Against Her Will...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
January 14, 2009 1:56pm CST
Recently something came up that I wanted to talk about. I can't talk about part of it b/c it involves other ppl but the part I can and do want to talk about is this. While a family member was at the hospital recently, an elderly woman was also there. This woman is somewhere in her 80's and was living in an apartment for elderly ppl. She also had a woman coming in to take care of cleaning, no big deal. The woman is capable of caring for herself but needs a little help with cleaning and such. Well, from what I understand, the aide saw a couple of bruises that the woman got from things like bumping into a doorway, bumping the end of her bed, normal things that I'm sure everyone has done at one time or another. The aide called and turned it in, and Division of Aging decided she needed to go to the hospital to get checked out. Once there they announced that she was unfit to live on her own and demanded she go into a nursing home for her own well-being. The woman didn't want to go, she wanted to go home, the Dr. ended up yelling at the poor woman and in the end they took her to the nursing home...against her wishes.
At what point do we stop being a human being and become someone's personal property? When is it that ppl that don't know anything about us can just step in and take away everything we have? What if this was you or your parents?
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD**[/b]
31 people like this
83 responses
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
15 Jan 09
That is so sad.. When my mom was sick and dying, we weren't sure if we would be able to take care of her properly and the nursing home thought did occur, but it never happened.. We kept her at home and she passed away in her bed at home.. It isn't right to do people that way, I am usually sporting a bruise somewhere or the other all of the time, I get in a hurry and bump a table or chair as I am going along throughout the day, and that is understandable with an older person, my mom bruised easily.. I wish there was some way to protect out elderly people better than they are being protected and protect them in a good way.. I am sure the doctors thought they were "taking care of a problem" and never gave it another thought, but if I had done something like this, I couldn't have slept at night.. I think that a lot of our elderly end up like this and it is so very sad.. I guess when someone deems you no longer an asset, then you are enpendable..
2 people like this
@sharra1 (6340)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
I looked after my mother as well. I know she was terrified of being put in a home. It is scary to think that a few bruises are all it takes to make them put you away. I bruise very easily as well and I am scared of this idea.
I am not well and I worry if they would do that in my country if my partner was not around any more. I like to think that they wouldn't but maybe that explains why some old people do not want to go near doctor's in case they get locked away against their will.
1 person likes this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
14 Jan 09
How many times do older people develop a bruise that is a mark of old age? I didn't know that bruising can be a condition of old age...
The bottom line__ who profits?
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
14 Jan 09
Hi Twoey, This infuriates me, if the lady wanted to saty living in her own home she should have been allowed to, it wasn't like she didn't have people coming in daily to keep an eye on her. She should never have been treated in this way against her will, my own nana lived til the end in her own home and if put anywhere else would have just faded away, it was her independence that kept her going so long and I feel that this woman will wilt in care too if it is against her will. Grrr. Huggles. Ellie :D
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
14 Jan 09
Ooh, they would have to restrain me from killing someone if they did that to me!! I have seen this happen with a friend of mine, not old, but suffering from anxiety and panic. She had a fight with her daughter, the daughter called her social worker (she was on disability for the panic and anxiety, and they put her in a mental ward of in Jamaica Hospital, which is a horror. She told me of the inhumane way they treat people there. Her daughter realized what she made happen and had to fight hard to get her out. There was no reason to put her there but why my idiot godchild (her daughter) called the social worker in the first place, I have no idea, but I am no longer speaking to her because of it.
Thank God she is out but it was a horrifying experience for her and degrading to boot. She was in there with seriously, mentally ill people and she was normal.
2 people like this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
14 Jan 09
I like your response and can empathize with your friend. Degrading and humiliating if you are put in to a psych ward based upon false accusations like I was... Very scary, what they the hospital staff did to me was horrible much worse than the patients who with the exception of very few were very kind.
The things that I could share with you, you don't really want to know...
2 people like this
@Carpathian (582)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Well, for one does she have any family that could check-up on her while she is at home? And, I don't think they should have the right to make her go to a nursing home. The only way I see of putting someone in a nursing home against their will is if they are starving and bed sore's are all over their body. One lady I knew they put in a nursing home was because she had no family and was not taking her meds. was really bad off on health. They just did not want her to die of neglect. Her house was solid trash inside and she had no care giver. I wonder what they do with all the things that she owns when they take her from her home. Do they put it in storage or sell it or what? And, what about her home? What happens there? I hope she has family that can help her. Let me know, if you hear any more.
2 people like this
@TheGreatWhiteBuffalo (4822)
• United States
14 Jan 09
Another hot topic,
Good one twoey,
All I can say is that when a person steps into the life of another with the sole purpose of removing said individual from their own home there had ought to be extremely good reason. I have a similar issue of concern and it involves a case of dementia, I can not refute that a close relative in her mid eighties does exhibit signs of dementia, but there is a hook.
The person caring for the demented is contributing to the disorientation I have to leverage the intruder intending to steal the estate of the demented by putting her in a home and there by taking controlling interest in my inheritance.
This is a double edged sword because I lose everything, my connection to the family and my loved one and the home that was the only place I really felt at home, sentimental memories of time spent there. I have the memories to bring my relative back to reality and I can not participate. I'm ostracized.
So you know how I feel, it is wrong to be removed prematurely...
2 people like this
@eaforeman6 (8979)
• United States
14 Jan 09
I think that all family members should be contacted first. Anyone in that situation, that has a family member to live with, should have that all planned out.I think the person should have rights and should be alowed a hearing..and have the right to legal council. What did they do with her belongings? She still has the right to seek legal council and possibly sue....and everyone should have plans in advance, just in case....
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
14 Jan 09
That is why I do not want to move into a senior's apartment with my husband because if you are more disabled, they will put you into an extended care home, and then into a nursing home. I would rather we stay in our own home as long as possible. I do think that old lady could have had someone looking after her, and maybe have gotten her a better eye prescription and some supplements. I am sure it would not have cost as much dragging her into a nursing home and I am sure that she will soon die there.
My grandmother only lasted a few days.
2 people like this
@KarenO52 (2950)
• United States
14 Jan 09
This could very well be a form of elderly abuse, forcing the woman to go to a nursing home against her wishes. She may need a patient advocate, someone who would help her to see that her wishes are carried out. Even if the woman has been diagnosed as having some dementia or memory problems, she should have a say in where she will live out the rest of her life.
2 people like this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
14 Jan 09
I truly feel for this woman. I don't believe that she should have been taken to a home against her will. These people have other options. There are in home nurses that work round the clock. My P-paw was one of these that bumped into everything. He was in great shape, just tended to bump and scrape more often than not. My g-ma still worked so she couldn't be with him all day. She called a service to have him watched carefully all day. To top that off, that really cool nurse kinda child proofed the house to avoid such things. My P-paw loved it. He said he felt like a kid again--he was one that helped me put bumpers all over my house to protect my little ones (teehee). It saved a lot of bumps, bruises and pride getting stomped on. I was raised--Cherokee--and we love and respect our elders. It makes me mad to think that they just disposed of this woman "because she was a danger to herself". How truly pathetic.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
14 Jan 09
how sad & i'm sure it happens to the elderly all the time even from their own family. no doctor sure have that power over anyone.who is he?? to yell at her. where was her family?? was she going to be better off at the nursing home?? i doubt it very seriouly. they don't have the staff to look after all the patients they have. if she had somone coming into help her i'm sure she would have been better off at home.that is a disgrace they got by w/that. bless that little lady's heart & curses on that sorry dr.
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
14 Jan 09
This is so sad and unnecessary. I know from personal experience we bruise more easily as we get older - I often notice bruises and marks on myself, and can't even remember doing anything to cause them! People with pale skin often show marks far more easily, too. This poor lady is being hounded - and it's disgusting they are not listening to her just because of her age! As we become older, as well as becoming invisible there also seems to be a perception we are losing our basic intelligence, too. There should be someone (an advocate of some kind? a local member?) who can be contacted to stand in for this poor lady and state her case. Maybe she could change doctors and find someone with more empathy (a lady doctor?) I really hope someone will stand up for this lady and help her return to her apartment. Being moved to the nursing home could have a terrible effect on her well being!
2 people like this
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
14 Jan 09
Ohhh this is so heart melting... Even if the aide means good, she should have respected the will of the woman. And where has the manners of that doctor gone? How could that doctor yell at the woman. I don't think my sisters and I would let that happen to our mother. It's really best to do what ever you want whenever you wish, and I'm not sure if you could do that in a nursing home. I just hope when I will be at the age of 80, my kids would take care of me...
2 people like this
@Uroborus (908)
• Canada
14 Jan 09
This is unlawful detention. The doctor should be charged with aiding and abeting kidnapping.
The people who are responsible for this should be watched carefully and if at any point they show signs of hurting themselves, such as hitting a finger while hammering, cutting themselves while shaving or making dinner, then they should be taken away agaisnt their will as also.
2 people like this
@nova1945 (1612)
• United States
14 Jan 09
That's horrible! From what I've seen on the news she could be in more danger in a nursing home than on her own at home. If there is no family to consult the decision should be up to her about whether she is admitted to a nursing home or not.
Consultation I can understand, but forcing that on a person is wrong on so many levels.
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
14 Jan 09
Hi twoey68,
I think that is so disgusting, the poor woman had no say in the matter and for the doctor to shout at her its disgusting, the woman is an adult and a human being, has she no family? I tell you the only way I would be taken out of my house is when I am in a wooden over coat.
Tamara
2 people like this
@Arkie69 (2156)
• United States
14 Jan 09
In 2,000 I fell off a Ladder and fractured my left leg just below the hip joint. After surgery to repair the leg I spent 10 days in the hospital and then I was admitted into a nursing home for rehab. I was not asked for my permission . I may have been able to stop it but it would have been good if I had been asked what I thought about it.
My wife was the director of Nursing in the home so I probably got a little better care than the average resident but I still didn't get the care any resident should have gotten. I didn't report anything to my wife. All I wanted was out of there and to be back home. I stayed 17 days in the nursing home before I was allowed to go home. The whole thing was like what I wanted to do wasn't even considered. The doctors were in charge and I had nothing to say about it. If I had not been able to take care of myself it would have been different but that wasn't the case. I don't understand how these people think they have the right to do things like this.
Art
2 people like this
@sarafina50 (39)
• United States
14 Jan 09
I do not know which State you live in, therefore I do not know the laws, but I believe the women has a right to decide where she is going to live. Since she has someone coming in to clean and help out with household chores so she doesn't hurt herself, but can otherwise take care of herself than the Dept that made her go into a home should take another look at what was really going on in the home. I believe elderly ppl should have the right to decide where they live (as long as they can take basic care of themselves) and die. Where I live we have many elderly homes, but I know of several older ppl who still live at home and drive (omg) and well maybe they shouldn't but they have that choice. Check into the laws for elderly ppl in your state, and go from there if you want.
Sarafina50
