He is breaking my heart! need your advices here!

i think the two people together,there will be some contradictions,it's important to themselves to understand each other. you said your very attractde to each other,it's not a simple to find a appropriate person,so i suggest you wait a moment and solve the problem ,don't complain.

Hi substance!I have been in a similar situation. We were together for 2 years and he had no intention of making any commitment of any sort. I patiently explained to him that I needed to know where our relationship was going; I was in my thirties and I wanted children one day which I thought was a reasonable request from a woman's point of view. I had issues with his family who did not agree with our relationship and that did not help. I gave him an ultimatum and eventually ended the relationship. In my opinion a woman should not be made to feel this way. You should feel wanted and he should be keen to be with you. The current relationship I am in now with my husband is so different. We met and he wanted to marry me after six weeks and I was the one who told him to wait! We got engaged after about a year and not once did he make me feel insecure about his feelings for me and that's the way it should be, I think. You sound like a nice person and I bet there are a lot of guys who would be with you in a heart beat. I would give him an ultimatum; you should not have to wait for him, he is 31 and you've been together for a long time. I'm sorry but you deserve better.

I would wait. If you love him as much as you say you do- he and his love will be worth the wait.

You just need to be patient and let the good times roll. take more time to know him well. If he is not ready to commit yet then let him be, and wait, you can live in together for a couple of years to test how you can get along more with each other under one roof. Timing is also important before you commit to marriage so that you can really evaluate your partner if he is really committed to you or not, both of you should be well prepared physically, mentally and emotionally before marriage to make the event more memorable and endearing. If in the long run he still has some hesitations and reasons avoiding the marriage topic you can talk to him one on one and be more open to each other to settle any problems or hindrances why he is still not ready to commit to you. And when the same issues arise that he is still not ready then thats the time you can think twice and decide to call it quits.

I feel sorry for your situation. But it is true that there will be differences in opinions of persons even when they love each other a lot. I would like to suggest one thing - Be cool and hopeful. Leaving him and quitting is not a big thing to do - but it takes a life time to rectify the destruction it brings with it! Try talking to him in a cool place and try to express your feelings in a cool composed way. Don't talk in high voices. Listen to him, make a homework to understand his concerns. Try to analyze them first. Be a good listener even when he may not have a great point to prove. Even if he is not a clear expressing person of his feelings, be with him and try to understand his concerns first. After understanding them, try to make him understand your concerns about the life and settlement. I am sure he will listen to you if he feels you listen to him. Once after making a couple of discussions in a cool environment (not in home please - but places like a park, tour out of city to somewhere you (both) haven't been), you can come to a proper agreeable decision. I wish you good luck for your life. Last piece of advice to you - Don't take any decision hastily, be cool and hopeful. God is listening to you and he will bring good to you soon.

Maybe he doesn't like any responsibilities yet.Try to understand him,and wait if you really love him. In your heart,does he really loves you?if you feel that way,nothing to worry. Do you believe in destiny?me?i am.No matter what happen,if he is your destiny,you will be together.

I think it is just about the right time to talk about settling down, he is 31 for god's sake! when will he be ready? when you are both not able to have babies!??? Just my POV, he is just not that eager to be with you and settle down with you because he thinks he can find someone else, the fact that he told you that you can leave him if you are too eager gives us the idea that he is just not serious about you, he is ready to settle down, i think just not with you.

I guess you should just wait.. :) You just said you just love him so dearly, so why call it quits right? He has a point though, but you also have yours.. So try meeting halfway. =D I hope it works out. :) Good day!

let me share something with you that is quite the same. i have been with someone for more than a year and we love each other dearly but we are not committed. every time i would open up to him about getting committed, he gives a lot of excuses or says a lot of things that will stray away from that topic although we don't see anyone else. it caused me too much pain and i just knew i had to walk away even if it hurt so much. it's like i want to make a left turn and he wants to go the other way. my mom advised me to never ask a guy a commitment. so i'll tell you the same thing.. don't ask him to settle down. if he wants to be with you, he will ask you. so i called it quits.. it hurt a lot but with the help of family and friends, i pulled through.. couple of months later, i met someone.. and now i am happily married for 2 years. i hope i was able to help.. good luck!

It seems you are in deep love with him and you don't want to leave him.What you want is commitment by marriage, to which he claims some more time.So,there is no other way except to wait for him.For the time being,you should extend your support for him to reach his target,so that your marriage,as you like, will occur soon.Cheers!

After reading about your story i can imagine that you are at a loss.If i were you i would just behave like you.Now i give you my suggestion in third man's eyes.Now you transform your position.Suggested you were your lover now,what you should do if your mate wanted to settle down?If your answer is positive then your love is more than his.And i don't understand what reason for him to refuse is justified before a love which is so clear.May be i was too harsh.Well,the best end is you will go into sunset together.Be happy!

hey girl, i have the same situation like you, well ,,,, i put it very straight forward. i'll still wait but at the same time i'm looking around if there is any option which doesn't cause me time waisting with i'll just walk away from him. don't just put all egg in the basket!!!

Actually it depends on your priority? Which is important for you, married in the older age or break with someone you're love so much?but in my opinion, or if I would be you I will be wait for him. You know you love him so much. You are match with him in many aspect in your life. You have through the sad and happy thing together. Maybe you should ask him in the kind way, whether he is serious to marry you or not? You can see it by looking too. He said that you can leave him if you're too eager can mean two condition 1st. He loves you so much too, so that he can't see you desperate because you're always waiting for him 2nd. He doesn't really love you and still waiting, will things are still going well or not? or will he meet another better girl than you? you can see it from the way he spoke that words. You can see it from his habit. Does he always ready for you? Feel happy when with you? Answering your phone? Doing what he promise? If the answer is yes, you should wait..

I think you should just wait for a bit. He is obviously uncomfortable with the thought of marriage, and I think it would probably be best to give him some more time to get his head around it. It is a big thing, and may take quite a while! That said, there is a point at which it becomes too much. And that point is for you to decide. If you ever think that he has taken far too long, or you start getting interested in someone else, then it may not be useful for you to wait any more. Ask yourself what you really think, and then make your decision. Don't do it on the spur of the moment, make sure you think about it a lot, or else you'll regret it later.

it really depends on you now... if you are still willing to be patient and wait for him, then you can carry on the relationship... otherwise, i will say to call it quits... i know it is easier to say than done and it will cause lots of heartaches... but it is better to end it sooner rather than later as it will cause even more heartaches... good luck... take care and have a nice day...

my advise is just wait for the right time to come maybe he is not just ready for any commitment right now. Maybe he is still helping his family maybe he/ she has little siblings going to school. it is a nice attitude of not giving up.

[i]Hi substance, I would rather wait if I can feel that he is serious about me and in our relationship and when I know that he means so much about his excuse or whatever! But, when I don't feel the sincerity, I guess I will move on but since you are both too young, maybe he just needs to save more and prepare for your future![/i]

I understand if your bf is not yet ready to settle and still wants to earn money for you and for your future. But please do set a time for everything, we do age too and to be realistic, you don't want to wait FOREVER just to get married to him, please take some time to think things over, speak to him with all your heart. Tell him about what you have in mind, set a plan please, like getting married and having a family is a good conversation for couple who are really sure for each other. But if it seems that he does not think of a future with you, nor talking about marriage, kids and future family and with you, i think this is really blurred relationship for me. A man will always be full of ideas and ways to impress the person they love. And if by planning ahead is good for the both of you, then why not ask him when is he planning to get married, is he really wanting to tie the knot with you, or just take sometime to look for someone else that he think he is still not decided on you? Don't get me wrong in this, but please point out that everything has time. And waiting is difficult if you are just waiting for nothing. It is not being pushy, it is being organized and in some way you will really know what is on the mind of your man.

Yeah they are right. If you really love your boyfriend you just have to wait when he will be ready. Think of it the positive way. He honestly said to you that he is not finacially stable to get married. Some guys would definitely not admit that. Meaning he is thinking of good future ahead for both of you. But of course its always you who will decide. You just have to weigh things up. Goodluck to both of you. Im hoping a better future ahead to both of you. :)

I say if he is the "one" then you need to wait it out a little. He has your heart. It took my husband almost 6 years to decide to ask me to marry him. You just have to be patient. It is easier for women to settle down than it is for guys. Give him some time to think things over & maybe in time bring the topic up again. I say if you bring it up again & he explodes again maybe you should rethink your relationship then, but for now just give it time. Good luck.