How far would you go?

i understand love, i understand compromise but whenever you change yourself to make someone else happy that is just wrong. if someone truly loves you they would accept you the way you are. you are in such pain and it really shouldn't be. don't you know you deserve to be who you are and you deserve to be happy? it is so sad what you are going through. i don't know how you can live your life this way. it won't last.

Jae, thank you, first of all for you comment. It's just as you say, I would do anything for them even at the risk of my own unhappiness. And for the man I love, there is no limit. I don't know if what I did was drastic because of the argument and the way I was feeling or if I just truly felt that it was the best thing and the right thing to do. It's confusing to be told one day that I am a great person but the next that the person I am is causing disruption in our marriage. TO me the marriage always will come before anyone or anything else, even myself. It is a conflict... but I am unfortunately, the type of person that makes up her mind and goes for it, and it's hard for me to back down on a commitment, even one to myself. Maybe he was right, it just may be unhealthy for me to harbor so many emotions about everything. We shall see :)

AngelLinda Thank you as well for your comment. You know, rereading what I had written, it seems that killing a part of who you are for the person is NOT the right thing to do, nor may it be the healthiest. And at the risk of contradicting that last statement, I have to say that it might also BE the right thing to do depending on the circumstances. Perhaps he was telling me that my emotions are too high and that sometimes they are just overpowering and in effect causes him a lot of confusion as to where I may be coming from or what my thoughts are if he makes a joke about this or that. If that is the case then letting some of that high energy die down is not so bad. In saying that I have to let you in on something, I typically am not the "give a little bit" type of person; I'm a "give ALL of it or nothing" type of person. At the scrutiny of my mom and now my husband I have learned that there should be a happy medium. But I just don't know how to be a happy medium with my emotions. Whatever I feel is raw and true and you can't tone that down or just give off pieces of it. I give all of it, which is the reason that I can love so deeply and feel so intimately about things. I just felt that they only real way to back off of the emotions was to toss them AND the people who knew me to be her, away. Perhaps as time goes on, I can ease into more feelings. Who knows

Buggles, thanks for the comment. I am hoping to wake up from this refreshed and renewed just as you have. I feel like a phoenix in my marriage. That every time things get to that point where they are going to explode, and they do and our love feels like it's burning in the flames of our fury, I know that eventually, something beautiful, new and fresh will arise from the ashes. I am praying that is the outcome of this latest fiasco that we have found ourselves in. I am also praying that he learns something important from all this and that he too can become renewed and maybe, just maybe, we can both be accepted and LOVED as we are without pressure of change.

Misslovely, Thanks for the comment. Your first sentence made me smile because it depicted exactly why we (husband and I) had the fight, my emotions are so strong. But it's just the way I have been since I was mere toddler. It does seem odd for someone to love you (or seem to) for who you are then later on those qualities are just not working for them. And more often than not, it actually turns out that the things we fall in love with in someone start to annoy us later. It's so odd to me. The things that bother me about my husband I have either learned to just ignore, or let him know (as I always have) that I just don't like them (only if they get to be a habit) but I really don't think I have asked him to change something about himself that was there when we met and I accepted at the beginning. That would just be wrong. So I find myself thinking maybe he really has never liked the way I was so emotionally connected to everything and everyone and is only now telling me. Maybe he has just had enough of it. I don't know. But if this is the case then it's even more wrong of him to have let it go on for so long then just expect me to suddenly stop being who I am, and to never have known that he doesn't like it. He has told me since then, and since he has read this post, that my emotions are who I am and he doesn't want me to lose my friends.... and later he added that he didn't want me to lose myself either. But I still can't help but wonder if he didn't want me to lose myself, then why tell me to stop being ME? I won't lose myself entirely, but I have to let that emotional side taper off a little. Maybe they are just a little TOO strong sometimes. Cross your fingers for a good outcome :)

Lucas... well, that just seem to be the best thing to do. Nothing more needs to be said about that. I wish you had told me sooner! It seems a lot of times nowadays I make decisions and changes in my life without first praying to God and talking things over with him and asking for guidance. But you are right, keeping the faith is the best thing to do. And in this situation, the only faith that I can have is the faith that in the end, God will do what is right for our marriage. Either it will stay together or it will fall apart. But it is entirely out of my hands. Thanks for the Answer

KRW, thanks for the comment. And you have just asked the same thing I am wondering. If he couldn't accept me before, then why didn't he say so? I have often asked him that when things come up in an argument that he has NEVER once said to me when things were fine. How he truly feels always comes out when he is spitting fire and brimstone and when his temper is flaring. And then it always have to be apologized for later. Honestly, I feel that he means what he says, and only feels bold enough to say them to me when we are angry and that is his opening. I am glad to be reading about the other women on here who are just as sensitive as I am and who are just as emotional but have husbands that accept that of them and don't ask them to change who they are. That's such a wonderful thing. He later told me that he didn't want me to lose myself, and that he just didn't want me to be so sensitive, but, lol that IS WHO I AM! We shall see what comes of things. And I love my husband too, even when things get ugly and we spit nasty things at one another... I know that those faults are still not greater than my love :)

Everything you have said is absolutely true. He did know who I was before asking me to marry him, he knew after we were married, and now four years later still knows who I am, but doesn't like it. The truth is I just want peace. And hearing over and over that I am just too sensitive and emotional about everything, be it good or bad emotions, is getting on his nerves and making him feel as if he has to walk on egg shells. He knew all this, and I knew he was not an emotional person. One of us has to give... and I gave. Thanks for the comment:)

Spectrum, thanks for the comment and welcome to myLot. I have a question to pose to you: How is it a person can remain who they are when the one they love despises that part of them so much? How can anyone truly be happy with themselves knowing that they cause that much anguish or turmoil for the other? In being true to myself I would have to admit that without those strong, raw, deep and sometimes outlandishly naive (as was told to me) feeling are the very ones that kept me loving my husband when everyone else said don't. That kept me strong enough to hold my head up high when I knew that everyone around me knew the things we were going through and the bad things we were doing to one another. Those feelings were the very same ones that make me remember that on those good days, those wonderful days, those days where you just put that last fight out of your mind and pray to move forward and forgive. If it were not for those feelings I would have walked away long ago, but he is the first person I have invested my whole self in, and I don't want that investment to be for naught. I don't know. Maybe it's like a bank, that has poor interest rates, ridiculous overdraft fees and slow processing time. After a while you will remove your money and invest it somewhere else. Maybe love should be like that. When things start looking like they just won't improve and you think you could get a better return on what you are putting into their heart, you just decide that it's time to take your love "business" else where. I never thought about love that way before because my emotions kept me loving him. But maybe it should be more straight to the point and less dramatic. Maybe I should take my investment elsewhere, and be who I really am and not cause him so much strife. Not be the person that makes him feel like he's in the antarctic walking on a sheet of thin ice unsure of his footing and just wishing he didn't have to be there. You're a man, you tell me... if your wife were doing this wouldn't you want to be somewhere else, and be happy. And if I am not to lose myself then what should I do when I am told this is just not working for him, this 'me' that is so high strung?