to gift or not to gift

When I was 17 (1950) bought my first car. It was used but had carpet on the floor and a radio. I was very proud of it. Soon after, I was asked by a young female from my Church if I would drive her (the bride,) and bride's maids to the church for her wedding. I was only too happy to comply. I was not invited to the wedding and received no formal thanks of any kind. I was not resentful, just surprised to have been asked, and then completely forgotten.

As it is an honorto be chosen to be in the wedding party. It is also expensive and time consuming. The bride and groom know this or should. It has always been known that you get a gift for the ones in your party. It shows appreciation for all they did and what they spent on the wedding, ie; the dress or tux depending if it's a guy or lady. All of the time doing the many things that are nessecary for the wedding to go off without a hitch. If you got nothing from your bride then I'd write it off as a lesson learned if you really feel let down by her. Maybe she didn't think about it or even thinks that it's not a big deal. I hope she at least gave you a thank you letter or card.

My fiance and I are not planning on giving my bridesmaids presents for attending the wedding. I don't think that it is so much a thing of the past as it is just a thing for traditional weddings, although I can assume that even themed weddings would have the possibility of gifting. Groomsmen can also receive gifts, but I don't think that that is as common. We have a friend who as far as we know is going to be giving gifts to those who are in his wedding party as well as for the bride will be doing the same. I don't think that it was particularly right for you to not receive any compensation, but I also don't know whether the bride and groom have been busy since, or have even had the money. They may still be paying for their wedding, especially if they used credit cards. Even if they themselves didn't pay the bride and groom could be entertaining those who did pay in appreciation for funding the wedding. Like I said, I don't know what reason you haven't been paid yet, but I can't say that you are justified or not in feeling a little resentful. Talk to your partner about it and see if she feels it is proper to say anything to the bride and groom.

is it really required to give them anything. but for your effort in helping out organized the wedding at the last minute you really deserve some gifts or even just some sort of appreciation which i think that you really deserve. specially you are not close to her and she should have thought to give something and to be more thankful. but i guess if the bridesmaid are our relatives and real close friends i think it will be okay cause we can do anything for our relatives that are truly close to our hearts without expecting and even to our friends but for some friends that are just some casual friends it is a shame if we don't give any thing.

When I got married I did not have enough money to buy gifts for the brides maids, but I wrote them a thankyou note. You have the right to be upset, but at the same time she is your friend, would you have done it if you were not expecting a gift? Most likely you would have. You should call her to meet for a lunch date (each pay your own) so you can spend time with just her.

This is also for practicality I supposed. We should understand that couples will be starting a new life and not asking gift is the best gift to them.

is the bride obligated to buy something for her bridesmaid? i dont know. i believe that it is a tradition however, and well, i did. i bought my bridesmaids a very nice necklace/earring combo to wear the day of and took them out to supper. i have heard of brides mostly buying jewellry but one bride that i saw on tv, bought all sorts of stuff for her girls. i guess it depends on the money you have. you are right, being a bridesmaid is very hard work!

I think that buying these gufts is becoming less popular. Many people are trying to keep their wedding budgets down and are cutting out gifts for the bridal party. I have heard of the bridal party recieving gifts, but not those who helped with the reception. I think it is very nice of you to help with their wedding as you did,but I do not think that it is tradition to give a gift to those who help. I think that those with higher wedding budgets are still giving gifts to those in the wedding party. I think that it all depends on the couple and their budget to determine if gifts will be given or not.

Hi dvschic...I guess it depends on your lifestyle and beliefs... Wedding etiquette has changed so much over the years and more and more is expected. I think its a huge money grab. Personally, if a friend of mine were getting married, or I was rushing last minute to help someone, I would not expect anything in return...This is a happy time for the couple getting married and my purpose would be to help make their wedding a success and wish them well, not look for a gift. I still beleive even though it may be old fashioned, that the gifts are for the bride and groom to start out there new life. Its payment enough to be asked to be invited or in the wedding party to share their special day.

I don't know your friends situation but I am trying so hard to plan a wedding this year. My fiance and I are in that "might as well be married" situation as we own a home together & have a kid. We just did things a little backwards! =] Anways, with the cost of a wedding and everything being so high its a lot on a couple, especially for those paying for their own like us. We are trying to put a small wedding together for about $2500 so though we may not be able to buy something incredibly expensive to say thank you we will find a way to do it for those who have helped make our day special. Everyone will get some kind of recognition for helping and contributing. Though I wasn't part of a wedding I was present at one and we spent money that we didn't have (before our daughter was born and we were trying to save) on something for the bride & groom, as well as a tux for my partner was one of the groomsmen, and helping pay for the groom's bachelor party since the best man didn't realize he was suppose to do that. We didn't even get a thank you card. The same couple who was married didn't even attend my baby shower that I had nor came to see me in the hospital when my daughter was born. Yet I was expected to attend her baby shower and now go see her in the hospital she just had her little girl a couple nights ago. I don't think people really think about others. I guess I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to things because I think of people before myself. I don't think you should feel bad for being resentful because I would feel the same, and I do feel the same when it came to my situation. I look at it as a matter of respect I guess.

yes, I have been in a couple of weddings and it is customary for the bride and the groom to buy gifts for their wedding attendants even if it is something small. I wouldn't be to upset about it, maybe you could suggest spending the day together shopping and just spending some time together and regain some of that lost closeness that you once held enough to be in your friends wedding. Sometimes, it is better to give then to receive....and just consider that you gave your friend a great gift of your time.

I did not buy any special gifts to my bridesmaid when I got married, but I paid for her night gown. As someone said as well, I didn't have enough money to buy too expensive gift, but in my country, there is a custom that the bridemaid and friends would get some pocket money the day they helped me in the wedding day. I have been a bridesmaid once, I didn't receive gifts and the pocket money too, I thought some of the girls helping the bride have had my part of the money, but that's okay, we are friends and I don't think the bride knew this, it was only a small amount of money and I didn't even blame them.