Where is the line?

i have been in a long time relationship..........we both are madly in love with each other....... what ever we like n what we dont is made real clear.......i do remember we sometimes try setting up the boundaries but you know what for us they never work out.....so we finally cam to a decision that whatever it is we should be clear about it.if the partner understands he actually is for you or else not.........

aw... I think in a relationship, no matter how long the years you have shared with one another, there's always these boundaries and limitations you have with your partner so to spell that word respect. Saying honestly what you feel doesn't necessarily makes you dominating or controlling.. maybe a little more of explanation and effective communication would do the trick

Hello dawnald - I think you answered your own question. It's not controlling behavior when you're asking someone not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. You're right to stand up for yourself. You should be in a relationship where you are able to say everything you just said. Anything less is not worthy of you.

is there a line in a relationship except you dont betray your partner, i never felt that way.

well from the beginning of relationship i always tell my partner what i like and what i don't like... but somethings bcoz its habitual offense i always remind my fiancee to not say bad words specially when he is angry! i told him that it makes me feel uncomfortable when i heard him say those words and that im not used hearing those bad words... eventually he changes .. he never accused me of controlling him... maybe you should ask him nicely and tell him how you feel.. specially if you are in long term relationship, he must known you by now, he must know what makes you uncomfortable , he knows what you like and what you dont like! its not setting boundaries ... it's more on opening a good communication between you and your partner!

if someone accuses you of being controlling just because you tell them you don't like the way they do something they're the one with the problem not you. You can never like every single thing about another person relationship are about comprimising and if someone isn't prepared to do that they're probably not for you.

Well it's understandable that at a start of relationship you tend to tolerate things you don't like but as time goes by, a person should learn to say what are the things that are hurtful to him/her. The line differs with each person. Some may say it during the start of their relationship some may be passive and patient enough to wait for years or so. This kinda complicated need about an hour to talk about this or maybe longer. hahaha

i feel like if something bothers you you need to say so and let it be known either the person will respect you or they arent the one for you

There is no clear definition. There has to be some kind of boundaries - the problem is that the boundaries should have been established early on in the realtionship. I think that professionsl help (long term) is needed here. God Bless

Hi dawn! I think that you should always voice what you need from your partner. They won't hesitate doing it to you..lol..I am always very upfront so there is never confusion. I also make sure to mention that life is full of choices and when we make them we should be sure they are what we really want.lol..maybe that's considered controlling too I just think it's better to be honest instead of letting thinks get to a bad point.

I'm controlling when I tell you my way is the only way. When my words are trying to change a hurtful behavior but sound like I'm your mother telling you who you should be. When I correct the way my husband and daughter talk to each other I detach a bit from my role of wife and mom to become... hmmm... therapist maybe? I use words that don't tell them that they should feel differently but explains how their words or actions affect the other person. Now getting accused of being controlling can happen even when you aren't being so simply because they don't have anything else to say "back" at you because somewhere in there they may know you are right.

Dawn- When either party offers up ultimatums, it's not a healthy relationship. And when one party of the relationship is always telling the other how to be, how to think, etc that is not healthy. However, saying that something bothers you, makes you uncomfortable, or hurts your feelings that is allowing the other person to know your emotional/physical boundaries and is very necessary in a relationship. I think in developing communication one needs to set ground rules for having this communication. It may be that you need to simply sit down in a neutral setting, such as restaurant, with notepads and write out what you want the ground rules to be in your relationship. Perhaps there are set things such as "After a fight, we each to a seperate room for 10 minutes to cool down, write down our grievances, and we meet back in the living room". I think this part is difficult, especially if said behaviors have been ignored or tolerated for a long period of time. The spouse may feel resentful thinking, "You've never said anything before". The best way to handle this is to explain that you've been holding back, for whatever your reason is, and that you really cannot deal with it any longer. Explain it just as you have on your post. I really do wish you well in your relationship. Namaste-Anora

You will know the boundary if you stand firm on your decision. Let your Yes be Yes and your NO! be No. it will be difficult for you to decide when to stop and when should you draw the line, if you are not strong and firm on what you believe is right and what is wrong. For me, when i say No, i mean it so that he would get my point that i don't like what he is doing and if i say yes, it will always mean Yes to a fact that when i said, yes, i like what you do, so it is clear to him about the signals i give and not bothered or confuse if which is which. In any relationship, you should set a limit to something which you think will be right for both of you, something that you two will benefit. If you said to your partner about curfew hours or calling you if he gets home late, then he should do it or else there will be consequences.

If the other party sees it as controlling behavior, then you are better out of that relationship. Things can only go from bad to worse. Unless empathy exists, such a situation cannot be resolved amicably. one or the other will be compromising their freedom, imho

i would think that would depend on our intentions.the whole world can say anything but if our conscience approves us,then we are right.

I'm not sure where the line is but the first mistake is not being clear in the bef=ginning. If you let things slide for along time nobody will know it hurts you. But the best place to start is to sit down with that person and tell them how you feel without accusing them. Say "I feel said when we are not together' or "I don't like the way this is done" Something to that effect. It will take time but it will eventually start working. Maybe some time apart from that person might help. I have no idea what the situation is but it can be worked out if both parties want it too.

You started an interesting disscussion wiht this topic and something that I think most of us have experienced in one way or another. I think people do need to respect your feelings on the subject. I think when people overeact they dont want to do anything differently and resent you having needs of your own. I think if it's important to you you have to either let the relatioship go or find a way to communicate that will let the other person understand where you are coming from.

Well if you started out without restrictions and now are putting them in, unless you have been able to be totally honest it's confusing to the other party. Need to have a good sit down with total honesty on both parts to continue the relationship. Just my guess.

thats unfair with ur partner. he thought all the while everyhings fine then sll of the sudden, there are sudden change too... be honest, never pretend... thats how u measure the love, the respect and thats how u know the person...

if these words arise in a relationship it shows the increase in the amount of love they hav on each other....because only a loving heart begs other to understand them ....they don want to tel them each time about their likings and dislikins..