Left Out
By betsyraeduke
@betsyraeduke (2670)
United States
August 23, 2008 5:46pm CST
Hello everyone. I'd like to ask you all a question. I'd like you all to give my your honest opinion please. When is it ok to feel upset, hurt or left out and when is feeling this way childish or wrong?
Here's some insight into why I ask this: Today, my entire family, except for me, are going to an event with a family friend, which everyone in my family, except me, was invited to. This is not the only time this sort of thing has happened. At least 95% of time whenever my family gets invited to do anything, it's my entire family, EXCEPT ME!
This makes me feel hurt and left out. I have discussed this issue with the involved parties before. I was even careful to express my feelings in a non-accusing and polite way. However, whenever I let people know how I feel about this I get called a cry baby or childish and I am simply told to "grow up and get over it."
So am I the only one who ever feels hurt or left out? Is it childish to feel this way under said circumstances?
5 people like this
19 responses
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
23 Aug 08
It doesn't appear childish to me, however, it does seem very rude on their part. The way they are all invited with the exception of you, it just sounds rude to me that they treat you like that. There are times under certain circumstances that I can see that it would be childish to feel left out or ignored, but this does not seem to be one of them. I also think that it is rude of them to say that you are the one that needs to grow up, seems they need too.
2 people like this
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Thanks palonghorn. It's good to know that not everyone thinks I'm wrong to feel the way I can't help but feel.
2 people like this
@mimico (3617)
• Philippines
24 Aug 08
Well, how old are you anyway? Maybe you're too young to go to those parties or events?
Are you sick? Maybe that's another reason why you're left at home.
If you're not underage or sick, then it could be just coincidence? I don't really know why you aren't invited to a family thing. Sorry about that. At least you get the house all to yourself. :)
1 person likes this
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
24 Aug 08
LOL. The situation is that we live in an area where my husband grew up and the only people I know are my husband's friends because all my friends live in another state. My husband's friends constantly invite my husband and my children to things but do not invite me. I have told them in a nice way how that makes me feel and I have asked them in a polite way if they have a problem with me or do not like me for some reason, etc. They say no they don't have a problem with me but continue to invite my husband and children to things but exclude me. Then when I express that it makes me feel hurt or left out, my husband tells me to "grow up and get over it". It doesn't happen just once in a while, if it were just once in a while, it would not bother me, the thing is, it happens all the time. I am always excluded no matter who invited the rest of my family and no matter what the occassion is. I am 33 so yeah, I would say I am old enough for pretty much any event that my husband and children are invited to. Plus my kids are 6yrs. and 7yrs. so if they are old enough, I am definitely old enough, lol. And no I have not been sick for any of these occassions, I am simply overlooked, delibertly left out, or forgotten, ALL THE TIME, FOR EVERY OCCASSION that the rest of my family is invited to.
1 person likes this
@icyorchid (2564)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Hi Betsy,
No you are not childish and it is ok to feel like you feel.
Hubby felt the same way with his family. They had get togethers and guess who wasn't invited (Us)! He would feel upset and left out and like the black sheep of the family.
If I were you, I'd confront the person about who is doing this and tell them exactly how you feel and tell them you want to know the reason of why they keep inviting your family and not you.
Do what you can to clear the air and let them know that you are not upset about not being invited, you are hurt because it is being done deliberatly and you don't know what you did to warrant such a mean and hurtful act.
Feel Better and Good Luck
~Icy~
1 person likes this
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Thanks icy, I will try to feel better.
1 person likes this
@JLMack (68)
• United States
24 Aug 08
It sounds like this certain party doesn't care for your company and enjoys making you feel bad every time they do this. And I think that your family should stick up for you. I think you have acted very grown-up. I know how it feels to have that happen and I am sorry that you are having to go through that.
Now that you know that that party doesn't want you with them I think it is best that you try hard to do something special for yourself on those occasions so that you don't feel left out and to show them that you don't need them in your life.
I know that this is going to be hard at first but once you get started you will be better for it. God Bless you for being a better person then the ones that close you out. JLMack.
1 person likes this
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
24 Aug 08
"Do something special for myself"...That sounds like good advice, I will try that. Thanks
1 person likes this
@razor123 (979)
• India
24 Aug 08
In no way this appears childish at least to me. You are being totally ignored and left out by your family betsyraeduke. If i had been in your place even i would have definitely felt really hurt. This is so mean. Your not being treated as equal like your other family members.
Your story is like the kinda Cinderella story where she always gets left out on occasions. I really feel sorry for you pal.
The people who a cry baby or childish are frankly speaking ignorant and stupid people who know head nor tail about such issues. I just hope your family realizes their mistake and does something about it and u feel much better soon.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I think in this case it would be very normal to feel hurt and left out. I also think it is very rude of them to do this. Of course when you are hurt you normally get angry too. So I dont think you are wrong or a cry baby. It is your family and you should be asked too.
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I can understand your feelings. On the surface it does sound mean to leave you out. Are you usually busy and have turned down offers before? Do you and your family get along? Not all families get along well. Do you invite them to do things with you? Then again maybe they just don't like you. Harsh as that sounds, maybe they have mis-understood something you said or did in the past. Personally I don't think that is very nice. But I would not let it get to me. Some day the shoe will be on the other foot and it will be you they want. Then it will be up to you to figure out how to handle it. Good luck.
@jammyt (2818)
• Philippines
24 Aug 08
If you say it's always like this, my question is "why"?. If it happens to be that way that you are always left out, then you are just acting the way you should. Did your parents ever justify why it always happens? What did they say?
Cheer up. If they leave you out, then start making your own events without them. LOL!
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
24 Aug 08
My parents do not have anything to do with it, I am a grown, married woman. The situation is that my husband's friends constantly invite my husband and my kids out or to events but they always exclude me when they do. They will invite everyone (meaning my husband and kids) to a particular thing but leave me out. It is not just occassional that I am left out, it is pretty much all the time. It is not just one or two of his friends that do it, it is all of them. I have asked them if they don't like me or if I have done something to offend them, etc. They always tell me that they have nothing against me, yet they continue to invite my whole family, except me, to stuff. Whenever I merely mention that this makes me feel hurt, left out, etc. it is my husband who calls me a crybaby or tells me to "grow up and get over it". To make matters worse, we live where my husband grew up and the only people I know or aquaintences I have are my husband's friend since all of my friends live in another state.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
24 Aug 08
[i]Hi bets,
I don't think that is childish, I will feel the same when that will happen to me! Anyway, ia m just wondering, maybe when they invited your family, it means that all of you are expected to come? like when my uncle will invite dad to come for a party, it means that we are all part of it!
anyway, I am not sure in your case but, for me that is very normal feeling and I will be wondering why![/i]
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
24 Aug 08
No, heavens no, I don't think there is anything wrong with you feeling left out and no you're not being childish...but I just have to ask...how come your family doesn't take you with them? I can't help thinking that THEY are being cruel to call you a cry baby or to tell you to grow up. Why SHOULDN'T you feel upset, that's just normal
While this happened a long time ago, when I WAS a child the memory and bit of the hurt lingers. I had gotten very buddy, buddy with this girl that moved into my building..she was the then super's daughter...we were the same age and it was the first time I had a "playmate" We had gotten so close we felt like sisters. Then this other, mmmm..b!tch of a girl that lived down the block practically manipulated my friend and my friend started hanging out more with this other yahoo rather than me. Well one time the other girl invited my friend to go with her to visit some relatives....but NOT me, making some lame excuse why I couldn't come along as well. I was so hurt and left out..it did hurt especially considering the fact that my friend and I were FRIENDS before this manipulating little turd came along...LOL
You're situation is different though...it's family..so you have every right to be hurt, and angry
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I don't know if I would say that it is my family exactly, that leaves me out, although they don't exactly stick up for me either. The situation is that we live in an area where my husband grew up. The only people I know, or the closest people I have that I could consider friends are my husband's friends because all of my friends live in another state.
My husband's friends constantly invite my husband and my kids out or to events, but they exclude me. This is not something that happens once in a while or something that only a few of his friends do, this is something that happens all the time and all of his friends do it. That is they all quite often invite my husband and kids out or to some event, but exclude me and I am the only one that they do not invite.
I have asked them if they do not like me for some reason or if I have done something to them or offended them in some way, etc. They always tell me that they have nothing against me, yet they continue to invite my entire family, except me, to do things or whatever.
Then if I mention that this hurts or upsets me or makes me feel left out, or anything like that, my husband tells me that I am a crybaby or that I'm being childish or his personal favorite, tells me to, "grow up and get over it".
@Elixiress (3878)
•
24 Aug 08
I do not think that it is childish of you, but I do think it is really unfair of them, even if they do not like you then they should at least accept you as being part of the family. I think that if they are inviting the rest of the family, they should at least invite you out of decency, not as though in a room full of family they have to have friend chat with you, just be civil.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
24 Aug 08
The thing about fmily is you are born into it, you didn't choose them nor did they
choose you. I would say time to choose friends and associates and get on with your life, the best way to get back at people who hurt you is to forget it and go on. You may never know why you are left out, this is out of your control so do
something you can control, live and enjoy.
@lira23 (208)
• United States
24 Aug 08
your not a crybaby, and your husband should listen to you.It is rude that they take out your kids and your husband but don't ask you to go, I would feel the exact same way..It hurts your feelings when your left out of things, believe me I feel the same way in my situation. My cousins buy things and take other people out, but I don't get invited and I'm family, if anyone says your a crybaby and to grow up then they need help themselves..It puts emotional stress on us when we feel left out or get called names etc. You need to really talk to your husband and tell him your tired of it.
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Yes, I agree. I am going to have a talk with him because I am sick of this.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
24 Aug 08
If this happened a lot then for sure it's no coincidence. I mean the part that they left you out. in fact I can say they do owe you an explanation at least that way you know why you are left out, because like I said above it can't be coincidence if they keep leaving you out. Maybe a part of this is something you did in the past that made them feel uncomfortable to include you, but then again the least they can do is tell you that so you are not left out in the cold not knowing what happened or what to do.
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
24 Aug 08
I think it is perfectly alright to feel anything; in your case, you are perfectly within your rights to feel the way you do. This does not mean that things are gonna go your way though because everyone else has the right to do what they want. I learned something in life and this is not to expect other people to think the way I do and so I don't depend on others for anything, emotional or otherwise. You can go and try to argue your point with them and you would be within your rights to do so but my way would be to make my own life without expecting such things to happen to me. If they do realize their mistake and invite you then it would be a very welcome development. Sometimes things happen when we don't want them so much. Cheers!!
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
24 Aug 08
I have always given myself a time to feel sorry for myself once in awhile, I mean if I don't do it who will?
Maybe you need to be with people who include you in on things, I have made it a rule to only have positive people in my life if there are toxic people and I HAVE to be around them then I only be around them for short periods of time.
Life is way too short to be around someone who makes you feel bad or rejected.
@alpram96 (95)
• United States
24 Aug 08
Is this a family friendwho you are close to also? Your response is natural and if your familiy is responding by telling you to grow up then they are the ones being childish. Is it only one or two families who do this or the entire family. If it is only one or two pull the offending party aside and ask if you have done anything to upset them and if their is a reason why you haven't been invited to thngs. If this doesn't work then try separateing yoursel from them for a while. You don't deserve to keep being set up for disappointment. Good luck.
