Who Would Take Care Of Your Parents...

You sound like a wonderful family. I am now the mother living with my daughter (because of a separation) but I often worry about if I ever really need physical or medical help who would take care of me. I want to be independent as long as possible. But you never know, right? Tomorrow I could have a stroke and need care. I don't want to be a burden on any of them and I worry about it a lot.

Hi twoey...I think it all depends on who had the bigger house. Right now my parents have the bigger house so it would just make sense to move in with them and sell ours. I really don't think it would be a decision between us siblings. I think it would be me because I'm the oldest girl. I don't think my brothers and their wives would take them in but I could be wrong. Hopefully we won't have to have this conversation until much in the future.

My mom is 81 and right now one of my cousins is staying with her. My mom is in NY and I am in NC so my cousin keeps an eye on her. My mother is healthy and is very active at her age. If she does decline in health then my cousin will either put her in a nursing home or contact a visiting nurse service to come to the home. It's hard because I am down here so I can only do so much. I don't think my two brothers will object to what my cousin decides. I certainly don't object to a nursing home if that is what is needed for my mom and for my cousins sanity. I know of people who care for their elderly parents that get burnt out and can't have a life of their own. They are stuck at home all day playing nurse. I know I don't want that for myself. It may sound selfish to most but I would not feel bad if she was being taken care of by others. It takes the burden off of the family. Hey more power to you and anyone else who can live like that. I certainly can't. When I get old I wouldn't blame my kids if they put me in a home. I want my kids to be happy and be able to go places without worrying about me.

I'm not really sure what would happen. My husband and I work seven days a week so our time is limited as to what we would be able to do. I am sure someone in the family could help though.

I've decided that I won't ever put my mom in a nursing home either, I've had to do it with other family members before and it was the most hardest decision I ever made and I didn't like it at all, so I vowed to never do it again. Three years ago my mother had a stroke, at the time she was living on her own and working full-time, but after she had it she couldn't do anything anymore on her own, so she came to live with me and my husband. I have 4 other siblings but they all work and have kids to take care of, I didn't, so naturally it was decided that she come home with me. I didn't mind, I love her, it was a little hard at first, we all had to make adjustments, but we all fell into a routine, after awhile she started getting better, her memory was coming back, I had to take her to physical therapy three times a week, and after two years she was almost back to her normal self and she decided to move out, that was hard for me to leave her alone at her new house, for the past three years I'd been playing the role of her parent. I think only one of my sisters told me Thank You for taking care of mom, but it was alright, we all still get along. It did change our lives for awhile, it made me and my mother have a closer relationship, and we still do now.

there would be fighting alright but not like most people would think it would go something like this sibling 1 "uh uh you take her" sibling 2 " I cant you take her" sibling 3 " I dont want her you take her" sibling 4 "oh just put her in a home" sibling 5 "will taking her benifit me financially? no then i cant take her" sibling 6 " oh good grief sibling 1 just take her you are the oldest" ME "everyone shut up!! I am taking her because clearly I am the only one that cares enough" my mom is not quite unable to live on her own yet but she already knows that my home is open to her if and when she ever needs a place I will take care of her there is already tons of conflict between me and my siblings so nothing will change there it would just be one more example of how big of pieces of shyt my siblings are

Well, since we own our home and my parents don't, it would be them moving in with me I guess. Of the 8 kids my mom had there would probably only be two she would think of moving into and that is mine or my younger brother. Of course it would change my life it is a big step..and like a reverse reaction instead of her caring for me it would be me caring for her. Some families don't always do what they should or want their lives disrupted but I doubt there would be any fights on who cares for my parents. Me and my little brother are the closest to my parents besides my little 7 year old sister anyhow. But if the time came..sure I would step up to the plate and try my hardest to make it work.

My grandma used to live with us untill she passed away and I would surely do the same thing for my mom and dad if the day would come along that they needed care. My mom has allways said she doesn't want that but I would at least offer it to her so she has a choice. I haven't really talked about it with my dad but he would be just as welcome; or both .

My mother elected to move into a place that went from independent living to full nursing care, she's now in the nursing side, and honestly, I couldn't take care of her now, I don't have the streangth to do so, in fact, my sister and brother's girl friend could barely put her on the portable toliet when my sis was here in March. I do go over and visit with her several times a week, take her to functions in the Manor so she's not stuck in her room all the time.

My mother will never go to a nursing home! Our family takes care of our elders, like yours does. I would probably move her in with me but if she was that dependent I would have to make some changes to my house or get another one that has just one floor. My mom, my sister and I will probably end up living all together anyway!

My mom is 72 this year an is living by her self in the home that i grew up in. and so far she is still doing great, but if the time ever comes to make that kind of decision it will be up to her. I have 4 brothers, and one sister. But only 3 of my brothers live in the same town that she lives in, and she also has about 10 of her grown grandchildren that live close enough that they visit her all the time. I live about 12 hours away, and would be their in a minute to help her any way that i could. and if she ever decided that she wanted to move here with us, she would be welcome anytime, with our arms open. and i think that it would be the same for any of my brothers and sister.

Hi twoey68. I have been there and done that. I looked after my first motherinlaw, for over 2 years when she was released from hospital with cancer and dementia. It was extremely hard on me as I had 3 small children at the time. She was my first husbands mother and he did nothing to help. All he wanted was her money, while I did all the work. It became very difficult when her dementia worsened, and she began blaming the kids for everything she did herself when she put things in places and forgot where she had put them. For 2 years, I never left the house. Then one day I was getting my son who was a newborn ready, and laid him on the table to dress him. My mother in law didnt understand, and got really mad and said children dont sit on the table and went to push him off. Good thing I was right there with him. After that, she did go to a nursing home as it was just too much. There were no other family members to help at all. So when I get older and cant look after myself, I dont want to be a burden to my kids. I want to go to a home and I will take full advantage of whatever fun things and events they have going on that I am able to do.

Well i live with my mon now i would never put her into a home shes my blood our should i say i am her blood and i will aways take care of her. I think if people put there mon into a home it is a bad thing to do.

I would have my parents move in with me. That way i know my way around better and they have a closer acces to the bathroom. I would take complete care of them and buy them what they need because no matter what they will always be my perents.

I am currently caring for my grandmother after major heart surgery, I am actually currently in the process of moving OUT of their basement with my children....lol. So, yes, I would provide the best care I was able to, when needed.

My Mom passed away 3 years ago..I tried moving her in with me, however she had been very sick at one point & it did some brain damage, which made her very aggressive & mean at times...We never had a problem with which siblings would care for her, no one actually wanted to deal with her anger issues...so we took turns a lot...Bless her heart, she was a wonderful Mom all my life, however with the brain damage she was not herself, so as much as we all loved her , it was a buden on us to have to deal with her mean ways...under normal circumstances i always wanted my Mom with me, but with the brain damage we had to take turns because none of us were able to care for her on our own full time....

that's what i've been doing with my mom.no sibling conflict,cause he's here too. he kind of has to be,because i can't lift her and he knows it. i finally got her to give me medical power,after the hospital tried to throw her in a home against her wishes.that scared her enough to listen to me.

If my parents were living, I would take them in myself. No questions asked. If my siblings help that would be great. If not, I would have to alter/change my schedule. No problem. I have worked in nursing homes, hospitals and group homes. I can tell you first hand, there is no way that a loved one can or will get the personal care that can be given by a caring relative. Staff shortages, call-ins and layoffs are frequent in the medical field. Now I know some families need these facilities. I would suggest, spend as much time helping and visiting your love one as much as possible. Do your best and don't get stressed out about it. Stress can and often does happen.

I think your attitude towards your parents is wonderful and I wish I had the same but in my case, I would hate to have to take care of either of my parents! No, I'm not mean and selfish; if you knew them the way my sister and I do, you would probably understand. We grew up with a lot of emotional abuse and we often wonder why we are still talking to them! They are our parents after all... When the time comes there will probably be arguments between my sister and I because neither one of us would want them! Goodness me! Living with them again would push me over the edge! I would ensure they are taken care of as long as it's not in my house, they have caused us too much pain and now that we have control we don't want to take any more! Good on you for the relationship you have with your family, I envy you, I really do...

Hi twoey, My mother is fit and is able to take care of herself,but , we children want her to sty with us. She lives with my brother's family most of the time and with my sister at other times because they both live in the same city. She visits me often and we all look forward to her visits. She is a very positive person full of energy and always ready to take up any kind of job and help us out. We all love her a lot and treasure all those moments we spend with her, ofcourse, we do have some tiffs as well LOL which adds some spice to our lives. But all in all, there will never be any problem for her because she is loved by all of us including my sister in law ( her daughter in law) who is on the best of terms with her and us ..touch wood