Monkey See, Monkey Do...I Sure Hope Not...

I agree with you twoey. Kids learn a lot from their parents and if this is his child, most likely he'll turn out to be just like him unless someone like you intervenes and explains the reasons why it's wrong. Your brother is obviously a jerk and is insecure with himself that he has to make fun out of other imperfect people such as myself and many others. He'll have his day one day. You mark my words, he won't be so perfect himself one day and he'll come to regret being the @ss that he is today.

Yes some people don't realize their actions. I've been reading two goods books lately so I highly recommended them & I'm not even a parent! However I learned a lot about it. The first book is called "How to talk so that your teens listen, & how to listen so that your teens can talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish (I may have the title slightly wrong I do apologize), and the second book is caled "The Worst Things Parents Do" by John Friel & Linda Friel. Yes, you are right. Kids are very smart about what happens & will copy anything we do. I remember when we used to say the f word to one our neighborhood children...wow and then she kept saying it a lot since she was little. It was funny at the time since we all were little. Anyway, yes if you want you should add your POV if needed. HAND Pablo

i don't have a child yet... but i know that being a good role model to your children is very very important as children tend to imitate what adults speak or do... so if the parents do not set good example to the chidlren, then the children will definitely follow them... i hope your nephew won't follow his dad's bad behaviours... good luck in talking with your brother and nephew... take care and have a nice day...

Children learn from their parents, but they don't always do the same things as their parents. I don't think he was trying to be mean or poke fun at your hubby. Kids just happen to say the darnedess things. I do agree with you though that your brother really needs to be careful when his son is around him. Because he might pick up on some of his habbits. I always watch myself when my kids are around me, or anyone else's kids for that matter. And I definately correct them for doing or saying hurtful things.

Hi there old friend. I know what you mean in this discussion. I get so frustrated with the way younger people are not being taught to respect others and manners are totally unknown to them. Can we wonder why our country is in the mess it is in. I worry that someday these very kids may be sitting in important positions and won't know the first thing about diplomacy or how to work with others. I wonder what is going on with the parents today. Do they not know these things or is it to much work to try to teach there kids to be good adults.

Yep, the phrase "treat others like you want to be treated" has been said a million times in my home and I can't stress that enough. Empathy... when my kids would do wrong I'd make them sit and think about how it would feel to be in that persons shoes and how they would feel if the same thing were said to them in that situation and then i'd make them tell me about it. I haven't had that problem in a very long time now so I think it worked ;)

I woudln't tolerate that crap. If talking to the brother didn't work, I'd talk to the kid himself about his behaviour, preferably infronty of the brother, so that both could see that people do get hurt and offended by the things that they say and do. No one should have to put up with that crap. Sadly the people who influence kids the most often have no clue that they are doing it.

yup I sure would. No need for kids to do that when they can be corrected real fast and they get the picture

No, it is not terrible of you, it is terrible of your brother. He is not doing the child any favors.Too many children grow up without being taught the simplest of values and human dignity. I got very angry when my son and his (now ex)girlfriend as well as my stepdaughter were "playing" with the girlfriend's young son. They were all calling each other names. The one that really got me was when they called the kid, "you are the scum of the earth". I kept my mouth shut since we were at a party. But later I told both my son and stepdaughter what I thought. That was horrible. I told them that the child is a part of his environment and he sees and thinks what the adults say is ok. I am so glad my son is no longer with the boys mother. From what I understand, the boy is now acting out and being generally disrespectful to his mother and other people. Can you say I told you so?

Yes, usually kids are a reflection of their parents ,and they are going to imitate everything they do. We usually become our parents later in life and we are not even aware of certain habits. On the other hand, you can become a good influence on your nephew and you can achieve this by spending time with him and making a differnc in his life. IF you become someone special in his life ,he will follow some of your teachings.

I hate to think it and even to say it,but his son will pick up his ways and things he says.This is his farther someone to look up to,someone to be proud of,someone to be just like.Children will have their parents ways.They feel it is all right to do if their parents does it.

Hi twoey! I can understand your frustration,i'm a believer that children should be taught to be compassionate. And that when adults are talking children should not butt in unless asked. I do try very hard to be a good example, and to correct their wrong behavior. Although your nephew is young, at 11 he should know how to speak to an adult. I have taught my children, that an adult is not their peer, and should not be treated as one, but that they should be treated with respect at all times, even when they dont deserve it.There is no exception to this rule.

Why YES I do! It really bothers me when my kids have done mean or hurtful things in the name of 'it's just a joke'. I try to prove a point to them by bringing up times when somebody else has made them feel bad to show them exactly what I mean when I am unhappy with them not showing compassion or sympathy towards another person. I talk to my youngest about being kind, that you don't point out things about people - you don't call somebody fat, you don't call somebody a stick, you don't make fun of somebody or make a joke and keep laughing because it's funny to you when it is clearly not funny to the other person. My son did that once, made a little girl in his class at school cry because he claimed he was making a joke and it was funny and it was JUST a joke. I don't know exactly the contents of the joke but the girl got upset and I told him that at the point where she was just UNCOMFORTABLE with what he was saying or joking about, he should have stopped instead of forging ahead until it hurt her feelings that badly. I also told him that he'd never have a girlfriend if he kept acting like that, because girls are not stupid and there are limits to what we will put up with. Kids do indeed learn from us, from our attitudes, our behaviors, how we react and handle things. I had to tell my little one that we don't pull hair and we don't bite someone if they won't back off - and I asked her if she ever saw mommy pull her best friend's hair or bite her. Of course my daughter said no lol. I do try to show her a good example so I can use it to back me up when there is a problem to deal with. For instance if I DID regularly pull my best friend's hair when we got in a disagreement, then I guess I would be a REALLY BAD PARENT and a really bad friend lmao! I also always will put the shoe on the other foot and ask my kids how they would feel if the situation were reversed. I try to show them that things from the opposite perspective do not always look as funny (or as warm and fuzzy) from the other end, and they need to remember that BEFORE they leap into something where somebody may get physically or emotionally hurt. Words cannot be taken back and many bad things are rarely completely forgotten.

Hey twoey, that's really sad. Your brother is really setting a very bad example for his son. He is too young to be having those kind of things put in his head. Your brother should be alot more careful about what he says around his son. An 11 year old does not need to be hearing that type of negative talk because he just might slip and say it to the wrong person and get his butt kicked. A child that age needs to be taught a message that all people should be treated with respect no matter what they look like, and what age they are. Someone needs to teach your brother apparently too!

I know exactly what your talking about because I have a brother exactly like that and my nephew and nieces are becoming just like him. I have tried to talk to my brother till I was blue in the face about it but to him he is "just playing" "joking" but his way always ends up hurting someones feelings or pissing them off royally. I don't know how many fights his mouth has caused and his 3 kids will probably be just like him in that department if somehting isn't done. I try to correct them but they just ignore me. I also correct my little sister she listens mostly unless she is hanging wiht my brothers kids and then she is a little harder to correct becuase if they laugh it off then as you say monkey see, monkey do so does she. So I am kinda glad my mom limits her contact with them to just a few times a month visit.

My kids were not perfect, but to my knowledge they would not do anything like that. I think the child was disrespectful to you by contradicting you, as well. It is hard to grow up polite and kind if you do not see it somewhere in your life.

My roommate's bother is also an a$$ and does creepy things like that. once in a great while he does something nice and you can just knock us over with a feather - but most of the time he does it so rudely you wonder why he even bothers. fact is that he probably has a social personality disorder and all you can hope is that his kids don't

I always try to set a good example for my kids. My four year old son Logan is autistic so I am teaching my kids thats its not nice to say hurtful things about people. I always correct my kids when I think that they have said something to hurt someones feelings. I want my kids to grow up being kind and considerate of other peoples feelings.

I have three grown up girls that are all very considerate of other people and I hope I influenced this in some way,it is sad that people expecially grownup people have to make fun of others,as for the grandkids they havent made fun of others at least not in front of me so I guess their mothers have rubbed off on them.I always say treat others how you want to be treated and dont be mean or ugly because one day it will come back to haunt you.Maybe you can get through to your nephew before it is to late. You have a great night.

That doesn't really sound as if your brother is rubbing off on him, but more of a typical kid statement. Like you said, kids don't often realize that adults were once young themselves. Sometimes I do that myself.