my rope, but my kids never ran away and I always felt bad if they cried.
I HATE WALMART!! Just because of this kind of stuff. I've been seeing ads about needing childcare help, I can't get an office job so I think I'll apply. At least I'll be making a difference instead of just making the money I need.
11 people like this
24 responses
@lieanat (1137)
• Malaysia
24 May 08
hi, dragon54u,
I respect you for your sacrificial love for your kids and your wisdom in handling kids as well. I like the thoughts you've shared with the little boy.
As for the mummy, I think lesser and lesser parents nowadays know how to teach kids with right thoughts as they themselves have many troubles too!!!
I support your plan to make a difference to your community's kids. Besides, you can earn money for yourself.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
Thank you for your kind words. I've been looking for a job and this seems to be one that would help solve my problems (I owe the IRS!!) and do some good at the same time.
1 person likes this
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
24 May 08
I.R.S. Or, The Infernal -- oops, InTERnal Revenue Service. The government body that has the legal right to rob us all blind with endless tax collections, or even stick us in jail. Unconstitutional, but a lost cause.
Sigh.... }o/
Maggiepie
1 person likes this
@mclendon (308)
• United States
24 May 08
It's supermarkets and superstores that bring out the worst in moms and kids. Shopping is stressful for me and I try to go to smaller stores and on smaller trips when I can, but sometimes one-stop all-at-once shopping is the only way to go. I have 3 children really close in age. Despite my best efforts: christian upbringing, explainations, teachings, penalties, talks, treats, and a couple of parenting courses, I cannot rid them of intense sibling rivalry. They fight in any situation in which they can compete and they seem to constantly argue over who gets what, who is better, who was first, who gets more, on and on!
In the grocery store they are forever fighting over the cart. I stop and repeatedly explain to them that they need to walk behind me so I can steer and such, but they migrate right back to the side of the cart and pull on it and push at each other. Once (in Walmart) when they were between 3 and 5 years, they kept climbing up on the side of the cart. I would stop, get one off, say "you can't do that, you will turn over the cart."
As soon as I would stop again to get an item, one would get on the cart and another would jump on too, because "HE did it!"
FINALLY, two of them jumped on one side at the same time and they turned the cart over on themselves - exactly what I said would happen! I just sternly said, "GET UP!" They weren't hurt but surprised (don't know why!) and started crying. This "nice" older lady on the same aisle, stopped, looking shocked, and exclaimed, "OH MY, ARE THE POOR THINGS ALL RIGHT?"
Poor things!? What about their poor mother! Just trying to get some shopping done while her irrational children continue to compete despite her warnings and explainations!
I could have punished them in some way before they turned the cart over, but I think they learned their lesson better the hard way. But I guess to her "the poor little things" looked mistreated by their negligent too-busy mom.
2 people like this
@callarse1 (4783)
• United States
25 May 08
Yes, let us not forget when we were young we don't always follow what our parents say and especially long store trips can make kids get out of hand, right?
Pablo
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
25 May 08
Yes, we never know the other side of the story, just see the crying children!
I know just what you mean, my two boys were 364 days apart! I tried to leave them with the babysitter most times but she wasn't always available.
It's very stressful at times to be a mother. We don't always act in ways that we're proud of but that's how our children learn to interact with others, isn't it?
2 people like this
@callarse1 (4783)
• United States
25 May 08
Oh how lovely. That was nice of you. I can't speak for what parents do, and I don't know the situation. Sometimes people get very frustrated as you said and start yelling. It's just their first feeling. However, you are right that as a parent we as humans should think about what happens when we are always negative and yelling to other people. It's not helpful at all in most case. Walmart is an interesting store and you find all types of things and people there. Hehehe.
Pablo
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
25 May 08
I despise going to Walmart! It's full of tired, hungry screaming children and mothers who are impatient. I know how they feel but I left my children at home when I shopped unless it was impossible to. After they were in school, yes, I'd take them for brief periods, short trips. Too many children there in Walmart are crying for a meal or a nap while their moms are browsing in the clothing section or other places that bore the children.
I don't mean to be judgmental, I just think that small children should be at home till they're old enough to enjoy shopping.
1 person likes this
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
25 May 08
That woman sounds like she was caught with her 'childcare in a tear'. Maybe her hubby or sitter crimped out on her last minute. She really should look into shopping online, that would really simplify things for her and her little ones.
*
I've a horror story that is a result of plain old pure neglect on a father's part. He had three toddlers and one who looked to be about five. He told the five year old to keep the little ones from going into the street as they were all huddled by the side of the road, not on the side walk mind you, in front of the grocery store. When one of the toddlers tried to follow him he smacked her.
*
I stood next to this gaggle to make sure nothing happened to them. Nothing did, and the five year old did an admirable job at something she shouldn't have to do. Father didn't notice me, or any other rubbernecking adults.
@CraftyCorner (5600)
• United States
25 May 08
If the child welfare and foster system wasn't so ghastly I'd have turned him in. The only problem is the situation those kids could enter could be possibly be worse.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
25 May 08
Well, that's a typical man...delegate!! That's how they thing and it's okay but not when it comes to kids!
2 people like this
@mizcash (685)
• Canada
26 May 08
I think parents now a days are so caught up in there everyday situation they tend to forget their children. These kids are individuals with feelings and love constantly not only when the parents are in a good mood but at all times. it's hard for a cdhild to grow up thinking his parents hate him or think he is a problem. Parents need to take a second glance at how they treat these kids because they are going to be parents tomorrow and the trend will carry on.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
Isn't that sad? We kids knew we were the most precious things in our parents' lives. Parents don't seem to have that attitude anymore. 
2 people like this
@dodoguy (1292)
• Australia
24 May 08
Hi dragon54u,
It's very nice to hear how you dealt with that little boy.
I wouldn't dwell too long and hard about the mother's behavior - everyone has their story, and that's just the way it is in the wild wild west. You might just have caught the straw that would have broken the camel's back.
And anyway, no matter which way you cut it, man's gotta do what a man's gotta do (and the woman's place is in the kitchen). At least, that's what I heard.
I do hope you manage to get a job in the childcare industry. That's one line of work that won't be letting up any time soon, and it probably could use some maternal skills.
@dodoguy (1292)
• Australia
25 May 08
Actually, I personally believe that the best arrangement for people is to apply themselves in the areas for which they are most suitably equipped.
The best of all worlds is when someone's personal psyche and ambitions are aligned with their natural capabilities. That's probably heading towards the natural order of things.
So yes, in a perfect world, the place for women would be in the home, looking after the kiddies, taking care of the kitchen and doing the things for which they are better equipped than the menfolk.
And the menfolk would labor in the fields and build bridges and stuff, because they generally have a physical advantage in those departments, as well as a certain aptitude for mechanical bits and pieces.
However, in the real world, people's aspirations seem to have departed these traditional ideals, so now anyone can do anything (or at least, they have the right to think that they can). And they probably can, but the point here is that one's gender does have an influence on one's abilities and aptitudes. So a society that accepts and utilizes appropriate gender-roles will likely be more productive and prosperous than one that doesn't.
Unfortunately, unless the truth is so entirely self-evident as to need no prior consideration, the only way to convince anyone of anything is to allow them to believe that they thought of it themselves. Nothing is new, everything has been done before, but people still have to prove it to themselves. And the best way to learn any lesson is through pain - so that's how things seem to go.
I hope to hear good things about your new position later this week.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
Yes, we could use some childcare workers who can actually be something more than caretakers. I'm not sure if I'm right for the job but I love children.
I know you were probably saying it facetiously but I truly believe that a mother's place is in the home. It's expensive for a mom to work and she usually ends up working for childcare expenses and gas with just a little left over to help with the bills. Unless she's in a very high-wage job, it's counter-productive for a mother to work.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
25 May 08
I'm just passing on a kindness that a wonderful woman showed me about fifteen years ago. And I love children, I hate to see them sad.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
24 May 08
dragon I hate to see things like that. why cannot a
woman if she gets that frazzled by shoppping with all
her kids with her,get a darned baby sitter and leave
them at home for heavens sakes. little kids get tired
a lot quicker than us adults then we adults lose
our tempers and take it out on an already stressed
out child who would rather be playing at home.I have seen
mothers be so mean to a little upsetcrying kid who has'no
idea why he or she is so tired and does not know what
to do about it. you could make a difference in child care
help.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
I never took my kids shopping until they could handle it and I paid for not taking them!! Geez...
But when I did know they were ready, we went on some trial runs and I explained it to them. They told me when they'd had enough and I threw hypothetical situations at them, as a game. ALWAYS it came out that they were tired, rode too far, needed a snack, etc. Parents now expect their children to conform to adult lives, which is a fatal mistake and communicates apathy. Does anyone still know what apathy means?!
Thanks for yoru comment, it helps reinforce my plan for Tuesday! 
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
Moo, I used to babysit for $.50 an hour back in the late 60's. I was astounded to learn that today babysitters are charging $5 per child per hour!! Everything seems to be unaffordable for the average person now. Moms can't even go to the grocery without their kids because leaving them at home, where they'd probably rather be, means they don't have enough food for the week!
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
24 May 08
Hatley, I can see that your comment is with the best intentions. However, it's not always quite so easy for a Mum to find a babysitter to leave the kids with whilst shopping. There's the cost to think of to start with, not everyone can afford it. And then there's the availability of babysitters. They're easy enough to come by if you want one 5 days a week regular hours, but finding someone just to sit for an hour or two on an afternoon say, isn't so easy.
Sometimes a mum doesn't really have an option but to take her kids with her.
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
24 May 08
I was reading another discussion about a nasty situation in Walmart just the other day. I don't suppose it's Walmart's fault! But being out shopping I think brings out the worst in us.
I do feel so sorry for the little lad. Kids just don't understand the stresses that their parents feel. But I feel sorry for Mum too. Shopping alone with three little ones is hard going, and it sure sounds as if she was having a hard time too.
I'm sure you made a difference to that little lad's perception of life. You're really kind to take the time out. Many people are scared to be seen talking to someone else's child now which, although I can understand, is just not right.
If you take on some childcare work, I'm convinced you'll make a difference. In my area there is a real shortage of mature candidates. Please don't take that 'mature' the wrong way, I have no idea how old you are. But most childcare staff are very young here and have never had kids themselves. They do a great job, but those who have been Mums theselves generally do an even better one.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
She wasn't alone, she was with a friend and they were both on cell phones.
Ha! I'm 54, I don't mind being called mature but that's a pretty nice word for being old!
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
24 May 08
I'm sure you made a huge difference. You might have even changed that little boy's life with your kind words. You'll never know, of course.
Dr. Phil (and any other psychologist) reminds us that everything we say and do can and does affect other people. That mom needs to know that her being unkind - even if it's just one time - can crush a child's spirit. We'll never know that either. Kids are all different. Some are hurt - emotionally - so easily. Others don't seem to care.
I'm glad you were there to help. Thanks for being such a caring human being. The world needs more of you!
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
I've been where that mother was, and I remember how frustrating it is to try to deal with a tired or cranky child while I myself was stressed to the limit. I felt horrible when I lost my temper which, thankfully, wasn't that often but it's something you have to live with and regret the rest of your life, thinking of your child's hurt expression and tears all because you thoughtlessly put your own needs in front of his.
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
24 May 08
And I hope you get the childcare job. Maybe that's the reason you were given this opportunity to help a child. To show you how good that made you feel, and to remind you that you could work in that field.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
26 May 08
Wow, that's an ego boost, thank you!
1 person likes this
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
24 May 08
Um...how exactly is any of what you described WALMART's fault?
Maggiepie
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
24 May 08
I DO approve of your actions, though. I'm job-hunting, too. Good luck. I think whomever it was suggested you go into counciling had a good idea. Can you get a degree in it? OR is that too costly?
Maggiepie
1 person likes this
@yoyo1198 (3641)
• United States
24 May 08
Unfortunately, some of the mothers AREN"T thinking. They seem to be so caught up in taking care of the children that they can't take care of the children.
I have seen and tried to intervene in situations similar to what you have described. Sometimes, the mother is so angry at anyone questioning her judgement (in her opinion) that she gets defensive and starts yelling at the person who is only trying to help.
We have too many kids having kids in today's world. The kids that are the parents are rearing their children the way they were raised and that goes all the way up the family tree. Basic values and morals seem to have been lost or abandoned on some higher limb of that tree.
Too bad that children do not come with an instruction manual.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
24 May 08
Although I wasn't raised that way, I can totally relate to how those mothers feel. They have no support and don't feel as if they matter and this is for rich or for poor!!!
Empathize with these people. This mom and her friend lized that I merely waved to them as I passed after the incident and blew a kiss the the little boy.
Some moms feel as if their kids are burdens they have to bear and some feel that they are punishment. Shopping in Walmart, one might feel as if only 10% or so of children are a welcome addition to the family.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
31 May 08
I have no time for parents who yell at teir kids, and there have been times when I've had to leave because of their crap!!! I remember sitting in a cafe once when a mother was yelling at her little boy. I had to hold onto my chair and sit there to keep myself from "doing something."
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
31 May 08
Much to my shame, I have at times yelled at my kids. I always apologized when I calmed down and let them know that adults aren't perfect. I raised my sons basically alone, my now ex-husband was there financially but not much else. It was stressful and lonely but I loved my kids more than life and I still do. They turned out fine, much to my relief.
Yelling at kids is horrible, I wish I hadn't done it the few times I did, and I think parents like that could really benefit from some intervention. I wish someone had known my circumstances and intervened, perhaps my sons would be better even than they are. It's so hurtful to them. But believe me, to the parent that loves their children it's even more hurtful even years later. I cringe thinking of raising my voice to my children. They didn't deserve it, and I felt like a rotten person.
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
4 Jun 08
Haha love the story. all sweet and innocent sounding at the beggining. and then you look to the end WHAT THE HELL ARE THSES MOTHERS THINKING lmao.
I have no idea. i try my best not to yell at my littl one. just somtimes she pushes and pushes and pushes. but i dont do it much
and when i do. i punish her in the corner then when her time is up. i give her a hug and kiss., and make sure she knows why she was in trouble. and i think i tell her i love her like 75-100 times a day.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
4 Jun 08
Good for you! That's what children need, love. And discipline with it. Yeah, they can really push us to our limits but we're the adults and are supposed to be able to deal with it.
I'd be in favor of mandatory parenting classes! There are too many parents out there that have no clue how to raise their kids but are trying to do a good job with no ideas.
@jashley1 (746)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Well that was very nice of you to intervene and let that child know that his mother does love him. Although there are very many irresponsible and mean parents out there, we don't know this one's true situation. It is unfortunate that mom keeps yelling at him, but you never know what he's done or what he's like at home - not saying that gives her the right - but we just don't know what the situation is. That's all I'm saying. And yes - if you truly love children and would make a positive impact on their lives I would totally encourage you to go for that childcare position! You would probably need classes and credits, but we need more people like you - people who care - caring for our children!
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Thanks!
The one position I found in the paper I didn't get. They wanted someone who was a member of their church and I belong to another.
@hcpoirot (1562)
• Indonesia
24 May 08
Thats terrible what happened with the kids. I for one did not think in any circumstances parents should yelled at their kids no matter what. Okay if they made major mistake, but yelled at your kids cause you just had a lousy days?
Good for you for applying the childcare help.
@naseeha (1382)
• India
31 May 08
Good for you. Youve taken the step in the right direction. What i see in this situation is people should give an appropriate gap in between children. Having one kid every year is not so bad. But the love and attention that they should be giving each child is affected.
If the boy had been a little elder he would have understood why his mom was yelling at him and he would have helped his mom in looking after the kids.
What do you say?
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
31 May 08
There was a big gap between the boy and his two siblings, who were close together. I think the poor family was just stretched to the breaking point that day, although I don't know why a mom would think her cellphone call was more important than her child running off.
We are all so stressed and upset these days that I really can't judge the mother but I hope that he took my words to heart and remembers that he's a precious child that deserves to be loved.
@Rileys_Mom07 (81)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I feel so sorry for this little man. It seems like he is getting the short end of the stick since he has 2 other siblings to fight for attention over. I think there is a much easier way to deal with children other than yelling when they are that age. I hope you do go into the childcare field, you never know how you can touch a life. That could be a great way to help more kids in need. I think you gave him great perspective today. And for the record, I cannot believe that mother let him go away without following him and I certainly cannot believe she left him there long enough for you to have a conversation with him, what if you were a predator. It only takes a second.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
4 Jun 08
People always think it can't happen to them. Maybe she felt safe in Walmart for some odd reason. Unfortunately, today's parents don't seem to treasure they children as parents used to, they're no longer precious. Only after they're gone do they realize how much they loved them.
