Your Debt is My Debt

Hi lisa0351. Personally, I don't think you should base your choice to marry someone because of any debts they may or may not have. When you marry someone, it is supposed to be because you love them for who they are and not what they have. Once you say them vows it becomes "us" and "we" instead of "you" and "me". I think debt is so much more common now than it used to be and it probably is the reason behind a lot of heated arguments between spouses. Thankfully, my husband and I have never had an argument over money issues - we have had some rough times but we always got through it together. I look at it this way....Arguing about it isn't gonna make it go away.

As usual when I respond to this type discussion I get a bunch of criticism for the way that I think, especially in real life. I personally would not marry someone that is not on the same financial level that I am. Credit and debt basically fall in that same catagory. You are right, you married both his credit,debt and lack of financial intelligence. As a result your quality of life is definitely different than you planned since early on you chose to save. The two of your are not equally matched in this area, and as a result you will have many years of problems. You are also right in the fact that most divorces are a direct result of finances and debt. Hopefully your marriage will be able to survive this, even though most don't.

Should you still marry someone if they have debt, yes. It is how they handle the debt and how you communicate about it. I highly suggest picking up one of Dave Ramsey's book about getting out of debt. His philosophy and suggestions helped my husband and I get out of 20k of debt. His steps include: 1) Create a $1k emergency fund 2) Pay off your debt 3) Create a 6-8 month emergency fund 4) save 15% of money for retirement 5) Save for kids college 6) Pay off the house

Hi lisa, I know relationship that will last has LOVE as the foundation of all..So, helping each other to get rid of that debt is a good relationship..I will do the same if I love the person and I know soon, you will be able to cope up, just be consistent with your budgeting!

When I met my now hubby, the last thing on my mind to be honest with you was money. At the time that I met him I was a single parent, I had no money, and was in debt up to my eyeballs. He had a job but at the time I met him was not really interested in it and left it soon after we met. So really neither of us was financially sound. He took my debt on and helped me pay it off and we did not have a penny spare for years but we clawed our way through and came through. Money does cause more arguments than anything else but if I were given the chance to either be with him again or wait for someone with money to come along then I would choose him.

I think someone having huge debts is a perfectly good reason for not marrying someone. It shows that they are not good at managing money and like to spend it rather than save it, which will be a problem when you have shared bank accounts etc. This issue could cause arguments in relationship as well as burdening the person that did have enough money until they get involved with the debted person. If it is only a little bit of debt, like necessary debt like a morgage etc (very few people can buy a house straight off) then fair enough, but if it is loads of credit card debts, that is where the worry would set in for me.

I want to applaud you for sharing out the debt problems of your hubby-when to get together, they become one in body soul and flesh-they also share their liabilities and assets, that is the spirit lisa!

well, i am in the same boat like you... i like to save since i am a child and i bring quite a lot of my saving when i marry my hubby... the problem is my hubby is a spender and he brings quite a huge sum of credit card debt with him which i didn't know... but i never regret marrying him... after almost 3 years, we are getting better and i help him to pay off his debt... take care and have a nice day...

I do agree with you Lisa that money causes most fights in a marriage. Marriage is an institution based on understanding and co-operation. You have inherited debt from your husband after marriage and still chasing it. Debt consolidation requires willful co-operation on both the partners. Added to it a little financial planning will make the way clear. I appreciate your integrity before marriage and your great saving skills.You can still sail through the debts safely. Wishing you all the best. Sadanand.

I am a man who hates debt. That's the reason I don't like to own a credit card. If my fiancee has a lot of debt. I will help her fix the credit first before marrying her. I don't want to be burden with lots of debt when I am married. Of course, I will not deserted her just because of her debt. Because i love her.

Well ahem there must not be any doubt in marring some one. Its just tat if you are in love with the person you must help them out but side by side if they, wanna marry you and make you their partner, must be capable enough to be able to work good paying their debts and all that so that when you go with him, you dont suffer. I wont say yes to marriage even if my girlfriend insisted if i was in this situation i wont be getting married. First i would rather pay all my debts by whatever means and then marry her so tat she doesnt has to work paying for it and get suffered also!

Yes money causes most fights in a marriage, but debt should not be the basis in deciding whether to marry someone or not, because you will marry a person because you love him and i think if you really love him it is unconditional.

I don't think it should have a basis on whether or not you should marry that person. My husband he has good credit but mine is bad and he was having the same feeling that you did on whether or not he should marry me, but now we are married. I don't know truely, but in my opinion, no it shouldn't be something that should hinder you from marrying someone.

I don't think that someones financial situation should have any bearing in decision to marry someone within reason. I think it goes back to the other responses in how they deal with it. If they just keep doing it with no intention to make good maybe they will do other things not so polite maybe even to you.

Knowing that he had all that debt, and marrying him anyway, you made a choice. You now have to decide to ride this with him, and possibly go bankrupt, or leave the marriage, cut your losses, and move on.

If you love someone then you love them regardless of their credit score. I think that if your partner has a lot of debt and you decide that you want to take care of that first then it is fine. If not, then you just need to be educated on what the consequences of the debt are. If at all possible, I would try to consolidate all the debt into one loan with a fixed apr and pay it down that way. No matter how much it sucks, money does play a huge roll in married life and therefore it causes a huge portion of arguments and divorces.

Yes, it is one of many factors that are important for a successful marriage. Physical health, appearance, meeting physical needs, meeting emotional needs, commitment, and financial health are.. ultimately.. matter. Every person, however, balances the issues for themselves and financial health might not always take a high role.

There are two possibilities or changes husband! or there stops in purchases! Hello!

I married into a similar situation. I owned my townhome as I had purchased that with my exhusband, but of course still have a mortgage. But, my car was paid off and I had no other debt. My husband, however, had IRS debt, student loans and various other debts to be paid. However, I knew God had chosen this man for me so we got married. While I was working, we paid alot of it down. But I got pregnant 4 months into our marriage and have now been a stay-at-home-mom for the last 7 years. I homeschool as well, so going back to full-time work is not an option. Sadly, with economy as it's been, we're even worse off now than before. We don't overspend. In fact we RARELY even go to McDonald's, let alone have a night out. Our anniversary consisted of dinner at Taco Bell and a FREE movie. MY father-in-law gives us money for our anniversary, but we needed it for other things. It is tough, but we don't fight over money. I don't think it's money people fight over. I think it is the MISUSE of money people fight over. Neither of us spend because we both know we can't. So, what's there to fight over? I would have still married him, no matter what.

I never be in such case the same as in your situation right now and I think it is very hard but as long as you understand the reason and you could still helped with your Hubby then just go on with it and try not to add more debt while you are still in the process of paying the rest of the debt, u must have to be hard on making a budget in the house and little by little you can recover......