Worried About Living All Alone
By dfinster
@dfinster (3528)
United States
June 2, 2009 10:12pm CST
In just a few short weeks I will be living on my own for the first time in almost fifteen years. I have lived on my own before I meved in with my soon to be ex-husband and now when I think about going to a strange town and living alone again in a city where I know nobody, for some reason I know this may sound foolish to a lot of you all, but I'm terrified for some reason. Maybe because I won't know anyone in the big city I'm probably moving to, or maybe it's because I like taking care of other or having to get to look forward to looking to someone to come home with and just talk about my day. To share excitement when I have a great day or just the security of someone being there and not just empty silence.
My question is why do you guys think it's such a terrifying thing to me now? I'm sure there are some of you out there that have maybe gone through this and would have some words of advice. Even if this hasn't happend to you any words of advice or sugestions would be a great comfort to me because I am running out of time and the closer the time gets the more unsure and afraid I am.
I would deeply appreciate any suggestions, advice or stories anyone would like to share with me about this. Thanks to all of you for your help in advance.
2 people like this
12 responses
@amybrezik (2118)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I don't have a lot of suggestions, but I know what it's like to be scared. I am living by myself for the first time ever. (I have been since NOV) but it is still very scary being soley responsible for everything. You will get into the groove of things. Maye you will meet some people in the place you are moving to. If you are living in an apartment, a lot of the complexes have community activities for their residents. Also, a lot of cities have "newcomer clubs" you might see if the city you are moving to does. It's probably a pretty good way to make some friends. Just try to stay positive, and it will be hard, but you have to, and you will make it.
2 people like this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
3 Jun 09
When my ex and I broke up I still had my youngest daughter living with me so I wasn't completely alone but, yes, I was very uneasy about it, too. I moved to a new town, which was only about 15 minutes from my old neighborhood but it might as well have been 1500 miles because there was nothing back in the old neighborhood for me and my home town was 45 minutes away.
I worked so I concentrated on that and on getting my daughter adjusted to our new house, new neighborhood, new school and new friends. We met some neighbors first and expanded from there to participating in activities in our new community.
My suggestion to you is that you develop a support system in your new location, whether it's connected to your job or your neighborhood. Join a club, take a class, take walks and be open to meeting new people and experiencing new things. I looked at that stage of my life as a new adventure and tried to get up every morning with a good attitude. This is your time to find yourself, to do the things that you like to do and to try things that you've never tried before. You don't know what the future holds for you. It was during this time of freedom that I met my current husband who has been the love of my life for over six years now.
2 people like this
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I'll try to do that but I'll be working third shify 6 days a week, then at least 40 hrs. the following week and trying to go to school full time. I'm gonna need to use the buses there which I have never had to use in my life so I'll have to find out where you start to get info. Thanks for all your support. God bless.~D
@sharksfin (1091)
• Philippines
3 Jun 09
It's but normal to feel this way. Don't worry. You're not alone. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're only scared because you are new to the place where you're moving to. Maybe, you're scared of waking up with no one to greet good morning to or maybe you got used to taking care of someone. These are all valid reasons to be scared.
You know, I am feeling the same fear. The fear that I'd have to do things on my own. I don't know about you but I am a very dependent person. I left my family and been living on my own since 2003. Not really alone, though. Been living with friends. I was not so scared at that time since I know that I have someone to look after me. Now is a different case. I started to feel scared of being alone because my friend already found a partner. Sooner, I will have to be on my own and it's really freaking me out. Although, I have another friend who can stay with me, I am still scared as this friend is already married (they are just separated for the moment). The feeling is overwhelming. I never thought this will ever happen to me. But, I can't resolve to going back to my family. So, you're not alone.
1 person likes this
@fwidman (11514)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Remind yourself that you have lived on your own before. This puts you in much better shape than a lot of people that get married young and have never been on their own 
It is hard to readjust to being alone and it can be terrifying, so you don't sound foolish at all. If you can manage to keep your puppy, then you will have someone to come home to and won't be alone. Dogs can be much better than people in the sense that, no matter what, they are always thrilled to see you when you come home and can be very comforting and help a person relax and get rid of the days stresses
It is hard to readjust to being alone and it can be terrifying, so you don't sound foolish at all. If you can manage to keep your puppy, then you will have someone to come home to and won't be alone. Dogs can be much better than people in the sense that, no matter what, they are always thrilled to see you when you come home and can be very comforting and help a person relax and get rid of the days stresses 1 person likes this
@renemouche (843)
• United States
3 Jun 09
I think that your probally scared because your routine will be changing. It is depressing going home to an empty home after being use to coming home to someone for 15 years.
I felt sad at first when I moved into my apartment after I got my first job after college. I had lived with roomates, then by myself in college, but even when I lived by myself my best friend was always over or I was always at her apartment.
This was the first time I was truly living by myself. I have family near by to visit but it isnt the same.
Even after being here for 3 years now have no friends. I dont have any co-workers at my job and the neighbors I have are nice but there all about 30 years older than me so I can't really hang out with them. We dont have much in common. The no co-worker thing is really killing me cause im at the office all day by myself and then come home to an empty apartment. It was really getting to me.
Then I got a dog and it was the best thing for me. I still wish I had more human contact, but atleast I dont feel totally alone.
You should think about getting a dog or a cat.
1 person likes this
@Eterna (38)
• Canada
4 Jun 09
Moving alone, when used to be someone, may be a hard step and its understandable. However, I truly think everything happens for a reason and I am sure you will find this new beginning rewarding at the end.
Just take this "opportunity" as a new life starting for you.. like a new book that you don't know what exact story is under the cover...Well, you will be able to write your own new story! I've heard that fear is close to excitement; if I may suggest you, try to change you fear for it...Be Excited by your new area and the new people you will probably met instead of being terrified... or try to think about how you will decorate your new apartment or house, the new places you will visit, etc. Be positive! :)
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160978)
• United States
29 Jun 09
I have been missing seeing you around. I hope things are going well for you. Don't be afraid. I know that is easy to say, not so easy to do. Each milestone you achieve, each hurdle you cross will make you stronger, I promise, and we will be here for you 24/7. You know that, I know it is not a physical presence, but hey, if you need to talk, there are many who will listen.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
3 Jun 09
I have no great suggestions coz I have never lived without the family…but one thing you should do is check out the local police stations and help lines. Certain other places, like the nearest doctor’s place, the nearest hospital or cab stand etc would be in handy. You can also look forward to interacting with newer people and just taking a walk to get the feel of the place.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
3 Jun 09
I can understand you . But it is something that is called life. Many time we do not know what life has in store for us. I was all alone in an unknown city for first job. it was first time away from home. I was very terrified. I did not like dthe palce initially but later got habituated.
