While arguing with your spouse, would you rake up old, forgotten spates?

well well - if it is an argument for the sake of it - then i wouldn't drag those horrible memories from teh past. But if it is meant to be a serious one then i would surely broach all those matters that were never closed earlier :) I'm not a very argumentative person and do not apreciate participating in arguments but when it comes to justify your stand i turn every leaf to prove that i was right - LOL :)

This is a very good question. I hate it when my husband or even my close friends bring up issues happened in the past while aruguing. Since I don't like somebody to do that to me, I don't like to do that to somebody. So, I try my best not to bring up issues which are already discussed and closed while arguying. In my family, I will be the person who starts the fight most of the times. The issues happened in the past won't come up usually. But, sometimes the issues will be connected and we can't completely ignore events happened in the past.

Hi tutor19us. This is actually a very unhealthy thing to do. If you are willing to move on in your relationship then that requires forgiving the other of things from the past. To bring them up again in arguement could mean that you never truely forgave them. I've done this myself and realized that I was still holding resentments. Not to mention, it adds much more fuel to the fire and gives us more to regret if we end up making up. Sometimes for me if my day is going really bad it is best for me to not be around anyone until I can get in a more positive mood. It's hard to not let my "bad mood" rub off on others. I was told that the reason we take our bad moods out on our spouses and people close to us is because we are secure in our relationships with them.We know that they aren't going to leave us. Unfortunatly, these are the ones we shoulkd be treating the best!

Sounds very familiar..i have this VERY bad habit of bringing up past issues over arguement and i am working towards maintianing quiteness/calmness during such times though its very hard for me... sticking to the topic is realy difficult but im sure its no impossibke so i wil try to overcome this eventually for betr communication

Not often do that, but if that really happens we usually just stick on the argument's basic topic. She works at night and I work at the morning, so we actually have less time to get caught in fighting we spend our time together just in the weekend, but that's not always keep us away from some little conflict. Mostly if we're in the same state of bad mood we just keep quite, stop talking for few hours, and after the mood go away, we just forgetting the past and talking over like before.

Well, this is a nice topic. Whenever we fight and so far that we have fought we never stuck to the same topic / argumemt. We always go to the extent of blaming our parents, fore fathers, not ex-flames (sorry he / me didn't have any) and then when we are trying hard to stop the argument, only then we realize than we have gone a long way..hehe. Actually, it is really disappointing when you find your partner also in bad mood. Because I will expect him to pamper or console me and you find that no one is in the mood to do that, at that time it is really really annoying. Sticking to the same topic or argument is really really difficult for us :-)

I try not to bring up old fights I mean what is the point in bringing up old pains in a fight. If I am arguing with my man I keep the argument to one subject to help keep it from blowing out of proportion. I think bringing up old spats just causes more problems.

gee that sound familar, you can say something to my partner at one stage and he takes it good then a while later it come back to bite you on the butt!! he can be in the mood for an argument, so he starts at something and it goes from there. it annoys me draging up the past, or the other factor i get accused of is having an affair with my work mate. it's the same old story each time.

I never do. Anytime he wants to tell me something, I always promise that I will never bring it up again. I feel if I violate that then he won't tell me things and I don't want to violate trust or have a relationship where we don't talk. Now we talk about everything because he knows I will never judge or bring it up again.

I can say this. I am very good at bringing up the past. Yes..Yes..I ADMIT IT! I DO IT! Most of the time it's not intentional but it fits whatever we may be arguing about. Sometimes it may even just get my point across just a little bit more. I try not to do it...but it happens!He has gotten so used to it that he just gives that ever so roll of the eyes, huff and puff, and blow. LOL. I try to just stick to the topic at hand, but sometimes those old feelings come flooding out. I know I'm not the only one. My friend say's it's because I hold on to things and hardly say what I feel sometimes, but I think it's just me. I have grown to not bring up the past all the time. It takes a lot of work though. Admitting that I do it was half the battle! LOL