Wife won't clean the house!

Are you doing the work for her? If you are, stop. When you prepare meals, fix them for you and the children and leave her out or take the children out to eat and leave her at home. If you wash clothes, only do yours and the children's. Take her off your checking and savings account and cut up all her credit cards so she can't do any shopping with your hard earned money. If she questions you, remind her of your wedding vows and that marriage is a partnership and a contractual agreement and that she's not holding up her end of the agreement.

Taking care of 3 children, a husband, and a house is a full time job. I know because I have 4 children, a husband, and a house, and my own business that I work at 30-40 hours a week. You stated you shouldn't have to work, then come home and work. Well, like I said, your wife taking care of 3 children is a job. So, you both should work on the housework. Discuss what chores you both enjoy and what chores you dislike. Try to come up with a compromise on the cleaning. Being home all day with children can be exhausting and overwhelming. You could possibly suggest crockpot cooking and once a month cooking (where you cook enough meals for 1 month in a day and freeze them). I do both of these, and it lowers my stress level immensely. There are lots of websites with info about these. Pitching in with childcare (bathing, changing, etc.) is also a big help and a small relief for us "stay at home moms". Now, if she really just sits around watching tv and doing the basics with the kids and nothing else, it's possible she won't change. My sister has 3 kids and her house has been a mess since day 1 and she lays around all day. We have helped, yelled, guilted, etc., but nothing has changed her. If that is the case, I'd say it's time for some marriage counseling and take it from there. Good luck.

I have a few questions for you. Was she sloppy when you married her? Is there a possibility she's depressed? Do you encourage or discourage her? Even us girls like our egos stroked once in a while and when we know we're appreciated we feel better about ourselves, wanting to make our environment fit our mood.

I would think a divorce would be the last resort. And, I doubt any court would give you full custody of the kids simply because she isn't doing what you think she needs to do. There is always two sides to a story and I haven't heard hers. Do you love one another? Do you help her any around the house, or are you just the boss? Some people resent being told what to do. And did you know she didn't like to do these things when you married her, or has it just started? I'm sure there are reasons she isn't doing this. Is she on the computer like you? Do you compute (mylot) while she's supposedly having to do all her chores? That could be resentment. There are scores of reasons I could come up with for the reason she doesn't want to cook or clean. And, with three kids, I would think she needs to stay home, unless her job would actually pay for child care and pay her to work. Just working to pay child care doesn't get the work done, either. Just puts her out of your house during the day.

It's hard to get a job when you have to take care of 3 kids. It doesn't leave a lot of time for chores. I can see how you would at least have diiner ready whenyou get home from work. I think a divorce is a little drastic.

pls don,t divorce her yet.sit her down and bare ur mind to her.let her know she's driving u crazy.If this does not work,then consider divorce.

Before taking any decision, I thing you should take 2 days off from your work, or take the week end for yourself and the kids alone. Send the wife to her parents, or to other family or friends. Once by yourself with the kids, you can do everything you want and need. You can show your wife (or not) that you can do everything better. I'm very curious to see the results. From my personal experience, a stay at home mom with 3 kids(you did not mention the ages), is more than a full time job. But, till you don't try it for yourself, no one can convince you. So, I dare you, stay with the kids only 48 hours, only you, them and the house. And you'll see if you were right, that everything can be done - cleaning, taking care of kids, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping and so on.

You did not mention how old the kids are. If they are all under school age, she has no time to clean and most likely is worn out by the time you get home. My best friend was a stay at home mom of 3 for at least the last 13 years of the last ones life, which means she had been home taking care of everyone and everything for about 15 years total. She is completely worn out. She cooked, cleaned, took care of kids, ran errands,you name it and it has taken a toll on her. When is the last time your wife has worked? As my friend, after you are home for so long out of the workforce, you feel inferior to people who have stayed working and you feel you cannot do a job. My friend has a controlling husband and by keeping her home she cannot operate a computer or even a cash register which pretty much limits her opportunities. After 29 years of marriage and "service"....he now wants a divorce. Maybe your wife is depressed and unable to cope with cleaning and etc.? Try talking with her and perhaps some medical help. Unless you no longer care for her, I would only divorce as a last resort. It has a lasting effect on your children. Good luck.

I have to agree with the others. Have you considered that she is as unhappy with your situation as you are? Does her life revolve around nothing other than taking care of you and the kids? Is it possible that she's feeling overwhelmed and therefore depressed? So that everything takes so much effort that it just seems not worth doing or it's impossible to do today? I can tell you that much as she loves the kids and you that if her life is revolving around nothing other than you that is a huge problem. You want the housekeeping situation to change then help the situation. Send her out for the day and make sure she has some money to have lunch, see a movie whatever. She can go with friends visit family but it should be a stress free day for her. You keep the kids. Then you and the kids clean the house the way you want it cleaned. When she comes home you have dinner ready for her. Tell her you're sorry that you critisized her. That you know that it's a tough job just raising three kids and that you're willing to help. Ask her what she needs from you to make the situation better. Then listen, really listen. Don't get ahead of her thinking "that's your job not mine." Whatever the age of your kids they should have chores to help. Don't make it a battle with them. Make it a game. My four year old granddaughter loves helping with everything. She helps rinse the dishes & I stack the dishwasher. I hand her the laundry a piece at a time to put in the washer then she measures the soap and turns it on etc. My 20 month old grandson loves the game of "pick up" I tell him "Jarid, get grandma the book" he'll bring me the book and then I tell him he's a "good boy" and I put it away. If your kids are older and have decided already that chores are no fun making a game of it may just seem lame to them but you still don't have to battle them. Tell them that being an adult means being able to take care of yourself and they have to learn how to do that now. It isn't right for Mom to do all the work just because she can. Decide before hand the chores they are going to have and rotate the chores between kids so they all do them all. For example one week the eldest may have kitchen clean up. The middle child has the bathrooms and laundry and the youngest helps Mom cook, dust, vacuum and neaten up. The next week they rotate. Mom AND you can supervise and pitch in with whatever needs to be done just don't take it over and do it all for them or you're back to square one. Don't fight them. Tie their allowance and privileges to it. If they do it without complaining they get spending money and privileges. A little grumbling is to be expected. If they put up a big fuss, cut their next privilege. Whatever they wanted to do, go to a movie, hang out with friends etc whther today or tomorrow they don't get to do it. There may be tears and sulking but they'll learn quickly it's better to just do it and it isn't that hard or bad. Divide their allowance up over the number of days a week they have chores. For example lets say they have chores only 6 days a week with the 7th being a "free day" If the chores were done and done without a big fuss for the whole week they get their full allowance. If on the other hand three of those days they either didn't get their chores done or they put up a big fuss they only get half of their allowance. If one isn't cooperating and sees the other two getting their full allowance while they are getting less money it is a big incentive to do better.