I just don't feel good tonight!!
@angel_of_charm (4134)
Philippines
November 9, 2008 10:17am CST
how many of you had ever had to deal with an abusive partner.boyfriend? verbally or physical....
I'm just so fed up and tonight i realize that this is the end of what it should end long time ago...i have a boyfriend (now an ex) who is a verbally abusive person...
lately this days i had been dealing with so much trouble in life..first we got kicked out our old apartment due to we fail to pay the rent...its a long story but to make the story short i was called for the need of working my whole week to earn enough to pay a new apartment...
so, he doesn't like that and he started to say sh1t about my family..them not helping and letting me kill myself..blah...blah...blah...mind you people he does the same thing for his family but never did he heard me say sh1t about them..
then tonight is finally the night that he spilled it out...to hear him say...too much problem is enough reason for anyone i could be with to leave me! Ouch! because i didn't say those problem for him to support me with hard cash...nope...i won! ididn't! and he didn't offer any help as well...he just kept on bragging and telling me sh1t about my family( nothing of a help i know) then we fought and fought till we finally insulted each other and then he said "you don't deserve anything from me and my family" again, mind you...his family didn't gave me anything but bad mouth me...
now i feel like my head is gonna crash thinking of what he has said...
have you ever dealt with such person like this guy? how did you deal with it?
5 people like this
16 responses
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
thanks! you just brought a smile on me while i read your response
1 person likes this
@Rainegurl (2156)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
hi, angel_of_charm.
like SainAnne said, please take care of yourself.
i felt worried as i read your discussion. the boyfriend is really abusive and i hope, hope hope deep in my heart, that you have made up your mind about calling it quits. i would not tolerate anyone saying bad things about my family, angel. in my opinion, as long as I am not complaining, no one can complain about them.
love yourself, girl. this is an unsolicited advice from me, but i will tell you anyway, love yourself and find true happiness.
take care.
2 people like this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
i say now this is final...i had enough of what he has to say about my family...mine you calling me dumb and stupid is what i cannot bear....
1 person likes this
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
10 Nov 08
As we go through this life we find that the older we get the faster it goes. For anyone to make do with a relationship that is not loving and supportive, fools only one person.....ourselves.
It is very easy for us to ignore what is right in front of us because to make a change is so difficult. However consider this. If your boyfriend treats you this way, when your relationship should be very loving, it should tell you that it will never ever get better.
You have done the right thing to move on. Hard to do yes but never ever forget the bad times. Please do not let him talk his way back in because the kind of problems he has do not go away without a lot of help.
From what you say about his family it is clear why he is the way he is. You not only have to deal with him bad mouthing you but his family too? Runnnn......do not walk away from this man.
2 people like this
@dodo19 (47336)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
10 Nov 08
I haven't dealt with any abusive partners. But last summer, I worked at a shelter for women, who were victim of violence. So, I have a bit of an idea what some of these women and their children went through. It's simply heart breaking, I find.
2 people like this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
9 Nov 08
I'm sorry to hear this, angel_of_charm. If Boyfriend started treating me that way, I definitely would split. I know I really don't know the whole story but if someone is verbally abusive, then that's not a good ingredient to add into a healthy relationship. I hope you think of yourself first and take care. Breakups are hard even if the other person isn't worth being sad about but that is life. Take good care of yourself.
2 people like this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
ijust felt like crashing down..this past week had been very tiring and tough for me and i did not expect that to come from him and that i didn't like the way he sounded and that is what's eating me up
1 person likes this
@nimnim74 (250)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
If he is just your boyfriend you still have the choice to live your life in different way, Yes it's hard to break up with someone you love but if in your case that you're still in that boyfriend-girlfriend relationship and he is already like that then for me I'd rather gamble with my heart and dump him rather than living my lifetime like that. It's all up to you.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
10 Nov 08
i'm so sorry to hear that you have to have a problem with your verbally abusive boyfriend... my hubby can be abusive physically and verbally as well at times... but now he had changed and he doesn't dare to do it anymore because i already tell him that i will leave him if he treats me in that manner again... and i mean it... good luck... hopefully you can resolve your problem with him soon... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
i made my way out already...I am done and I am doing fine with moving on...it hurts still but someday soon i say I am better
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
28 Dec 08
How emotionally abusive can a partner be? For me she is using our children like weapons, a lack of respect, no communication, absolutely no trust that went out the window with a little deception. The perfect recipe for love lost.
Get out and start a new life with one who will participate and make you happy, life is way too short for all of the stress that you two are creating for each other.
Unless you can find a way to build back the respect and trust there is no way to build a loving and caring relationship. If you can write things to each other and communicate on every level then maybe you can rebuild what is missing. If not then work on another plan, one that gives you the freedom to make the right choices. You have to break the cycles of abuse, and you have to look to yourself not to encourage the abuse and then to your partner. I write that the terrorist is in our own backyards, first in ourselves and then in our partners. If we are not the problem then look closer at your partner to see if it is all really them or some other force that can be corrected and if it can not be corrected then bail out, you are on a sinking ship, just like the marriage that I was once in.
Good luck...
1 person likes this
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
My boyfriend is perfectly fine but it's his parents who do that to me.How would I deal with that situation.Can you help me?
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
oh kath..i don't know how to help you...you just ask a question to the wrong girl...i do not know how to deal with them as well so what i did was run away from them...if your bf doesn't think like them then your lucky and i suggest to not mind the family but if he thinks alike then i cannot help you..I'm sorry
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
24 Dec 08
Hello hon,
I was happy to receive your warm holiday greetings on my site and wanted to drop by and say hi on yours.
When I saw this discussion I felt the desire to touch in and ask you how you are making out with the situation between you and your BF.
Being that I work as a life coach and am very pro women I find my nostrils flaring whenever I hear about ANY kind of abusiveness between partners...regardless of the gender.
When you ask how to deal with it...my first question to you is this...is there enough mutual love and respect for both of you to continue being together. Then the question you might want to ask yourself...is what is in this relationship that holds you there?
Healthy relationships are one where there is equality, mutual respect, emotional and physical safety, openness and trust. How much of that is there...if a lot of these aspects are missing then my observation is that it is not a very healthy place for either one of you to be.
You asked...and that is my perspective. Take care dear one and please stay safe on whatever path you choose to follow.
Hugs and blessings,
Raia
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
26 Dec 08
for the first question asked, if there is enough mutual love and respect..i know that the love is still there, both of us but as per the respect i also know that its gone long time ago..we always say hurtful words towards each other, when he say something hurtful i give him the same words back..the thing that's holding me back? i cant let go..i never learned how to move on that when he comes back i accept him no matter how painful it was and with those aspects that you mention..the important thing is what we lack the most.."trust"..
thank you Raia for taking time to enlighten me once again...your words upon me had been always helpful..
take care,
Diselle
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
10 Nov 08
angel_of_charm,
It is just a pity and sad that a relationship could come ever come to this stage. There's just too many unresolved issues between 2 people that it will arrive at a stage where returning seems simply too far and near impossible.
In a relationship, there's always the other side where 2 people will grow further away from each other as time goes by and I suppose you reckon that this relationship between the both of you has arrive to this inconceivable stage. Then, it would be wise to walk away graciously and part on a positive note. You will just need to find another someone who deserves you. It will be pointless to stay on like a gambler who is trying to recover from his/her losses. The further you dwell the deeper you'll fall.
If the both of you cannot be lovers at least you all can part as friends.
Cheers.
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
i cannot be friends with him as it will be very difficult to move on if i still stay in contact with him..i"m better off alone and i will do good if i don't know a thing about him
@phoenix25 (1541)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I haven't personally been in a relationship with an abusive partner, but that was because I learned the hard way as a child. My parents had an abusive relationship and I grew up witnessing the verbal and physical abuse and I often bore the brunt of my father's anger and agression. My mom just took it and they stayed married because they thought it was best for me and my sister. They got divorced this year. I'm kind of mad that they waited until I was 25 to get divorced. Anyway, I swore to myself that I would never let a man treat me like that ever again. I kept my promise to myself and my husband is a wonderful man who has never raised his voice to me, much less insulted me or hurt me physically. I can only say to you that you can do better. You may not feel like it now and you may get discouraged, but it's true. Every woman deserves to have someone who treats her well. I just wished all women believed it.
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
i grew up with the same environment at home...well I'm glad they didn't wait that long because they separated 10 years ago...and i believe you in every single word you just said
@AnneMarie39 (77)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Yes, I had an ex-boyfriend that was verbally abusive. I was miserable when I was with him, but he had become the biggest part of my life, so I was afraid to be without him..even though I was miserable! Looking back on it now, I am so glad I didn't stay in the relationship even though it was hard to let go of it. I walked away and yes I had a few instances where I saw him again, but I eventually moved on with my life. He sounds like an insecure person if he has to trash you or your family to feel "better" about himself or his family. Life is too short to be unhappy, so do whatever you think will give you peace
2 people like this
@willie_guo (110)
• China
9 Nov 08
i m sorry to have hear that.in my opinion ,using foul or abusive language towards a girl is as a severe thing as giving her a heavy spank.
first of all he doesnot respect you .in your quarrel,he invaded the bottom line of personal space , likewise , he did what shouldnot have been done to you and your family members.
well,if i were you,i would rather let him go away and keep him out of your eyesight than still sustain such a vulnerable tie with him.
good luck!
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
10 Nov 08
LEave him.. For now, u are able to cope without him, and withoput his help, u are sort of independent too.. AS it doesn't not make any difference in your life now, except he makes it even worse for u.. SO it's will be much better off for u to leave him ^_^
SInce u are able to earn money, and living without the help of anybody, so just leave him.. LEt him realise his own mistake, and make him know that he is actually the one living off u instead..
@rowenamarie (13)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
All breakups is really hurtful experience whatever the reason might be still it's painful, most specially with you case. No one in this world has the right to treat you this way. Things had already happened and you should be thankful that you are now free, however you may not mentioned this but I know that these catastrophic events of your lives has caused you emotional distressed, abusive relationship leave wounds that do not heal immediately since the relationship ends. Seek for counseling it can help you come to terms with feelings of guilt, shame and anger, strengthen your belief in yourself and accept the fact that you DESERVE REAL HAPPINESS ON YOUR OWN TERMS.
