To tell or not to tell

Now, there's nothing wrong with a little spanking once in a while, but that can lead to abuse. The child needs to conduct herself like the other children, but like you said, she's still very young. I would send the note home just see the response she receives from her parents. If you feel the abuse at home is too harsh feel free to report. Just my thoughts.

ugh this is a no win situation i think.. the main could be lying (why i dunno) but yet you dont want to contribute to the agony this little girl goes through.. if its bad enough you might want to file a complaint but it could make things ten times worse for everyone but yet the girl shouldnt have to deal with it.. ugh.. i dont know what to tell you.. maybe skip a few weeks and then talk to the maid? oh wait that might be against the rules grr

I would send a note to tell the parents they have a delightful smart little girl and then mention that this week or month we are focusing on behavior in the classroom, learning to pay attention, focus, take turns, not interrupt, etc and it would be of value for them to help at home by following some of the classroom rules, something along that line. This doesn't have to be complicated, and you can temper it by saying something like 'all parents are encouraged to help their student learn and exercise these behaviors at home as well as at school as these will benefit your student throughout life and in many interactions.' Make it a point to keep what you say positive and thank them for being (even if they aren't) a partner in helping to educate their daughter. I'm a little bit taken aback by the spanking issue, it sounds like they do not use other forms of discipline that may be more appropriate. Obviously if she is getting spanked every day for one thing or another, spanking is not effective nor is it teaching the correct behavior for the right reasons.

Iam also a teacher. I teach children from the age group 11 to 15. I resort to talking which helps. Why don't you try talking to the parents?...I feel the parents are doing wrong by spanking the child. The outcome? the child will become stubborn and later resort to unwanted things.. after all she is a kid.. I think the parents need a god dose of counselling....

This is a real dilemma for you - naturally you don't want the parents to take it out on the child if she's already being treated strictly. It doesn't sound as if she is a naughty or rude child, so maybe she's letting off steam which she's not able to do at home - she might feel 'safer' with you and the rest of the class than she does in front of her parents. Maybe seeing the parents face to face would be a better option - they would have a chance to hear what you meant without having an overreaction to a note. You could explain the little girl isn't being rude or unpleasant and you could suggest a solution. Good luck!

Hi SViswan. Interesting predicament. I am a grandmother caring for my son's 3-4 year old. She is inattentive also, and is most likely "ADHD" (which I am thinking now may just be a case of right brain learners, but I digress.) I have found that the more I "spank" my granddaughter, the worse she behaves. Her attention problems cause her to miss instructions, she's a little (read lot) oppositional, and she hasn't learned the meaning of the word "no" without lots of testing. NOT this little girl, I understand. She also acts out when I leave her too long without direct attention. With both parents working, you may see that her behavior is different at home. She doesn't have their attention and negative attention is attention nonetheless. I know because my granddaughter loves to see me react and will continue to aggravate the situation just for the entertainment!! All of this is to open the opportunity to explore what may be happening at home, regardless of how sweet she is at school, where she receives a lot of attention. The thing that prompted me to respond is when you said the parents not only spank, but slap the little girl. This does concern me, altho it may be quite common in India. I would talk to the parents directly, find out what may be happening at home the best you can, and in a round about way, let them know that you are not beyond contacting authorities if any parent is emotionally or physically abusing the child. Real abuse. Make it general, by way of discussion of another inattentive child whose parents.... I don't know if the school she is in is mandatory. They parents may just pull her out of your school. Well, I haven't helped much, but thought I'd put in my two cents.. Rose

The way it looks, she will get spanked whether or not its your notes that cause it. According to the maid, it sounds like she will get spanked no matter what, they will find a reason. If it were me, I would report it to higher authorities than the center head if they don't give a satisfactory answer. If there is a child protection agency in your area or the police should investigate this home. It makes me sick to think that parents who treat their children well are the ones I have seen get picked on by the authorities while the abusers go unpunished and uncaught.

This is a really, really tough one. Is there any way that you can put some sort of a spin on the update so that it is not seen negatively? I am certainly no expert on teaching kindergarten children but maybe if you were able to put this forward as some type of a "class exercise" that you are doing with ALL children as part of their learning that you are requesting ALL parents to assist with at home; you could maybe find a way to address the issue without it being seen as the little girl being singled out or as a negative thing? This is really a hard call SViswan and I do not envy your position at all. Poor little girl. It is also likely that the child's behaviour is directly associated with the behaviours of her parent too unfortunately. I never really understand why some people have kids if they are not prepared to be tolerant of the fact that they ARE kids! Maybe I am over exaggerating this case; but still..... I wish you luck with your decision.

Children who are playful, dreamers, or have short attention spans can be handled with educational play. Recommend a game or toy to the parents that may help. * If you put your note in such a way that your student is not blamed for the playfulness, that may avoid a spanking. She may have food allergies, or a sensitivity to sugar. Sugar can wind kids up like little springs. Caffeine can have them bouncing off the walls, especially if they've sensitive systems.

You are in a quite sticky situation... but i handled such parents before... although the students i thought were in high school... but it always worked... I start by telling the parents all the positive characteristics of their child... even the simple ones... since those will make parent feel proud of their child... then i will say contructive criticism on how their child can improve more... and how they can help in that aspect... i guess when you send out the note.. do not say that you want to discuss a problem but the achievements of the child...

howdy.. have you tried talking to the little girl?.. ask her if everything's okay on her end.. ? maybe you could send a note to ask the parents to come and discuss about their child instead of sending a note to 'complaint' about her behaviour in class... instead of focussing too much on her being 'playful'... focus more on her being distracted in class.. like there is something troubling her.. and her parents could help to overcome that 'problem'... i am a working mom also, with five children.. 4 of them schooling.. so.. i really 'hate' it.. when teachers send me notes 'complaining' about my children.. thank god - that doesnt happen often.. i rather appreciate it when the teachers calls me for a 'discussion' - to advise of my children's behaviour in class - not to blame or simply point out their bad behaviours.. but rather focus on the 'rootcause' of such behaviour... and together try to overcome that problem...

Please save this dear child any more unecessary spankings. Although most of my teaching years were at the college level, I did teach lower grades for a while and experiences parents of this kind before. It is my prediction based on experience with students of my own who were subjected to inappropriate punishment in the home, that these parents are not going to cooperate with you, and anything you do will only get you involved in something worse. It is heartbreaking, but I would deal with the girl the best I could myself, and in this case leave the parents out of it. That said, I do believe that under normal circumstances the more interaction teachers have with parents the better. In this case I just do sense that it is not a good idea. I do not think the maid would risk her livelihood to try to help this little girl without good cause.

Yes, I see your point about having to send a note requesting an interview ... I suppose you don't have a regular parent/teacher night, where you could speak to them casually? Or maybe send a note which makes it sound as if you are wanting interviews with ALL parents, just for informal chats. Maybe you could take the little girl aside and explain to her that if she doesn't calm down a bit in class, you'll have to speak to her parents - and that might be enough to stop her!

I am a certified para-educator here in Kentucky. I worked with a child in a similar situation, only she rode the bus and her parents were very poor. The child was constantly in trouble but she was not taken very good care of, her mom was reported to CPS multiple times a week. I unfortuntely was the one to have to call them. It is a hard situation to know what to do when it comes to your students. Even harder with the little girl I took care of. She couldn't sit still and pay attention, but he was so smart and when we could get her to sit she was working on the work for the next grade level. My son also sounds like the child you speak of. I personally would want to know if someone was talking to you about the way someone was speaking about my child care. I do believe that if the child gets a spanking for speaking up about being spanked then there COULD be a reason to look in to the spankings. I do believe that a spanking doesn't hurt them BUT spankings for talking about her home life isn't right.

I would talk to the maid again, is the child in need of protective services. That is something to consider. In the US, teachers, doctors, etc by law are required to report suspected abuse. Does the child come in with signs of abuse. Can you send home a generic note with all of the parents asking them to spend a few minutes a day doing what ever it is you need this child to do to help with her attention span. While all of the kids might not NEED this type of thing, most of the kids could probably benefit from it.

If the maid ask you not to send anything home because the child will be spanked tells me a lot about the childs home life,that maid knows what she is talking about because she has seen it first hand....It sounds like to me the child has strick parents and she feels the child gets into enough trouble as it is without your note...There is a lot of information in that maids statement..I would not send anything home with this child,because the maid is trying to protect this child,because she feels the child has it strick enough without your note...I get the idea that this little girl has very strick parents,maybe a little to strick for the maids taste....

send a note about her not paying attention b/c in the end they will if she fails what do you think the parents will do then? Better to try and fix the problem early on then letting it get worse. Maybe you should pull the little girl aside and tell her I don't want to send a note saying that you are not paying attention in class but I will have to if you don't try. If that doesn't work maybe there is something wrong with the child. Maybe she has ADD.

Here in the US kindergarten doesn't start till age 5. Most schools start the new year in September and children enrolling in kindergarten must be 5 or 5 by December 5th to enroll. 4 years old is young. Here we have what is called headstart for children who are ready to learn but are not old enough to attend regular kinder. Some children even at 5 are not ready to learn and have trouble sitting still... Many My Lotters here have mentioned using a positive approach and sending a note that frames the needed exercises as a class project. That is a good start. Watch her behavior with her parents at the upcoming parents night. She may be letting off steam because home is so strict but then again you may have a gifted child on your hands. When my daughter started school she had trouble not talking... Her grades were excellent but every report card mentioned she needs to not talk so much in class. One teacher wanted to put her on meds for ADD or ADHD... Most of the time she would be talking about the assignment or trying to help her classmates with something they were having trouble understanding... I told the teacher she is an expressive child and gets great grades AND I was not going to put her on any meds just to make her blend in. Finally when she was in 5th grade a teacher had her tested for what we call GATE, Gifted and Talented/Excelling. She was moved into the advanced classes. Many of the gifted children are expressive and actually learn better with lots of stimulation with and from each other. Most of the GATE teachers understand this and vary the assignments to include some self expression componet. Like writing there spelling words on a hard boiled egg and then dressing it up in some costume or doing a cartoon drawing to express something they are learning about in language development. They used lots of color, sight, sound, group discussions in abundance. I thought this was odd for middle school (6,7,& 8th grade) but she execlled even more with all the stimulaton. In my state we have an exit exam students must pass in order to graduate from high school. She passed it early in her second year of HS and received a $1000 dollar scholorship from the governor's office. She is now 21. Starting in middle school she took an interest in dance and took theater dance all four years in HS, taking special summer dance classes at a college. After graduating she was called back the the HS to help teach some of the freshmen dance students learning new steps for their first recital. She went to cosmetology school and has her state license. As well as took professional makeup from a local studio. With that she works full time in a specialty salon, has been a makeup and hair stylist and modeled in fashion shows for a friend that chose fashion design and has been a makeup and hair stylist and modeled for one of the major fashion shows in Las Vegas. She and three of her classmates formed a dance troupe in middle school, called Latin Mirage ... Mirage because my daughter is not Latino by a long strech but her friends are. Just this last weekend their dance troupe went to a dance competition in Vegas and won 1st place for belly dance and 2nd place for Mambo/Samba. They were one of the smallest groups and couldn't afford to rent a seperate room for changing. They had such a happy spirit and were so nice to everyone while many of the large groups were rude, grumpy or had rude leaders, that the event staff gave them space in one of the staff rooms. Talented, happy spirited and good manners/values. She may wear bangles, beads n feathers on stage but when not performing is a very conservative young lady, is a youth leader at a Christian church and teaches/leads praise n worship dance. Consider that playful little girl may be gifted....

Well i know everyone wants to save the chld a spanking. in the back of my head to.BUT is the not paying attention and being playful in class(even though its not bad) is it in anyways effecting her learning?. if i felt that it was infact going to hurt the little girl in the long run i would concider sending the note. but if you feel that it is not effecting her learning then dont send it... but if youve been sending these notes home for so long.and just alla sudden stop. i think it would raise questions about it , well thats if their not to busey with their lives to notice anyways... i wish you goodluck with this decison amking. because i know it is a hard one:(

I'm not sure if someone else said this already, you received a LOT of responses to this one.:) I personally think you should send a note stating that you would like to talk to the parents regarding their wonderful daughter. Phrase the note in a way that they do not think bad things about their daughter, but that you'd like to talk to them. Once they get there, praise their daughter a lot and then let them know that you'd like to come up with a plan for the three of you to work on getting their daughter a little more ready for story-time and reading by getting her to sit for 5 minute stretches to read. Once she gets 5 minutes down, if the parents could let you know and you both could work on 10 minute stretches... and so on. Even with the parents being busy, as parents they need to devote some time to their child's education and not just on their own time-table (probably after work, after dinner, and just before the girl goes to sleep, which doesn't sound like much time since she's at school while they're at work). Anyhoo... I believe that you're already thinking correctly by actually giving this some needed thought. I think sometimes written word does not convey what face-to-face compassion does. Unless you know JUST how to write it out, which I don't.