Would you tell your child to fight another child?

Bullying is a VERY serious problem and one that your daughter's school is MANDATED to address. Still, there are many districts where the requirements to keep student's SAFE, get ignored and bullying goes on day in and day out. This is NOT your daughter's problem, it is the SCHOOL'S PROBLEM. Your daughter has an ABSOLUTE right to attend school without being harrassed or threatened or ridiculed. That is all there is to that one. SO... YOU need to get into the school call a meeting with the Student Services Staff and the School Administrators AND explain that your daughter is being DENIED an appropriate sort of education and why. Identify the people who are INTERFERING with your daughter's enjoyment of school and demand that they be DISCIPLINED for their ONGOING PATTERN OF HARASSMENT. Use that phrase, it sounds like you are about to sue, which might not be out of the realm of possibilities either. THAT SAID, I would also really explore what OTHER options there might be for your child, is there a charter school, or a school choice option where she could transfer into a better school? It just doesn't sound like the one she is in is the best fit for her. A final thought is this, you really should not advise your daughter to respond in kind, she needs to rise above that sort of dysfunctional nonsense, she's in school to get an education. If she has any loyal friends it might be a good idea for THEM to speak up for her, otherwise she should definitely be going to the school guidance office, principal's office, or maybe a trusted teacher or two. Telling you is great, but you are not right there. You need to make sure those in charge are aware of what is going on and that your child is being traumatized on a daily basis by this ring of badgerers, just because she spoke up and did the Right Thing.

I am sorry to say that there is no right or wrong answer to this situation. Sometimes keeping quiet does alow the bully to get board. However, beat the crap out of them works in some cases as well. The truth of the matter is you do not know which way will work with this bully. If you go to the parents you are liable to find the parents are just as much of a bully as their child is. Most of the time these behaviors are learned. I found at an early age that kids are cruel. They pick on you because you are too small or too tall, or too smart, or too dumb. Your hair is to long, too short, too straight or too curly. There is no way out of being teased about something. No one is perfect and if you are I gaurantee the school bully will find something to tease you about. I told my daugher to use her own discretion in handling the situation. She knows what they are saying is false and her friends know that what is being said is wrong. They do not pay her bills so their words are meaningless. I have always said talk is cheap but the fact is that these bullies are making you stronger whether you understand that or not. I found that when I was younger I was very weak and too everything to heart. Now I am a stronger person who stands up for herself and I have great self esteam. My daughter is also one who has good self esteam. It is a shame to say that this kind of behavior goes on every where even when you are an adult in the work place. People will talk because they can and the truth of the matter is if you are secure in who you are talk is cheap.

In todays world, if you keep quiet people would strample over you. So the best thing to do is give back what is best deserved!! Ask you daughter to fight her own fight, atleast dont ask her to be quiet and ignore what is happening because these things lead to big and bad things with age. If that was the extent tyat my child was being hurt i would have surely advised my child to take the hell out of the other person. I know this sounds so wrong but i have gone through it and i know how it feels. All my mom had taught me was if you know you are right just keep quite and ignore others when they spite on you and when i grew up i found it really difficult to survive in this world with that kind of kind advice. An eye for an eye, that is what has to be taught to childrens today and not to bear whatever anyone says on your face.

well dear marlena18042, when it comes to the right thing i will definitely tell and teach my children to resist the wrong and to go to any length to uphold the right and the truth . it may involve to be ugly, fighting or any thing !! it is important . at times i have seen many ignoring such things which may appear petty initially but assume alarming proportions later!! so one must teach our own children to cope with the situations like this at initial stages itself!!

Sometimes its hard to know what to tell our kids. My son's high school had a rule that if you were involved in a fight you were sent home for several days. One day another boy picked a fight with my son - who chose not to fight back thinking he would not get in trouble then. But, the school sent him home anyway. I was furious since my son didn't even hit back. I was told tough. So right there in front of the school officials I told my son - next time hit back and defend yourself. If you are going to get sent home anyway, you may as well defend yourself. I don't think in your daughter's situation that picking fights with the other kids is a good idea. I think it will cause more problems. I still tend to think if they are ignored they will get bored and move on. If not, then I think its time to bring the school officials into the situation and let them handle it.

In your daughter's case, its a definite yes. She will have open up herself and be stronger and braver. And this is the right age for her to learn these and mold herself :)

sometimes the only way a person can stop bullies from picking on them is to get the bullies' attention. The best way to get their attention is to beat the hell out of them...maybe even a couple of times if necessary...

A similar thing happened to my daughter's friend at school. It got so bad she was coming home crying. First her mom talked to the other parents and when that got nothing she went and talked to the school. The girls were warned that if it kept up they'd be suspended. It hasn't totally stopped, they have gotten sneakier, but it is better.

My best advice is just to tell her to defend herself. They may be verbal, this may be telling the officials of the school or physical if they try to fight her. But by all means DEFEND is the key word her. You can't tell her to just let it go, because these same kids become adults. And even when she is an adult she will face some of these issues in college or in the workplace or even with boyfriends, its just done in a different manner. So she has to begin now by holding her own weight. It is ALWAYS okay to protect yourself. My son is very mild mannered but very small for his age. It is very hard to make him mad, and I have probally only seen him mad on one or two occassions. But occassionally he has run into a couple of kids that want to boss him around since he is small, they don't equate him as being equal. We had a situation where one kid decided to kick him,in the head mind you as he was sitting on the floor. I have always taught him that violence definitely shouldn't be his first option unless someone hits him. Well to make a long story short it ended up being a physical scuffle. When the dean of his school called me for a conference and to explain the schools call on this, he told me that my son has been there for 5 years and everybody in the school knows him and his personality and they knew that he would only fight in defense. His teachers that witnessed it also said the same thing along with all of the witnesses. But the school has a zero tolerence policy and automatically both students would be suspended. Had I agreed with this ruling he would have gotten suspended. But I told the dean that if the 9 other students and 2 teachers all witnessed that he was acting in defense only that I would suit the hell out of him and the school board (which by the way was my way of DEFENDING the right thing). He ended up suspending the boy that decided to kick him in the head! We don't want to teach our kids to fight, but we can't allow their egos and self confidence to be shatter by some other stupid kid. They have to learn as kids that they have to stand up for what they believe in and not to be bullied by some idiot that has decided they are make his/her day or school year miserable.

Well, you're right that she can't just beat them up - that will cause many more problems than it's likely to solve (however, if that girl throws the first punch, tell your daughter to go for it!). I was picked on a lot as a child, and it sucked. Royally. The best solution I can offer is for your daughter to pick back - and do it well. Turn their own insults back on them in some way. An example of this: I was very very small. I was picked on for my size. One boy tried to tease me and make me feel bad by telling me that I was so small, my parents could keep me in a file cabinet, but he was so big he'd need a huge box (stupid, I know). I thought for a minute and then said, "Yeah, well, they keep important stuff in file cabinets, but they put trash in cardboard boxes." He never bothered me again. It's rough, but your daughter will find a way to get through it.

I would always tell my children to stand up for themselves and fight for what is right. I would always try to inculcate good family values like honesty. these are the foundations of ones character and are almost impossible to change later in life.

I dont have a child yet but if I have i will never tell my child to fight back to another child. Its not good and when the child is growing he or she will think that to fight is just okay. So he will always have to fight anybody that come his way. It will gonna give a bad mind to the child. Its not really good. As parents, teach your children to be a good child as always for them to have so many friends and have a good life in the future.

i guess you need to involve yourself in such a case go to the school survey precisely about the reason for the same talk to her fellow girls n such small children as in 14 years can be managed with greeds try to know what they like n dislike n offer them their likes n get your daughter into the same gradually this thing can only be managed with calm

i wouldn't let them but if it was serious i would give her 100 pecent permision

Beating up the girl will not truly solve anything, since she is being bullied, she can go to the principal's office, tell the principal what is going on, and he or she will call the girl into office and he or she will hand the girl as they please. They might do anything from suspending her to expelling her from the school if she treatens anyone else. This is bullying and it does not have to be tolerated.

there is nothing wrong in your advice. infact that is the right advice for such kinda people. the more you ignore, or keep quite, oversee even such small offences, will only boost them up and encourage in such acts leading to bigger and bigger acts and finally to terrorism. curtailing even little offences in/on time will save the world from lots and lots of disasters. infact i too teach my 12 year old son to fight back but he tooooooo innocent and humble and teaches me back lessons of kind nature etc., and shouts back at me for having teaching him so. but that is needed in today world to survive int eh path of righteousness. instead of yeilding to such bullies better fight back.

Honestly, what i am always telling my kid is that don't ever start a fight or i'll be the one she has to deal with. If ever someone bullies her i told her not to go home crying, i told her to fight. I know i sound ridiculous but i guess that's how i was raised. Happy mylotting!

I really for for you as a parent I am sure this is a difficult situation to be in.My best opinion,although I am not sure it is the right one is for your daughter to fight these girls.One on one,once she beats one or two the othrs will back off.Or maybe she should just beat the ring leader and that will be enough.Unfortunatly for the right reasons she has gotten herself into a catch 22 she is damned if she doesn't and damned if she does. I am afraid for the position she has put herself in.Although she did the right thing she has also put herself in a dangerous position don't underestimate the predicament she is in now.These situations can get way out of hand,please advice the principle as to what is going on. Jas

i just think you should tell youre daughter to fight back but not to the point that it will make her bad and make things more worse...or why not go to the guidance councilor of the school and tell her what are the kids doin at your daughter, it will really help a lot and might the councilor ask the kids not to bully your daughter or else they'll suffer suspension.

Just tell to your daughter that the fight can't solve the problem, just let her classmate know that she's doin the wrong thing. Tell the teacher what she sees and let the teacher solve the situation. Or tell to your daughter that her classmate will be punished if the teacher caught her in the act that's why she need to stop and give back the things she stole.