I need some help but I don't know what kind....

I think you need to level with him and tell him how you are feeling. Chances are he is just as unhappy as you are, I think there is hope for your marriage if you can work out a compromise you can both be happy with. I would try to find a counselor and ask that he go. You could also start reading Dr. Phil's relationship rescue book. You cant change him you can only change yourself. You need to give thsi marriage a try particularly since you have children involved.

You should not have to put up with a man who does not know how to behave in a marriage. If he is not treating you with the proper love and respect, then personally I think that divorce is the correct way to go, unless he will shape up and change his tune. Have you considered going to marriage counseling? I know that seems like a cop-out but it could truly help. Honestly, though, I wouldn't waste much time on him if he was going to act like I wasn't even his wife, you know? No one deserves to be treated that way. Take some time out for yourself and your children, and maybe go stay with some family. Perhaps while you're gone he'll realize what he is really missing. If not, then give him the boot.

It's a difficult one as you don't really want to be getting divorced after less than a year of marriage so maybe ask him if you can sit down together properly and atlk or maybe try going out for a romantic meal or something and try to resolve things in a nice atmosphere? Hope it all works out for you. x

If you are having these kinds of problems this early in the marriage, I think marriage counseling is the way to go. You have to learn how to live with each other if you're going to stay married. A marriage counselor will be able to pick apart the problems that you're having and help you both work through them. It sounds like there's a lot of emotions coming into play here, which complicates the situation. Talk to your husband about going to counseling.

Marriage life is not easy.My first was a failure.It was because i got married with a very immature person who didn't know how to take his responsiblity.The sad part was he beat me when he's drunk and he did all the time.Anyway, i am glad i was able to leave and move on with my life until God blessed me with a wonderful and kind man who loves me and my daughter.We got married and happily living together as a family.Its normal to have misunderstanding sometimes but if you really love each other you always find a way to settle things up.I think both of you should work together to save your relationship.Have a heart to heart talk with each other and try to fix everything that needs to be fix.Open up what you want and listen what he wants and vice versa.Understanding and respect are needed to make your relationship work aside from being honest and love for each other.Show that you still care for each other.I hope you both can able to find ways to save your marriage.

well... i am sorry this is happening to you.. everyone wants a happy marriage! maybe you could start by telling him exactly what you just told all of the mylotters... and if he wants this marriage just as much as you do then maybe you two can come to a compromise on some things that are bothering you both... I do hope that things work out for you and your family... I hope that neither one of you gives up on your marriage yet, because marriages are sacred and I feel that too many people forget that these days... :)

Some suggested a change of scenery, and I'd be one to recommend that too. In reality, I say you both may need to unplug. What I mean is, you both seem taxed by daily life and by your expectations/reactions to each other. It may sound bad, but in actuality married couples and even non-married couples go through things similar to this. Even a weekend just to get away could help out Zeph. I'd also recommend compromise, and real compromise at that. Yes there are rules, but a couple of times the rules are completely bogus or they are one sided in terms of benefit-punishment. He does need to be a parent and partner; he does need to address your concerns and treat you more fairly, but you have to reciprocate as well. On his end, he is not always right... on your end you are not always right either, you both have to come together seriously to reach a fair and suitable conclusion. When it comes to being a partner, you and him actually have to be partners. If you feel like his mother, that's not a good sign. If he feels like you are mothering (or grandmothering ;p) him, he may feel threatened or closed off. Of course since I can't study him I have no idea of the real person; I can only guess what could be happening. Other than that, it seems he is trying to grow, or maybe he thought there was no need to change in marriage. Forcing change (think of the rules/ultimatums) is very rough, but given the story so far I can understand the attempts. Overall, assert yourself, but also scrutinize the situation carefully. It'll have to be worked through not just for your sake but for your children as well. Best of luck. One other thought, if you have problems maybe voice them here. It could help alleviate what is going on just by sharing the issue. Even if the advice is minimal or non-existent, it could be an outlet for you.

I undersatand how u feel. But u should not wait for everything to change. Think of your children. u should be fair to them. U should not keep your marriage on and put your children as a victim. i would rather being a single women than become a wife of a man who don't appreciate me at all. Don't think what people see or think about u but think about yourself and the future of your children.

i really dont understand what it was that he was doing that caused you to stomp yer feet screaming for "change" to begin with. because he still remained the same person he was that you wanted to marry in the first place? what exactly were these changes you expected in him just because he put a ring on yer finger? marriage isnt sposed to be a cage that confines a person.. it is a promise to love the other person, period. if this man wasnt the type of man you already wanted to be with and you were hoping that peice of paper was going to make them be someone else.. you never shouldve married him. the way to "fix" this is for you to either accept him as he is and love him anyway (which you shouldve already done by saying YES to his proposal) or get out of the relationship and find someone more suitable to what you want rather than trying to make another person conform to yer ideas of what they ought be.

It's not shameful, it's not bad, but it is VERY helpful and wonderful. THERAPY Insurance covers therapy a lot of times, and even then, it's WORTH IT to save a marriage! Obviously he is feeling like he's being "controlled" and acting against it by his actions. He was used to being able to do whatever he wanted and to have to stop that after he never thought something was wrong is probably sort of a slap in the face. You are obviously feeling a little left out and un-appreciated and like you deserve more care and respect that you're getting. Therapy will do WONDERS for this! You can go on seperate and couple sessions together. I am 23 and I am very healthy yet I go to therapy on my own (no insurance coverage) because it simply helps me to understand what I am feeling. Also, I grew up in a VERY abusive home with my parents doing similar things to what you and your husband are going through. But, after my parents started going to Church (God is also VERY, very helpful, I'll get to that later) And then to Therapy, the fighting stopped, and they've been married 25+ years now! And as I mentioned, God. Just PRAY and cast ALL of your cares unto God and trust that no matter what happens, everything will be alright! You won't die and the world won't end and you'll find yourself happy! If God and therapy are absolutely of no option, I suggest you two simply sit down and try to CALMLY and without throwing any blame (No you shoulda, or you need to.. those are bad, instead, I feel, and I wish, and I love are good things) Talk about how you are feeling hurt, and how you want things to work and what you think needs to happen in order for you guys to be happy together. No matter what though you can't ask a person to change, it just simply won't happen. Best of luck!! I'll pray for you!

HI, I feel your pain. Marriage is very hard. the best thing you can do for yourself is keep yourself busy. I have been married for 15 years, and I would say the first five years are the hardest, the more you take care of yourself, and the kids the less energy you will have to focus on what hes not doing. Dont have such high expectations, On how marriage should be. Men will be men, and you have to tell them what you need and want they are not mind readers.

maybe you should just be more open about your feelings towards each other re what annoys him, what should be done to prevent him from behaving the way he does, etc. express what your true feelings are regarding his attitude. maybe he's just having troubles about work, perhaps or something else. try to talk it out and talk when the timing is right. talk when you are both calm, not when one of you is mad. if things still don't work, maybe you should seek marriage counseling. be patient. pray hard. you and your husband should exhaust all efforts before even trying to consider divorce.

You have not been married long. First of all you need to banish your expectations of how a husband is supposed to behave. You are two grown individuals with different expectations, and different desires from the marriage. You haven't had time to learn what each other wants or needs out of this. Secondly...stop being his mother. Look after your two children. Did you discuss what each person was going to take care of? Or did you both just expect that the other would automatically know what to do? Coming from different backgrounds, each of you have different ideas of what it means to be a husband. Third....try something for a while. Stop focusing on your relationship and start planning a course for where you want to be with your life (leave relationship out of this) Plan your career, social life...find something to do to fullfill a goal that you have had. Sometimes, constantly analyzing something is more harmful than good. Fourth....do not tell him waht to do. If he asks for your advice...he values your opinion. But he is not bound to follow it....then that will be manipulating on your side. He still has to make what he thinks is the right decision. Constantly expecting him to do what you want only tells him you have no faith in his judgement...and that only causes him to pull further from you. Pick one act that he does and praise him for it. If he thinks you are higly critical of his efforts, he will stop trying. After you find one act....find another, and praise him for it. You will find that the more you praise...the more he wants to please (cuz you make him feel competent).......Hold on...." And I would recommend Men are from Mars....Women are from Venus....it shows you how men and women view matters differently, and how their priorities and needs are different. It also shows you how each gender deals with problems differently. Fifth.....you cannot hope to change him....and you do not want to...he is the same man you met....but you can change you, and your reactions to things. So what if he stays up all night? Is he cheating....is it hampering his work? Or is it that you feel rejected because he doesn't want to come to you immediately? And if this is the case...did you tell him nicely? Good luck

Hi Zephir, I read your story and I feel sorry for you, the situation is not so good, and I think is also very difficult to find a solution, becouse it sounds likes he doesn't want to find it. For sure it will helps a lot to go in a therapy but for how much I understnad he doesn't wnato to go, but why? If he wanto to keep the marriage to I don't understand why he doesn't, but may be there's something that I don't know. Can he realize that the marriage so does't go? Did you talk clear with him? let me Know Zephir. Nun

This is really bad. If he wanted his freedom, he should not have married in the first place. Are you sure he did not want an unpaid housekeeper ? Its a real shame that he does not appreciate all that you do for him. I am glad you have put your foot down. All this must be having a negative effect of the kids who must be as confused in their own way as you are. I think you should have a long talk with him, put down some rules which all will follow and if not, you are better off without him. At least there will be peace of mind and the kids will have a secure feeling of love. You could try councelling, but I understand h e will not go, so back to square one. Any friends around who can talk sense into him. Usually they listen to friends than to their wives. Good luck dear and keep us informed.

zephyrsun hi It sounds to me like your husband is starting to think he made a mistake in his marriage. the way he is treating you and the way he acts towards your children sugges to me a man who has fallen out of love. talk to him some more,make him tell you what the hell is wrong with him. if you feel that this marriage can be saved get him to a marriage consuler and have things out in the open. The fact that you said he gets mad at my children,not ours,I know you just meant he is not their father, leads me to believe he just wants out.

well im not married yet but thats how i feel about my boyfriend. it seems like he just doesnt care that were together, sometimes he acts like we are and other times he doesnt, and he allways makes me feel like im wrong about everything, so much that i dont even wanna talk to him some times. But things have gotten better latly, cause i just tell him hoe i feel and he doesnt have to except it as right or wrong but he does have to take the way i feel in to consideration. just like i take his feelings and thoughts. If he cant do this try counsling. if that doesnt work than its not meant to be. yes marriage is hard but it shouldnt feel like a chore. its suppose to feel like a parntership, not a one way street.