I Can't Play The Game, So I Always Lose
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
November 10, 2008 12:49pm CST
In life there are unwritten rules which we have to follow to get along, to make our lives easier to bear, to get along with others, we have to adhere to the rules of life so that we don't let others get one over on us, we don't let people get under our skin, we don't let people frustrate, anger or hurt us
Sometimes we have to swallow our pride, bury our feelings and basically be two-faced, some people find it easy to do, others, like me find it damn difficult, sometimes bordering on the impossible.
There are so many rules in life, life in a way is a game and sadly I cannot follow the rules, maybe it's because I am too damn stubborn, I cut my nose to spite my face and I just can't be nice to people I hate
To me people are black and white, I either like them or hate them, I can't see the gray areas, so that makes me a bad person I guess, I can't play the game and I always lose and I get hurt.
I end up making a rod for my own back, my face says it all and to actually be nice or smile at someone that I know doesn't like me and I equally don't like them is for me something I just cannot do!
Do you lose when you don't follow the unwritten rules when it comes to dealing with people you hate or know that hate you?
6 people like this
21 responses
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Hi my dearest Wolfie. My way of thinking is if you cant be nice to someone then dont say anything to them. So, if i dont like someone I will just ignore them or if I do have to talk to them I will be cival but they will know I dont like them. I will not be nice to someone i dont like. I have proved it many times in my house lol I do not like two faced people. They are the ones who really can hurt you. I like everyone until they show their true colors. Then they see the other side of me . Not many people see it. You will NEVER see it unless you do something terrble to me. I am very forgiving too. I can either like you (or in your case love you hehehe) and forgive any discretions or I can JUST not like you!!! and if the latter you will never get on my good side unless you change completly and prove to me you have. xoxoxoxox
3 people like this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
10 Nov 08
That's the way I treat someone I hate, I ignore them my dear princess. You take me as I find you and I pick up vibes quickly, I can usually tell straight away if I like a person and I am hardly ever wrong, I came back from my beloved retreat feeling that I just don't want to be there any more, it wasn't the same. I have never felt so happy about leaving there and coming home as I did today! But I count myself very fortunate to have loving friends like you to make me realize that not everyone is bad and not everyone hates me or is nice to me then stabs me in the back. Last year I began to wonder if people just use and abuse me, I find it easier to be online now, it's very hard to trust people, hugs x
4 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I always say once bitten twice shy. I have people in my life that burned me badly. The best way I have found to get back at them is to put on a smile and say hello. It throws them completely off! But, it doesn't mean that I will be sitting down and having a nice cup of tea with them.
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I tried that and it made me feel like I was the one in the wrong. I loved to see the expressions on their faces when I spoke to them! Made them feel uncomfortable! Lousy slithering snakes that they are!
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (160908)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Oh, boy. I sometimes find a way to turn my back, skip eye contact and pray that they do not even notice I am in the room. There are one or two right now that I cannot even stomach the thought of seeing or talking with. I want to hide behind a light pole or something.
2 people like this
@nannacroc (4049)
•
10 Nov 08
Don't worry you're not alone. I'm having a problem at work because I will not speak to a person I dislike. I don't have to work with her and she comes as I leave. I cannot bring myself to be nice to her as I know she is a backstabber. I often get into trouble because I let people know when they have upset me and why. The decent people respect me for it and the others aren't worth the breath to even say hello to.
More honest people like us in the world would stop the need for these stupid games. I have far more respect for people who don't like me and let me know it than for those that are nice to my face and bithy behind my back.
People like us need to stand tall and stick together.
My dad always told me that I would be no good in the military because everyone else would be out of step. I agree and as I've got older have learned to be proud of it.
@nannacroc (4049)
•
10 Nov 08
I'd rather have an honest enemy than a pretend friend.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
10 Nov 08
I hate two faced people, I hate a55 licking because sometimes that is what it boils down to, I just can't lower myself, I lose sure I do but at least I live by my standards, I am honest to myself, and that is the important thing. I don't follow the endless lines of sheep, I step out and because I step out I am different and therefore I am singled out for refusing to tow the line. I can be as cold as ice to someone I hate but to someone I like I can be the best friend and confidante you could ever have!
2 people like this
@nannacroc (4049)
•
10 Nov 08
Same here, at least people know where they stand with us. In my case for a lot of people it's as far away as possible. While I'm not malicious, well only sometimes, I am honest and don't say anything behind peoples back that I haven't already said to their face.
2 people like this
@eaforeman6 (8979)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I think that I have changed because I totaly lost my patience for the phony people and the ones who are polite to your face but look out , theres more to them .
I dont like the liars and the people who pretend to be something that they are not. I like people who are simple really. They are not Jekyl and Hydes.
I think I choose to lose more now because I just dont want to be associated with people who are like that. I like real people.
I have made changes and will be making more , Im sure to make sure that none of those people are in my space. Once someone has lied to me, I just dont feel the same anymore.
I guess You could say, that I am starting to follow more of my own rules. To add to that, all with good reason!@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
10 Nov 08
Sadly you can make changes in yourself, but you can't change others, my therapy is helping me for sure, changing and challenging my behaviour towards others and making my life easier but some things I just cannot change, maybe one day, but for now I am still hurting and I guess I want those who hurt me to know it.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
11 Nov 08
Sweety...you have it wrong. Everyone writes their OWN RULES. You've been trying to play someone else's game all along and it's impossible. Play your own game and make up the rules as you go. Of course you will make your rules according to the standards and values you grew up with but you can modify them as you go along. If you keep playing someone else's game and try to follow someone else's rules...well, you just can't do it...unless you are a mind reader and/or willing to do whatever they say.
If you write your own rules and play your own game, you can never lose unless you want to.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
11 Nov 08
If I played my game I think I would have ended up in prison LOL! Mind you in the past I think prison would have been far more safer for me believe it or not! If looks could kill I would be a serial killer. I am so glad I am blessed with a fantastic imagination! Thanks for caring my dear friend (as always!)
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
11 Nov 08
Hi wolfie! I also can't hide how I feel about someone. If I
truly hate someone there is no way that I can look at them
and be nice to them. I have tried, but it just doesn't work.
It only makes it worse and it makes me angrier. I am not good
at hiding my feelings at all. I have lost jobs because of this.
Because of someone hating me! I let people and things get to
me till the point that I can't take it anymore. I either lose
it big time or turn it inwards and I end up getting sick!
In either way I do end up on the losing end! It is always
written all over may face. I could never play poker!
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
11 Nov 08
Wow, that is a mirror reflection of me! My face gives it away everytime! My face says it all, as does my body language, it speaks volumes, don't need to speak. I let people get to me, might be twenty people, 19 are friendly to me and one is nasty, I will let that ONE nasty person affect me more than the 19, weird isn't it. I hone on the negativity like a magnet. I get ill too, it churns me up inside, I analyze it to the 'nth degree and make things a hundred times worst. I hear what you are saying my friend, we are so alike!
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
11 Nov 08
i used to be like you in the past... i used to be a bitter person and can't tolerate people's faults at all... but now i slowly try to change myself for the better and accept other people into my life... it makes me a cheerful and happier person at the end... please try it... it won't harm you at all... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8770)
• United Kingdom
11 Nov 08
I sometimes have trouble following some of life's rules. The one I have the most trouble with is that whole "two faced" thing. We are told to tell people things to their face if we have a problem but then it might upset them but then we're not supposed to talk behind their backs. I really struggle with that. If we talk behind backs then we'll get found out and accused of being two-faced but if we speak openly then we get accused of being horrible so I don't think it's possible to win that.
I see your point clearly. If you don't like someone, why should you make an effort to be nice to them? Life is rather complicated sometimes so just don't try so hard! Just be you because good people will like you and bad people can just sod off. :)
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8770)
• United Kingdom
12 Nov 08
That makes absolute sense. I have never managed to have more than a few "real" friends at once and I can't cope with more than a few people physically at one time but in the past few years since having the internet I have found that I actually do know a lot more people than I previously thought, some who I have met online but most who I already knew but I am happy to keep most of them at a distance!
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
11 Nov 08
That's why the internet for me is much easier! Probably why I am more of a shy person offline and more giving, more tolerant, more ME in actual fact online. You can ignore people online by blocking them for example, can't do that face to face. It's the games people play, I guess I am socially inept but I aware of my strengths and weaknesses and I am NOT a people person and I am more of a loner in life, life is complicated but for me it becomes less complicated the less people I have to deal with OFFline if that makes sense?
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160908)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I mysteriously get thrown out of the game from time to time. I have to do some adjusting to pick myself back up. Sometimes I start my own game. Yes, I understand what you are saying. Sometimes for me, I feel that I make mistakes because I do not necessarily like myself. It makes it hard to feel like a success at that time.
2 people like this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
13 Nov 08
The rules are actually very simple...
You need to stick by your principles and let people know how you feel.
If you like someone... you don't have a problem making them understand that you like them.
So why do you pretend to like someone that you hate?
You just tell them straight out "I don't like you"... and you don't have anything to do with them anymore.
Simple! Works for me...
If the person you hate... is your boss or a client...
You just do your job and take the money.
But there is nothing in the rules which say that you have to be nice to them.
If you do a good job and earn every penny you make... you have nothing to fear. They need you as much as you need them.
And if the worse come to the worse... and you lose your job...
You are better off without them anyway.
The most important thing in life... even before money... is to be happy.
Don't let people screw you life by letting them upset you every day.
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
11 Nov 08
Hello wolfie. I agree with you that life is like a game that we are playing every day. It seems that you will be a winner if you go with the rules, but usually not when you go against the rules in life. So in some sense we just follow the rules and life will be as easy as ABC. I follow the life rules in most cases, but I have no idea if I am a winner or a loser, which I think that it all depends on which side or aspect when talking about it. But in general, I am just between to my own assessment. Cheer up and enjoy yourself, my dear wolfie.
1 person likes this
@amanda333 (739)
• France
11 Nov 08
to be honest, i don't hate anyone. Sometimes you meet people who are just generally not like you and there views may irritate you but i try to get along with most people[em]happy
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
11 Nov 08
I went to the library today to find a book about dealing with hatred, I couldn't find ONE single book on the subject. Plenty on coping with anger, bereavement, stress, love but NOT coping with hatred! Must be a gap in the market because I could sure benefit from it right now!
@amanda333 (739)
• France
11 Nov 08
Try not to feel like that, it will eat you up inside. You are properly a really nice person wolfie, give yourself a chance. God Bless and have a nice day
@Humbug25 (12540)
•
11 Nov 08
Hi there wolfie34
I too am very stubborn and can sometimes cut off my nose to spite my face too. I often wonder why I do that. Like if I was to ask someone to do something for me and they don't then I would rather struggle than have to ask them again. I am usually civil to people that I don't particularly like or dislikes me. If I know someone doesn't like me then I feel that it is my duty to annoy them by being nice to them but I think I have few enemiies as I am too likeable! LOL
@GetEdd17 (42)
• Mauritius
11 Nov 08
You have got an approach to life that i never thought i would be wondering about these things in my life. But from my own experience i've learned that life is a lesson which you learn only when going through its many obstacles. However despite my several deceptions and failures i draw a lesson from it to draw something positive from that past situation. The ability to undertake pressures of all kinds in your surrounding varies, but if you encounter them more and more daily, you will be able to reach a certain control be it physically or emotionally.
1 person likes this
@rmuxagirl (7548)
• United States
14 Nov 08
It seems as though I can't play the game either because like you I see things as black and white and I either like a person or I don't. I trust them or I don't I don't think there is trusting someone a little. You either trust them or not. I Have been told I am harsh and strick, but that's the way I see it.
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
11 Nov 08
Sometimes you are forced to play the game whether you like it or not. I have experienced this at my place of work. I am like you. I either like you or "dislike" you. That means I ll show you in an obvious matter that we are not going to be that close. I cannot hide my feelings. I am not a robot but a human being. At my place of work I was told to do an assignment with a fellow that I have fallen out. (The same person that I spoke about in one of my latest post). I could not get out of the assignment and I had to bear 2 years working with this guy. Thank God its finally over. © ronaldinu 2008
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
30 Nov 08
I can identify myself with what you have wrote. My face does show what I feel and think about a person. LIke you I don't feel much comfortable to be a part in a group where I have to be continuously aware and on the alert that someone is a supposed friend is going to backstab me.
© ronaldinu 2008
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
11 Nov 08
Hi wolfie, I have read and re-read this a couple of times wondering how to respond. I've also read some of the other responses and your replies and I'm convinced that you are being perfectly honest here. I don't think that there is an easy answer and we all have to find the solution that works best for us. I also find that can change over time too and my reaction to something today may be very different from what it would have been thirty or more years ago. I don't like the idea of pretending to be something that we're not, there is far too much of that in the world but I'm sure you also know that feelings of hatred hurt us physically. There is probably not as much difference in people as we think, just different ways of reacting to what life throws at us. My idea now is to try to look for the good even in those that I find the most difficult to deal with. My best advice in this matter is probably be yourself and be satisfied with who you are. Blessings.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
11 Nov 08
Thank you for your most appreciated response, I should live my life according to my rules and no one elses, even if that makes me a loser but hey I don't always lose and if I am true to myself, don't play games or try to be something that I am not then at the end of the day I haven't lost have I?
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
I am a rule-bender. i live my life according to what I understand is right and wrong. I don't care with life rules as long as I know i did not use others or ruin their lives. I care for my own life for it is entrusted to me. And i make good because it is what i am ought to do.
@LanceDark (8)
• Canada
11 Nov 08
The thing is, it's best to go with the flow. That's the best option in life usually
1 person likes this
