HUGE blowout with my neighbor.
By latoyahall
@latoyahall (835)
United States
June 30, 2008 2:55pm CST
So I have been telling my neighbor for awhile now to leave her boyfriend. He is abusive to her, and I am very sensitive to that for reasons that some of my mylot friends will understand.
We had an argument because I have been very helpful to her when she was down and kicked him out. But I am tired of it! She lets him back in every time!
I understand what she is going through. But this last time he choked her badly and it was all too familiar to me. She kicked him out for 3 days and everything was great. She had no food and I happened to get foodstamps so I helped her out and got her some food(she has a 3 year old daughter after all).
So she was giving me a ride to my second appointment at the welfare office and she was upset. This was a day after she let him come back. When I was in my appointment, SHE LEFT ME THERE!
My only guess is that she was so upset that she felt she needed to go home and resolve the problem, but she shouldn't have offered me the ride if she couldn't do it. I came out of my appointment and was really upset because I had no stroller to put my daughter in. So I had to walk home with her in my arms. Now my daughter is 25 lbs, so it was no easy feat.
When I got home I confronted her about it and she didn't seem at all like she cared. I had to tell her that I couldn't be friends, because this abusive relationship she was in was affecting me too!
What do you think? I feel bad about it and we did end up exchanging a few words, but I feel it was best for my well-being.
4 people like this
12 responses
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
30 Jun 08
It is too bad she didn't appreciate the friend in you. The sad part is her three year old daughter. How can this beautiful innocent child ever grow up and be apart of a normal healthy relationship with a man when she has to live through her parents abusive relationship. I think she will one day hit bottom and realize she has made some serious mistakes in life and one of the biggest is staying in an abusive relationship. I suffered through an abusive relationship and it was hard leaving but in hindsight the best thing we can do is leave and heal. I hope things turnaround in her life and she can see the light. It is too bad.
@latoyahall (835)
• United States
30 Jun 08
The hard part for me is that I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years so I know exactly how she feels in those moments, and I know why she stays with him. She doesn't believe that I know what I am talking about, but she will know soon enough.
I lost friendships when I was in the relationship, but thankfully I was able to get them back.
1 person likes this
@latoyahall (835)
• United States
30 Jun 08
Yes, it is a great feeling to be away from it. That is why I had to let her go. I couldn't deal with it...it was sort of like reliving it.
That sad part is she is in such denial about how bad it is. But if I can hear the fights in my house, then I know it's bad.
1 person likes this
@kareng (67628)
• United States
1 Jul 08
I agree with you that this was best for you, your daughter, and your family. You have tried to help this young lady and she refuses to follow through, so that is all you can do. Her life is in her hands and until SHE decides that she wants a better life, then your hands are tied. I would have broken ties with her also. It won't be a good influence on your daughter growing up being around her and this situation. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@latoyahall (835)
• United States
1 Jul 08
Yeah,they are so young, and there is just too much hostility. I lived it for 3 years, and I am just shocked at how many people there are in the world who are going through it.
2 people like this
@kareng (67628)
• United States
1 Jul 08
It is very hard to be close enough to see what is going on and the victim is just blind to it all thinking it will change one day. But that doesn't happen in most cases unless there is some intervention and the person that needs help admits that and seeks it.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
3 Jul 08
Yeah, i guess that was bad on her part to just leave you and drive off. So she was upset, but you helped her and were with her all the while, i guess she was being ungreatful. I guess you did the right thing after all, good 4 you and ur family. All the best in ur life
1 person likes this
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
1 Jul 08
Well i can understand were your frustration is coming from. i have a similar situation with a firend though physical abuse is not a apart of it. somtimes you can talk,talk,talk,talk and they understand and they really want to do it. but there is somthing holding them back from doing it. mabey in this girls situation, shes afraid to be alone, or mabey is the guy her daughters father?.if so mabey she feels she has tp put up with it and let him come back inorder for him to stay in his daughters life.. theres just so many reasons and with firends like that all you can do is comfort her when she needs it. and pray for her.
it sucks. but somtimes its just the way it has to be..
@latoyahall (835)
• United States
1 Jul 08
Yeah, and the hardest part is that I know what she is going to because I was in a relationship for 3 years like that. I don't want to have any part of it anymore.
Your right, one time she told me that she didn't want to be single. He's not the father of her child, and what makes me so mad is that I have seen how he uses her child against her. :(
1 person likes this
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
30 Jun 08
Well, that was just plain selfishness on her part and really crappy you had to be the raw end of the deal. The thing is you can be there for her and give her advice all you want but she will, and obviously has, done what she wants....and leaving a mother with no stroller and no car while you were at an appointment proves she only does what she wants....if she wants to be treated like crap by others...that's her right as a person....but you don't and you did the right thing.
Wash your hands of it. If she wises up and leaves him and changes her attitude maybe you guys can resolve your friendship, but even then how can you ever depend on her? The things you did for her were out of kindness....and leaving someone stranded...well it goes to show her idea of kindness....a one way stop to anywhere.
And don't let crappy people like that change your attitude to help others....it's a win/win at times and a win/lose....but it's the fact there are people out there who help out neighbors that means the most.
1 person likes this
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
30 Jun 08
Good for you. And keep the faith...there are others out there who remember and know what it is like to either need help or understand what help can do for a person. And sometimes it takes others longer to learn...
Have a great day.
1 person likes this
@latoyahall (835)
• United States
30 Jun 08
yes, i truly believe in paying it forward. A few months ago I was in the hospital with my daughter, she had an asthma attack and it was late at night. I was crying because of the fear of her not breathing scared me so much. I would have had to walk home at 2 am, but an angel in the waiting room slipped me a 100 dollar bill into my purse...so I really do try to help and still will, it's just my nature.
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
2 Jul 08
I don't believe that you can rescue someone who does not want to be rescued. Make sure your neighbor has the phone number for the closest battered women's shelter,,, and let her take it from there. You did right. Your interfering with a domestic dispute could put your own life in danger. Call police and/or Children's Protective Services if warranted.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
i don't blame you for having a huge blowout with your neighbour with the way she treated you... she doesn't appreciate you at all after all the things you do to help her... it's good that you are able to stand up for yourself... i am sorry for you and your baby for having to walk home in such a hot weather... i think your neighbour is just plain rude and insensitive and you don't have to be a friend to somebody like her... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
30 Jun 08
It's okay to feel bad after having a fight with a friend but you did the right thing. She should take into account that you also have a life. Just like you helped her out all those times she should be able to help you out and if she couldn't drive you then she shouldn't have offered or told you earlier so that you could have made plans. Wish you the best and take care.
1 person likes this
@Winter08 (441)
• Canada
1 Jul 08
As long as people are "happy" in their discomfort, they will never change their circumstances.
I think you have given her the only gifts you can:
1.) The wisdom of your own personal experience and your hard choices that you needed to make to improve your circumstances.
2.) The love in your actions when she needed physical help (i.e. food, the shoulder to cry on, etc.).
3.) The self-honour and self-respect you showed her when you confronted her on her actions (leaving you to struggle home with your children) and when you chose to discontinue your relationship with her.
She may never wake up to what you represent. But that is her choice and her loss.
@fifileigh (3615)
• United States
2 Jul 08
leave her alone...she needs to learn for herself..some people prefer to learn things the hard way, on their own, on their own terms...just ignore her and move on..remain acquaintances...and keep it at that..
@lorelie78n (145)
• Philippines
1 Jul 08
A friend can only help a friend when that friend wants to be helped. But looking at your friend's attitude, I see that she really don't want to help herself. You have done your part, its time she does hers.
If you remember the words of Babyface and Stevie Wonder's song "How come, how long". It was then too late. It ended up with the girl killing the guy.
I guess your friend is so much blinded with her love that she would sacrifice being hurt just so they could still be together.
Better stay away from her from now on. You might be in danger in the end.
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
1 Jul 08
Hello latoyahall,
Just leave her alone you have done your best, some people will not take advice, so let her be she can not do without her man as for her leaveing at your appointment with a child, its terrable, she is not a friend you want.
, but keep an open eye,and ears, should anything serious happen and you heear it call the police. Hope things are better for you.
All the best.
Tamarafireheart.
1 person likes this
