Do You Want To Know a Secret?.........Do You Promise Not To Tell?.....

I reacon that you could soft peddle it like dont wnato thohurt your feelings but. this is how it is with me. Now I am me and I havent ever held back with my family like my mom and dad. Noiw with my hubby I would tell so much but if I thought that it would hurt him I didnt tell it all.Right then. Later I would go over with it with him and tell all. Cant help it thats me. And I have taught my kids not to lie so I dont. But can hit with one barrel and let the other one go later. I hope ya understand what I am saying. I know how I do it makes since to me but to put in words is hard to do.

Sometimes your not aware of every thought until you think it. That is to say, once you think it you can't believe you've even thought it. I think these kind of thoughts are better left in your head, but then sometimes honesty is the best policy. It's a matter of picking and choosing. You don't want to not tell someone their zipper is down, or to not let a friend know that they have a cow lick in their hair, especially if their about to go to meet a person, whether it be business or pleasure. Now if it's something you've thought about and that annoys you about the person, the best thing to do is to decide whether it's an annoyance you can stand or one you might blurt out at a later date, and in a more hurtful manner. That's just what I think. I try to be honest, but I don't like hurting anyone's feelings either.

I think that some things are best kept secret. Some opinions if shared will do nothing more than hurt the person involved. I'm not saying that we should lie about important things but trivial matters that in the grand scheme of things don't really matter, is it worth the heartche? I hope the migraine gets better.... but I must say as a sufferer of migraines you really shouldn't be sitting in front of a computer screen!

I think that there are many things that should be done in regards to that so I dont really know what you should tell and what you shouldnt. I think it depends on what your relationship with the person is how much you can and should tell. I guess there are some things that should be kept secret and things that should be told. It all just depends on what you want to do.

I am the wrong person to be answering this discussion. I don't believe in sugar coating anything to anyone...friend, family, stranger, midget, or otherwise. Sometimes people need "harsh reality". If they are truly your friends they will value you even more for your honesty. If they take offense....it's probably because you hit the nail on the head and they were happy living in their little delusional house, and you shattered their walls.

To your first question, I say no....and yes. But, if you're doing it because you know the "negative" thing you might mention is essentially a trivial thing, then by all means, you are not being dishonest. If, however, it is something that you notice, others notice, that is actually having a detrimental effect on the person, but they don't realize it, then yes - you are being dishonest in the long run. If they are good friends and value your opinion, then you need to find a time and a way to tell them what it is that you have noticed and the effects that it has had. If they are more superficial friends, friends who take everything as an offense, have excessive sensitivity to any criticism, who only want to hear good news, then unless you're on a crusade of sorts, let them wallow and enjoy their company while you can. If they constantly complain to you about this, that, the other thing, and you don't really have fun with them, but are more a sounding board, then yeah - they need to be told. You might care, but that negativity will wear off on you - I know because I was one of them and can still fall into that behavior if I'm not careful. Everyone is different - you have to gauge their temperaments and their personalities as well as whatever it is they're going through at the moment to decide what, if anything, to say to them. Because giving negative feedback can be tricky, I don't necessarily think you're 'keeping secrets' as much as finding the best way to say it or believing the pain they're in now is a greater issue than to rub salt in the wound, which isn't a bad thing. It's really hard, even for professionals, to know when "tough love" should be applied. The line varies for each person. For some, it is thin - very thin. Even a sharp looks sends them scurrying for cover. For others, it's like chiseling granite with a plastic knife to get through. They feel nothing except their own pain and accusations of injustice and nothing you say gets into their thinking mechanism because they are currently a black hole of negativity. Any constructive criticism gets lost in the gravitational pull within. Just the fact that you worry about it - that you know it could hurt them - means you are a caring individual who wants to do what's right for a friend. But, remember, you shouldn't do it to your own detriment. Sometimes it's better to cut bait and fish than to go hungry because you've used a barbless hook.

I have a migraine today also. I understand how hard it is to focus in on a conversation. But there are times I will hold my tongue. I don't say exactly what I am thinking. Later, I might regret it. Later, I think I should have said what I holding back. I don't like to hurt people by being too honest with them. Sometimes, people need to figure a few things out for themselves. They don't really need me to tell them.

I think so, but some people will pry to get them out, even if you don't want to say because you don't want to hurt them

I feel that we all need to have some secret and private thoughts that we can keep to ourselves spark honey. I guess my way of judging is would it help you or the other person to let that 'secret' thought out and tell them about it? Would it hurt the other person short term but help them long term? I would say if telling them would achieve nothing but hurting them then why would you want to tell that secret? Hugs xxx

Hi sparky, I thought you were going to give us a ask about the Beatles songs hehe, yes I think there are somhing you need to keep to yourself espeacilly with freinds and relatives as they might take it the wrong way, my family always do so I won't tell them. Love and hugs. Tamara xxxx

This is a question that haunts me, I never know if I should be totally honest or is there the secret urge to hurt someone about something that I believe and they don't. Is this the old ego raising it's head or not. So I have set some guidelines to live by. Never question or try to change another religious belief. Each of us is growing at our own rate. Never say anything hurtful unless the person is in emanate danger of harming themselves or others. I wasn't put here to play god. Never give unrequested advice and when you give advice double check to make sure the other person really wants to know. But the Most important rule is the Golden one, "Do onto others as you would have them do unto you" So here is my question do you really want this answer and if not you have control of the delete button. Blessings

If you don't lie, but hold back I'm not sure it's dishonest. My in laws hang out in my house. They sit next to my books which a lot of them are on my faith "A year of ritual" "The Wicca Cookbook" "Pagan Parenting" But one day we were talking about faith and my Dad in law asked me what religion I was. Now I could have answered him straight but my hubby has always been the lessor child and I do what I can to improve that. I know their faith. So I answered honestly "I was raised Baptist" and then I was asked what church I attend. I answer that there isn't one locally that I feel comfortable with. And that my faith has changed a bit since then. I was honest but carefully so. I have to be when I speak to them (on any subject) for my hubby's sake (long story) I actually feel ok about it because in the long run it it is better for all of the people involved. Yes some things should be ours alone... in perfect trust.

I guess we have to consider the situation. Would it help or hinder the person, if you left out what you really wanted to say. Some time half truths can be worse than a lie. Sometimes we have to say what is on our mind, even knowing it might hurt the person. Cause holding back what we have to say, may make it worse. I would say it is better to use your own judgement.

It's hard to say..I think you should control the situation.It means that in some important issues,if your opinions can influence their decisions,it's best to tell them the real thought of you.You know,friends' ideas are always important.Your kind opinions can really help them and make them be more confident.If it's not so important,telling a little lie is not that serious,hah..Through your conversation,you can think about what's your friend thinking and maybe you can find something good in his/her saying.That's good for you all.

Hi Sparks, Your creative title caught my eye, and so I have to respond with I already know your secret, but that is only because when one can only tell the truth you can not hide what is inside. I think that there is no level at which an honest person can hide their true thoughts, ever have someone tell you they know what you are thinking and they are absolutely correct? Yes, like I just did but I didn't say what it was that you were thinking but in concept I am writing about that thought that is the thought of your name... From the musical Cats, dogs don't think about their names, they want to know where their next petting will be if not sooner now would be good, and the tummy needs to be fed again, mommy feed me again please... ohhhhooohhh oh ohoh oh! Can't forget the ole' I gotta go out... Open the door, dancing, quickly, hurry, I gotta go, I gotta go... Or the best of all, it's time for a walk, grabs leash and watches the excitement... I just had to take your mind off of that migraine... I hope it is not back again... I know I can be such a brat Were you ever ordered to do something and just listened then appropriately walked away?

It all comes down to it's relevance and purpose in my opinion. there's no point opening all the way uo and sharing "secrets" just for the sake of sharing them! Sometimes we also just need to LISTEN and not say much at all. Sometimes agreeing with someone even when we donlt, is the best option because it ultimately means that at that moment it time it will help them feel better about themselves, or finally make a decision about something..... Sometimes less is more, yet in other instances, full disclosure is needed. In some circumstances, we may also be dealing with a person that will be oblivious to our opinions anyway, so should we go to all the effort of trying to change this? Holding back at times is certainly not always being dishonest! It can also be a case of self-preservation or intelligent handling of a specific situation or person. The bottom line is that every situation is different and we need to be savvy enough to know what is required and what isn't; and of course when to be one way or the other!

Each situation and each person is different. can't say that you should tell a person all that is on your mind when I don't know the other person. How would this person take hearing the truth, your truth...from you?? Me I like for my friends and family to tell me what they think, as they are on the outside(sort of) and looking in. They may have a better handle on what's going on than I do because I'm too personally involved. I want to know the truth as my friends or family see it. I wouldn't want them to hold back on me. Not if they care about me. For example; I put on a dress that is really a nice dress, expensive and nice. I want to wear it fo a special occasion or anytime. It doesn't look right on me, it's too tight and shows all I wouldn't want it to (every roll and dip). But I'm told I look fine and it's nice on me. I then go out and embarrased by someone else that I don't know saying something about the way my dress looks on me. How awful, I would have rather heard this from my friend or family than to go out and be embarrassed. If I ask a question I want to be told the truth as they see it. It may hurt me a little or even a lot...but I'd rather hear the truth from someone that loves and cares or me. I'm am honest and forth right person. I try not to hurt anyones feelings and would be hurt as much if not more if I knew that I did hurt someone by what I do or say. But I think most want to hear the truth. You can tell someone the truth with a modest amount of tact.

Whoa. A subject so close to home, huh sparks?! lol I have to tell you, I have mixed feelings on this one for obvious reasons however, I'm still one who would much rather have the truth be told to me than not. I don't like the mean truth but the truth nonetheless. I don't give out any information unless asked, then and only then I'll tell the truth regardless if it hurts or not. I'll never be mean about it but I will tell the truth but I'll warn the person before I give it to be sure that they're really ready for it otherwise, I'll keep my trap shut. Now if it's a situation where one is hurting another, I'll tell the truth regardless if they ask or not because to not say something is condoning it. So it really depends on the situation and how you should handle it....

Well, I know you aren't talking about me, because we are totally honest with each other, good or bad. That's what REAL TRUE friends do. I demand it, you know this about me. And it really matters to have at least 1 person that you can just let it all hang out' and not be afraid of what they think. Knowing that you are accepted, regardless of how many stupid mistakes you make. And knowing they will tell you the whole truth, no matter what. Now, for the rest of the population.....I still can't seem to sugar coat anything yet. I'm trying to learn, but, well, I'm stupid that way. My criteria is fairly simple. Tell the truth. I'm learning, the hard way, that it isn't always the best idea in every circumstance to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The fact that I took Law in school andworked as a Legal Secretary for a time, also plays a part in my attitude. I have stood up in court and been a witness on a few occasions and because of my solely honest, nothing to hide personality, I am always believed. I don't want to lose that either.

Yes. If telling the friend something is going to hurt them, but not really fix any problem, I wouldn't tell. Only if it's a constant nuisance and it really bugs you, to the point where you don't care if they're your friend or not. Then I'd say it. Everyone has secrets. Not all opinions need to be said, not if the hurt it causes is worse than anything it might fix. If it won't fix anything, only hurt someone, it's best left unsaid. Old adage. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Good words.