Child Support...Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
October 19, 2008 9:52am CST
With so many children being born and parents either not being married or ending up divorced there's alot of parents that owe child support. Mostly men although there are women that owe it as well. Some take on their responsibility to provide for their child with no problem and some refuse to pay until their forced to. Their reasons for not paying vary from not being able to afford it, to no job, to anger at the other partner, to visitation violations or just plain stubornness. With the laws we have now, if you owe back child support the courts can take your driver's and/or fishing/hunting licenses, can seize and auction any outstanding property you own and can put you in prison.
I recall a man that a friend of the family met that had his home, which had been in his family for over 200 years, and all his land and cattle seized and auctioned to pay back child support on his 5 kids after he and his wife divorced...he also went to prison. Hubby is also paying back child support even though he's disabled, his son is over 21 years old and is married and living on his own.
I also know some that purposely refuse to pay and in fact has had family paying him for jobs in cash in order to avoid having to pay the child support. Eventually he will be jailed for not paying. If I had a child that owed child support, I'd encourage them to pay it...after all by not paying it they are only taking away from the child. It isn't the child's fault that the parents can't get along or aren't together.
If your child owed child support, would you help them avoid paying it or push them to take responsibility? If you owed child support, would you pay it or try to get out of it? Do you think the child support should go to the other partner to use as they wish (like it is now) or do you think that it should be handled through an agency that monitors how it's spent and on what? Do you think seizing assets, revoking licenses, and putting ppl in jail for not paying child support is fair or would you have another solution?
[b]~~IN SEARCH OF PEACE WITHIN~~
**AGAINST THE STORMS, I WILL STAND STRONG** [/b]
17 people like this
38 responses
@fpd1955 (2074)
• United States
20 Oct 08
My niece's husband, I shall call him J, had a child at age 15. This with a woman who since has had 4 other children, out of wedlock, with 4 different men. J's daughter is now 12. Her mother never asked for child support and gave J visitation rights on the weekend. J did give his daughter money directly. Since J has gotten married, bought a house and J and his wife (my niece) bring in $100,000.00 a year, the mother has decided she now wants child support. The court ordered J to pay $850.00 a month in support. To me and the rest of J's family, this seems like a large amount. And, with 4 other children we wonder if this money is being used for J's child and not the other 4.
Not only does J's child take care of her younger, half-siblings most of the time she is at home, in an apartment with 4 other adults( this is another story) and the 4 children, she is not a happy child when at her mother's home. When with her father, we can see that she strives for attention.
Needless to say, J and my niece are now fighting for custody of his daughter.
Personally, I think the courts must take a look at the whole picture and scrutinize the person that wants the child support. Each situation is different. The laws should be enforced against the bad guys. The people that do everything in their power not to support their own children. J has been in his daughter's life since she was born. He is not one of the bad guys and we only hope he can gain full custody of his daughter.
As far as taking away a driver's license, I think that is stupid. How is a person supposed to get to work in an area with small public transportation services? A fishing license? How does that help? Unless that is how the person makes their living, but then the courts are cutting off the source of income to pay the child support.
No, I don't have another solution, but the government needs to come up with something a bit more fair and reasonable.
PEACE
1 person likes this
@shewolf52002 (1214)
• United States
7 Dec 08
I was wondering if the only reason he is seeking custody after 12 years is the money? Isnt that a little unfair too?
Seems to me if he can now afford it why does he care so much about whether any of the money goes to other kids? He didnt have to pay for 12 years and I am assuming he isnt being required to pay back child support?
I hope you do not take this the wrong way but I was in the same boat for a long time. My oldest daughters father never paid child support but acknowledged her as his child, until we went to court several years later. Then all of a sudden he was not sure when money was involved.
If there are other issues like abuse going on then I RETRACT all former comments.
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I think people should be responsible for raising their children and paying their child support, its not the children's fault that things didn't work out between their parents and I don't think they should have to suffer for it, by not having the money to buy the things they need, children need alot of things these days. If I had a child that owed child support, I would encourage them to pay it, because if they didn't then they could go to jail for it, and the courts will find a way to get it from them, it doesn't matter how. If I owed child support I would make sure I paid it every month or however I was asked to. In our state, they can take what they can from you, they can take it out of your paycheck, if you get a tax refund, they can get it out of there, any kind of check or money thats entitled to you, they are able to get it for your child support, even go to jail if it gets too outstanding and theres no way you can pay it. I know some people that didn't get their stimulus checks because they owed child support, that went to their children also. I've never heard of them revoking any kind of licenses here or even seizing assets, you know other than what I stated earlier about any money owed to you goes to your child support. I think its fair, like I said the children shouldn't have to suffer for our mistakes.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
19 Oct 08
I would pay child support. I do think it is wrong for some of these judges to take all of a person's paycheck for it. I worked with a man that worked for a $40 check for a 40 hour week. There is no way that a person can live on that.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
19 Oct 08
I don't know if different states have different laws but in Maryland and Florida the support order cannot be more than 50% of the person's income. I do agree that it's grossly unfair to leave someone with too little to survive on at the end of the week. There has to be a reasonable balance.
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
20 Oct 08
They must spalladino because here in Ohio the courts can order up to 25% of a persons wage for child support.
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
19 Oct 08
I am a single mother of 2 children. They have different fathers.
My son is almost 9 years old. His father has never voluntarily given me a dime. He has a court order to pay a measly $35 a week in child support and he can't even do that. Well, he can, but he chooses not to. He is currently just under $5000 behind. He is now married to a woman who does not care if he pays or not. He quits his job every time they start to take child support and she allows this because she makes enough to support them both. Illinois had control over the case until recently. Now Missouri is taking control over it and from what I have seen with my daughters fathers case, they are harder on non custodial parents in Missouri. Hopefully they will jump on him.
My daughter is 21 months old. Her father started paying child support when it got ordered, but not before. He was paying what he owed and even some extra every week like clock work until a few weeks ago when he got laid off from his construction job. He called me and explained it to me and said he was going to try to get another job as quickly as possible. He was a few hundred ahead when this happened, so he is good for now.
If either of my kids ever end up owing child support I would make sure that they pay it. It is not right to punish the kids because you don't want to be an adult and take responsibility for your children.
If I owed support I would pay it because my kids would deserve the money.
I don't think that there should be any sort of agency that keeps track of how child support money is spent. In my case I spend all of my money on things that the kids need and by the time I get the child support sometimes that gets spent on things that are not just for the kids.
I think that for some non custodial asset seizure is the only way of getting the money. I think it should be a last resort, but I don't see anything wrong in it.
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
19 Oct 08
This is sad, but true. My daughter is still trying to collect child support for her 16 month old daughter, who is the light of our lives. He has never met her, has only seen pictures, but is in another state, knows about her and will not do a darned thing.
He has another child by another women, from before he was with my daughter, and does not pay for that one either. If he comes back to our state, he will go to jail, but so far, nothing has worked and it stinks.
I wish that there was an organization that we could contact to help us help her fight for it and get it. She works long hours and has to live with us to support her child.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
19 Oct 08
I thought that support orders crossed state lines but I guess that doesn't help much if your daughter doesn't know who he works for. Have they taken steps to intercept his income tax refund or does he not file like my ex did for years? I have no respect at all for men who treat their children like that. At least that beautiful baby girl has a mom and a nana who give her the love she deserves.
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
19 Oct 08
We think that he is working off the books and do not know his address, etc. So it would be hard to find him if he is living with someone else, does not have a bank account, etc.
@caskins (689)
• United States
15 Dec 08
if i owe child support i would pay it. my child's father owes back pay around twenty-five thousand dollars. he has been paying faithfully every month for the past seven years. this month no payment. i contacted the child support agency and they told me his employer said he is no longer working there as of nov. 4th. that was my only income since i lost my job due to the owner closing her business. i don't know what i'm going to do right now.
@onesiobhan (1327)
• Canada
10 Dec 08
I would definitely pay support if I owed it. I think sometimes it's hard for parents because child support payments can be very high, and they still have their own bills to pay.
I don't like the current support system, because I think it pits parents against each other when they should both be working together for the benefit of the kids. I would prefer a system where all children are guaranteed a certain income and everybody pays into it depending on their ability to afford. That would also reduce the number of children growing up in poverty because their parents are sick or poor.
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
27 Oct 08
My husband is still paying support for his grown daughter. He got behind when his business failed so he is still paying. Only a couple of years to go. My ex was never good at paying so I have a collection agency on his but with the help of the state of Texas. My older daughter is still battling her ex cause he hides a lot of his money so they have to fight over it a lot.
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
23 Oct 08
I have always believed that child support should be an agreement between the two parents alone...that is if they can come to an agreement. If not then the courts should be involved. I tried being fair and coming to an agreement with my children's father when he left. That flew right out the window, so I made it a legal case. He was upset, saying that we should have renegotiated. I felt that I was more than fair with what I was asking, plus the fact that he agreed to it over the phone, but made bones about it when it came to signing and notarizing the same thing on paper made me feel like he wouldn't have stuck to it anyway. Doesn't matter, even with the court order he still doesn't pay. He did pay in the beginning, but no longer. He will be the one to end up in jail, so its on him.
@shewolf52002 (1214)
• United States
7 Dec 08
To answer this question I will tell you about the man that I have the most respect in the world for.
He was 23 years old when him and his wife split up, they had three children and within a short time she had moved away. Needless to say he didnt see the children very often because they were 3 states away. He worked from daylight until after dark and paid his child support every week without complaint. I asked him why he paid if he never seen the kids. He replied " If I never see them again they have to eat and have a roof over their head" his thought process was that if that was all he could be to them as a father then he was happy to do it.
This was the most unselfish thing I ever heard from another human being.
@nixxi76 (3191)
• Canada
10 Dec 08
I think that if a father is paying child support through a judgement made in court and he pays it every time he has to then he at least deserves to see his children. My hubby's exwife will not let us see the children and hasn't for almost two years. The kids and us have missed so much together because of her selfishness. How can a mother do that to their children? We can't wait until they are older and start resenting their mother for this very huge mishab she's made. She doesn't care about what the children want and using the excuse is they are too young to know what they want is out of the question in my eyes.
Just recently my hubby told his brother that he was making $18.00 an hour for his job because he knew his brother would go scwack this to the ex wife causing waves in the water and taking him back to court. Well it worked and now that my hubby is layed off on Employment Income and not receiving anything as of yet I believe she just lowered his cost in child support plus we are soon going to see the kids!
All I have to do is say thank you
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
22 Oct 08
Hi twoey,
This is such a long time controversial problem. I have seen so man different scenarios, and lived two fo them. It is a shame that every situation is dealt with pretty much in the same way. First of all. I feel very strongly that each parent is personally responsible for their children. If there is a doubt of parentage then proof should be given. Beyond that, each person is responsible for their actions. If they had a child, whether their own choice or not, they must be responsible.
Unfortunately the court system needs an overhaul. Each case has individual circimstances. This does not excuse a parent from their responsibility but should be carefully considered as to the decisions made by the court. We are not a herd of cattle to be driven into a corral and treated as such.
Life throws a lot of curve balls and men as well as women need to step up and deal with this difficult issue in a responsible and fair way. Men are just as suseptible to hardships as women. Too often the punishment does not fit the circumstances. Too often it's about revenge and punishment because the marriage collapsed due to unforseable life changes.
For whatever the reason, the children should be taken care of. I don't believe the courts should mandate how the money is spent. There are way too many variables in a families life and need to be dealt with on an individual basis. With all that said, I would definately do more than encourage my Son or Daughter to be the parent they set out to be. There have to be better solutions to this problem. I hope I live to see it.
leenie
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
11 Dec 08
Men and women who have children and do not support them infuriates me. Currnetly, my oldest son's father owes over 600 in back support, but that is nothing compared to the over 20,000 my ex-husband owes in back support.
Now, the first one I mentioned will probably pay it up when tax time comes, but the second... he is in prison for other charges and chances are that I will never see a penny from him.
In themeantime, my current husband is behind a bit, and pays his current support as well as a portion of the back amount each week. He fell behind due to a move he made before we even met, and has been working hard to make it up since we have been married.
I agree that it is not the child's fault that the parents are no longer together. I think that if you make a child, you should be ready and more than willing to help take care of them.
If my child owed support, I would definately push them to pay it. As I said, if you have a child, you need to take care of it whether or not you are with the other parent.
I don't think that jailing someone is really helpful. They cannot work to pay the support from behind bars. I think a better solution would be to force them to gain and keep employment to pay the support owed. For manypeople who end up in jail, they look at it as a free ride. They get three meals a day and a bed to sleep in while the other parent, and their child may be struggling for one, the other, or both.
• United States
15 Dec 08
I was with my ex husband for 7 yrs and we have 2 children together.He also has an older child for whom he paid support while we were married just as he should.After the messy divorce he paid for a little while then up & quit his job and took to working under the table,moved around without giving any addresses even to me,imagine my discomfort on sending my kids off with him not knowing where he lived, and frequently disappears for weeks or months.He is currently in arrears in excess of
$35,000 which tells you how long he's not paid.CSE finally took him to court for contempt and he made some payments while he was required to make 6 months worth of appearances but promptly stopped paying when the judge moved it to a general contempt order &lied about where he was working.I have no doubt he'll probably get jail time ,judges don't generally like being lied to.It's unfortunate but he's done this to himself with the children being the real victims.Children are not disposable and deserve the support of BOTH parents.I do believe the system should work harder to help lower income NCP'S who really do want the best for their kids with more maneagable payment plans but the one's who willfully evade should be punished.I know exactly where money goes ..the roof over their heads,food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs,raising kids is not free and one parent should not have to do it all with no consequences to the irresponsible deadbeat parent.
@anonymili (3138)
•
20 Oct 08
I have quite strong views on this even though I've never had kids LOL! I know many women who have had to struggle to live from day to day bringing up kids that their exes refused to pay a penny for. A guy I used to work for, couldn't keep it in his pants and got 3 separate women pregnant within months of each other when he was in his mid 20s, so know what he did? Instead of paying for his responsibilities, he packed in his full time job and went back to full time education for 3 years so he wouldn't have to pay them, when he finished studying, he went on the dole so he didn't have to pay out for his kids! Another guy I know said his wife should have known better than to trust him and should have aborted their 2 kids rather than try to stick it to him to get money out of him! Ugh! A friend of mine is struggling to bring up 3 kids after she split up with her wife-beating husband. He pays her barely anything, as he works for himself and doesn't bother working most of the time and lives with his mum. Men like that should be strung up by their short and curlies! I think seizing assets of men (or women) who refuse to be responsible is fair - if they had paid up in the first place, it would have been a manageable sum rather than try to dodge it for years and then have to owe so much that you get assets taken away. Did the guy who had 5 kids really think he had no responsibility for them?
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
20 Oct 08
it depends.i mean,there's a difference between an attempt to pay,and flat out refusal (such as quitting jobs to avoid it).
i think they need to be a bit more fair about seizure in some circumstances.
i know a guy who's always paid his support,but has 3 jobs and is living on the street because every time he gets more work to try to afford a place after child support,his ex-wife takes him back to court because he "can afford more payment".
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I think they should get it any way they can. People who don't support their children and leave all the expense on the other person are scum, I don't care what their reasoning is. You had that child, now take care of it and be sure the child is raised to have a good life.
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
20 Oct 08
My husband pays $600 a month in child support - FOR ONE CHILD!!! Her mother openly admits to using that money for her mortgage payment. My husband also pays for his daughter's health insurance, plus half of any medical bills, half of her soccer or outside interests, half of her school clothes. In reality, he probably pays more like $1000 a month.
In today's world, I don't understand how people get away with not paying child support. My husband's is taken from every paycheck, before anything else is taken out. It goes to the court and they send most of it to his ex, after keeping some for administrative purposes. (Of course she complains about not getting the whole thing.)
I think all parents should step up to the plate and pay child support. If they lose a job, they should be smart enough to let the court know. If they are earning less and need the payments reduced, they should be smart enough to ask the court to lower the payments.
Getting behind and ending up going to prison makes no sense to me at all. When you bring a child into this world, you're responsible for that child.
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
21 Oct 08
If i had a child that owed child support i would make sure they paid it. If i owed child support i would do anything in my power to pay it. I think it should be monitored on how it is spent, because i have a cousin who takes her child support and spends it on everything but her children. She even got her belly button pierced with the money. Then there is my niece, my brother pays child support for his six year old daughter, and yet my niece never has her school supplies, money for lunch, or new clothes. My family gets all the stuff for her, so my question is where is the money for child support going? I come from divorced parents and my father had to pay child support and i know i would not have had a lot of the things i did growing up if it was not for that because my mom basically raised three kids on her own.
@colorfulbliss (9)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
in my personal opinion, my brother and his wife were divorced for a month now,here in the Philippines the father owns all the responsibility, i cant take that my sister in law do nothing and let my brother shoulder all the expenses for their child, it is not reasonable, parents should be equal in terms of care,expenses and responsibilties even if they are already divorced
