Puppet On A String...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
April 9, 2009 7:41am CST
Why is it that some ppl feel that when you accept their friend request or you request them as a friend that you are suddenly obligated to them. You’re obligated to answer their discussions and/or reply to their responses. It doesn’t matter if you find their discussions interesting or if there is anything of value to add their response, you’re obligated. If you don’t they get rude and act like you’re a terrible person for not doing it.
Personally, I don’t ever check to see just who responds to my discussions and who doesn’t or who replies to my responses and who doesn’t…I just post my discussions, respond to discussions and move on. A lot of times I don’t even look at who’s discussions I’m responding to…if it interests me, I respond.
I add a lot of ppl as friends for several reasons. Maybe I like their discussions, maybe I was drawn to their response, maybe I admire their character or maybe their new and I want to help them feel like they belong. For me, MyLot is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job, it’s not a requirement and it’s certainly not an obligation. I’m not a puppet for someone to play with and I’m not here to be at anyone’s beck and call.
Don’t get me wrong though. There are a lot of wonderful ppl here and I have tons of discussions that I’ve found to be informative, interesting, amusing and even strange. Unfortunately I’m only one person so I can only answer so many at a time. I do value my friends here and enjoy glimpsing into their lives and sharing what they are going through. I guess what I am saying is anyone who’s going to be a friend needs to be able to accept me as is. Otherwise it’s not going to work out.
If you find you can’t accept me, I understand. There’s no need for rude private messages, big drama’s or tantrums. Just remove me and move on.
Do you ever feel you’re obligated to your friends? Does MyLot ever stop being fun and become a burden? Do your friends here accept you as is?
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
18 people like this
42 responses
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
9 Apr 09
You mean someone actually pm'd you and complained about your responses, or lack thereof? Wow, that's pretty rude! They must be new. When I first joined, I read the rules and tips and thought the idea behind friends was that you all helped each other as much as possible. Now, that's true but people have different schedules and get busy and I learned that while it's a nice concept it's not always practical! I relaxed and enjoyed rather than keep track of who does what for me or who returned a favor of replying.
4 people like this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
9 Apr 09
Something like that. To be honest I couldn't tell you who's responded and who hasn't, who's discussions I've answered and who's I haven't. In fact, I just responded to a handful and I couldn't tell you who wrote a single one...I just don't pay attention to it.
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
4 people like this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
9 Apr 09
had a few who have tried this with me, but they found out really fast it dont work with me at all. even my family memeber found this out.
4 people like this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
9 Apr 09
Well, occasionally it seems I have to point it out b/c ppl forget even though there's a nice little "get to know me" box on my profile all about it :) I also have a family member who thought that way and would call me up to tell me about their discussions they started...I finally told them "I'll get to it as I get to it".
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
4 people like this
@Linda4ualways (2282)
• United States
9 Apr 09
Well my my! Being that you don't read the responses to your post, you may not see this one but I must say that I have not ran into your problem and hope not to. You are right, mylot is to be enjoyed, to meet people , to have nice conversations and to get support if need be. Some people use this as a way to make money and I am not knocking that. Truth be told, I am looking forward to making pay out for my second time since joining mylot a few years ago. See that goes to tell you right there that I am not in it for the money but for the fun of it
Take care and God Bless!
Take care and God Bless!3 people like this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
9 Apr 09
Actually I do read the responses, I just don't feel that they all need a reply or that I need to go through repeating the same things over and over again. Everyone is here for their own goals and each of us participate in MyLot in our way. If we were all exactly the same MyLot would become pretty boring.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
3 people like this
@nova1945 (1612)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I agree with you 100%. Having a friend's list is nice because their discussions go right to your email and makes looking for discussions easier sometimes. But if I have nothing to add to the discussion I just move on to the next one. Commenting on a response someone makes to my discussions is polite and I do try to always acknowledge their input. After all that's what a discussion is - an exchange of ideas or perspectives. But I am not offended if someone doesn't reply. I rarely delete a friend on my list and maybe am not very nice because I also rarely send a private message (certainly NEVER a rude one) and don't feel obliged to do so. As you said this is just a fun site to banter or learn from the experiences of others. You just can't take it that seriously.3 people like this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
9 Apr 09
It does make it easier and if your behind you don't miss any. The only time I respond is if I have something to add to their comment...not just for the sake of responding. I think keeping MyLot fun is what keeps ppl from getting bored or frustrated and leaving.
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
2 people like this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I have never had anyone make me feel as if I was obligated and if they said anything, I would just ignore it. If they said something again, I would take them off of my list.
I feel no obligations to anyone on any website and if someone does, they have issues and need counseling!! LOL
If I answered for all of my friends, I would never sleep and eat.
3 people like this
@dorypanda (1601)
•
9 Apr 09
I understand that. I've had a few 'friends' on here telling me (and everyone else) that they HAVE TO respond to their questions, no matter how dull their questions may be. I don't think that you should feel obliged to answer a question, just because you've befriended someone here. I would prefer someone to not answer a question than to feel obligated to do so. You just carry on doing what you do, decent friends will stick around anyway.
2 people like this
@ErrollLeVant (4353)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I feel a responsibility to my friends, to be what I should be in the relationship, regardless of their response. It is always better if the responsibility is reciprocal--"One another"
2 people like this
@ErrollLeVant (4353)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I was speaking more in general terms than about mylot. But my motivations do not put any expectations on you.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (47125)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
9 Apr 09
I'm with you 100%, twoey. (And you've probably figured that out for yourself, as I don't respond to every discussion you start.)
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Apr 09
Well I actually feel more obligated to respond back to the replies of my own discussions first as I figure people took the time to answer my discussion that it's only right to give some response back as a polite acknowledgment....then if I have some time left over I'll search for some of my friends discussions and if it's something I can relate to will reply to it. But not every discussion my friends make can I relate to. I have some friends that always discuss about their favorite soap operas..well I'm not a soap opera fan, so how can I possibly respond? Like duh?
Also I have to admit some really long discussions I tend to stay away from...mainly I admit due to tiredness. I spend most of my time writing articles which means often a lot of on-line researching....so I'm sort of in gaga land from eyestrain from reading on-line, so to come across a really long discussion puts me off a bit. If I do find it interesting though I'll come back to it and respond..eventually...LOL
Also I have to admit some really long discussions I tend to stay away from...mainly I admit due to tiredness. I spend most of my time writing articles which means often a lot of on-line researching....so I'm sort of in gaga land from eyestrain from reading on-line, so to come across a really long discussion puts me off a bit. If I do find it interesting though I'll come back to it and respond..eventually...LOL1 person likes this
@schulzie (4061)
• United States
10 Apr 09
I haven't had anyone get upset at me for not responding to their discussions. I try to post interesting discussions and I respond to discussions that interest me. So, I guess I am alot like you in that respect. It just really depends on what the discussion is about and how much free time I have on that day to spend on the site in general.
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
1 person likes this
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
10 Apr 09
I don't answer all of them I used to and I tried really hard and then it was to much work. So yeah I don't get to all of them but I try and I + when I go and don't answer but I stop in and have a look see. But lately it has been hard to do. Don't worry I will never be mad at you for that. I mean if you ran over my son then yes. YOu have a good day. Your friend Onlydia. Bless you
1 person likes this
@kissieme (777)
• Philippines
9 Apr 09
Wow! Twoey...
Someone actually sent a private message to you to respond to a discussion??? 
... I have many friends also here in such a short time but I never asked them to respond to my discussions. Whoever wants to is ok hee hee...
I've never felt obligated to respond to discussion of any of my friends and I think they accept me as is ... so far, I am enjoying mylot no matter how less the time I can put on here because I have a full time job...
... I have many friends also here in such a short time but I never asked them to respond to my discussions. Whoever wants to is ok hee hee...
I've never felt obligated to respond to discussion of any of my friends and I think they accept me as is ... so far, I am enjoying mylot no matter how less the time I can put on here because I have a full time job...3 people like this
@RockmanX251 (75)
• United States
9 Apr 09
In my case, I only request people who answer my posts without being such a jerk about it.. though, my posts are a bit much for some.. but, I don't think that they should have to answer my posts unless they relate to what I'm saying, or, even if someone is opposed to my opinion, I still welcome their responses. It always helps to cover a story from both sides, am I wrong? It's that logic that I keep in mind with each entry that I post. Oh, and as far as my friends are concerned, I'm 21, and all of my friends are above 30, so as far as being accepted is concerned, you'd be surprised.
2 people like this
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
14 Apr 09
I accept you as you are..because I feel the same. we can't be everything and we are only human and can only do so much. You'll be remaining on my friends list and I won't be sending P.M.to you saying mean, rude things..because life is life and everyone's is different and we have to deal with that and understand it..
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
16 Apr 09
Personally I agree with you whole heartily as well. When it comes to discussions and Friends, over all there are too many people in here that post interesting discussions with also lack of time to make sure I respond back to everyone on my friends list, and do it all the time as well. If someone gets upset with me not responding to their discussions and removes me, that is their choice. But usually they are the ones missing out in the end.
When it comes to discussions like you said I respond to the interesting ones in here, and ones I feel I can relate with. It does not matter if you have been here one day or 3 yrs. if it looks interesting I respond.
@jillmalitz (5131)
• United States
9 Apr 09
Well said. I could not have said it better.
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
16 Apr 09
omg yes! i have had friends here and at some other money making places that would go crazy if you didnt spend all your time returning their attention and since i am always online i dont know how these people spent more time on me than i was able to return lol.. but i try to get around to everyone but i cannot reply to everyone and everyones discussion.. thats insane!! but they would send evil messages and complain etc.. drove me crazy!! i coudlnt have a life away from mylot because as soon as i was missing for 5 minutes i would get slammed with messages from them wanting to know where i was.. now i am not having the problem as much but god it was bad here and at another place for awhile..
yeah they are the things that make mylot seem like a burden.. when you feel you HAVE to do things and not do things because you want to
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
9 Apr 09
Hi twoey,
People do seem to get the wrong idea of what Mylot is all about. It's about sharing. There is nothing in the guidelines that says you are obligated to respond to anyones post. We are here to enjoy ourselves and I agree with everything you said without repeating it.
Unlike you, I spend most of my time responding than Posting. Until recently I had all my email alerts turned on but I was overwhelmed and my email box was out of control. So, I turned most off that I don't hear from much and those I never hear from and now it is under control. I do have to search for some posts but that's ok.
Friends, respond if you like but part of being a friend is not having expectations!!! It will make you a much happier Mylotter.
leenie
1 person likes this
