Am I a bad mother?

You are not a bad mother but a mother who needs to find new skills to deal with your frustrations with you son. I am not one who likes to hit out of anger, as it teaches children to do that, too, and they follow what we say. We can't say, "Don't hit" when we do it. Consequences that are tough enough to make a difference works better, in the long run. If he throws a tantrum, it's a way to get YOUR attention. Kids will do whatever it takes. Just walk away until he calms down. He is too little to know the difference between good and bad so he is not being bad, he is frustrated for his lack of communication skills and your ability to understand him, sometimes. Next time, put him in for nap, and if he throws a tantrum, take him into the room and say, in a CALM but FIRM voice, "It's time for a nap." Put him in his bed and walk away, no matter what. If he continues, after about 5 minutes, go in, lie him down, tell him, "Go to sleep". No anger in your voice, just matter of fact. Then wait 10 minutes, do the same, this time with no words. Just lie him down. Screaming or not, walk away. Spread each time out by 5 minutes. No matter what, do not take him out. I did this with my kids, and my son was STUBBORN! I also do this with my granddaughter, who I babysit most of the week. She has learned, as my own kids did, that I would not give in. I hated the noise they made but I did not give in. If he throws up, clean it, clean him, put him back in, but never give up. If you get to a point when you want to hit, walk away and take time to calm yourself. It's not being a bad mother, you just need to find a new way to handle it and it's never instant. It takes time and commitment to get some kids to go along with the program. They can be quite a handful, too, but we have to remember that we are the adults, we have to have more control and kids will learn what they see us do. Hugs... and if you need more assistance, I've been a teacher for over 35 years and have many ways to handle kids.

Beaten your child!!! No child should get beaten. You said "this time no longer mad" you should never use physical punishment when you are "mad". YOU are the adult YOU should have self control. A child not yet 2 years old is much too young to reason with. He does not understand. Your tone of voice should be enough to let him know he was misbehaving. If you are having problems controlling your temper you should put the child to be bed, close the door and let him cry. If you have temper issues and lack of control that involves physical punishment you need help!

Sometimes a little bit hard ways to discipline a kids is necessary, but it seems that you are a little bit harsh to him, i think you should avoid to push your kids like that, because i'm afraid it's affect on a mental with your kids ... I know every good parents will heartly sad to beat their child, it's necessary sometimes, but i prefer to beat them in butt rather than doin anything that will keep a bad memories for them ... But you already doin a good job, when you said that you are sorry to beat him for that, so i guess he will accept it .. You are a good mother by doing that ... and keeps on your mind that things

I'm a mother of two so I can relate what you are going through. I am not a perfect mother. I did spank my two children in several occasions when they were as young as young as your baby. My children are 9 and 5 years old. Disciplining children is really up to the discretion of the mother what method she'll have to use. As long as, we don't live physical mark on our children body like bruises. But, as my children grows, I realized, hand spanking is not a good way to discipline your children the same with using a stick, a broom, a piece of wood, or a piece of your slipper to spank either a child's hand or its butt. I grew up with a lot of spanking from my mother. And I grew up hating my mother for how many years. It took me 20+ years to accept my mother's way of disciplining and forgive the pain she caused me emotionally. The physical pain lasted a couple of days but the emotional pain was really deep. It took a lot of years for me to heal. I realized this and so, nowadays, I refrain from disciplining my children using any physical method. It's hard to discipline toddlers because of their tantrums but how can they express what they really want or need when they are still learning to express themselves. Think it that way. We might get frustrated and irritated and annoyed when our young ones is having his/her one of her bad moments but we're supposed to treat them a very fragile being. We can easily break them. I am not saying these things to make you feel bad about what you did. It already happened. We can't undo that. What matters most now is what you can do for your child today. You can do better and make things more easier for you and your baby. Just learn to listen and have more and more and more patience. Think the emotional implications you might give to your child if you continue to spank him/her. Let your child love you with no fear from his/her eyes. Good luck.

Or,I can not assess whether you are a good mother or a bad mother.In my small,my mother hit me too.Now I have been a 20-yea-old,I think I have a goo mother.Because she has done a lot for me,to pay a lot.I think your son willbe just like me a fair evaluation of their mother.

wow. you beat your child do you know how that sounds? ok first off your ninteen month is too old for hand spatting that is for when they are learning not to touch things that may harm him. mind you i have three kids who are not spoiled and i do believe in spanking. The fact that you spanked your ninteen month old is fine. But then you pushed the child onto the bed and got him so upset he puked then you got mad at him for making a mess??? Apparntly you were too rough to upset him that much. The poor child was probably so confused he diddnt know what to do. when you are spatting his hand he is thinking he touched something he shouldnt. and when you pushed him on the bed he probably thought he done something really bad. I dont know what it is like at home but if you have a routine for him every day to go to bed at a certain time you should have no problems unless he is sick or teething. I have a 12 month old who goes to sleep every day at the same time and has since she was 7 months old and she doesnt take the bottle either. When you are that mad you need to put him somewhere safe and you need to leave the room for a few minuts to cool off. if you have to walk back into the room every so often and reassure him that mommy just needs to calm down then you will be back. never forcfully push a child!! if i seen someone do that i would beat the crap out of them. I am not saying you are a bad mom because we all make mistakes. I just hope that you never do that again or i would say that you are a bad mom. i know how it can be frustrating when you are tired. But do not take the blame out on your baby.....Please consider that next time he will not nap that maybe he is not tired or maybe he really needs a routine if you have not established a routine for him it is not too late. if it helps you out i will tell you our routine. Firt when we wake up i feed her which is around 9 or 9 30. then we play for about 3 hours i feed her lunch then lay her down for another nap she wakes up about 2 or 2 30 and we get dressed to go get my older kids from school. Then we come home where she plays with them or watches back yardigans. and has a snack. by 5 she is getting tired again. i lay her down for abut an hour but no more than that. while she is lying down i cook dinner i then get her up feed her. let her play some more untill 8 when she has a bath another snack and i read her a story. I then lay her in her crib while she is awake but sleepy and off she goes without a sound. if you need advice on establishing this kind of routine i will be glad to help you. just let me know. it is not easy to get routines started but once they are established it makes your life alot better. then you know that when he takes his nap at 2. that you get to sleep also.

I think you overdid it b punishing him by hittting on the hand and then pushing him on the bed. You have to stick to one thing at a time no matter how mad you are. He is still may be atleast 23 to 24 years younger then you. And you forgot that fact. I have a two year old too and I do give her a slpa on the butt at times but make it a point to not to hit too hard. Just a pat so that she knows. She two days back started crrying by lying on the floor and throwing tantrum. Isimply started laughing too hard. She got up and looked at me really ambarrassed and then I asked her to do it again , she really realised that it was something stupid and her pride was hurt since then she has not repeated it again. Infact for a moment I thought she was about to do it again yesterday but then conciously decided not to do it. This trik had worked with my elder son too and it did work for her too. What I feel is a two year old child starts to assert her own independence but since he stil can not convey to us what he wants he tries is the only thing he knows or has seen somewhere or may have worked earlier-crying and throwing a tantrum. Kids do observe it somewhere may be from other kids in the market or neighbourhood or in playground. With my elder one it was after returning from a birthday part and with my daughter I know its because she has seen my neighbour's three year old getting away with this kind of behavior. I will suggest you do not hit your child again but just find a way an alternative way to make him do whjat you want. You will know it by instinct, just be patient. He is too small to be hit. Plus you do not have to feel guilty afterwards then. I have seen kids vomiting even if a stranger asked their ame politely just because they were hit at young age-stammering and one also with a bleeding ear and he lost his hearing as his mother had hit him too hard-thing is when you gie in to your anger you just never know what emotional or physical harm you will end up doing. If by chance he had hit his head on the head rest of the bed then you would have felt much more bad. Please do not do it again. I am no one to judge you good or bad as you are his mother but my kind adice is its a life you are shaping , just do it with patience and love.

I raised my daughter alone for the first 2 years of her life. It was a frustrating time for me. I loved my daughter deeply but I did what you did several times. Eventually I had to make a decision to never raise a hand to my children again. I did not want them to fear me. Because of this, though, I felt like I was a bad mother. My kids have turned out great so far (12 and 15) and wonder how the heck that happened when I was so angry with them when they were little. But I worked hard at not raising a hand to them. Occasionally I would slip up. We are not perfect but if we repent and ask for forgiveness things will turn out well in the end. But we must make an honest effort to try not to let it happen again. God blessed us with patience, it is up to us to nurture it and make it grow. He planted the seeds, we must fertilize and nurture them. It is not easy. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. Perhaps you can find time to take a break and come back with a fresh mind. Good luck to you, my friend.

The best way to get a child to sleep is by using the Nanny's method. You do your routine and put him down. When he gets up, you say it's nap time/bedtime and put him back down. The next time he gets up you simply pick him up and place him in bed. You do not talk to him or even make eye contact. You do all of this without emotion. You do not allow him to see your frustration. This has worked on both of my children who are now 7 and almost 4. Even now I still use this method if we get out of sorts for any reason. Both of my children have special needs. When a child is throwing a fit or having a tantrum, hitting the child only adds fuel to it all. Your son is 21 months old. I doubt he has much expressive language, and you "beat" him for using his means of communication. If you had just spanked him, that may be different, but you lost your temper and basically had a tantrum yourself, but no one was there to beat you for it. You're showing him that it's okay to put his hands on smaller people just because he's bigger. You have to be the adult and teach by example. You simply ignore the tantrum and wait for him to calm down. Do not hit him, but do not give in to his demands either. Another point with language; You said he wanted to go in the livingroom, but you didn't say HOW he expressed this. If he has enough language to verbalize it, it took a lot of thought and work to get it out. By the time a child says, or expresses in their way, that they want or need something, they've gone through some serious thought process. They are not able to talk like you and I, they had been thinking about it, and after some time decided to act on it, figured out which method of expression has gotten their parents attention before, and finally express the thought. You said his routine was fine until a few months ago? Maybe he needs a new routine. What was he playing when you said it was nap time? If someone, anyone, told me that I had to leave my favorite activity (watching House M.D) right NOW, no you can't finish, I'd flip out too. So if he was in the middle of an activity, you should tell him that he has a few more minutes. Maybe set a timer. He's almost 2, he's going to test you, piss you off, piss on you (my son did at age 3.5), and do every little thing he can to get a reaction out of you. Your job is to be there when he needs you, guide him to do the right thing, allow him enough freedom to explore his world, teach him that actions have consequences both positive and negative. For example- When my son has a fit and decides he's going to toss his favorite across the room, he now faces a NATURAL consequence. The toy is going to break, and he will not be able to play with it anymore. I'm not going to yell at him for having the fit, but I will talk to him about what happened. Sometimes it's simple. The fit started because a toy will not do what he wants. Other times it's a multitude of things, like a hard day at school, someone was mean, he tripped on the playground, and finally the toys is pissing him off. I know I'm making this seem too easy, but I know it's hard. My 7 year old is Autistic. She still has blow out tantrums and I'm forced to comfort her in the middle of a store or the mall. Hitting and yelling will do nothing. She is gone, no longer able to make sense of the world for the moment. Once she calms down, it can be like nothing happened. This goes for all kids, although I wouldn't expect to see a typically developing 7 year old have a fit like this, but I wouldn't think twice if the child was 5 or younger. You said that this is the second time you've lost it. If you do not do something now, you will find yourself hitting and spanking with every single behavior, and with increased strength. You'll be mad at him more, and one day you'll realize that it's been weeks or months since you've done something positive with him. Get a positive parenting book. Every time you think of spanking him, think of something else that would be more effective. This time you pushed him ON the bed, well next time it could be OFF the bed where he could hit his head on the way down.

i dont think that makes u a bad mother since we are all learning. but u r telling him not to lose his temper by losing yours. children learn from example so u need to be calm and collective and not spank the child. u need to give ur child a time out and take one for yourselfand after u cool off speak to the child. it worked for me with my two children

There's never a reason to hit your child. He was testing you and he won. You are the adult he is the child. I would have used time out. Find him a corner and set him in it for a minute 9 seconds. Just keep putting him in the time out spot until he gets the message. If you feel you are going to lose you temper. Put him in his room and let him throw his wall-eyed fit. He'll wear himself out.

Well your kid was throwing tantrums if you dont control him now when he gets older he will be worse. Its not like you do it on a regular basis. So not wrong at all and no i dont think it makes you a bad mother.

I do understand it. I know sometimes it's hard to hold your temper when your kids was not listening and don't follow on what have you said to them and specially when they are on thier tantrums. they are hard to deal with.So as a parents we need to stand as a parents to them. We need to take any actions and not tolerated those bad behavior of them. Your not a bad mother for me, you just only disciplining your son,coz you spoiled your kids you are the one who will suffer for it. But we must remember that we going to give a right disciplinary action to them not abuse them physically. And you've made a good move that you talked to him and explain it to him. So he would undertand and never feel any hatred to you. Happy posting. :)

Oh!Your english is very good!What do yo do?Are you an English teacher in school?I think you are a good mother!You can brought out your child in your own way!Your idear is right,I agree with you ,do not let your child become the spoiled brat!

i don't think it made you a bad mother, but at his age i guess it too soon to spank him. but on the other hand you try to explain to him why you spank him and hopefully he understands. try to refrain of spanking him also coz, sometimes they still misunderstood what you mean and he might get used to it and as he grow up he won't mind being spanked.

I think you are overwhelmed and that you over-reacted. I can tell that you love your child but you need some perspective. At nearly two years old, your son doesn't do things on purpose, he just knows what he needs and will do what he needs to to get it. You have to stop using violence! He will treat your grandchild the same way, do you want that? It's good that you talk with him but he's not really old enough to understand what you're saying. You need to get some time for yourself and relax sometimes. I know how frustrating it is, I was a stay at home mom 20 miles from nowhere with no car, for years. If you need someone to talk to, make me a friend and I'll be happy to help you.

I think if you are asking yourself if you're a bad mother, then you feel guilty about it. Most bad mother's don't question if they're bad or not. You seem to feel a bit remorseful about it. I think for a child that age you should find some discipline alternatives. No mother is ever perfect. Sometimes moms need a timeout from the situation, because we tend to react badly when we are tired or upset. If you discipline or punish a child, you should do it when you are calm not angry even if it means waiting a few minutes. If you still feel that should be punished after calming down, then take action. Your child won't be a brat for throwing a tantrum at this age. Most children do throw tantrums. Make sure you both get enough sleep. Children will throw tantrums when they are tired or over-stimulated.

This is my opinion.....1 year and 9 months is very small to be actually spanking if you ask me. I have 4 children and when they were that small they did not get spanked. I understood that at that young age they really don't understand everything you say 100% so how are they going to understand why you would hit them and then explain to them the reason? I have smacked my kids on the bottom but not when they are babies. Honestly, what does that teach them? That you have to hurt someone to get them to do what you want them to do??? I think if you feel guilty then deep down you know you went to far.

Hi, there I'm not a mother yet, but all I can say is theres nothing wrong with an occasional mild spanking on the hand or bottom, but I think that it dose take a lot of patience to raise children and you have to exercise a little bit more patience sometimes, but theres nothing wrong with a little discipline I learned that from my mom shes grate with kids and I often get advice from her when theres a topic involving kids, and I dont think your a bad mother.

I think you're not a bad mother eggspert. Sometimes you need to hurt them a little in order for them to found out that what he did is really a mistake. I have been beaten up by my parents when I was a child that even until now I am afraid to do bad. But after the beating, maybe an hour after, my mom will come to me and explain why they did it to me. In psychology, that is what we call punishment and reward and I forgot the other theory but it belongs to behaviorism where a psychologist was testing it using a mice. Well i think it's too long to explain, but all i can say is you're not a bad mother. Happy mylotting!