Dilema of a good friend.....
By subha12
@subha12 (18441)
India
July 7, 2009 11:47pm CST
I go to office by office bus. There is also a girl who goes with me in office bus and she stays about a kilometer from my home. So we are mainly the friends on journey and this friendship has increased a lot in years. We share many small things between us. She is in rare dilemma over her crush. There is a guy who also works in our office, goes by same bus. He has joined about a year back. What we know, he is a contract basis employee, not regular employee like us. Plus we are engineers from premium institute.He is working for the admin site in regular operation of Bus service. Initially she was against few decisions taken by that guy regarding our bus timings. So I was also irritated. But recently she says she has developed a crush for that guy. It seems the guy is not aware. Plus she also think its unequal thing in other perspective as well.
I just told her, crush is crush. She should distance herself. But what is your opinion?
What she should do? distance her feelings and ignore him completely? or anyway try to be close?
3 people like this
10 responses
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
8 Jul 09
I think she must have something special in this guy to have crush on him. That should be encouraged to flourish. Not every person we meet send us that kind of feeling which can attract us to that person. Why should you ask her to distance herself from that guy, no harm in getting to know him better. It might be the start of a beautiful relationship.
3 people like this
@chaime (1152)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Crush or a deeper feeling? it really depends on what your friend really feels. If your friend has a deeper feeling than a crush then maybe - maybe she can explore the possibility of having a relationship with this guy but if what she is feeling is just simply a crush, an infatuation or a like then she should follow your suggestion to stay away.
With regards to the unequal thing, honestly speaking, love do conquer all right? If you're talking about position wise, unless it's prohibited in your office, I do not think there is any concern with that if they are really into each other I mean if they care about each other enough then it shouldn't be a problem, that is what I'm saying about how deep the feeling of your friend is for this guy, if she is willing to fight for this guy or something to that effect but if not better not even start anything at all.
2 people like this
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Hi there!
In my opinion I think your good friend should just be herself. If the guy talks to her then talk back. It wouldn't be nice to ignore him cause the guy might think she's snobbish or something like that. Just be friendly enough to the guy but not too friendly that she becomes annoying.
Don't also try too be too close for comfort cause the guy might misinterpret that she's giving signs she likes him. I know this is the modern age and that girls now are more open with regards to their feelings but we're not sure if the guy would like her to be more than a friend. I think it would be better to take things slowly like create a good friendship with the guy first.
I am quite confused about the quote, "unequal thing in other perspective". But if I'm the girl, this is what I will do.
Ciao!
In my opinion I think your good friend should just be herself. If the guy talks to her then talk back. It wouldn't be nice to ignore him cause the guy might think she's snobbish or something like that. Just be friendly enough to the guy but not too friendly that she becomes annoying.
Don't also try too be too close for comfort cause the guy might misinterpret that she's giving signs she likes him. I know this is the modern age and that girls now are more open with regards to their feelings but we're not sure if the guy would like her to be more than a friend. I think it would be better to take things slowly like create a good friendship with the guy first.
I am quite confused about the quote, "unequal thing in other perspective". But if I'm the girl, this is what I will do.
Ciao!2 people like this
@iskayz (5420)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Oh the qualifications, career, status in life, I know what you mean now. But all is fair in love hehe. If she really likes the guy I don't think their inequalities is important. What's important is that the guy has a job and he's hardworking. She will realize that someday when their relationship has moved over to the next stage but for now, she should not think about that cause they're just friends/bus mates/office mates.
2 people like this
@Azaerus (820)
• Philippines
8 Jul 09
Well first of all as you said it's only a "crush"...time will pass by and she'll meet other guys..a perons "crush" will change every now and then..and if there's too many things she's doubting about this guy then there won't be any chance at all..until such time that this doubts will be gone then I would say that it is not just a "crush" anymore but love..and if such time comes then I think that's the time she better be thinking if she'll pursue with it or not..
2 people like this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
8 Jul 09
I appreciate your response. I am not that much clear. I thought as there was so much disliking initially, we both used to be very angry at his sight, it is crush and it will go. But she also says she ends up thinking about him many times.
And the difference is that career wise he is not anywhere near my friend.
2 people like this
@doryvien (2284)
• United States
8 Jul 09
It all depends on your friend. A plain and simple crush can develop into a deeper relationship when encouraged, or when there are circumstances that will allow the people involved to explore it. If the guy notices your friend and gets interested in her as well, then who knows it could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Of course your friend has to weigh if her biases against the guy actually matters to her, or if she's willing to forget them to give way to a new friendship.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
9 Jul 09
well, if you say that it is only a crush, i think it will only be a temporary thing and it will go away with time... whether your friend want to distance herself or pursue him, it is entirely up to her... it is her decision... but as a woman, i will say that pursuing a man is not really a good idea... just make herself notice to him if she really likes him and see his reactions... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
10 Jul 09
If she is going to think of his being unequal etc.., straightaway, how do you think that this crush would develop into something deeper? It may just be some sort of physical attraction going.I would suggest she just gives it some time before taking any decision. Respect is also part of sutained relationships. THis does not mean that there must be no difference of opinion but a woman must feel respect towards a man [moreso in this day of equality].Incidentally, what is the name of your engineering institute?And where is he from?
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
10 Jul 09
I do think it is unwise if the girl thinks that she is highly educated and gets into a relationship with a person who is in her eyes' not as good ' as she is.Initially it will all be alright but she will start dominating him with her ideas and he won't like it. And which college are you from Subha?
@subha12 (18441)
• India
10 Jul 09
it is my doubt also. My friend is a girl. She is from Shibpur B.E. College, Kolkata. It is very good knowledge.The guy is not an engineer. he is just graduate and doing part time MBA in private.I know as you are Indian, in our society there is also something that when the girl is so much educated, the guy should also be equally or highly qualified. But it is not any hindrance. If there is real feelings, life goes on.
@prashanthalva (2272)
• India
8 Jul 09
Sounds a Little Peculiar to Me ............ Kindly Ask Your Girl Friend How did she Suddenly Start Liking that Guy ... What Made Her take A Turn Around in her decision ..... Then We Can Evaluate whether to Ignore Hin or Not .... Thank You .........
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18441)
• India
8 Jul 09
I must have given a little update. For few days, when myself, my friend and few other colleagues are into some discussions, while coming back in bus,that guy also try to engage in talk with our team there.May be somehow she has grown feelings. No one can think how the feelings will work at times.
1 person likes this
@DrPain (31)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Life is based choices. Your friend could easily turn away from that crush but somehow she seems to like this fellow. A crush could turn into something perm. If she is single, I say let her try him out. If it doesn't work then she learned something new. "Don't crush"
