What would you do if a friend betray you?
By larish
@larish (2234)
Philippines
August 10, 2009 1:27am CST
I have a friend who also work at the company I am in. I told her two weeks ago that I am planning to resign this month end of August. I also mention that she has to keep it a secret because I want to be the one to be the one to announce it. The following week, a colleague ask me if I was resigning. I was surprise but ask him who told him. According to him, our boss has ask him to spy on me if its really true that I have plan to resign and the information came from my friend. Imagine, my friend told my boss... grrrr! I was pissed off and told my colleague that it was just rumor and I have no plans to resign.
I have been ignoring my friend for the past week and would not want to talk to her anymore. If you were on my place, what will you do? I need help on this.
3 people like this
21 responses
@sandymay48 (2030)
• Canada
10 Aug 09
I would definately confront her if I was concerned about my friendship with her. If she is a true friend, then you should be able to talk it out and try to understand why she did what she did. Maybe being a boss herself, she saw something that you didnt. Unless you ask her, you may never know. True friends can talk about anything.
@kidboy1988 (110)
• China
10 Aug 09
I met almost the same problem two years ago.I never talked with that person since then. I don't hate him. I just don't want to tell him ANYTHING.
Don't trouble yourself with this thing. Try to be happy and forget this person.Don;t talk to her anymore and let her apologize. Otherwise, treat her as a stranger.
3 people like this
@ucue2008 (924)
• Malaysia
10 Aug 09
Do you know why she tell your boss? How long has you've been friend with her? Ask her the truth before you make any judgment. Don't let hatred get into you. She might have her own reason. And if it true that she betray you, find out the reason and lett her go. You will go to other place, and you will see other person and it can be worst then your current betrayal friend.
2 people like this
@TheGladys02 (104)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
Of corz same as you I will get angry. Since you your colleague investigating you and you tell them that it was just rumors, don't ignore your friend bcoz it only tells that the rumors is true. Talk to him/her but not the same as before. Only to prove that rumor is just a rumor even though it was true. And let your friend feel that guilt and realiz that all what your saying in not true even though it was true already. By this you just telling your friend she has no right to say anything unless it was proven.
1 person likes this
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
Hey! I like your idea here. It is I guess the best thing I can do right now. Pretend that I am good and that I just be a little cautious on my friend. I just have to make her guilty and since I told my colleague that it was just a rumor. I can get even with this friend. I also plan to prolonged my resignation plan thing. So, I guess this friend will wait for nothing this month end and chances are she will be tagged as someone who's making stories. lol. Nice response, TheGladys02. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Hope to hear from you again.
@TheGladys02 (104)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
Your correct. Make even on her by her own guilt. And let the company do the action for her and not from you. Just be nice to her for the mean time. Have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100540)
• India
10 Aug 09
Hi. I am sorry that it should have turned out to be like that. Actually, we do take our friends for granted. A fact that happens to be so secret that we cannot keep to ourselves, we share with our friends. And when that person accidentally (generally it is such) reveals, we are so cut up with them. :(
First and foremost, check whether it was revealed accidentally - honestly tracing the incident to the boss. If the friend accepts that she has revealed it accidentally, then it is time to reclaim her friendship by forgiving. She must be already going through some remorse, and that is punishment enough. If she becomes defiant, and lies or tells that I owe it to organization and such lofty stuff, dump her. U might continue with the friendship if u so wish with no future secrets in them.
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
I admire you for your opinion on this. Thanks for giving my friend the opportunity to justify her action. Honestly, before I post this discussion the things you've said keeps running in my mind. I want to justify her actions but however I look at it, it seems that the only reason she wants to tell it first to my boss is to make her self look good on my boss. According to my source, she even mention that she told my boss because she (ex friend) felt that it is her responsibility to tell the news. lol. Also, I don't understand why she was avoiding me for the past 5 days at the office. If it is really a slip of the tongue incident, she should have told me right after she divulge it to my boss so that I will not be caught surprise and be able to prepare come confrontation (with my boss). Sorry, if I talk to much..it helps me now to keep my sanity. This is my outlet for now - to express myself through writing. Thank you so much for reading my thoughts. I know things will be better as time goes by.
@vandana7 (100540)
• India
15 Aug 09
It becomes difficult to admit a slip of the tongue to a friend. Fear of losing a friend often makes the person shy away from telling the truth. Its strange if something similar were to happen with others, she would not be hiding the truth. That is part of friendship, if u can understand it. If she is avoiding u, may be she is feeling guilty. If she is grouping with others while avoiding u, then she is to be dumped.
@DiwansSong (16)
• United States
10 Aug 09
I think it all depends on how your relationship was with the employee before the incident. If you two had a really close relationship; I would give him/her another chance. However, if you guys weren't that close, I would probably stop talking to that person.
2 people like this
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
We were very close. We have been friends way back in college. She has been betraying people ever since and I never thought that I wouldn't be an exception. I never thought that she will betray me for her own motive. Thank you for your views on this. It really helps to share the frustration I am feeling right now. Thank you very very much for taking time to answer.
@Redhornet117 (1248)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
Yeah, definitely I'd give this the End of Friendship tag. Betrayal means they are not worthy friends. A true friend sticks with you like glue. They are the ones that even protect you and not sell you out.
1 person likes this
@Zelda414 (149)
• United States
11 Aug 09
Hmmm betrayed by a friend, i know all to well about that one, it almost costs me my relationship, helped to cause me to have a premature baby by 10wks, damaged my relationship with his kids, you name it................what would i do well in my case i should of beat the hell out of her but i didnt...........but what i do is a turned the other cheek, prayed about it, moved as far away from her as i possibly could, cut all ties with her, the bible says pray for your enemies well i do pray for her but i have nothing to do with her...............i say in your case, first off if she approaches tell her how you feel n go on about ur business, when you resign cut all ties if you cant cut them all now an be done with her once a betrayer always a betrayer.
1 person likes this
@AndrewFreyne (6281)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
In my book a friend who betrays you is no longer a friend. I had a very good friend in the past and he betrayed me, he really hurt me. I gave him three chances and he still did not change his ways so I thought to myself that was that, to hell with you! I broke the friendship and said that I did not want to see him ever again. This is very hard when you have a good friend and he was a good friend, he was someone with whom I thought I could trust. Anyway, that is in the past now. I am meeting other people, good people and I hope that I start to have better experiences than I had in the past. Andrew
1 person likes this
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
12 Aug 09
When it happens, I already retract my trust on her. I realize that what she really cares for now is her status in our company and no longer the friendship that we had for the past 10 years. Thank you for finding time to answer this discussion. I really appreciate your views on this.
@Redhornet117 (1248)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
Better ignore her. I'd end the friendship if I were you. those friends are not worth keeping at all. Most specially not worth talking to. Doesn't even know the true meaning of the word friendship.
1 person likes this
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
12 Aug 09
Thanks, Redhornet. Thank you for your views on this. You are right, someone like that doesn't deserve my friendship. She might be blinded by the status she has right now and have never consider that she has broken the friendship we had for 10 years. God has plan for everything. This happens because there are better plans in store for me. Happy myloting.
@seanbryan (349)
• United Arab Emirates
11 Aug 09
Hi larish!
If I am on your shoes, I would definitely do the same "silent treatment" to her for sometime just so she'll realize that I am hurting of what she did. But if she attempted to explain her side you can give her a chance, if the reason seems unacceptable to you then you have all the right to drop her, she not worth of your friendship. Good Day!
1 person likes this
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
Actually, it's the other way around. She was already avoiding me for the past 5 days. lol. So, what I did now is to be civil with her. If I needs to ask her about her, I do it. But she turn to be cold, maybe it came to her that I denied the resigning issue. Thanks for your thoughts on this.
@kenchobi (147)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
That sounds really bad. I would the same thing if I were in the same position as yours. But she's your long time, 10 years, that's really very long and Its really sad to waste it all away. Maybe try talking to her privately and ask why did she do it and do get mad at first let her explain her side then explain your feelings because she shared a real big secret that really affected your career. I hope you two could reconcile, I know its hard and maybe not immediately but I hope soon.
1 person likes this
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
15 Aug 09
As much as I wanted to talk to her... I can't. Because she was already avoiding me. I also hope that we can still work on this but if we cannot, I know in my heart that it is not my lost. I am confident to say this because I have done a lot of sacrifices for our friendship. Thank you for your time. cheers!
@LiLianjie (13)
•
11 Aug 09
If I've learned anything in my life larish it's never to trust or rely on anyone other than yourself. Never, however comfortable you feel around a person, tell them secrets because one day they will tell someone and they may even try to blackmail you with the information you have shared with them. When you tell someone a secret they know that you trust them and they know that they now possess information that they could use against you. Be cautious as to what information you share with people.
@cloud_kicker_32 (4635)
• United States
11 Aug 09
well i have had this happen to me and it sucks..I was seeing someone very dear to my heart..i thought he was the one and my best friend hooked me up with him..it was her brother..well i introduced him to my other best friend and when i got hurt they hooked up while i was in the hospital..and even when she was caring for me in HER HOME..when i couldnt walk they were together..when i found out i was devastated..even had a nervous breakdown and got in a huge depression..after about 6 months she ended up in the hospital and it was serious..even though she did what she did she was still in my heart and i went to her..and forgave them both..never forget..but forgave and they just got married this last Saturday..and yes i went..there happy and im glad things worked out for them..persoanlly hes INSANE!!!! obsessive and possesive and i cant stand guys like that..so better her than me!!! lol lol!!!!!
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
10 Aug 09
i have been betrayed in the past by so called friends. the only thing i did was have nothing to do with them ever again. i have learned there are no friends in the work place. i would not talk to her anymore either and you are completely justified in doing so. but before you leave i would start a rumor about her and see how she likes it.
1 person likes this
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
12 Aug 09
Thanks for your comment. I am not the person who strikes back, I always try to keep calm because I know it will piss her off. I also plan to prolonged my plans to resign so that my boss will think that this friend of mine is just starting a rumor. I can't wait to see her disappointment... she was waiting for the my resignation that will never come this month. lol. Thank you so much for sharing your view. It really help me so much emotionally, it helps to hear from people like you. happy myloting.
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
Thanks for your views. But I am not ready to confront her. It will take sometime I guess. She is my friend for 10 years and I am not ready for her reason because I don't see any justifiable reason why she has to tell it to my boss. But honestly, I do appreciate your thoughts on this. Promise, I will think things over and will personally consider your opinion. Thanks.
@kevchua (1004)
• Malaysia
10 Aug 09
My advise is to stay away from her for a while. Now that you know you couldn't trust her anymore, you should know what not to do. It's heartbreaking, I know. You've the right to be angry with her, and once you've calmed down, you have to tell her in her face how you feel so that she wouldn't do it again. You could still befriend her though your perception of her might change - maybe for good.
By the way, I've learnt that if I have a secret, I shouldn't tell anyone. I'd just keep it to myself. It's hard to trust even your most trustworthy friend.
1 person likes this
@advokatku (4033)
• Indonesia
10 Aug 09
are you has ask to your friend, why he betray your secret ? please check on recheck. Sometime, people wanna make surpprises but they dont know the way it. Dont make small problem into big, was just a mistake that you will no repeat again
@larish (2234)
• Philippines
10 Aug 09
You were right, I didn't ask her why she did it to me. And honestly, I am not yet ready for her answer. I just don't understand why she has to talk to my boss about my resignation. I was also thinking that if ever we'll swap a situation, I won't divulge her plan especially to her boss. But I agree with you that I don't have to make a small problem into a big one. It is just that I am not yet ready for confrontation at this time. Thanks for your view. I really do appreciate it. I think I just need more time.
