What Should I Do About My Mother-In-Law?

All this good advice from everyone. After reading everything I thought of something else you could discreetly try. First we have to remember this, and this happens all the time. I've noticed it in families and in the workplace. Someone will come up and tell us so and so said this, that or the other about us, but don't tell them I told you. Why burden someone with gossip that's about them if you're then going to swear them to secrecy. That's a heavy burden to put on an individual. Second, if someone is a backbiter and talks critically of others all the time,why do we always want to slink around and keep them from knowing that we know what they have done or said? They are the ones that started the whole thing, why should others try to keep the cat in the bag and basically protect the talker? I made a rule many years ago at work, I told all the woman (and we know how women can be) do not under any circumstances come telling me what so and so said about me, and then expect me not to confront the individual. I will confront them. I never had a problem, I'm sure people jacked their jaws, but the tales never came back to me. I don't know how word got back to you that your MIL was saying things that were hurtful to you. You could casually come sailing through what ever room she happens to be in, under the guise of heading to the bathroom and say something like 'Do you know so and so said you said so and so about me. I didn't believe a word of it. I'm about to pee my pants.' Then disappear into the bathroom, when you come out of the bathroom, don't even acknowledge what you said and go right into some other subject. And above all, who ever is bringing these tales to you, tell them right up front that from here on out you don't want to hear anymore. They need to just keep it to themselves. Everyone at sometime or other has fell into a biddy mood where we can't stand the sight of our best friend, child or someone else we care about. It isn't anything they did, it's us, we just get out of sorts or something, call it hormones, the moon or what ever, but we will say things we don't mean, not really.

oh, that seems to be a real problem! i have seen my aunts having a problem with my grandmother and as i've seen it, even how many times they confront my grandmother, the situation is still the same...and sometimes it just ended up being them as the villains in the story! so now, they change tactics and what they do is reverse psychology...instead of being mean to their mother in law and confront her every now and then, which sometimes resulted to troubles with their husbands...what they do is they become nicer to her and just ride on with what my grandmother wants. since they know her very well, so they know her soft spot...at least being nice to her even more...lessen that not so good things that my grandmother is saying behind their backs...and as i can see it now, they are getting along well...hehehe just look for her soft spot and be nicer to her...with this your husband will also be happy knowing that you are good to his mom... i hope you resolve your problem with her...

First of all, check the veracity of what is going on--meaning , how did you come to know that she is talking rotten things behind your back?--if it is from a reliable source and about whom you are sure that the fact was presented to you in exact direct speech with no embellishments . For this you should know this person inside out wiht no bias in your system. Secondly, check for the possibility if something might have been twisted by the person as a misconception or there was misinterpretation. NOW if you are convinced that what you heard must be true, give it some time before you say anything. If there has been a change in mil or she has just put on a facade these two years then it is a difficult situation.You must tread warily because , if you tell your husband this and he confronts her straight on your behalf your relationship with mil is going to get ruined.THis would have repercussions on you later , even if your husband believes that person now.Dont react on hearsay alone. Look for more signals and carry on as though nothing has happened. May be someone is trying to create a wedge between you because your motherinlaw was nice to you and they did not like it. That is also a possibility. THese things happen with or without motive when outsiders are allowed to talk .If you had heard it with your own ears, just ask her straight why she had to say that and whether she was angry with you or something. But if the hearsay has been very true, then mentally distance yourself from your mil and do not say anything to mother or son right now.If your husband is a sane and sensible coolheaded person, tell him and ask him not to confront her. Check whether it is a possibility becasue he knows his mother better than what you do.Tell him that prerhaps it si a passing phase or so. Does she have a husband?

Your mother-in-law needs to respect you. If you do nothing it will ultimately ruin your relationship with your husband. What does he think about his mother's behavior?

In this situation, you should tread carefully. I would sit you mother in law down and have a frank but polite conversation. Let her know that you do not appreciate the things that she says about you and inquire at whether you have upset her in any way. Also you should ask her that if there is a problem in the future that she come to you. You are both adults and there is no reason to run around like teenagers in high school, talking behind the other persons back. Lastly and most important, inform your husband of your conversation with his mother. This way, he will not be left in the dark about the situation. Good Luck!

It really depends on what she is saying and what she is saying it about. I would tell your husband that he really needs to say something to her because you are his wife and that is his job. If it is not that big of a deal and it is just bothering you for some reason. I would try and let it go. Not just burry it until you snap later but really let it go. No matter how you say it and no matter what kind of mood she is in, she will probably take it the wrong way. If you did say something to her, I really doubt that she will get mad at her son. More than likely the relationship between you and her will suffer. But if that doesnt bother you than more power to you. It could just be a phase she is going through too. It could be that there are things about you that she is just finding out and she doesnt like them. Someone is going to have to step up and be an adult and work out the problems that are happening. I really do feel for you. As a mother, I dont know if any girl will be good enough for my son. And sometimes I dont think my in law thinks that I am good enough for her son. But it really doesnt matter. Your husband picked you for a reason. If it has always been in your personality to confront issues than be the woman he fell in love with and talk to his mom. Good luck!!!!

I can't really tell you what to do. You are the person who knows the dynamics of the relationship you have with your mother-in-law and husband. My mother-in-law is the same...but she only talks behind my back to her family and my husband....which is bad enough. She's really really nice to me to my face (more than my own mother)....and that's what makes it worse for me. I've never confronted her. And I didn't really talk to my husband about it...well, I used to tell him about the situations that I got to know of lightly and leave it at that. But in the last couple of years, when things strting getting out of hand with my husband based on the stuff she was telling him, I've started telling my husband how I really feel about her talking behind my back. Well, I haven't confronted my mother-in-law yet...and I doubt if I ever will especially since we don't stay together. I've got other things to take care of than to enter into another argument which might escalate into a family fight. But that's me. If you feel that talking to her will help...then that's the best thing to do. You can tell her nicely that you've heard such things being said about you and you really feel bad about it. And you would appreciate it if she would tell you to your face how she feels. If you handle it well, it won't ruin the relationship between your husband and his mother. And if any point in the conversations you feel that it's going the wrong way...stop..don't continue the conversation. Sometimes talking to your husband about how you feel might help (without being confrontational)....he might be able to help you handle it better without confronting your mother-in-law. Or he can guide you about how to put it across his mother without hurting her feelings. All the best!

You need to understand something...right or wrong...YOU will NEVER ruin the relationship between a mother and her son. You will make thinks worse for yourself and consequently your family if you confront her or try to insist your hubby confronts her. As a wife you have to be the bigger person and suck it up. If she is that type of person then she is pushing your buttons. Be sweet to her. Don't overdo it, be subtle but don't give her any reason to object to you. It will be less stressful for you and you won't be stooping to her level. Remember too, she is older...you don't mention it but she may be going through some stage in her life that is particularly difficult.

The best thing to do is talk to your husband about it. He should be the one to talk to her. You are his wife and he needs to stand up for you. Tell him how its bothering you. You spit in the womans coffee? lol MIL we can live without them.

It Will be better if you take your husband in confidence. Don't be rude to her. Just explain to her what your point of view is. Hopefully eing a matured person she may understand your point of view. All the best.

Aww, that's pretty bad..I guess the best way you can do is to talk to your mother-in-law nicely.. of course, make sure that she's in a good mood before you do that.. it will help you clear things up.. you know, it's really tough to get along with mother-n-law.. my mom's like that too. she's nice when my sister-in-law is around but as soon as she turns her back, mom starts talking.. honestly, i hate it.. but i can't confront my mom about that because i respect her..

This is not a new thing, this happens in many of the houses. Mother -in - laws and daughter in laws every time they have quarrels or they have some mismatch in their view points. This happens in every house. So, don't worry all the daughter-in-laws have to face it. And, even you will behave with your daughter in law like that-might be who knows?

She made of just been nice to you to get on her sons good gracies. Now that you have been married to her son for over 2 years she is letting down her guard and showing you her true colors. If it is bothering you then you need to have a nice conversation about how you feel with her. Be straight forwarded and ask if you have down anything to her to make her act with you this way. Make sure that your husband understands the problem maybe he can help you with situation and not confront your mother-i-law at. Good Luck

i think people around you won't change much if you still treat them like before. i think you've change somehow without you noticing it. so my advice is for you check yourself first, maybe you did change, a change she didn't like so she's backbiting you. if this didn't work out, (2nd)try talking to her about this so you will know whats wrong. and if the 2nd still didn't work out well, talk about it to your husband. hope i help:) good luck too.

i think you should have a chat with your hubby and ask him to talk to his mother instead of you... it will get worst if you let it go like that and it might even ruin the relationship between your hubby and his mother even further if it is not dealt with sooner... good luck... take care and have a nice day...

Yes that's correct now at this point if you do anything then the relation between you and your husband or the relation between your husband and your mother in law (MIL) will be spoiled. You should check on with what is that your MIL don't like and should not do that thing. I know its difficult but it might not be possible for her to change at this age, but you can. for any relation to maintain two things are needed co-operation and co-ordination. These old guys have lot of things to say you should listen to it. Try to take it on her way. And remember that what you do with your MIL can your daughter in law(future one) might do with you.

well. i'd suggest you to talk to her and to see what's happen to let her become so. be polietly and kindness. let her feel your feeling and you two may talk about this on some lesiure time and pick one time when she is happy. tell her you treat her as your own mother and wish her can open to you also.

Oh my, I wonder if my mother in law has that kind of attitude too. Anyway whatever, even if she speak something at my back, i won't get affected. Besides we live far away from them so we just get to see each other once or twice a month if my hubby has his off days. Better talk to her in a gentle manner and straight things out about misunderstanding. I am sure that you will not do anything harsh on your MIL since she was still your hubby's mom. Try to develop your communication and give her gifts that's my way of treating my MIL. If the things she says really affects you, then i suggest don't delay it more. Try to speak to her heart to heart talk, woman to woman. There is no problem that cannot be fixed. There will always be a solution. Good luck on that.

does she just turn into bad temper suddenly?just only for you or for everybody?for me my mother in law treat me very well all the time.but he also would turn into another person occasionally.it will be worse if we let it go or ignored her.so you should confront her and more kindly for her.she will be moved by you oftently.although very tired to do it but i would treat her with smile when she have a bad temper.

Both of you just do one simple thing. U as a daughter in law just remove 'in-law' and accept her as ur own mother, and ask her to remove 'in-law' from daughter-in-law and accpet u as her own daughter.