'I'm Sorry For All The Hurt I Have Caused' - Would you forgive?

Ellie, you've gone way beyond reasonable - forgiving her and being civil is enough. No way do you have to have anything to do with her at all - I certainly wouldn't. Of course I don't know the surrounding circumstances, and I don't have to either, but considering the fact that she once went out of her way to hurt you and your children, who's to say that she won't do it again, if she feels she has a reason to. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, Ellie. You've done the right thing by your way of thinking by forgiving her, but you don't have to go even an iota further than that. Keep her out of your life and out of the lives of your children. I think she's probably got way too much poison in her to want her anywhere around me or mine. Take care, Ellie. And don't worry about it. You've done enough.

Hi ellie, I agree with hundred percent,no I wouldn't have her as friend either if it was done to me. Just ignore her or wright her a polite note and say thanks but no thanks or just ignore her. There is a saying forgive and forget but in your case you can't forget and it must have very hard for you to forgive, not me. Love you lots Love & Huggles. Tamara

I would not only not want her in my life but I also would not be able to forgive. As an adult you do not make a point to hurt children. Even if it is an ex if those are his children they will always be his children. Either way I would not want her in my life. You do not have to be bitter or put any energy on it. You also do not have to feel bad about not wanting to associate with her. My sister in law had a best friend that slept with her husband in their sons bed and she forgave her. Now she still is good friends with her and spends a lot of time over there with her along with her husband. I would have not been able to stay with my husband nor would I ever trust those two to be around each other again. My saying to her is "fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me".

What a difficult situation for you! I think that like you, with time I would be able to forgive, however to be "friends" again would be out of the question. I would not be able to trust a person like that again and I would not be able to forget or erase it from my mind. You did the right thing by forgiving and getting on with your life and I applaud you for that. You are absolutely right that your energy is not to be wasted on her.

Ellie you forgave her for what she did and to me that was big of you. I feel the way you do in that it is best to forgive so that you will not be angry in your heart but Hell no!! I wouldn't be bothered with her either. There wasn't anyone else she could have gone to? That's not right ellie but don't worry about it.

Hiya ellie, I had a similar sort of situation to you, I say similar as it sounds similar to the bit I read here. The difference between us is that I will NEVER forgive because what she put me and my children through when she was supposed to be a friend can never be forgiven in my world. OK it was not just her but she took things too far on her side of things. If this girl ever came to me and wanted to be friends with me again, which is not likely, but if she did, well. Lets just say what I would say would not be ladylike. So no, I could not forgive and remain friends and no I would not even forgive.

You have dignified yourself by forgiving her, but she certainly doesn't deserve your friendship any more. As such she has inflicted sufficient damage to you, you should not give her opportunity for more.

I would be wary of being friends with her. I would have to let some time come between her and me. I want proof that she has become a nicer person and you cannot get that in a few months. You need at least a year, and as much time or more than the time she caused the hurt. So I would be wary, as I would still remember what she did.

I think your right! It's enough that you forgiven her. But talking out and being friendly it's against my will. Trust is earn and what she did to you was unfair and your children too. If I were in your shoes I'll even tell her the mess she did to my family. Who wants a broken family? It's not easy to forget just like that it's not easy also picking all the pieces of your life starting all again. What is done is done. It's finished! She can just go to hell and just shut up. Nothing can compare the wasted years, the hurts and the pains what she brought to your family. God bless! God is always with you and your children.

I had a friend in high school....she was my best friend. Well I had been dating this guy for over four years when one night while I was waiting with another friend...he was supposed to pick me up for a date....He drove right by me and went directly to her house and picked her up. So I lost both my best friend and the man I loved in just a matter of minutes. She has been trying to make up to me for over forty years. I now see what kind of life she ended up having with him...and it's no picnic....I have forgiven her but I have a hard time keeping someone in my life that has betrayed me. So I don't blame you one bit....why drag yourself down with someone like that....you can forgive and forget....you just don't have to choose to have that person in your life!

Hi ellie333. I think you've been incredibly kind to have forgiven her. And all that hurt and bitterness would just destroy you if you hadn't forgiven her. I think what you are saying is quite smart-you forgive her to relieve yourself of those ugly feelings, yet you do not like her as a person (or I got the idea you don't). Thus, I can't think of single reason to have any sort of relationship with her at all! Of course, you have to decide for yourself what the "right thing" is, and I think you already have. I think you are being incredibly reasonable. I think you have this lady's number, and it's 00...

im of the same mindset.. altho i dont forgive really.. i reach this point of indifference and said person becomes inconsequential. i sure as hell wouldnt wanna get cozy with someone whose already proven theyd betray me when it suits their purpose. youre not unreasonable at all in not wanting anything to do with her.. fact, id be wondering wtf she wanted from you. ..;nod;..

I'm afraid I bear a grudge for a very, VERY long time - possibly forever - so I doubt there would be any possibility in the world of me ever forgiving this person, let alone wanting to associate with them again. If you have forgiven her you are a very good and decent person indeed, ellie - but the woman should understand you and your daughters do not wish to be reminded of past hurts and betrayals and would rather live your lives without her involvement. Forgiving her is a good thing for your own health and wellbeing - but you certainly don't need her throwing herself in your face, and she should respect this and stay away.

There is no way that I could ever be "friends" with someone like her again. You are not at all being unreasonable. If anything you are being too nice. You are going to have to make it very clear to her that even though you are a forgiving person, you will not be made a fool out of and you will not longer have ANYTHING to do with her ever again. With friends like her, who needs an enemy. Good Luck.

No, I would not want to have her in my life or that of my children. She did apologize and you did forgive her,but that doesn't mean that you have to like her or have anything to do with her. She should not expect you to be her friend! I feel sorry for your children if they have to deal with her when they visit your ex husband!

There's a difference between forgiving and allowing someone entrance to hurt you again. Plus the fact, you have children to consider. I think that because she is living with the children's father, you need to be civil but being friends with someone who has deliberately broken up your marriage and done so much damage to your family would be unwise.

You can forgive the person. you dont have to be best friends with her. I dont think that you should actually. You could say hello to her in a store but you dont have to have lunnch with her. You dont have to go out to dinner and you dont have to take her calls. I would probably ignore the person if I saw them out actually.

I think that if you can forgive her Ellie that would be a fantastically honourable gesture and one that you and your daughters have not been offered. I think that if she has any sense she'll take that and back away. She has caused too much hurt for a reconciliation now.

You can forgive, that allows the hurt and pain not to consume the good in you. But you don't have to be friends, there's no common thread or thought that you could possibly have with her. Its your choice but I wouldn't be friends with someone like that. Are you going to sit around and compare then and now? I don't think so.

Girl, I do not blame you for not being able to be friends with her again.... you can forgive someone but that does not mean you have to be best friends with that person... you have chose to forgive them for something they have done and after that you should feel free to completely part ways and never have to deal with them again... I am sorry that such a "friend" betrayed you like that, and I hope everything works out fine for you and your daughters... God Bless.