Excuse My Tears, But.....................
By Sparks
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
Regina, Saskatchewan
May 28, 2009 12:34pm CST
My keyboard is going to be fried by the time I am finished typing this, so bear with me please........
Today I received word that a very dear friend died on the operating table due to the lack of a proper diagnosis of her condition. Yes, I'm talking about our very own bella of chaos, or her nickname, Missy to her friends.
Bella and I never met face to face, but she was one of the first people to become my friend here. She called me on the phone every day and we would laugh and cry together over the various aspects of our respective lives. She would read to me her latest foray into creative writing and I would edit her thought process. She would phone me and ask advice, or just to b*tch. She spent more time yelling at her dog than actually talking to me, and I just had to laugh at the chaos that surrounded her, yet never defeated her or stopped her from keeping in touch with those she valued and loved. I respected her so much for keeping her sense of humor amid the whirlwinds of her days.
She was a hands on mother in a way that I so envied. At only 30 she had five small children that drove her up the wall, but whom she wouldn't have traded for all the tea in China. She was a dedicated friend and the shock of her sudden passing has left me reeling in a way that I have not felt ever in my life before.
I will miss her phone calls. I will miss her voice mail messages. I will forever keep the nickname Sparks in her memory, as it was Bella herself who gave me that name. It was Bella who encouraged me to come back here, to remain, to overcome and to make peace. It was Bella of all the people here on the lot who taught me to keep the faith and never surrender.
To those of you who didn't know her as well as Cynicalandoutspoken and I did, you missed out on a treasure of a human being. To those of you who did, my heart bleeds for your loss.
To everyone who reads this, please, please take a moment to pay tribute to the shining soul and loving heart of our Bella.
Rest in peace Missy. Watch over us all, try not to laugh too hard at us, and know that we will remember you always.
22 people like this
51 responses
@mysdianait (66009)
• Italy
28 May 09
so young... and her poor children... why are some things so unfair?!
I had seen Bella here and bumped into her on several occasions but only recently had we had a longer chat back and forth on one of my discussions.
My thoughts are with all those that can no longer enjoy her.8 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Thanks sweets. She could be tough, our Bella, but she was always fair and always always did her research before she opened her mouth! I'm going to miss that the most I think..........
6 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
28 May 09
You'd edit her thought process. I'd edit her spelling. Her hands were always working faster than her brain. Now that you mention it I don't know where she found the time to do everything she did in a day. 5 kids, 2 dogs, Ryan, mylotting, myspacing, reading her books, writing her poems and short stories, calling you and I a minimum of 6 times a day....plus laundry, dishes, cooking, and all the other stuff she did during the day. How we even made the priority list is a miracle.. but we were always there.
I will think about her every time I eat an orange. That alone will make her laugh.
7 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
And I will forever keep an orange frozen in the freezer. That will make ME laugh and think of her every day!
6 people like this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
28 May 09
cyn,
You and I haven't met but Daffy(Sparks) is a special friend to me. I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you as well. I am so sorry for the pain you and Daffy are feeling right now. The shock must be overwhelming. I will say a prayer for Bella and her family and also for you and Daffy. Hugssss
leenie
5 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Louie your generosity of spirit would make Bella proud.............
5 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
28 May 09
I did not expect to come on here and read this
It is not possible I mean she only sent me a card a couple of weeks ago a lovely Friendship card so I mean she can't be gone Spark, you must have got that wrong, please say you got that wrong, please say that she is not gone, she just can't be
I am in shock , I am sorry I just can't take this in right now
Bella, my words to you, I love you and I will miss you, my Heart is hurting right now for the loss of you but I know deep down that you will always be with us, rest in Peace my sweet Friend you will always remain in my Heart
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
28 May 09
I just can't take it in, I will have to take this in I know I will but it is hard Sparks, I mean her Children her Life why? Why can't someone answer this to me, why Bella, why the good ones
My Head will not go round that it really won't,
Don't worry about me right now, concentrate on Bella's memory,
Spark if I go, my Children are grown, I know they still need me, but not as much as Bella's still need her, I know my destiny but Bella didn't know, she wasn't suppose to go
I love you to very much and I wish I was closer to you
6 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
I know what you mean sweets. I am worried about her kids too. I do so wish I lived closer to Cyn myself so I could help Bella's partner Ryan with the kids as Cyn will end up doing I'm sure. And I do so wish YOU were closer to me too. This is a difficult time for everyone who cared about her and who cares about those who were close to her. But you take care of yourself anyway Gabs! I don't care what stage of life you are at. I love you and don't want to see anything happen to you or anyone I care so much about........
6 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Oh Gabs, I can't stop crying...........and seeing you here just makes the tears flow harder. I know just what you mean. I said the same thing to Cyn.....TELL ME it's not our Bella! But it is and I will be forever changed by losing her as I was forever changed by knowing and loving her. So YOU take care of yourself Gabs. I couldn't bear to have to write another discussion like this..........I love you to bits!
6 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
28 May 09
I'M SOOOOOOO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. she sounds like a fine person & a fun person. i hope the dad of those children will take care of them. that is soooooo sad for them to lose their mom. i know how u are feeling . i lost a good friend on may 16th. i haven't come to grips w/that either. takes a long time for sure. i will be thinking of you sparks & if u need to talk i'm a good listener. that is a very sweet tribute u wrote about her. i haven't even been able to write about my loss but i'm glad u were able to write about her. take care, think of the good times y'all had. jo
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Thanks sweets, and I'm so sorry for your own loss. Life is way too short to spend in tears, so please, please, take some time to write your feelings out. It is the best therapy and will, I promise, bring you a measure of peace. Bella would be disappointed in ME if I hadn't been able to write my feelings out........she knew me so well.
6 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 May 09
If we could see Missy's face right now, I guarantee you she'd be blushing!
4 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
29 May 09
take care sparks. u will be in my thoughts. again i am so sorry about your friend. i don't think i ever talked w/her, wish i had. i read all the responses u have gotten. that's sure a nice tribute to her.
5 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
28 May 09
Oh my God, what horrible news! I am sorry for your pain, and Cyn's too. Bella was an awesome person who was loving and kind and funny. This is a terrible loss to the mylot community and the world. I am so sorry!
Bella, may God Bless You and take you into his loving arms. You were a wonderful friend and will be missed terribly. My thoughts and prayers are with your family and friends.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Hi sweets. You're right. This is a terrible loss for the mylot community. Bella certainly had her own way about her and many of us will feel the lack for some time to come. Hugs to you..........
5 people like this
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
28 May 09
what? whoa say WHAT?
OMG please tell me that this is some sick twisted joke
tell me it isnt so
dammit that just adds to my perfectly crappy day!
6 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Hi zu. I'm sorry, but it's true. I said the same thing to Cyn this morning. "TELL ME it's not our Missy!" I still can't quite take it in. Sorry to add to your crappy day, but as I told Mare, 'sometimes life just sucks!'.
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 May 09
Yes she will. Amazing how many lives we can touch with just a few strokes on a keyboard eh?
2 people like this
@wonttakelong (3555)
• United States
28 May 09
sparks I am so sorry
i know you guys were close
bella will be missed greatly by many
5 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
28 May 09
I knew Bella and it just broke my heart when this discussion popped up..I send my love and prayers to her and her family she will be sadly missed..Let me know when the fund is set up..I will send all my earnings for this next payout...forever in ou hearts Bella.
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
She thought a lot of you hoghoney. And she missed your presence here as we will miss hers.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Sorry, forgot to add, that when I have things set up for a fund for her kids, I will post about it and clue everyone in. Thanks for your generous offer.
2 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
28 May 09
Awww hun...I missed her and everyone else while I was gone...5 months was way to long...alot of my friends thought I dropped off the face of the earth...but right now I might still be kind of off the internet a bit here and there but am able to get on a computer when I can so that way I am not just gone for a long time...I will miss her so much...and anything I can do to help just let me know...XXOO
3 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
28 May 09
This is a lovely tribute to Missy. I know she will be missed. I knew her not anywhere as well as you did of course. I enjoyed her posts and laughed with her at times. It's a sad thing to lose a dear friend, she will be missed a lot.
5 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Hey moonbeam.........as you can see, trying to lie down and rest isn't working for me! Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry you didn't get to know bella better. She would have loved you!
5 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
28 May 09
OMG sparks OMG. I knew a little bit about Bella but not intimately like you two did but I enjoyed her so much because she was so kind!! She was a HUGE part of the mylot community!! OMG I'm so shocked!! I don't think I'll continue with mylotting today, this is too much of a blow for me to take!! I'm really going to miss her!! Seriously!! I didn't know about her sickness although I knew she was going in for some kind of surgery.... I'm lost for words sparks and about to get sick. What about her fiance? And her kids? OMG Bella!!
4 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
28 May 09
Gosh sparks, I had to go away for a few minutes so I wouldn't throw up and had a good cry on my front porch then believe it or not, the clouds burst open and it rained the whole farm. Seems like the world cries with me over our loss. She will be sorely missed! May she rest in peace forever more. God needed that one flower to finish His garden and He got it with her.
4 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
28 May 09
I wasn't able to cry yesterday over this but I have to agree with you that when I finally let go and let it out today the skies did open up and it poured. It is still pouring here. Supposed to continue for the next 3 days. But into each life a little rain must fall, right?
T
5 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Yes indeed, what a shock! I'll email you later and bring you up to speed as best I can. Love you. Take care and don't get sick!
4 people like this
@novataylor (6570)
• United States
29 May 09
My heart is broken. For you, for myself, for Angela, oh Angela, I'm so sorry honey. Bella was a shining gem in a sea of rubble. She was true, steadfast, generous, sweet, funny, smart as anything, and without her, we are all at a loss. There's a big hole here now. I love you Bella.
4 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
29 May 09
Denial is working well for me. I haven't had to see her so even though I can't stop my eyes from leaking I can still tell myself it isn't true. It didn't happen. Tomorrow I will be forced to face the fact that it did and then maybe after I'm sure her kids are okay and Ryan is okay and no one needs anything from me and there is nothing else I can find to occupy my time with....then maybe I can sit down and have a nice long cry over it.
Until then I'm hanging in there.
Love you.
3 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 May 09
Lovely words Nova.........thank you.
Cyn, I think I've cried/am crying enough for both of us..........
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 May 09
OMG that's awful. I only had one or two exchanges with her, but I am so sorry to hear that. My condolences.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Thanks Dawn. She is going to be greatly missed.........
4 people like this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
28 May 09
OMG Daffy,
I am in shock. When you reached out for someone to find her or find out what happened to her, I went to her profile and requested her friendship. I knew that you cared as much as you did then she must be someone I needed and wanted to know. I feel a great loss for someone I never had the chance to know. My heart is breaking for you and all her friends and loved ones.I honestly was about to send you an email or PM because I hadn't seen you on lately. Too much time without Daffy. I often wish that you and I were that close. I just feel a special connection with you.
Do you live anywhere near Missy? I just don't know what to say. My heart is with you sweetie.
Hugsssss
leenie
5 people like this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
28 May 09
Thank you Leenie. I appreciate it and I am sure Missy does as well.
7 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
28 May 09
Hi sparky,
I am so so very sorry of the loss of your friend Missy, I didn't know her but I do feel for you and all who knew her and I'm glad she called you sparks because that is how you are and she seem to have known you well. RI.P Missy and hope you will happy where ever you are, I know you will. Love and hugs.
Tamara
xxxxx
5 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
You would have loved her Tamara. And she would have loved you. She did know of you though. We talked a lot together and she remembered seeing your name on various sites. Once she pm'd me and asked about you after seeing you on one of my threads.
She was a little confused about your wording in your response, but when I explained to her that you were my friend and a loving sweet soul, she was reassured and glad that I was your friend. Love and hugs back to you sweets...........
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
She loved your avatar Tamara. She told me it made her feel good and got her creative juices flowing as she loved to write fantasy stories.......
3 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
28 May 09
Hi sparky,
I am glad that she knew about me and glad that you told her I am your frien, I know my wording can be somewhat confusing but that is just me, I confuse myself sometimes, but I am getting good though, I'm just sorry that I didn't get to know her. love and hugs.
Tamara
xxxxx
4 people like this
@sulynsi (2671)
• Canada
28 May 09
What a shock! I remember Bella! I didn't know her well, but she took the time to answer some of my posts.
My deepest condolences to you and others that knew her well, as well as her family. What a sad thing!
I hadn't seen you for a while on the lot, and I was looking forward to opening up your post to see where you'd been and what you had to say today, and then to get news like this.
Deepest sympathy.
6 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Hello sweets, and thanks for taking the time to respond even though it wasn't what you expected. I'll write another discussion soon about what's been going on with me after I get over the shock of losing our Bella. She was not as active here as some, but she was definitely a presence and I'm glad to know she touched your life.
6 people like this
@KrazyKlingon (5005)
• United States
28 May 09
I never really got to know her as well as I would have liked, but it's saddening to know she's gone. We have shared laughs in the past, & added each other to our friends lists.
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
She always told me that your avatar was scarier than your reality! LOL She could be a pistol our Bella, but she had a heart of pure gold and I will so miss it's shine!
2 people like this
@Little_Stormy (6883)
• United States
28 May 09
Sparks, I am so very sorry.. please accept my deepest condolences.
*tight hug*
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Hey sweets. Hugs back at you. I'm going to miss her. I do miss her! I always will. Now who's going to do research for the lot eh? lol, she said weakly.........
3 people like this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
30 May 09
I'm trying. I'm a research person, too, you know that. Just don't have high speed, so it is kinda slow. But I'm like a dog with a bone.
She told me last night to take care of you.
But we all will, cause we love you sooooooooo much.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
31 May 09
Oh Sparks. 
This is so hard for me to read but I intend to read every single one of these posts. Bella was one of the first people I met here when I joined Mylot in April of last year. I probably met both you and her around the same time, you are next to each other in order in my friends list about two or three in right after the lady who referred me. I was never lucky enough to be as close as you guys were, I have never spoken to her on the phone but as I was learning my way around this site, she came to my discussions and responded and encouraged me. I guess what this makes me think about is the fact that maybe in an hour, a day, a week, or a year, someone else who touched my life with their own may be gone! I don't want that to happen without having had a chance to know more, to help, encourage, and have a friendship. I will never forget her. You know, she is probably laughing at us. Why wouldn't she? LOL!
This is so hard for me to read but I intend to read every single one of these posts. Bella was one of the first people I met here when I joined Mylot in April of last year. I probably met both you and her around the same time, you are next to each other in order in my friends list about two or three in right after the lady who referred me. I was never lucky enough to be as close as you guys were, I have never spoken to her on the phone but as I was learning my way around this site, she came to my discussions and responded and encouraged me. I guess what this makes me think about is the fact that maybe in an hour, a day, a week, or a year, someone else who touched my life with their own may be gone! I don't want that to happen without having had a chance to know more, to help, encourage, and have a friendship. I will never forget her. You know, she is probably laughing at us. Why wouldn't she? LOL!
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
31 May 09
Hi boo! Yep, she's laughing at us and remembering my talking to her about you wondering if you'd get mad if I called you 'boo'! LOL She told me I was being silly and 'not to worry about it hun'. I am going to miss her so much as I'm sure you will.
Hugs sweets.
3 people like this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
28 May 09
OMG Sparky, I am soooo sorry for your loss!!! {{{{{{{{{{ HUGGGGG }}}}}}}}}}
Bella & I only crossed paths a couple of time so I never got to know her very well...other than to know you loved her deeply. I wish I had the words to comfort your breaking heart. Just know that her body may be gone but as long as you hold her memory in your heart, she will ALWAYS be here with you!!! I hope you know that I'm here if you need to talk or release some of the sadness. I've said a prayer for her little ones that they be kept together in a loving home & taught what a wonderful Mom they had!!!
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
Thanks LadyM. I'm just in shock over this. I can't seem to absorb the reality of it you know? I did wonder why my phone had been so silent this past week, but I've been so busy myself working on my house sale negotiations.............We always think, "Oh tomorrow I'll........." and sometimes we just get slapped with the fact that in some cases there is no tomorrow........
2 people like this
@dreamweaverjan (3471)
• United States
29 May 09
HI sparkofinsanity; I'm so sorry for your loss, I don't think I knew the dear friend you are talking about but I see by many that are posting that you all knew each other quite well;
I feel the loss of your dear friend though and just wanted to say how sorry I am
to hear of this for ( you ) and all her other mylot friends on here;
God Bless to her and her family at this time of sorrow;
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 May 09
Thank you for your kind words dreamweaver. Bella I think would be a little overwhelmed at the responses here, but happy too to know that her faith in the goodness of mylotters was justified.
3 people like this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
28 May 09
Bella took my hand much as you did. She will be missed more then you can know. Just as I would feel your loss as well as some of the other friends I've met here as well as other places.
We touch each others lives... sometimes softly and sometimes with Earth shattering surprise. Know that her touch while soft was deep and important... she will live on in our hearts, minds, and in the lives of her children.
May we all remember her with a smile and peace in our hearts. May her children grow under the loving hand she would wish for them, and may they know her wisdom and nature.
Hugs and love to all who felt her touch... carry on as she would have wished...
Now, who has the Irish whiskey to get the wake started? *wink*
4 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
28 May 09
I'm out of Irish whiskey, but tonight if I can eat, I'm having one of her recipes she gave me for burritos, in her honour.
TL, I loved your response. What a lovely and extremely well written tribute. Thank you so much!
4 people like this
