Please Help My Battered Sister-In_Law!

she is doing her self and her children a dis service by staying with a man that abuses her. She needs to have enough self respect and enough courage to leave him. She will be better off and so will her children.

She NEEDS to get out of that relationship, with all your support as her in-laws. Tell her immediate family as well! If not for herself, for her kids! Those kids are not only going to grow bitter towards their father, but bitter to being a family in general. If you presented it to her in that way - she'll be at least half-convinced that it's time to leave. A mother's love for her children far exceeds her love for herself.

Hi there! I am quite confused with what your sister-in-law have reacted about the situation regarding "kid's future". Is she referring "kid's future" as that of preserving the family or would it mean "financial"? As you mentioned, the relationship is no longer healthy in spite of talking to your brother and to your sister-in-law. What I understand with her "reason" is that she is already immuned with the pain. However, there are many ways for her to keep apart with your brother. One is to have a LEGAL SEPARATION on the ground of repeated physical violence. Second, a criminal act for violation of R.A. 9262,which is entitled as the Anti Violence law against women and/or children. Another, is to request to the Court for Restraining Order, that is to restrain your brother from getting near to your sister-in-law to prevent him from inflicting injuries to her. Of course, the second suggestion is quite harsh because it is criminal in nature. The first suggestion is better because the marriage remains and it does not capacitates both to remarry. Hence, the custody of the children will be awarded to the innocent spouse. The restraining Order on the other hand is temporary in nature unless as subsequently ordered by the Court when circumstances requires. My suggestions are the "legal ways". If she worries of the kid's/kids' future (am not sure how many children are involved), then it is best that she has to take the legal process because our law with such kind of situation protects the women and promotes the welfare of the children. For more specific inquiries about the matter, do not hesitate to write me.

If it were my brother, I'd give him a good whack on the head. Anyway, it's not right and it's not healthy for your sister-in-law to continue living with your brother. I think it will be better for everyone, even for the children, if they would just separate. It can become traumatic to the children to see their parents fighting and physically hurting each other. Either they will grow up thinking that it's right to hurt people, or they will grow up hating their parents (especially the dad). I have a nephew who, at a very young age, opened up to me and told me that he hated his father and that if his father should die, he won't visit his father's grave and would even spit on it. His father abuses the mother whenever he gets angry or drunk or whichever. He would also hurt the children and that's what made my nephew hate him so much. I hope this doesn't happen to your brother's family.

You are right it is a very hard decision to make and I commend you for seeking help for her. After 15 years of being with your brother she knows nothing else. I can almost guarantee that it is not only for the kids that she stays with him but also for fear of being alone. I was also beaten by my ex and I stayed with him because he had me feeling like I was worthless. I felt I didn't deserve anything better, I always worried how would I raise the kids by myself, what would happen to us. Would he come after us? I didn't want to be alone. I would bet that these same thoughts run through her head too. She probably at times wanted to leave but these questions kept her with him. I finally left my ex when he came home drunk one night our second child was just 2 months old, the baby was sleeping in his crib and my 2 year old in his bed I was in my bed and he came in and punched me in the face and started choking me for no reason other than he was drunk. I knew then it was either leave or die so I fought back and while was down on the floor in pain I grabbed my kids and ran out the door to a neighbors house. I called the police had him arrested and before he was out two weeks later I moved and never saw him again. I also know that if she doesn't leave him, her children have a huge chance of either being abusers or being abused in their future relationships. Please tell her the the church is not the one suffering the wounds, she and the children are and there is no way that God wants this for her. God is not cruel and would not wish for her to stay with him just for the sake of marriage. She is being abused and suffering, God will not punish her for choosing to live a safe life for her and the kids.

if im the battered wife i will file a case to my husband. or before that i will go to the near barangay office and tell everything to make him calm. after that if no further results i will pursue the case to the court; gathered all the evidences you have and make this legal, protect your children from it. i will not live in that house i will apart to him.

In strained relation between husband and wife, it is always the kids who suffer a lot. I feel this way children will grow up with wrong values and take it for granted that mothers or wives can be hit as no relationship ends because of that. So in return they might also become abusive relatives. It is better to stay separated if your sister in law does not take divorce, may be separation might bring sense to your brother and he might improve.

This is a very sticky situation. I have been in this kind of situation but I am quite lucky as am not physically abused. It happened during my early part of marriage and when the kids were still young. I did not run away as I feel the kids still need a father figure in the family and was praying that he will one day end the womanizing and clubbing and drinking. My home becomes a battlefield in front of the children. It went on for many years and the children grow up in a very tense surrounding because of the constant quarrel. It is very damaging to the children to see their parents quarreling. They are grown up now and the damaged done on my children's mind is beyond repair. My eldest son is always blaming me for a troubled childhood and seems to show no respect of me. I feel it is better for the children to live in peace with one parent then be with both parents who are always fighting. It is good to tell your sister in law to separate and live somewhere else with the kids and allow your bother to come to his senses when he is deprived of a loving wife and children. My husband has since become a godly person but not until all the hurt he has hurled on me and the children.

This is really really bad for the kids and the family. The kids are not only losing respect but they are learning that this is how families are supposed to be. Not only that but one of these days, your brother could seriously hurt or even kill the children's mother....then where would they be? Beyond all that, if the police get called too many times or if Child Services get involved, they both could lose the children. If she really wants to do something good for her children, she would leave him and raise those children in a loving home. Their dad could still see them and spend time with them. Maybe, without all the battling, the kids can respect and have a relationship with their dad also. they deserve it.

Your sister-in-law should leave your brother.. she doesn't deserve to be treated that way.. i mean, what's the use of staying in that kind of relationship? i bet authorities would also suggest that she leaves your husband as early as now.. in fact, your sister-in-law could file a charge against your brother but instead of doing that and leaving your brother she opted to stay and fight for the family.. if i were in her place, i would leave the man and get my children out of his life..

It's a really hard situation to give advice on. I came from a household where I had an abusive father and I think the best decision that my mother made was to leave him. It's difficult for a domestic violence survivor to leave that situation however if they have no one else to turn to and no money. If she has people that can help her get on her two feet than I would advise her to leave. As a child that came from that type of household I can tell you that it is damaging to everyone, not just the person being battered. It would be healthier for everyone if she were to get out of the situation because she would be safer and her children won't have to grow up experiencing that. If she is staying with her husband just because she thinks that he children need a father than I think that's a bad reason to stay because he isn't the type of role model they need in their lives. A father is there to protect and help support his family, not cause stress and heartache and fear. If she is staying with him because she cannot afford to leave and has no one to take care of her children then maybe she has family or someone that she can turn to to help. It's hard for me to give advice because you live in a different country and different services might be available there to domestic violence survivors than in the U.S. If you guys do have domestic violence shelters and other services like that then I would advise her to try to go to them and ask for help because they can probably give her referrals to services that can help her, whether it be childcare, safe shelter, job training, or whatever. I wish her and her children all the best and I hope that she makes the right decision. I know how hard it can be to make it but in the end it'll be best for everyone.

Under the Law. beating and hurting your wife is punishable under the penal code. That law provides to protect the rights of the women. Husband has no rights to hurt his wife even there is an evident that his wife is committed a crimes. Unless that passion cannot be control, because of that case. The regular actions of the husband in hurting his wife is not tolerated by law. It should be for husband knows about the rights of the women, to avoid more inflicted pain in the part of the wife. The husband has responsible for crimes that he is committed on her wife. Because it affect psychological and physical conditions of the wife that correspond to their children. The wife should report it to the police or authorities about his suffering or the maltreatment that she suffer from his husband.

Well, i believe she should report his husband's acts to a woman organization or even to the police. Woman should be treated with care and not beaten like animals. Well, i think she should get out of the relationship because by remaining in it, she is promoting injustice and many other men will do the same to women knowing that the woman will not go anywhere.

Oh! Very critical and really I would like to participate in such conditions. First of all I respect your sis-in-law for being a real woman with all her goodwills. She is wright in her decision. But the matter is all you family member can't see her in pain and suffering from all these. Being a human nobody would like it. You family membrs love towards her is also appreciable. But still it seems like your love may play something not good in future. So, if you all really love her and want her good then better keep her aways from reach of brother, which can be done even staying together in same building. Separate them but not legally, or formally, just practically make them separate by their apartment, contacts. Like If your sis-in-law don't talk to your brother but on;y with your mom, dad and serve for them , then I hope, ofcourse after a certain time 3 months, 6 months, 1 year or 3 years but all you could see the surprisingly changes in your brother. If possible try to explore the main reason why all these happens for and why he beats his wife. Solve it if possible, else follow the ideas above. AB_Singh

kids would as it is lose respect for their dad…they have witnessed how their mother is being terrorized and beaten by him. Separating might give them a peaceful atmosphere for growing up. However, its not really easy for a woman with three children to live on her own…finances are there, security is there and then of course the kids would at some point, want to see their dad. So ultimately it’s a very tough decision and nobody emerges victorious…it’s a loss for all sides. Only silver lining I see is the way you people have been supporting her, going against your own brother.

She SHOULD get out of the marriage for the SAKE of her children! I know families like that and some of the kids who witnessed domestic violence during childhood either: 1) grew up to beat their wives too, or 2) if they are girls, they grew up to become punching bags of their husbands because they were raised to believe that it's okay to receive beatings Besides, even if he is not beating her, the fact that he is unfaithful is already a good reason to leave that no-good husband. I'm glad that you are concerned about her and I do hope she comes to her senses soon. Tell her to REALLY think about her kids. Staying in that kind of relationship is not the solution.

i think your sis-in-law is taking a wrong decision. She should actually be walking out from the marriage if she values her children's future. if she is economically dependant on her husband, it makes matters worse. but if she has full support from your family members, then i think she should leave your brother and start off with a healthy lifestyle again. she owes it to her kids, who otherwise may grow up emotionally scarred forever. if she can get a job, then she will regain a lot of her confidence. so i feel you should advice her to do so. your brother has no right to abuse his wife physically and emotionally this way. i think you should take an upper hand and put in a complaint to the concerned authorities to take him to task. perhaps, he may get scared and stop battering her this way.

Last summer, I had a student job, working at a shelter for battered women. I don't pretend to be an expect in the subject, but what you are describing is something that I've seen before. Many mothers in this situation think that they are doing a good thing for their children, by staying with their spouse. But, if you want my opinion, I really don't think that that is the case. Your brother's children will learn from his actions, it will affect their emotional state, and such. All in all, it will hurt them more than help them. Not to mention that it will hurt their mother. I think that it's best that she leaves your brother. I know it's difficult, because after all, this is your brother. But this is my opinion, my thoughts.

She ought to leave her hubby with her children. As a mom, she's a great.but it's not good for herself.You know, if prolong so bad marriage,it's not only hurt herself but aslo give a deep misery impression on her little children in the future. Can she provide herself and children if leave her hubby ? if she can, why not live with her hubby any more ? Although life maybe hard for her to foster 3 children without hubby's supporting, new life will be better,no beating,no quarrel leastways.

You might as well advice that its better her kids to live in a harmonious but broken family than living in one roof full of anger and agony. I hope your sister in law will realize that she must give a love for herself.