Would you be put off by a tattoo of someone's ex's name?
By 4ftfingers
@4ftfingers (1310)
June 5, 2009 1:55pm CST
I'm going on a date tomorrow with this girl who I met last weekend, a friend of a friend. We've been chatting on the phone and msn and she's added me to facebook. On here facebook, over the week shes been uploading pics of her and this guy she spends a lot of time with, who I found out yesterday was her ex.
In the pics they're kissing and cuddling and this kinda put me off because she's been chatting n flirting with me and she's the one who suggested we should go on a date. So yesterday I asked her about it and she said that they were just good friends while they're single and if she gets with me she won't be seeing him.
The today she said before we meet I want to tell you something. She said, I have a tattoo of my ex's name (the same ex whos in all the pics). She said I just wanted to be honest with you... which I was greatful about and respected.
Now alarm bells are going off and I'm just wondering if you think I should be bothered by it?
In a previous conversation she has said that they hadn't been a couple since Jan. But when I asked her when she got the tat, she said she go i in Feb. This and the way they are together is really putting me off.
Maybe I should just not be so seriously and meet up with her and have fun. But I'm looking for a serious relationship really.
Do you think a tattoo of some else's name would bother you? Or am I over reacting?
6 people like this
18 responses
@Sir_bobby88 (8231)
• Singapore
12 Jul 09
Well i will surely somehow yea . it is just like when you are doing something private in bedroom , that person shouting another person name lol
@ninajohnson (36)
• United States
30 Jun 09
hahahahaha!!! How'd the date go? I think it would totally bother me, and I never know why people get those tattoos. I have a friend who's girlfriend just got "PROPERTY OF JON ****" tattooed on one side of her butt. They've been dating for like a month. What a dumb girl! I also have plenty of guy friends who have gotten girls names and faces tattooed on their arms and then had to cover them up later. Now, I have TONS of tattoos, but none of them are anyone else's name! The closest I have is my ex-husbands navy rate insignia. Wouldn't have thought of getting his name, even after we were married. And thank god, because he got liquored up and cheated on me with some stripper in Guam! The tattoo still bothers me a little bit, but at least no one else will ever have to know what it is! So, no, I don't think your over reacting. If nothing else, it shows that she makes poor choices, and maybe you shouldn't date her seriously.
1 person likes this
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
You have every right to over-react if that is what you're doing. For me, I think you are just being cautious and prudent. There are many signs that you should consider before getting blinded. cheers!!
1 person likes this
@pansy45 (153)
• Indonesia
6 Jun 09
you're not over reacting.it's a regularly respon,if be in your position maybe i'll feel the same with you,but it return in your feeling about her again,if you realy sure with her,you mus just passed that problem and accept her with all they have.
@bearound (132)
• China
6 Jun 09
I personally don't like tattoo.Howerver,the guys with tattoo will always draw my attention.I know there are stories behind them.The tatoo is a way to show what you think.
I do not think a tattoo of some else's would bother me.I care much about their heart not skin.The tattoo sometimes is just a some else's history.Everybody has past.The most important thing is what is happening at present.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
13 Oct 09
My husband and I talked about this, not because we were planning on getting tattoos, just because it came up in conversation, and we both agreed that it's a rather dumb idea to tattoo someon else's name on a person's body. Hubby has been divorced three times, and were he to do this, it would put a whole new meaning to EX-wife, as he'd need to get the tattoos EXed out, if he had any. LOL
@antisociality (163)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
Inconsistency.hers. and you are over reacting. Maybe you should get on the date first before you decide. You can think more about it after. I wish you luck.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Normally, I wouldn't be bothered by a tatoo of an ex because well, we all make mistakes and tattoos are permanent. It is the rest of your story that makes me think you ought to tread carefully. If I were considering dating a man and I was hoping for a relationship, I would not be putting pics of me and my ex up on facebook. The fact that she got the tattoo a month after they split is pretty questionable. If you go out with her I think you should just go for a fun time. It doesn't sound as if she is looking for a serious relationship.
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
6 Jun 09
I agree with sid556 . You are soo right! People are allowed to make mistakes , but the way the girl is acting does make you wonder . She might not be wanting the same things as you are . She might like to play and party , where you want something serious . Just go into this one with both eyes open
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Jun 09
In my opinion, the fact that she's flirting and discussing dating you should mean she should put an end to her "friendship" with the ex. It seems like she's keeping him around just in case things don't work out with you. That would bother me forsure. I don't think at this point in her life she's ready for a serious commitment.
As far as the tattoo, well she can always get that covered or removed, so that's not a huge deal, depending on where it is (did you find that out)? I mean, if it's on a personal area that you'd be looking at while being intimate with her.. that could be a mood killer!
Personally I would cancel the date, and explain that you aren't comfortable dating her at this time and that you'd like to get to know each other better first. I'd then inquire about the ex quite a bit more, especially what the nature of her current relationship is with him.
@4ftfingers (1310)
•
5 Jun 09
It's on her belly, she actually sent me a picture of it and it's not that subtle in size. Although I just realised I forgot to mention, it's in chinese writing! But I don't think that will change anyhting, I know what it says now, I do think it would put me off, and make me think of him in the worst possible moments lol.
You are right, I think the way they are together is a bigger deal, and she does seem to want her cake and eat it. There didn't seem to be that many pics of them before this week so I'm not sure if she was hoping that the pics would make me jealous and more keen on her, becuase if that is the reason it's really backfired.
When I do ask about their relationship she kind of tries to avoid the suject. But she has told me before they were together for a year. Which made me think, 'you got a tattoo of his name after being together for only 1 year!?'
Thanks for the advice, I think you're right I do need to slow it down a bit and get to know her a litle more first.
Do you think I should suggest that she needs to be away from her ex for a little while first, or would that come across really badly?
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Jun 09
That sounds bad to me. It's her life, and she has the right to surround herself with the people she chooses. Although you do have the right to tell her that you're uncomfortable going on a "date" with her when you're still unclear about her relationship with her ex. That lets her decide whether or not you're important enough to break up her friendship with the ex.
If I were you I'd just consider you two friends at the moment. Feel free to strike up conversation with other women while you continue to test the waters with her. There are other fish in the sea and you may find someone you like even better, who doesn't have any weird history with their ex.
@4ftfingers (1310)
•
5 Jun 09
Thanks a lot katsmeow, your oppinion is very much appreciated! I think I will do exactly that.
@ds6413 (2070)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Hello 4ftfingers, well I have not dated anyone who had a tattoo with a name or any kind of tattoo but I have an aunt who was married to a man who had the name of his former g/f on his arm. She confided in me it did sometimes bother her but she eventually got used to it. It was a part of his past and she was his wife now. I have a tattoo but it is not a name. I might be bothered if my b/f had anothers name trattooed on his body but I really don't know.
@4ftfingers (1310)
•
5 Jun 09
Hey ds6413, thank you for your take on it!
I think it bothers me for a couple reasons. For the obvious reason it's someone else's name. But also kind of shows that she may be a bit reckless, and not really think things through. It's not nice of me to be so critical, but these are the kidn of thigns I think about.
I know of a couple of people who got tattoos they regretted when they were young, maybe 16, 17. Like I wonder if your aunt's husband maybe got his whe he was very young? I think if this girl got the tattoo when she was younger I might think differently. But she got it a couple months ago, she's 21 years old. I think that someone should be a bit more careful at this age.
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
6 Jun 09
Well honestly I'd be hurt to find out that the tattoo was all about the "ex"... coz having someone be tattooed on herself - that means its a "significant" matter on her life. Its somewhat permanent and it would definitely hurt to take it off. In my case, it would be too late before I could find out, and somehow that's a plus that she've told you beforehand. Although it won't make such a difference coz the real issue here is why is the "ex" still there? If it bothers you that much, then go find another one, since you're looking for someone to get steady... something serious... but only time can answer all this question, she might turned out to be a really nice girl too... it won't hurt too to find that out. I mean what's the real price of one true love - only by taking chances. If you're more than willing to invest your feelings with this girl, then that tattoo will fade in time. But then again, if it bothers you that much, its not too late to step back.
@chickiepie (42)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Well it's never a good idea for anyone to tattoo anyone's name anywhere on their body because if they break up then it's permanent. Unless you actually had the money to get it removed. Yes, for me that would definitely bother me. It would kind of make me feel a tad jealous I believe. Sounds like to me though that this girl isn't fully over this guy. Her saying that she got it in February when they supposedly broke up in January is a clear-cut indication of that.
@spicysweetie21 (2573)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Well first of all, yes i have actually dated someone very briefly who had not one, but two of his exes names tattoed on him, one was the mother of his kids so i let that not bother me, but after her he got a tatoo of his following ex...oh and he didnt warn me beforehand, we were making out one night and he takes off his shirt and im like "oh who's tracy? and oh.....who's Valerie?!?" one was over his heart, the other was on his shoulder, i just couldn't handle having two other womens names of his past like blared in front of my eyes every time he took his shirt off, so that coupled with other things meant our dating didn't last long
But just to give some advice on your situation, if she was still attached to him enough to get a tat of his name AFTER they broke up, then just me personally, i would be cautious as to whether she really will stop seeing him,,,,but do go on a date with her but take it slow and see if she really will leave him behind before you even let your heart,head, or feelings think about anything serious
@stealthy (8181)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Actually I would be put off by any tattoo but especially by one of an ex. I think women who cover themselves with a lot of tats feel like they have to hide something about their body and get tats as a distraction. Even if tats are thought to be O'K in general, any woman(or man) who gets one with the name of a boyfriend(or girlfriend) who is not assured of being a very long term committed relationship or marriage is definitely showing a sign of significant lack of maturity.
@vavalady (13)
• United States
6 Jun 09
oh heck yeah you should be put off! First of all, always go with your gut instinct. When you say your alarm bells are going off, then that means run for the hills.
There are too many inconsistencies with her actions. Her still uploading pictures of her and her ex, even after they've been broken up means that she still has feelings for him. If you are going to get involved do what you say just have fun, because that is exactly what she is doing, having fun or using you to make her ex jealous. Either or, she is not viewing you as a serious relationship.
