mother in law being a pain
By stardustw83
@stardustw83 (435)
United States
January 4, 2009 6:09pm CST
I am currently 39 weeks pregnant and could possibly go into labor any day now not to mention im on bed rest until i do give birth. But for some reason my mother in law doesn't seem to care as she keeps requesting my husband to leave for several hours at a time which is scary to me since i really can't get up to do much for myself at the moment not to mention that they leave out of our own city and end up about an hour away. So what would happen if i went into labor i would hate to think that my husband would end up being pissed at his mother because of her selfish ways things she just happens to not be able to wait until after the birth of the baby and why didn't she think to ask for my husbands assistance before we ended up on bed rest, I love my mother in law don't get me wrong but sometimes i just think she doesn't use her brain she gets so focused on what she wants done sometimes i think she could have ADD and not know it lol
6 people like this
23 responses
@paoxav (1382)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
Hey that was damn! I mean, she's so annoying and disappointing! At your stage, you should be with your husband as much as possible. Didn't she knew that?! My goodness.. She's also a mother and she must atleast consider your situation coz she was once pregnant and have been on the situation that you're in.. Talk to her, or let your husband do the honors..
2 people like this
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@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
8 Jan 09
Heh! Other people you could call? Don't you love how they say you can call 'other people' but god forbid THEY call other people instead of their son? LOL! Newp, I will never understand this nor will I ever treat my kids this way, even when I'm old!
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Her excuse to him was that there are other people i could call. (says sarcastacially) which is exactly what i want to do with my first child and never having contractions before is to be in my big house all alone and call someone to come over here and then wait for them to get here. YEAH RIGHT!!!
Thanks for you support and comment
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@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
5 Jan 09
I think that you should talk to your husband and tell him how scared you are that he will be out of town when you go into labor and that you will have to call someone else to come take you to the hospital to deliver you child. Tell him how you want him to be there when you give birth and that you've been really scared that he won't be. I wouldn't bring your mother in law into this at all, don't make it sound as if you are accusing his mother of anything either. I know you love your mother in law, and I think that she wouldn't intentionally take him away when you need him the most.
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
8 Jan 09
But that's the problem right there, isn't it? Either mother in law doesn't realize that what she is doing is ridiculous and selfish, so she is doing it unintentionally and would STOP if she were told about it OR she knows exactly what she is doing and again, I think it is up to the husband to be a man and put his foot down. He no longer exists to serve his mother, he should be there for his wife FIRST, if it even comes down to a choice, not to mention now he is a dad.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
8 Jan 09
LOL! I do not mean to laugh but the situation... boy I can understand. I don't think it is fair nor right for anybody to expect to take your husband's attention or time away from you right now, especially being on bedrest. I see that you got induced today so perhaps this is a moot point but even I know better than to ask someone who is supposed to be with a mom who might go into labor at any time to leave and do anything for me.
I rather think that your husband should have explained to his mother that his place was with you and she would need to ask someone else to help him - or do whatever it was herself. She's a grown woman, she is not helpless, right? She is also not pregnant and on bedrest and about to go into labor at any moment. I remember when I was 39 weeks pregnant - my daughter was born at 39 weeks and I was not ready, hadn't packed anything - because I figured I had another week to go, maybe even two lol. I sent my husband to work, took my older kids to school, bopped around to the store, then went to my 39 week appt and told them I thought I was in labor - which I WAS. My poor husband had to turn around and drive about 60 miles home just a couple hours after he got to work. He got to the hosp just a couple hours before she was born.
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@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
10 Jan 09
Any news yet? I'm glad they let you be released to go home, I don't do well in hospitals either. The only time I have ever been admitted was when I was in labor with my daughter, and I had problems with my blood pressure too. I didn't have any trouble dilating though, but I also didn't need to be induced.
I will say that I was not able to sleep in the hospital at all, I am always nervous and worried about things, and I drove my poor husband nuts telling him that any time our daughter left our room for any reason he had to go with her. They had the monitored bracelets on us and had explained that the whole unit locks down if a bracelet goes outside a certain radius but I was still totally paranoid.
Good luck with your labor and delivery and congratulations in advance!
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
8 Jan 09
well we did go to get induced but it didn't take we tried three different medicines and still i only dialated to 2 1/2 so i asked the doctor if we could just come home so i could at least get some sleep. Hospital beds aren't comfortable and i was so tired when i came home that i slept for four hours and im still tired. We will go back to the doctor on friday and see if there are any changes and what the doctor wants to do. But the due date is monday the 12th so at this point i don't care i just don't like being in the hospital to where i can't move around cause they have to constantly monitor the baby due to high blood pressure. Thank god im at home and i can just rest in bed and get up with out worrying about taking the monitor's off
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@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Jan 09
My in laws live around the corner, and we don't have any other family or friends. So when I was due for my youngest 2 kids, we told the in laws to stay by the phone in case I went into labor, so they could come watch my older children.
So we would call them in the middle of the day for something totally unrelated, and they didn't pick up the phone, and they wouldn't get back to us for hours. One day we stopped over there for something and they weren't even home, we drove to the closest store and a few other places nearby we thought they'd be, but they weren't there. We still have no idea where they were, but they were gone half the day.
So the day when I finally went into labor with my youngest, again we couldn't reach them. They were in bed and didn't have the phone with them. I was a week over due and we had told them everytime we spoke to them that they needed to keep the phone with them at all times. We ended up having a neighbor watch the kids while hubby brought me to the hospital, and we were so upset with the in laws we didn't speak to them for a few months. I think my son was around 3 months old when they finally met him for the first time, that's how upset I was over the whole thing.
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@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Jan 09
How long has she been living with you? Is it your place or hers? I understand you don't want to kick her out or anything, but I can tell you from years of experience, it's really really really (can't stress this enough) bad to live with relatives like that.
We currently live in a house my in laws own, and it's torture. I've recently told my husband I'd rather live on the street with my 5 kids and 4 cats than continue to live under their roof. Needless to say I don't get along with my in laws one bit.
We've also had my own mother live with us for awhile, along with my younger siblings. That was also torture. It only lasted a couple months when one day my mother and I got into an argument, then she called my husband a bad name, and I sent her walking. No one is going to disrespect my husband in his own house!
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
we actually own the house together. But her apartment although attached is seperate from the house. She usually just stays in her room but thinks that my husband at this point should do everything for her. Which is strange becuase she used to live 10 hours away and we never went down there due to money issues and she was always very independent im not sure why she changed when she moved up here
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
I can completely understand that i probably would have been pissed for a whole hell of a lot longer. My only issue is that my mother in law lives in our house well kinda. We actually have an apartment attached to our house that she lives in which is really nice cause it makes her close to us and her grand children which my husband had with his ex wife. This child is my first and my mother in laws third grand child.
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@AnakSuNamun (2084)
• United States
5 Jan 09
That is not very caring and responsible of her,especially if it's her first grandchild. He needs to expain to her that he has to sepnd more time with his wife and he'll gladly assist her after you have given birth. Also,why does she need assistance?
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
because she is incapable of doing anything on her own apparently. She stated she doesn't know where to find the store even though both my husband and i have showed her at least ten times.
@hildas (3031)
•
5 Jan 09
Tell your Husband to stand up to his Mother and tell her the things she is requesting can wait. He really needs to be cruel "but kind" as you really need him at this time and she really should understand this and not have him going so far from you and leaving you alone.
Some people only think about themselves and their needs sometimes and I really hope your Husband tells her, as maybe shes unaware what shes doing and it might make her think.
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@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Very true!!! The thing is she is getting something ment for me and my husband but was supposed to do it a month ago before i was put on bed rest but she just never did it now she waits till im stuck in bed and unable to do anything to request him to go with her. I just don't get it its like she can't go to the store on her own. I love my mother in law it just seems sometimes that she thinks a little to much about herself when she is trying to think about others if that makes any sence.
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@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
5 Jan 09
well, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such an inconsiderate mother in law... i will definitely ask my hubby to say something to his mum if i were in your position... there is no way i will tolerate it especially when i am 39 weeks pregnant and can due anytime... i don't want to be left alone at all by myself at home... it is just too dangerous... you really have to ask your hubby to say something to his mum... good luck with the delivery of the baby... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
i completely agree with you on that apparently he had tried to explain that to her before they left (i didn't find out till just a littl while ago that she said this but) she said that i had people i could call. Of course this is my first child and they "people" i could call i probably either wouldn't have been able to get a hold of or i would have to wait by myself with contractions which i have never had to do before and this was her thought. I mean come on WOMAN!!!
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
5 Jan 09
I can understand. Your loving or respecting has nothing to do with her inherent nature which compels her to think of her needs first and foremost and get it done on top priority basis. I think your hubby will have to step in on this issue. At your condition, its not advisable to stay alone or tax yourself mentally by trying to reason with her or fret over your absent husband. He should ideally take it up with his mom and ensure that he gets to spend as much time with you as he can.
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Yeah i think he would be extremly pissed at her if he ended up missing ANY part of the birth of our child. I don't know that he would be able to tell her no but i will tell her a thing or two if she thinks its okay to tell me how to raise my children with out me asking the same i would do to my own mother if she did it to
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
5 Jan 09
My inlaws .. well more my mother in law drives me nuts.. i have complained about her in a lot of discussions.. my own.. other peoples.. lol. all i have to say is.. after you give birth it will be worse.. then she'll prob be telling you how to change your baby's diaper, and how to feed the baby, and how to bath him/her. oh my and how to do this and what she did. i stopped talking to my mother in law for a while. anytime she called if hubby wasn't around to take the phone i never even answered.
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
LOL i don't think i can do that she does live with us... well in an appartment thats attached to our house. But i would just ignore her and may be then she would get the picture but she doesn't even get it when i ignore her now im sure it will get worse as it will with most people that have never really come over before but will once the baby is here
@marymarj2002 (1769)
• Philippines
6 Jan 09
Most mother in laws are pain in a marriage. And mostly if the mother in law and the wife has a conflict it will cause things for the family. That happened to my family. My mother in law always interrupt and always disturbing our marriage. She's even influencing decision matter in our marriage. So, we end up having a big trouble with my husband since my husband is too weak and she always listen to her mother even if shes wrong. Anyway everything is done for my marriage life.
Well, in your case, I can advice that you discuss it with your husband. Since communication is very important in a marriage. Let him hear your point especially that you are almost due with your pregnancy. And let your husband talk to her mother.
Good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations in advance!
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
6 Jan 09
tank you!!! we are actually going in tomorrow to be induced
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
6 Jan 09
hello stardustw83,
Sounds like your mother in law doesn't really care about your situation especially that any time from now you'll give birth. And even your husband can't reason or do something about it. He should not follow his mom knowing about your situation, going to some place that will take him hours before he can get back is really unbelievable.
Just okey though if it's not your due yet but....They should think the best for you and your baby and not giving you any extra pain or problem. Carrying your baby for nine months is really hard. She should know that for she have undergone a long time ago.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2310)
• United States
5 Jan 09
That is pretty inconsiderate of her no doubt. But I think that your husband needs to be the one to tell her now that he needs to be close to home or at home to help you out since you are somewhat unable to help yourself. She would probally take it better from him than you.
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
I don't know that she would take it well at all from him or from myself they tend to argue a lot when they are together for so long which is amazing that she still wants him to be the one to help her out. I just don't understand why she isn't more independent. I guess part of it is our fault we wanted her to move closer to us for the birth of our child since she had no family down where she was living but she has been up here for abut 6 months and never does anything on her own she always calls and asks my husband to go
1 person likes this
@tmariew (32)
• United States
5 Jan 09
I am not saying your husband is at fault because she is obviously yhe one who is wrong here. But if you are having your first child you are probably still laying the foundation for your relationship, letting her win on this one would be bad. She will only act like that if he lets her get away with it. Telling her anything might not help you at all. But telling your husband (without being confrantational) that it bothers you for him to leave you for so long when you are unable to do things for yourself would be a really good idea. All he really has to say to his mother is that he won't leave you like that. She may not be happy about it, but at the moment that isn't as important as your health. And if she is upset you two can always find another way to make it right with her without putting you at risk.
1 person likes this
@stardustw83 (435)
• United States
5 Jan 09
this is very true i we only really have a week till the due date so if she trys this again i may have him say something to her in regards to it
@muru1950 (963)
• India
5 Jan 09
Hi stardustw
In my country,it is very common to find such mother in laws. But I am surprised to know such mother in laws in U.S.too ?
You must convince your husband first about the need of his presence ,to take you immediately to hospital,whenever required.As no one can predict,when the labor will
start,you should ask your husband not to go far off places.
After your husband is convinced,I think he should find no difficulties to convince his mother.So let him convince his mother.
Best wishes.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Have you talked to your husband about this? It seems to me that he needs to speak up to her and tell her that until you have the baby, he has to stay close to home. I can't blame you for feeling as you do. Your mother in law does sound to be a bit self-centered. I mean this is her grandchild, after all. I have ADD and I can't imagine asking anyone in your situation to leave to go anywhere for me right now and certainly not out of town. Babies are so unpredictable and especially if you are having troubles. I hope your husband will speak up for everyone's sake. Anyway...congratulations on your new little addition.
1 person likes this
@prinzess1515 (1341)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Your husband needs to just say no. What is wrong with him? She can ask for anything she wants, he is the one that is supposed to be there for you. He can be honest about it and just say he doesn't want to be far away from you since you might go into labor.
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@dralon (88)
• Zimbabwe
5 Jan 09
I feel for you, it is scary to be alone when time is near. I remember my first child, i was alone and had to make my way to hospital alone. Hubby was working in another town and only came the next day. But dont worry, nature has a way of alerting you and even if your husband is not there i am sure there will be time to call him and for him to rush to your side and be with you. Relax and enjoy your last days of pregnancy....
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@dozhou (326)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Relax, Maybe She did not mean to do it, maybe she had something urgent. I hope you indirectly mention that to her. Meanwhile, bad mood is harmful to you and your baby. Just relax and have a good feeling, everything will be fine. Good luck and have a cute baby.
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