questioning my authority???

It is harder to live with the extended family especially in these times of rising prices. We all feel that somehow one should contribute to the family. You say that she takes care of the electricity and water bills and she may feel that that is enough, maybe to her it is too much. What is important to keep in mind that you are a family and should stick together. Family is all you will have to lean on in times of dire need. I don't want sound nagging, pardon me. But my own family is experiencing the same thing somehow. And we don't want to argue over who will pay the bills that are overdue, somehow everybody pitches in in paying the bills. Hoping that everything goes well for your family especially now that it is nearing Christmas...

What a bummer! how did your husband react when your SIL was questioning you? I understand you because I also do the groceries. It is hard to budget with the prices going up. Maybe she was becoming defensive because you and your husband were scolding her for what she have done wrong so when she heard about your complaint, she used ti to get back.

i am sorry to hear that your sister-in-law is treating you in such a disrespectful manner... i know how hurt you might feel... i will as well if i were in your position... that's the reason why i never want to let any other family member to live in my house permanently... i just want to live with my hubby and we treasure our privacy very much... we just don't want trouble... hopefully you will be able to sort your problem with your SIL soon... good luck... take care and have a nice day...

It is no doubt difficult to please everybody in the extended family. However, since it was a discussion, why don’t you ask for her suggestions as to how you can buy the best quality products at competitive prices? She may know of places that you are unaware of…talk to her with an open mind and see if she has any constructive suggestions.

Your husband is the first person to blame because he is the one who started to show disrespect towards you. As your sister in law, I think because her brother has started it, she can do the same because now she has her brother to support her. I really hate this situation and I understand how embarrassed you are by her remarks. After this you have to talk to your husband never to humiliate you again in front of your sister in law. If you don't know yet what wrong has your husband done, it is when he told his sister that "my wife has been complaining..." this is the sentence that shows your husband doesn't respect you. If he really want to solve this problem he would have reworded the other way like "we found that the expenses for grocery is increasing. My wife and I decided that..." This is the right sentence and when your sister in law hears this, she would never give a synical comment on you. However, I don't think your husband is disrespectful towards you. I know a lot of men who have the same attitude like this. They are too straight forward and they do not know how to tell something in a polite way. My husband is like that too. He doesn't do this because he doesn't love me, or wants to disrespect me. Many men are like this. They are insensitive, so they are not good in wording sentences. Usually us the women will get offended on the way they say things.

Hi, Despompa! It's really hard to stay in a house where you share it with another family or extended family. There will always be questions with the expenses and bills. There will always be issues with the share with one expenses and another. I should know, because we also share the house with my father and one of my nephews. I can't elaborate. But you're right by saying that, they really don't see or appreciate the effort that we do for them. We hardly see some concern with the conservation of water, lights and even some supplies in the house. Sometimes, I also lose my temper. Whew! Anyway, regards and I still hope things will be better for both of us! By the way, you just did the right thing!

Why don't you have her clarify and have her go shopping with you. If she can help save you money when grocery shopping take her up on it. Challenge her to prove it. She maybe right or she maybe just blowing hot air. I know many people think they are doing well saving money shopping but I have shown several where they could save $100 more. Cooking from scratch is one area and buying in bulk. Cut out the convience foods and sodas, chips and junk foods or limit them. I am not sure what your asking here but if it is about saving on costs of food maybe you do well and maybe not. I could not say not knowing your shopping habits and methods or style of cooking.

Not good, if i were you, why not let her do the shopping, lets see how she will react, and talk to your husband about this, this is a sign of misunderstanding in the near future.

despompa sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. Inform him that Food Prices has gone up and his sister need to help contribute to the grocery bill since she is partaking too. Food Prices is a global thing and one has to remember that if he/she eats then he/she has to contribute to the grocery bill. As to her rudeness I would give her the money one week end and let her go and shop. By the way why it has to be you to go and do the shopping don't work like the other two and why your sister in law is living with you. Isn't she adult and responsible enough to go and live on her own. Don't be afraid to speak with your husband remember the vow is for better for worse so you have to sit and discuss what is happening in your matrimonial home.

Firstly why is she staying with you? Joint family? Who else is staying with you? is it your house or your In-laws house if it your in-law's house, whouy don't you move to your own house? That way you can be on your own. if it is your hosue, yous sister-in-law has no business questioning you. She probably stillthinks tht your husband is her brother first and then your husband. When a man gets married his primary responsibility is towards his wife an dchildrn, not that he should ignore his parents and brothers and sisters, but trhey shoud also understand.

Some people in this world will never see that they do anything wrong and will never see how much others do for them. They are the type of people that take and take and take, and if you call them on it they find a way to turn it back on you. I know family is important, but you have to look at you and your husband as your family now. Your sister needs to get out there and start taking care of herself if that is what she is like. It seems that only when one is forced to either stand or fall on thier own only then do they learn how tough life is. What I would do in yoru case is sit down and divide the bills out by the number of people in the house. Then do your grocery shopping for your own family and tell your sister, hey you get your own. Cause it is the only way she will learn not to take advantage of people. I know it seems harsh, but tough love always is. Remember though you aren't being cruel, you would do this cause you love her and want her to learn what will make her a better person.

maybe she could get it cheaper? tell her to go shop for the food herself. Either she will see that you are right, or you will get a better deal on food, and save yourself some time.

I am single. I have lived alone for almost 20 years. This being the case, I'm the first to admit that it's very easy for me to be skeptical of having someone live with me because of the fact that I've been alone for so long. But recently, my sister came to live with me for approx 1 1/2 yrs and this union ended quite unpleasantly. Prior to her moving in, I had experienced what I thought was a very close relationship with my sister so when we discussed her coming to live with me, I never gave it a second thought that it could turn out to be any other way but great! Well, the "great" relationship has cooled down to a lukewarm relationship. After spending most of that time taking care of myself and my sister, and finally realizing that she wasn't going to be much help when it came to taking care of herself and contributing to the household . . . well, maybe if I could've given her another 5 years to get it together . . . but unfortunately, I had to ask her to leave before I drowned in an ever-growing pile of bills. After thinking about it, I realized that the main problem was that we didn't seriously talk about what we expected of eachother. When people decide to live together, assumptions should be left by the wayside. Whoever owns the house/apartment should make it specific and clear about what is expected of the person coming to live there. And the person who's coming to live there should be sure they understand the rules so they can make a sound decision as to whether to live there or not. But then I'm not skeptical about living with others simply because I've grown accustomed to living alone. I'm aware that sometimes even when a plan has been laid out, and all adults agree to the rules set forth . . . it still doesn't work out. Why? Because I believe that having more than one adult in a household (2 if you're married) is something that should be avoided at all costs. We're each our own individual and each of us have an innate desire to have our own, set it up the way we want it to be, and do things the way we want to do them. Therefore, I believe we're happiest when we have our own.

hello there. i'm new to mylot and wanted to contribute a little to this discussion. i can understand the difficulty sharing your home as myself and my son live with my brother and sister-in-law. In the past i have also had various roommates. Good for you that you and your hubby are willing to help family in times of need since it is not usually a simple thing, especially these days. My thoughts are that it might be a good idea to talk again with your family, let them know that you weren't complaining necessarily but rather sharing concerns with them all as your concerns are not just your own but theirs as well since you all share a home and that together you as a group are more able to come up with ideas that will benefit all. Another idea is to set aside a little bit of time to have regular family meetings to deal with things like the budget and other needs to manage the household. That way your sis-in-law can see more often in a non-confrontational manner just how good she has it with your help. Maybe she will adopt a different attitude, try to do more to help and show more appreciation to those that deserve it. My experience has also made me very wary of having others take care of the bills etc. if there is any disagreement as to how it should be done and the prioritizing of expenditures because it usually ended up with important issues being managed poorly or worse not at all. Sorry for the lengthy post and best of luck to you :)

[i]Hi despompa, wow...Maybe you are correct, try to let her do the food shopping and she will realize how hard to budget! ANyway, I can't imagine me living with sister in-law, that is a burden especially if that is the attitude![/i]

wow seem like you may have a problem here things are high don,t she know that to help you and your husband out is not whats going on here she has to carry her on weight she is living in you and your husband house she has to respect that are get out and get her own place.and then she will see how high things are.

That is definately no good. I can understand where you are comming from. The cost of food continually goes up and people who do not shop do not understand. I think that you were in the right to tell her to try and shop by herself. Then maybe she would understand what you go through.

[b][/b] ... i think u should take it easy this time if it was not the daily issue at home...moreover your husband should have taken your side in this issue.. if this prevails..u should try to talk to your sister in law to solve the matter..else ur husband has to take sum strong decision about this.. but its really exotic to live in these situations..anyways all the best..