ive worked hard my whole life for nothing

It is hard to admit the things you did even being anonymous. But what I'll say are things you already know. You have to look at what your life says about you. It's not the negatives that make you who you are it is the positives. Because crappy things happen to strong people. ANd if you have attempted twice and not gone through with it it proves your spirit is still strong. Your accomplishments far outweigh failures. ANd maybe those failures were meant to be put into your path. I can relate on the relationship thing. I had a goal when I was younger. ANd if I had accomplished that goal I would be married for years now with a few kids. Well, it never worked out that way for me. In fact, my education never led me to the job that would insure my comfort. I do not even work in a field remotely close to it or even within the same tax bracket....but the point is it led me to what I want out of my life. It saved me from a deeper depression than I had been in before where certain thoughts could lead down a dangerous road. And believe there are times where I still feel like a failure....and I look back at all my missed opportunities either ones I caused by ignoring them, or caused by certain circumstances in life. However, I will never regret my lessons of pain. It solidifies my happiness...and my goal in life is to one day be completely happy and I do not care if it takes me until I am 100. ANd all through it all I try to live by the quote of an amazing woman who has been through everything imaginable from hate filled prejudice to violent acts done to her.... "Life loved the person who dared to live it...." Maya ANgelou. I do not know if this helps, but know that you are not alone.

First off being a friend or on a list her and someone diassociating themselves from you because you have had a hard life and made some bad choices is crazy. Many people have made bad choices in there life. Anyone who can throw the first stone, well I'd like to see it. No one is perfect. I married a Navy guy, we have been together almost 19 years, and he still works in other places because of the job market here. I have waited on him for years and will continue to do so. I have never cheated on him and do not believe he has ever cheated on me. There are women out there that do understand what you do for a living. Being a retired Navy wife. I know numerous ladies that waited for the guys, they are married and have been for numerous years. I belive before you can be happy with someone else you need to be happy with yourself. The past can not interfer with the future. There are ladies out there for you to meet. You need to give it time. I know you have probably heard this before. Patience is a virtue. To find someone that will be lasting is not easy, as you know. You need to look in the right places too, and a bar is not the place to find someone to live your life with. Not in most cases anyway. Going out with friends and just waiting for the right person to come into your life is a good thing. Not searching but waiting for it to happen anyway. Love will find you. Don't look so hard to find it, and it may be right there under your nose. The old adage, you can't see the forrest for the trees, is a good one. Remember your odds of finding someone is greater than a lady finding someone. There is aproximately 5 women to ever man in the states. Give yourself time, it will happen. Get yourself to where you want to be, financially and mentally, the rest will fall into place when you least expect it. Sometimes you find someone when you are not looking, if this makes any sense. Brightest blessings to you.

‘so tell me what i need to do’ …what you need to do is to stop thinking about your miserable self for once and instead concentrate on the world outside your cocoon. Stop thinking of women (and the related thoughts) for once, stop thinking of your bravery and your medals, stop thinking of yourself as a smart guy with been there done that syndrome. Instead, stop to talk to strangers, stop to take a walk, stop to know the different trees around your house, stop to appreciate the sunset, stop to see the leaves fall, stop to smile at a baby. Think of how voluntarily you may serve your community better without expecting anything in return, not even a smile of appreciation. Forget your navy days, your wife, your millionth gf (or whatever the number is), forget all those things that never went right for you. Those were your past…living them in the present, not only are you wasting your time, but you never know what other talents God has given you and you maybe wasting them too.

Don't be sad or never surrender. You are still young and soon you will find the right girl for you. The one that will love you more than anyone else. Life is wonderful. Even if we do experience problems, trials or challenges in life, we should still be grateful of the life that is being lent to us. We should be thankful of the chance to experience life and how it is to live in this world. So there’s no reason to end it up by ourselves. Be happy and live your life to the fullest!

"Bad" things happen to good people for sure. But forget about the part about good or bad.. if one looks at oneself we are both. If there are things that you have not done your best upon reflection don't be too harsh with yourself. We all make mistakes. The part about the marriage that your partner was not faithful to you... wow that surly hurts ..I will say this but take it as you like. Scold me if you like. But it will put you UPPPP there emotionally if you tell yourself to forgive. It is very very to the 9th or 100th power ..difficult but that will make the scar heal over time. It will take a very long time........I added the previous para after I typed the following lines. But doesn't matter pse read on. Good that you came to post here, you have found the good old way of letting your emotions out and hopefully people who can share what you are going through. Something PRCATICAL TO DO :For myself there were times I had so much difficulty that I just cry.. may be you have already done that.. choose a quiet deserted place to realy cry and sob the sorrow out, your anger too (if you think you are not angry it may be true but it could be hidden right inside..admit it if it is there) or whatever emotions within you, it really helps especially the first time. Then do it again the next day or when you need.. it helps. It helped me a lot when I did that. I remember going to a spot at a beach to do that. Take care. We love you here.

It may be an understatement to say that you have been thru alot in your life. Everyone has there fair share of ups and downs...some have more downs than others. But you really do have to take on the mindset that there is someone out there that has it worse than you do. The easiest thing to do is give up, because that does not take any effort at all. But it shows your true strength to pull yourself up and out of the face of adversity. You may be in the place right now where, even tho you may have friends and family you still "feel" alone. And I think that it's safe to say that people start feeling that way when they are wallowing in self-pity. Too focused on what you don't have and what went wrong that you become self-alienated. You may have to realize at some point that it may be a good thing that you are not in a relationship with anyone right now. I don't want you to think that once you are with somebody then all the problems you have will magically go away. Maintaining a relationship takes work, do you think you would be cut out to work on one plus work on you at the same time? To me, you sound fed up and maybe even angry at your series of unfortunate events. I say focus on YOU first. Don't try so hard. When your time is right you will find someone. The best ones usually occur when your not looking. Since you feel like you have tried everything, the only thing left to try is something you never considered. I don't want you feel so traumatized. I like when people are happy. So do something different. Do something that you would think normally wouldn't interest you. It's time to start thinking outside the box, since you feel things aren't working now. You said you are a professional seaman...I am not sure what that entails, but it sounds like it good be stressful, especially if its anything like what I saw on the Discovery channel. I think getting feedback from here is a good start to get you thinking about stuff. It is said that everyday you wake up is a day for you start it all over. Try that philosophy and see what it does for you. Really and truly, the only way you are going to see changes in your life is if you start changing the way you think. It's easier said than done, but there is a bigger picture.

I was also brought up on good morals, but I havent served in the navy for years, nor have I saved anybody from the misery of war or anything else. I am a bit older than you and I have somebody now, but I still feel lonely, as I there is nobody to talk to really, somebody who listens to me, that is. I would suggest that you turn into yourself, sit down and start writing that book you are talking about. Talk about your experiences, whether good or bad and what you have learned from them. Get interested in something that is not military. Talk to people, as you probably have things to say, but so have the others! It looks as if you are good at writing, just have a look at that big parragraph up there! Keep on at it and let the words be your companions!

I've thought about joining one of the services before, but I simply can't do it. It's just not something I'd be able to handle. I'm not willing to make those sacrifices. I have a daughter and a husband and I don't think I would be willing to make that committment.

You have truly been through a lot and I feel for you. However, you must learn to be by yourself. I know many people who need someone to be with, whether they are happy or not. To be a seaman is to have no life......no love life either. But you knew that when you signed up right? No one wants to be alone and it does sound as if you need some "professional" help. Have you ever thought about retiring from your position as a seaman? Sometimes we have to sacrifice things in life in order to get what we truly want. I wish you the best. May God be with you.

wagster what you need to do is to get out and do 'something for someone else to take you out of yourself and your doldrums. find a cause and volunteer and you will not be lonely.' volunteer at your local hospital and find yourself carrying flowers to patients room, delivering magazines, and letters, and running errands. you will meet others who may have some of your same interests. volunteer in a library where they always need people to shelve books and talk to the workers there.

You are a good man and I feel so bad that you are going through this. Have you considered therapy? My husband and I did it and we are glad we did. It made us feel better about ourselves (he is former Navy during the Vietnam years), and made us realize that we can't control others, only in how we react to them. Don't let how others act make you feel that it was YOU that did something wrong. If you are doing your best, are honest, kind, then that's not your fault!! Sometimes you are just living out what they call, "your lot in life". I don't know what books to tell you to read, but if you need a shoulder, I am a good listener. I will invite you as a friend and if you wish to PM me or email, I will listen. In the meantime, here is a big hug for you... (((((((wagster41)))))))

Wagster-First of all you need to change you way of thinking. Read your post. Read it again. And then again. If you reverse all of the negative things that you say into positive things, you will find your life will start to change. Just the sentence " I cannot seem to find the right person to settle with" for example. Instead tell yourself "I will find the right person." Negativity is very, very damaging. What we think, we become. Instead of using up so much of your time telling yourself how bad it is, or was or whatever, change your tune man, flip it all around and pronounce only good things about yourself from now on. Thoughts are things. I hope this helped. (It really does work) I suggest you read books by Dr. Joseph Murphy. Check them out. They have helped me out tremendously.