Would you do this for ur love??
By keep_onwatch
@keep_onwatch (2680)
India
March 4, 2009 3:00am CST
Hi to all, I have been thinking about this for quiet some time, and wanted to know the opinion of you guys. I recently met my old friend, who was very close to me. I asked her how she was doing (though I was shocked to see her clad in a head to toe Muslim garment (she isn't a Muslim)). She replied she was fi9. I asked her, if she found a new faith, to which sh replied that she married a Muslim man, who wanted her to be clad that way and change for him. I asked her again if she wanted to do that, and she said, it doesn't matter what she wants, just that the person whom she loves, wants her that way. I couldn't say anything, in about few minutes, she rushes off saying," if my husband knew I am associating with my frendz, he will get angry, i have to go". She leaves with out even waiting for my response. I mean it wouldn't have mattered if she wanted to accept a different faith, but the fact is she did all that for the person she loves. If i love some1, and that some1 loves me, i don't expect him to change such things 4 me, as i love him as he is, and neither would i change myself, my views, my ideas, or my beliefs, in fact , this is what I am , and he should love me as I am. I know love includes compromise, but that should be from both the sides. Well thats what i think. Would you change who you are, for the person you love?
5 people like this
24 responses
@angela_allen (406)
• United States
5 Mar 09
Absolutely not. I am also married to a Muslim man, and there is no way I would've married him if he wanted me to change the way I dress, eat, pray, think, and who I talk to.
I did however change where I live, I moved all the way from Ohio to Egypt for him. Now that's what I call love, I gave up my comfortable American life style, to live in what is really a third world country. I changed my location, not who I am.
2 people like this
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Yeah, thats love and thats teh kind of compromise, which is required, and of course being who you are.
@BrianDaniel (256)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Hey, Angela, how do you like living fee Misr? We just returned from three years there. I should send you a personal message...I guess I'll make you a friend first. Wow, that is big, moving to Egypt with your husband. That does demonstrate love, believe me!
1 person likes this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
4 Mar 09
GOD made us and ultimately we are going to be judged for the things we have done on this earth. Jesus IS the Son of GOD! Jesus said that if we deny HIM, He would deny us, as I understand it. We need to stand up for Jesus and be good christians. Is a few years of happiness in this life worth an eternity in the bad place because we rejected Jesus?
2 people like this
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Hmmm....as a christian, i agree, but not every1 has the same thoughts and feelings, or beliefs, and especially when you r in love, there r certain things, that would make us do.
@kedves (728)
•
4 Mar 09
I agree with you that if someone loves you then they love you for who you are and accept you for who you are after all is that not the reason they loved you in first place? if they want you to change then it is not you they love. you can accept and appreciate someone and love them without demanding they change. if he wanted a muslim wife then he should have married a muslim. trouble is there is an old saying - love is blind .. i think in this case she is definitely blind.
1 person likes this
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
4 Mar 09
Yup absolutely, when u love someone, you love a person who is herself and you fall in love with the person with their qualities, then u want them to change ?? then that becomes like the person you loved isnt the person you loved.
@BrianDaniel (256)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Some Muslims try to propagate their religion, not just through the sword, as they've done in SE Asia and Africa, but through marriage, as part of a bigger agenda to monopolize the country.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
4 Mar 09
I think she loves her husband so much that she changed herself completely.There is nothing wrong in it.Meanwhile,we don't know the changes that husband would have done for your friend.Let us not come to a quick conclusion about chauvinism and like that.And I think your friend is happy,Isn't she?......If she has no complaints,then we shall not bother,either.Cheers!
1 person likes this
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
4 Mar 09
wel i am bothered coz sh eis my frend. And i am not jumpin to conclusions, just teh mere fact that i dnt agree a partnetr has to change unless there is a treat to their relationship, as i mentioned in the above post. Well when u respect others individuality, only then can u love that person for who they really are....
@tjsally (287)
• China
4 Mar 09
I agree with you at this point. I think love includes two sides, two should respect each other. One has no right to limit the another. If you really love a person, you should respect he/she first, and accept all of him/her, not to change another. If you want to change a person , you are selfish.
1 person likes this
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
4 Mar 09
Exactly, being selfish is the issue. You want the person you love to be changed, then that person is not the one you loved.
@BrianDaniel (256)
• United States
5 Mar 09
I agree you should not try to change the person, in general, but what if they have horrible habits and addictions? Shouldn't there be some limits? Every person needs limits and boundaries in their relationships to enable safety, peace, and growth, and true love. A relationship without ANY boundaries, do whatever you want, is in deep trouble.
@angel2009 (210)
• India
4 Mar 09
Change is the only constant in life and we keep on changing for one thing or the other. In a relationship, both are transformed which makes a relationship complete. But I don't believe in this kind of a relationship which is so demanding. I would expect my partner to love me the way I am and vice versa. Where there is so msny conditions, I don't think they are eligible to be even termed as "love".
1 person likes this
@BrianDaniel (256)
• United States
5 Mar 09
I like your perspective on change and transformation. If we don't grow and move ahead, then we are actually moving backwards.
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
4 May 09
Never. I always believed in loving the person for what he/she is and not changing the person whom u would love. I agree with u. Inter caste marriages does not mean, u need to change the religion of the person whom u love.U just accept him/her for what he/she is. I have always been staright forward in this, and the girl loving me should love me for what i am and not change me in any respect. The same holds true for me.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 May 09
Yeah i agree. Love should be compromise for sure, but love should not be blind!
@simran11977 (88)
•
4 Mar 09
I agree with you because i am a christian and my husband is a hindu and when we got married , both of us contiune in our own faith and we support each other.Relgion should not be an issue in a marriage and one should not have to change their faith to please the other.Love eachother fr who you are and support another.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Yup exactly thats wat loves all about....respect for the person you love.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Well, a christian can marry a hindu and so can a hidu marry a muslim. I mean religion is not the barrier here...if compromise is the key, everything will work. And when you fall in love you dnt see his/her back ground, you just fall in love!
@BrianDaniel (256)
• United States
5 Mar 09
I mean no personal offense, but how can a Christian marry a Hindu?
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
5 Mar 09
I may change ome of my habits, and alter my routine for my husband, but I will not change who I am for him, and I wouldnot expect him to change who he us for me. The way I see it, if you love someone and they love you, really, truly love each other, than you don't want the other person to change from the one you fell in love with.
If he wants her to dress differently, and she is okay with that, as well as a new faith, that isone thing, but for him not to want her to assocciated with her friends, I think there is something REALLY wrong with that. it sounds like he is trying to cpmpletely control her, and that is not love.
@BrianDaniel (256)
• United States
4 Mar 09
I absolutely would change, if it was for the better. Somehow we have the notion that we should stay the same, never change. Or once we find our true self, that we should only be that true self.
But we need to be continually growing and improving and making ourselves better.
On the other hand, we shouldn't try to change others. Changing others, especially our spouses, is a losing proposition. They should change primarily because they want to grow, not because they are responding to our demand for change.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Yeah...i mean changing for being a better person, in your own eyes, is appreciated, thast required as well. And change or compromise, on certain things are acceptable. But not in thE case i mentioned above, COZ I donno how much of goodness it contains, but i knw thats not what she wnated to end up as.
@BrianDaniel (256)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I would add that different cultures view love differently, just as various people have various opinions on love. This is the basis of our discussion, and your initial question: how do we view love and how do we love others.
In this light, we need some basis or definition of love, in order to evaluate your friend's relationship. Most of the comments left here are assuming a lot out of this Muslim man, but we don't know the guy, so we can only guess, based on our own experiences.
There are lots of healthy ways to look at love. So I would encourage us to be open-minded and not just view things from our own perspective.
Hey, you picked a good topic, way to go!
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
7 Mar 09
Yeah i agree...i donno the whole truth...just few glimpses of wat i saw, but it did impact me though...
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
4 Mar 09
Well i dont agree with change....change is needed when the person is wrong, like has some bad habits, or dangerous addictions, that can ruin their relationship...then the cahnge is required. But i do agree there should b compromise, but not at the stake of ones own individuality.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
4 Mar 09
Yup i still dont agree with you, coz my aunt married in inter-religion too, but i have never seen a better couple than them. He follows and is what he is...and she is still what she belives herself to be. That way infact they respect each other more.
@Quest8205 (13)
• United States
5 Mar 09
Well, I don't believe I would or could go that far. Though, I would change anything that didn't mean a great deal to me happily. I can understand her going that far for the man she love but I can't understand his asking for such things.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Hey thats a good point, she is so madly in love, so she did all what she thought would make him happy, but how could he ask for so much??
@lifen0803 (1)
• China
5 Mar 09
I wouldn't change all of myself to cater to the person I love. I would be lost.To throw all old friends just for one person's love is not worthy, maybe sometime later she would regret.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Yeah, now my point of concern is just the same, may b later on, she will realise thats not what she wanted, and thats not who she is, and that could create problems....
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
4 Mar 09
I donno about her husband, but i knw her. She is a very ambitious woman, and imagine she is not even working, or thinking of going out to even meet a frend....and her words--- "it doesnt matter what i want" is the point of concern.
@nut_nut (251)
•
8 Mar 09
i think that he should find the person who hes trying to make her into. compromising is absolutely fine and sometimes needed but to change an entire part of you like that. no i wouldnt. im willing to chance bits that aint so great bout me but not the bits i like lol
@vzihan (145)
• China
5 Mar 09
Hi,keep,this kind of action will deponds on how much your love.If I love someone so deep that I can do anything for her and I even can sacrifice something for her if necessary.If I do not love someone with my heart,maybe I just do something fair but not sacrifice myself.I love my girl and she is a muslim,so I do not eat pork since I fell in love with her.I dont think it is hard for me to do so,it is just my promising for our lives.
@Ritchelle (3790)
• Philippines
4 May 09
i actually would try to adapt but i certainly wouldn't change anything i see nothing wrong with.
but, as with your friend, let her be. all people have their own exclusive meaning of "love" and their very own measurement for happiness.
humans are rational creatures. if something is too much for them to take the "survival of the fittest" instinct kicks in: they get out or get away. 
@buggles64 (2709)
• United States
4 Mar 09
I think it depends on the kind of "change" we are talking about. I wouldn't give up the connection to my friends and family to be with someone, if he loves and cares for me like he says he does, then he will accept me as I am.
Would I consider going to his church if he was catholic and I wasn't. Yes. I would never want to change the person that I am to make someone else happy. I wouldn't want the other person to change either, because I loved them for who they were.
Now if it's an issue of addiction or abuse, the for the love of the person and my family, I would want them to get help.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
6 Mar 09
Yeah, addictions and dangerous habits, have to b stopped and changed. The rest of the things which makes us who v r, r definetley not gonna change.
@enrique_w (29)
• China
4 Mar 09
of course NOT
it is not important to change oneself to another totally.
i have my faith ,my thoughts ,at the same time my lover has hers.
we are not in the same style,or same mind,but still we can love each other, right?
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
4 Mar 09
Yup I absolutely agree with what you have to say. Respect each other for who they are, will b the best possible love for each other.
1 person likes this
