Shall I tell her or forever hold my peace?
By bloggerjam
@bloggerjam (11)
Saudi Arabia
July 10, 2009 9:10am CST
It's been a couple of years now since I met her, we are working in the same company. Our relationship has grown very close both at work and in our private life, it's largely because we both enjoy a great deal of common things together.
Lately I've noticed a sudden change on the way I look at her, deep within I know I am falling for her, and her being very sensitive makes me believe she knows it too. I've known a handful of women all my life and I can honestly say she is the one. It's not what we call an infatuation or just an admiration, this is the real deal.
Problem is she has a boyfriend of 7 years, although they haven't seen each other for 3 years now they still communicate on a regular basis. I'm not going to justify my feelings for her when I say that each time she talks about him she's sad, that disappointment is very hard to miss since she has a very expressive eyes.
They are planning to get married this coming August 2009, and my dilemma is whether to tell her straight about my feelings or do nothing and forever hold my peace. I can't ruin a plan like that, I recognize that they've invested enough time to reach that position. Sure my heart will shatter into pieces if I do nothing, but when you love someone it doesn't matter if you lose, the most important thing is her happiness.
4 people like this
19 responses
@hityangfan (1)
• China
10 Jul 09
yes,you should tell her!!!!!!!!!!Not only for you but also for her.I am a Chinese and my English,is poor!!!
@bloggerjam (11)
• Saudi Arabia
10 Jul 09
You guys, I can't thank you enough for your responses, this means a lot to me. I'd like to elaborate more on this but I am afraid to sound boring. Yes, I've already set myself up for a rejection, I will not in another way hate her for it bacause love yields respect, and as I said before the more important thing for me is her happiness.
I will make a follow up report on this whenever there is a progress, I will keep you guys posted. In the mean time I want to thank you all once again!!!
@sherric1222 (233)
• United States
14 Jul 09
Yesss tell her....you'll be kicking yourself like crazy later if you don't...You'll never know what she will say....Good Luck!!!
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
11 Jul 09
i think you have to tell her about your feelings if you really love her before it is too late... whether she will accept or reject you, you must be prepared to bear the consequences... it is better to express your feelings rather than you will be curious after she gets married and you might not be able to get the answer to fulfill your curiosity forever... take care and have a nice day...
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
11 Jul 09
I would tell her how you feel and see what happens. If you dont you will always have that question in the back of your mind; what if she feels the same way. If its meant to be then she will step back and take a look at her upcoming marriage and make sure he is the man for her. If it doesnt work out at least you wont have any regrets of not finding out how she really feels about you. She may not be the one but you wont know unless you tell her your feelings first.
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
11 Jul 09
You have a choice: Tell her or regret never telling her. If you tell her, she has a choice: Accept you or refuse to accept the new relationship. Should she accept you, you have a choice: Help her tell her fiancee or hide while she takes the brunt of his anger. If she refuses you, you have a choice: Be a cad and tell her off or be a true friend and wish her well, then leave her alone.
But there is one choice you have no part in: If you do not tell her today, will you be alive to tell her tomorrow? Do you want to risk dying without telling her?
It's your choice!
@JamieRose (168)
• Philippines
11 Jul 09
Hi bloggerjam :) I know that this may be easier than done, but I think that you should tell her. You said it yourself, that the most important thing here is to let the one you love be happy. You have been holding your peace for a long time now, and I bet that it has been hurting you. If you tell her how you feel, you will release a big burden you have been carrying. The purpose of you telling her how you feel is not to make her confused, but to release what you feel. You have been friends for a long time, I bet she will understand how you feel.
@trixyteddy (1070)
• India
11 Jul 09
I think you should go out and tell her. Its a yes or a no. If you don't, then you will regret it all your life. The rest will follow, but you have to take it, no matter what. Best of luck.
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
10 Jul 09
Well, if she is planning to get married, why bother? Let her get married. I mean August is next month. Isn't it too late to spill the beans?
Cheers and happy Mylotting
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
10 Jul 09
I feel you need to tell her because you will regret it for the rest of your life not knowing how she really feels. Even if it not what you want to hear at least you got it off your chest and can accept what ever the results may be. Two things could happen. She can just say I'm so sorry but I'm in love with so and so. Or she could say Oh my God I feel the same way you do I just didn't know you felt the same way. Hurry up August is around the corner. Good Luck and I hope see says what you want to hear!
@sublime03 (2339)
• Philippines
11 Jul 09
This is a decision only you can answer. Mainly because there are certain outputs when you do one way or the other and it is now up to you if you are going to tell her or not. Its a choice between wanting to tell her because you just want to let her know, yes I understand you love her but remember the consequences of she learns about it and telling her because deep inside you telling you that you want to know if she feels the same as well.
@JeninND (65)
• United States
11 Jul 09
I agree with most everyone else. Tell her! You must do it before her wedding, because once she says those vows, it's hands-off for you. Once they get married, the opportunity is gone, since you have no business meddling in a marriage - if you do, then you're the "bad guy".
If you don't tell her, you will live with regret for the rest of your life. And if you don't tell her and she marries the guy and she ends up in pain and with a divorce (not saying she WILL), then you will REALLY kick yourself.
Make your feelings known. Tell her you're sorry you had to throw this monkey wrench into her life, but you couldn't just go on not telling her. Then leave her be and let her make her decision. If she chooses the other guy, then you can focus on healing yourself and moving on. The right one is out there for you - it might not be her.
@rdadey (484)
• Canada
10 Jul 09
There's just so many directions that this can go in and in many either one of you or both could be hurt. Then again, it could be the revelation that would make you the happiest and luckiest person alive. If you truly believe that there is a glimmer of hope for you and I mean really believe, than why not. At least try not to set yourself up to be hurt if you are rejected. And don't be mean to her if she does have to turn you away. Remember, she does have another relationship and your only hope is that it so fragile that she might want to be released from it. I can't even see why they would discuss marriage after 3 years of not seeing each other...that itself is a mistake. Go for it and good luck.
@mkrishna22 (465)
• India
10 Jul 09
bloggerjam, you should definitely let her know about your feelings. and do not have any expectations, but let her know your feelings. you never know, she might have also started nurturing similar feelings for you, but might be afraid to say so. but again, do not expect any positive outcome from this, but letting her now about your feelings will definitely make you feel better. put it across in a manner which does not spoil your relationship, even if things go otherwise.
@mrakobesie (1246)
• United States
10 Jul 09
When she talks about her boyfriend is she upset because she doesn't see him or because he is doing something wrong? if he is not doing his best then tell her, maybe you can save her from making a mistake. if it's because she doesn't see him then hold your peace and let them be happy together. w
@Niah1976 (739)
• Paranaque, Philippines
10 Jul 09
It is better if you will tell her about your feeling for her. Whatever is her reaction, what is important is you told her. You won't go on with your life wondering what could it have been if you confess her your feelings.
Besides, I have a friend whom i heard wants to court me. I like him, too. But the thing is he didn't tell me about his feelings. We graduated already. But he didn't have the courage to do so. But I don't want to be the first to open up that topic. I waited for him but he did nothing.
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
10 Jul 09
The wrong part is, if you treated a girl like a friend, you should have been a friend, not more than that. If you say to her that your feelings is more than a friend, well you better get ready. Be it a good way or a bad way, i still think it is best that you tell her what you feel.
Although the girl is going to get married sooner. This is the toughest part, you can ask her if she really is in love with her bf of so many years. If not, then i guess the girl will sacrifice that and instead be in favor of you if she feels that she is in love with you. But to be fair, i think she is much more committed before you started to have that feeling, so you got a slim , very slim chance.
But at least say your feelings. If she is not meant for you, then someone will be for you. If you don't say it to her, you will be haunted. So good luck, be courageous and make it straight and simple.
@corrycrystal (1775)
• Malaysia
10 Jul 09
What I've learned from my past experiences, if you don't think about your happiness first, then who will??? Tell her before it's too late otherwise you will feel something is not settled and at the end of the day, you are the one who suffer and feeling regretful. A plan is a plan... you're not ruining everything because you have the rights to be happy and who knows what is written between her and you except you must also be prepared to face rejection. Most importantly, follow your heart... Good luck!!!
@thrupages (97)
• Philippines
10 Jul 09
How much of her relationship do you know? Why is she in pain whenever she talks about her boyfriend? Has the thought that she might have just been waiting for you to say the words crossed your mind? Win or lose, honesty is still the best policy, dear friend. Share her what your heart says.
