I think my MUM is depressed. I need some advice please.

I know that she was surprised to hear that my Aunt went through counseling and I think it got her thinking a little, but not enough to want her to do anything about it. Sending her information, books and magazines is something I can do. Really appreciate your response.

Thanks theprogamer and sorry this reply is late as I haven't been online much. I think it might come down to waiting until she comes to grip with her issues. There's only so much I can say to help or support her and I suppose all I can do is be there for her. I know my Aunts had a heart to heart with her so hopefully that helped a bit. I just worry that she may never ever get over her past you know?

Thanks Margajoe. I'll be there for her as much as I can. It's hard now that she is back in New Zealand and I am in the US, but still, I can be there for her when she needs someone to talk to and such. I think my siblings have learnt to be patient and listen and just let her be when she wants to be. It's actually been ongoing for years but she does seem a lot stronger from the last time I saw her. Thanks again for your support.

Hi! Glad to hear she seems stronger. Sounds to me like she is very strong. Success, Take care, Margajoe

Thanks jairgirl, I appreciate your comments. She's been this way for quite some time now and just seeing her over the last two weeks, made me realise how vunerable she really is and that there is more to her than just mood swings and sorts. I think she has a lot of the past she hasn't let go of and I think seeing her two sisters and brother after so long, has probably triggered several not so good memories and that's why she acted the way she did during the time she was here with us. I still think she is depressed though and I know all I can do is be there whenever she needs me, to listen and let her be. I just want her to know that there are options out there for her that could really help her move on with her life and release all that she has carried for so long. She currently lives in NZ and I live in the US so it's difficult to know how she is doing on a daily basis, unless I ask my siblings. I'll make the effort though just so she knows we care and love her. The book you mentioned "A New Earth" I actually have a copy of that and will send it to her. I have read bits and peices and found some of it useful and others not so useful. I have not heard of the other book "love" by Leo buscaglia - I might just go and find a copy at the library and read it myself. Thanks my friend!

you're very much welcome, yes it is not easy to have the past flashing back again i know exactly what it is like so i cannot blame her - having someone to talk to helps a lot and the fact that the person wont judge me nor make me feel guilty about that feeling helps me to accept the past. does she live with other relatives back in NZ or just by herself? any plans for her to move here so you guys can be near together and may help her resolve any issues she have or just stay with you longer than few weeks. depression is not an easy thing to have, my husband was diagnosed with it and he used to take a medication for it but since i told him that i feel more relax if he dont have to rely on it. medications help BUT there are a lot of side effects and that is not something i am wanting so i am happy that after so many years he finally says that i am done with it. if he is having depression all i have to do is hush as i know he prefer it that way but i make sure that he knows that i am there whenever he needs me, that works well and so far there is no need for him to go back to his medications. btw, have you heard about regression? i have read and heard in the past that it is very useful for those who are having stress and depression problem, she might like that as long as she knows that she is safe. i am wanting to have one but dont know one here so maybe i just wait when my area decided to have it LOL do you have a road runner as a service provider in DC? they have an international fix phone calls to a lot of countries $19.99/month it is pretty useful but i am not sure if you guys have that service or not but if you like you can inquire them. i also know vonage supports a lot of european countries and they are pretty cheap as well. i was about to suggest talkster.com but when i check it they dont support NZ on their list. my sister lives in finland and i can used this site for free but havejt tried it yet coz they are out for vacation. oh i see, so some is not that useful (a new earth) i guess i have to read further about the reviews of it. i just watched part of it and i think it is good. regarding the book of leo buscaglia- i love it coz it is all about LOVE and how to see both sides and let go of the pain. if you cant find it in your library im sure borders or barnes and nobles have it. i dont have mine as i gave it t a friend who is in so much pain so i cannot gave it to you. keep me posted when you get a chance to read it. takecare

But the thing is, it's all to do with when she was a kid, not when I was - before I was ever born. I can't relate to a lot of what she went through as I had a different upbringing. She was brought up in the Islands and I was born and raised in New Zealand, totally different culture and country altogher. Her family experiences are not what I had or went through so how can I help her get through her childhood if I can't relate to it at all? She lives in New Zealand and I now live in USA, we are thousands of miles away from each other, so how can I help to counsel and support her when she is there and I am here? Her views of "God or a higher being" are very different to what I know and most of the time I can't comprehend what she says about "her God" ... so how can I help her there? my walk with God is on thin ice too and even though prayer does work, I'm not sure if I am good enough to even help her in this area either. I think talking to someone who is NOT family might be the way to go, I don't know. It certainly has helped many other family members that I know of. I just know that I am not the right person to counsel her nor do I have the experience or knowledge to help her get through this. It's beyond my comprehension.

I also think it's more than just being elderly and prone to mood swings. I think with everything she has kept inside her through all these years has taken a toll. She actually almost had a nervous breakdown when her dad passed away and has never been the same since. There's also menopause and not being treated for that maybe causing her mood swings and sorts too. She also had an hysterectomy which she had to deal with on her own and other medical issues as well. I think a professional is better suited here. Thanks for your response.

Yup, did all of those and much more when she was here visiting with us. She came with her two sisters from New Zealand. She is now back home. I know she spends a lot of time with my siblings and grandkids, which keep her busy since she's been retired for several years now. Dad works but doesn't really make time for mum. I'll just have to keep in touch with her more often. Thanks.

She lives with dad but he is always working. She has been retired for some years now and spends her days walking and the occasional volunteering. She lives a few hours away from my brothers and sisters. They visit them often and I know she often babysits for the grandkids too which she enjoys.

Yeah I think it's got a lot to do with menopause as well. Everything seems to be coming to a head so even though she is a lot better than she was a few years back when I last saw her, I can see she is still having trouble dealing with that and everything else. Because she doesn't see herself as "not being well" other than her high blood pressure, it's hard to talk to her about getting some help. It's hard.

Thanks for sharing Gemini. She actually has been like this for a few years and after seeing her with her sisters and one of her brothers while visiting here in the US, I think it may have brought out a few not so good memories of her childhood. I just feel that if she was able to let it go or at least attempt to let some of it go, she can begin to heal. She is a lot stronger than she was when I saw her two years ago though, so maybe her own therapy in walking, and self talk, doing what she likes to do is probably helping. Maybe this recent visit sparked up a few skeletons in her closet. Or it could also be that I'm over reacting and it's something minor. Thanks for your input though, really appreciate it.

You know I am not sure about that. I know of a few cousins that have bipolar. I know she is scheduled to see her regular doctor in two months (for her high blood pressure) so I might get my sister to tag along with her since she is now back in NZ and I am here in the US. Thanks Hatley.

Thanks showbitz. We all have told her we are there for her whenever she wants to talk, or just be. I just worry about her mood swings - changes very quickly so we feel like we always have to tread carefully around her. That's hard not knowing what she is going to be like as soon as she wakes up every morning. I just think there is more to what we are seeing.