This is bad parenting or just a foolish choice?

Once is a mistake. All parents make mistakes and hopefully both Mom and daughter have learned from this mistake. There could be any number of very good reasons why Mom was that exhausted. Other than sleep deprivation, depression comes to mind and depression is treatable. If this is a mistake that's repeated, then it's very foolish. Since you're neighbors and your kids are likely to play together often my feeling is that you and the other Mom should really talk. Suspend judgment and approach it with a willingness to help. Tell her you know that it must have been scary for her to wake up and have no idea where her daughter was. You can arrange that when her daughter comes over like that with no prior arrangement between Moms that you call her. During those calls you can set limits...Bunny is here, she can stay till 4 today and then we've got errands to run. Bunny is here but I'm going to have to send her back home, my darlin can't play today, he's got a homework project he has to get done. etc. This way you can feel good that you know that her Mom knows at least when she is with you and when to expect her back. Talking with a willingness to help (and it helps you too set limits on how and when she can be there) might open the door that if there is something more going on (like depression) she might let you in on it so you can suggest how she can get help for her sake and the girls.

Hello Jae2619, You and I are of like mind when it comes to kids outside playing. If it is cold you need a jacket! But the big thing for me here is if I was asleep for whatever the reason my girl couldn't go outside. You can't just have your kids playing outside without someone watching over them for their safety these days! I know there are many who do not follow this rule. I am not one of them. There's nothing you can say to her parents without offending, or possibly embarressing them. So in the interest of keeping the piece you need to file this carelessness away for future reference. Whenever your son is going to play with her you will need to check with them for piece of mind and maybe they will catch on and do the same. For us to decide bad parenting or foolishness is too much opinion or judgement on our part. Everyone does things in their own way and some need a little training, that's where we come in with helpful hints but nothing too overbearing. I am pretty sure I heard a small boy was taken just yesterday while playing outside. It happens daily and I'm sure many times we never even hear about it. Good Luck to you with this new endeavor, I hope they learn fast...Mamablaze!!

How old are the children? Being that she was sleep she probably didn't know that her daughter didn't have a coat on. If her daughter is a young age between 5 and 10, then I think she should have made sure her daughter was safely at your house and had proper clothing on to go out in freezing weather. Her daughter should know better than coming in some ones house without knocking first. Even though she is a child she should know to put on a coat, even though she probably didn't feel as though she needed on because she was going right next door, and she should have ask your permission before inviting herself over. How is her mother going to volunteer your house? I guess she wanted to get some sleep in so shut down the idea of the kids playing over there. I would not call it bad parenting I would call it a moment of irresponsibility. If she was that tired she should have told her child to stay at home that way she would have known she was safely in the house.

I think a parent should always make sure their kids are taken care of and should have enough common sense to know when they aren't able to provide that care and if that means paying a sitter so you can rest so be it. I have three kids and even though we have a fenced backyard I am always paranoid, I won't even let them play outside unless I'm in the kitchen where I can see them out the window or can go outside with them. My kids have been conditioned too, even our two year old knows that when it's cold out she must have a coat before going outside. I have had my moments and have actually had to call someone to get the kids when I was sick and their dad was working. I think you have to do what you have to do and sometimes it's hard and you're never gonna do everything right but somethings just take some common sense.

That is craziness for a 6 year old!! I would NEVER let my child out alone like that! I can't believe she fell asleep so easily and for so long with not knowing where her daughter was! Just crazy!

People just do not realize the dangers there are in this world to small children. Tired or not, she should have taken a nap and been up when her child got home. You NEVER go to sleep and leave a child completely unattended like that. Anything can happen!

Wow Jae2619 - That is really scary! And she is only 6 years old too. When I was married to my ex, we lived next door to someone like this. This mother's daughter was ALWAYS doing things like this. She did become my son's best friend for many years but I was always flabergasted by the lack of parenting skills this mother had. Her daughter would be outside all the time all over the neighborhood and at odd hours after dark too. Needless to say, years after I moved out of that house and had lost contact with them, I saw the mother and she told me that her sister fought for custody and won. As far as the situation with your neighbor, it is hard to say if the child was the one who snuck out of the house when her mom was sleeping on the couch or if the mother let her go out. From the information you gave us, the step-dad and this girl's mom seemed concerned enough to come talk to you afterwards so maybe they really aren't horrible parents after all. It could have been just a horrible accident since the mom was so exhausted. I don't know... it is hard to say when we don't have all of the facts. If I were you, I'd just keep an eye out to see if anything like this ever happens again. I hope not. Enjoy your Sunday! Jill

I just read forward a little, so the kids are only six... I have a five year old daughter. I just recently started letting her play outside in the back on the patio without me outside. She can play outside back there with a friend as long as the friend understands they aren't allowed to go near the pool. I can always see her and hear her because my sliders and windows open to the back yard. She's not allowed in the front yard alone because people drive too fast and I don't have a fence in the front. I also don't let her go out alone even to go next door. I know a mom who let her daughter go several houses down alone to ask a neighbor for an onion when she was four. I wasn't sure what to think about that. I have a friend whose husband let their son go down the street alone when he was 5... on his bike without anybody watching. I thought that was a little out there too. I'm not sure what to call it though. It's not the way I would parent, I like to know where my kids are. If there's two of them, I am less worried, but still at age 5 or 6, that's kind of young to be running about alone. When my son was 11 I still preferred he was with his sister (who was 13) or at least one friend if they were going to ride down to the school or park or whatever. I think what happened with your son's friend was an oversight, she might have been so super tired that she barely woke up when her daughter arrived home from school. I think she may have not even REALIZED that her daughter got home from school, asked to play at your house, and then LEFT. A half asleep incoherent parent is going to miss a LOT, and to a kid it will sound like 'go ahead, fine with me' lol. I know that has happened to people before. The only time I will even take a nap is if someone else is home, my husband, or my 17 year old son, because even though my daughter is pretty good, I can't chance falling asleep when I am the only one there with her. The last time I took a nap with her she was about 9 or 10 months old and she crawled over me and fell off my bed lol. I was so freaked out that I never slept during the day with her alone again. Has this happened since? If this little girl comes over again in the afternoon and swears her mom knows she's there, I'd check by either walking the kids over there and knocking on the door to see if mom answers, or getting the phone number so you can call the mom and make sure she knows her daughter is there lol. Kids think it's harmless to go play somewhere, they have no idea how badly their parents might panic if they don't know where they are.

I agree with you. I would never let my kid do that. My neighbor works nights and her 9 year olkd constantly shows up at my door to have my stepson over to play. Her mom is always asleep when she does this. I understand lack of sleep and beinbg exhausted but my kids will never do that. I also never let other kids in my home unless I know that their parents know where they are. I probably would have let her in for a few minutes but then sent her home.

I agree with you. Especially since she is only 6! It is a good thing that you allowed her to stay at your house though, where it was warm and safe. At the very least mom could have called or walked over and asked if you minded so she could get a little sleep. I've raised two boys so the whole trust that they are doing what I asked them too flew out the window a long time ago! LOL Not that they were bad kids they were just that...kids and they will lie to you! LOL I never allowed my kids to go to anyones house until it was checked out personally by me. I never just took their word for it. And on top of that I worked the night shift when my kids were small because it allowed me more time with them. I came in from work and got them off to school and slept while they were at school. But I was always up at least an hour before they arrived home from school. Then after hubby would come in from work I would sometimes lay down for a couple of hours before going to work but not very often.

I think that the parent is just irresponsible. However tired she must have been she should have made sure that the child is ok. But I think if you say something to the parent she would no like it and she will take it as an interference which I think you should avoid as you are neighbours.There are different ways parents would handle different situations. Parenting advice may not be taken well by your neighbour. In future you just need to make sure there is no repetition of such an incidence. Its not safe for your child to play outside without supervision. Its a good thing your son obeys and follows rules.So you don't need to worry. Bye take care

The mother could sleep while the daughter is at school and then when the daughter gets home she should stay awake until the stepfather gets home to watch the child. I understand how parents do gettired, i am in that boat most of the time, but i have to know where my children are, and that they are safe. I would say it is a foolish choice on the mother's part, unless this happens all the time. If it happens all the time then it is just bad parenting.

I think that's pretty poor parenting. I know that's harsh to take, but it is. Not only would their child have been in danger, if she wasn't in your house, who knows what could have happened? Negligence is also a life taker or extremely traumatic to a person, especially a child. if someone has a child, they should just grow up (ready or not) and not make things worse for the rest of the world. If they can't handle it, they never should've had a child in the first place.

Looking at the differences with how your children are.. Beings that yours 'knows the rules' and makes sure to ask, and that little girl just left her house and walked on into yours That it is irresponsible parenting. I think that if it was a foolish choice, their child wouldn't have the pattern in her head that she can do whatever she pleases..

I would have asked why she let her daughter play outside in the cold? She should have told her no, and called you herself to see if it was okay for the little girl to play with your son and then explain to you that she needed to get some sleep and would be grateful, at least that is what I would do, and then I would offer to watch your son whenever you needed.

I hope it was just a freak accident, and the mother was just so embarrassed that it the way she put it sounds bad. Now that you are aware, maybe you should just be cautious over the whole thing. 1 time can be understood, but a second cannot. I hope they both learned a lesson.

i would think this as a case of badparenting.parents are responsible for their kids and what you have written above shows the irresponsible nature on the part of the mother.

I know there are people out there that just don't know what their children are doing and they don't bother to find out. This is why we have children getting into trouble and leaving home. This is being irresponsible to say the least. There is no way I would let my child out to play in cold weather like thta or even close to it. Not only that I won't let them play outside if it's too hot. I would have had to say something to this lady. That is was too cold for the child to play outside and we let her play in the house. I'd also let her know that she came over in that weather without a coat too. With me saying something to her to make her aware of what she did not know and that I noticed ...well maybe she would take notice and not let it happen again. I commend you for taking her in and letting her play instead of sending her home and then no telling where she would have actually gone.

That was a terrible slip. Every parent makes one every now and then and they end up regretting it. What's hard about being parents (I think, since I'm not one yet) is that whatever bad decision they make, their child's life is completely affected. I hope the mom actually learned form something there - that tired as she was, there's someone who depends on her to care for her. She took the responsibility of having a baby - she shouldn't take things so lightly. Thanks for the response on my discussion! http://thingswelovetohate.blogspot.com http://canihascheeseburger.blogspot.com

It is really difficult to make comment without knowing the set up there. Is it a safe neighbourhood or are you in a city? It looks as though you would be ok with it if the weather was warmer....so its very difficult to see what your issue is exactly. She fell asleep after she thought her daughter had gone out and i dont see that that is the end of the world because she wouldnt necessarily be able to see or hear her playing anyway. If a little girl came to my house and said "My mum knows Im here"....then the first thing I would do is check....so I would pop round and ask or phone...."do you know your little one is here? I dont mind, just wanted to check you knew where she was" Playing out without a coat...well...put a coat on a child when they go out...and in 5 minutes they will take it off anyway. Dont forget....children feel cold different to adults....(much differently) and it wont do her any harm expanding energy in the cold once in a while. And most kids are quite capable of knowing when they are cold and putting a coat on. She isnt a bad parent....she just parents different to you.