Does silence help in solving an argument?

It depends on how long you keep silent. When my partner and I fight, I keep quiet while he rants. When he has calmed down a bit, that's when I say what I want to say. If we just say what we want to say while we are both angry, the discussion will not end well because when people are angry they usually say things that they regret afterwards. Taking turns to say what makes us angry calms us down.

I agree kumar, are you an activist?? When water boils, it becomes steam, after that....silence. Without violence, argument is argument, it will eventually lead to change, some good, some bad.

I agree as well kumar. I love arguing but as much as possible not turning it into a heated argument because chances are it will bring out things in which it is not applicable anymore on what the issue really is.

Sometimes, it is not possible just to sit and talk until the agression is out of the way... If people need an argument amongst themselves then it can help release a lot of pent-up energies that get trapped in the body and nervous system and bring on bad health later in life. But the argument needs not to get out of control or violent. When we are angry we may need to shout a lot, and if both partners are willing to allow the other to express him/herself in this way, then it can be good. There have to be boundaries though. For instance, no physical violence, because if a row degenerates in either partner hitting the other, then that would be unacceptable, counter-productive and even dangerous. In my work, I had some ground rules. Each person could say or shout what they needed to until they had nothing left to say or shout. The other person was committed to just keep quiet and listen until it was his/her turn to do the same. Invariably, after a while, both partners could see how crazy it was and usually laugh. Then talking could begin in an effort to try and resolved the issue.._Derek

Wow! After reading a lot of responses of being silent. Yes I totally agree with you, that when my partner suddenly becomes silent, it suppresses my thought and it even gets worse. What do you mean when you say talking things through? No argument at all? Well that seems to be tough.

Not totally talk and talk until it calms. That is not what I meant. We all have our ways to cope up and venting, That once you release the thoughts that may seem the cause of prolonging the argument then I will not mention those thought no more. I am not the type of person that after venting will turn out now to be a nagger. It is a case to case basis. Shouting is just normal and is one way of releasing the pressure.

i didn't mean that... every couple has their own way of solving their arguments and i had found that yelling and arguing is not a way to solve a problem... i prefer to let both of us cool down first and have a chat again after a few days when we already had time to do some thinking... it is just that when people are in an emotional state, it is hard to do some reasoning and end up yelling and arguing... i don't like that and prefer to walk off from the situation first... but that doesn't mean that i will forget the issue and left it unaddressed... as i say, this works for me and might not work for everybody... take care and have a nice day...

So you mean to say that if for instance on the height if the argument, my partner walks out from me or chose to be silent and I end up yelling because I feel like he's not hearing me out, you find that immature? I believe that we have our own ways on making our own ways to be heard especially when we fight for what is right and if we know that we are right.

Yes that is true. Every couple has their own way to ease the issue. I agree that yelling is not a good way to resolve the problem. But you must understand that it is also a way of venting. It's not hard to reason out if you know that what you are saying is based on facts anyway.

i too agree with ur comment and , i too better take a risk to make my ming struggle with the problem

i learned how to make my life jhappier even in critical situations and i truely believe that experience makes a man perfect human to lead a peacefull life

Yes I do agree that being silent means that I am being ignored. Its just that I am in the middle of expressing my anger and I just need a hug and to tell me, stop, calm down and lets sit,have a coffee and talk this over a cam way. Things like that, even if I am so pissed I would still feel that the person still cares.

put as you said it when one "vents" out we let our emotions explode. that means its bound to explode anyway and saying it right there and then would let things end right there and then which is more rational. the frustration may come up in one form or another and that would be bad. one time we may be feeling angry for our partner without knowing exactly the reason why. it may be this delaying of venting out one's emotions. i learned this from my degree in psychology. even the hot air pressure in a pressure cooker is bound to come out even if you open it 10 minutes later than it should be opened, right? besides having the decency to say sorry when you realized something wrong done is enough to balance the scale .

I don't think that it is bound to explode. I mean I believe in self control. If you don't let it happen then you still have the power to do so. I define venting as a way of releasing all the tension and emotions that you have at that very moment. It may include shouting etc. We have our ways of venting anyway. But my point us that after that point of venting, I can' stand it whenever my partner chooses to be silent. That gets into my nerves.

Isn't it that when you vent, you allow your emotions to explode because that will somehow ease the hurting. Most cases, I have a hard time controlling myself with the things I really don't mean which I really really regret afterwards and feel sorry for. But I an thankful that my partner is very understanding.

i am happy that you are in a way looking at the value of silence. believe me, it really works. there's always a way that you can express your thoughts and feelings and receive silent response or reaction...it's a sign that the person is thinking about how ot what is the best way to interact with you after a battle of arguments and exchanges of hard words.

Yes I am getting the point now of somehow applying silence to the moments of arguing. I am trying to get rid or block the idea that I have to be heard do my partner has to react in everything that I have to say. Yes, I am trying to understand now the value of silence gradually and eventually will apply that. thanks!

Hello. I am just not satisfied if I am not being heard. It breaks me down. I agree "less talk, less mistake". Yes I do understand the consequences after having a fight but at times I really cannot control myself. I am starting to realize the value of silence. Thanks!

some people think that the listeners r fools but actually they r very tallented b coz they here the problem care fully to finnd a solution for it ,, so b a good listener in life

Yes I do agree that being silent means that I am being ignored. In fact, I strongly believe that silence also means that they just stop talking but they are still listening. I agree also that being a good listener is a talent.

Yes I get offended honestly when my partner stays silent whenever the argument becomes very tense. We are not really talking at he same time, but I am at least expecting a response whenever I am trying to vent and release what is on my mind. It doesn't necessarily mean that If I choose to talk and he chooses to keep quiet means that I am not being open minded-I so totally disagree! yes meeting halfway will work but to be able to achieve that both will have to exert an effort right?

oops...sorry about the "eeeeeeeeeeeee" at the end there. I accidently hit the "e" key at the same time I hit send and it just went a bit crazy.

Hi sid556. I could not help myself to smile with your response. I was also caught in that kind of situation wherein it's either you are being yelled at or becomes extremely quiet. At times it's hard to take a break especially if your partner does not make you feel that he is interested with what you are saying because when my partner gets quiet, a lot of things runs in his head, maybe a powerful spiel to shut me up. =)

That is exactly how I feel, I am left alone in a sinking ship. It can be, that one person can vent first but but the other one should respond so that it would not make the impression of ignoring isn't it?

At times it might help but I get annoyed and irritated when I vent and then my partner walks out on me. It feels like crap actually. At times, it's very true that we just choose to be silent because we cannot think straight. I so much agree to that. Thanks for responding and good day!

silence is better only in some cases but when the mistaking is going on better try to being silent is a big wrong

Yes it does not add fuel to the fire. But I am trying look for answers that is why I am arguing isn't it? I want to be heard and I want to hear my partner out. Tendency is that when my partner keeps quiet the more pissed I become.

yes silence is good but not when the opposing person is a angry person but some times when th opposing person is better b away from the by playing small techniques all the best

Yes, it will help calm the situation and then what? Just forget about it? SO it means that it is unresolved. I don't like that because for me a fully resolved argument means that despite of all the words that has been said and done, you still meet halfway and nobody is left unanswered.

I've been observing and I think that the best way for it to be resolved is by hearing each others insights, opinions etc. So that both will not get into the point of assuming and may possibly give rise to another misunderstanding.

Yes at times it does help, but what if it came to a point that you feel like bursting out and your partner still chooses to keep quiet? Can you handle that? Yes I believe in less talks less mistakes but if that happens most of the time do you think you will be able to tolerate it?

Yes it can be very frustrating especially when you you know for a fact that it is not your fault. That is on thing that really gets into my nerves. then it becomes very annoying indeed. Yes I do agree with your last sentence. Me too, there's no need to be silent just say what you have to say and let's resolve this right now.

I strongly agree that being vocal in an argument would help but of course being cautious of what is being said and done. Crying is one source of venting aside from screaming. I believe that letting your emotions pour will be one way for your partner to know what you truly feel at that situation.

Hi jaiho2009! I feel for you. That is somehow part of my sentiments. I just think that after venting out then probably that will help lighten the argument without injecting other issues that might trigger the fire.

Yes it will help but not by keeping quiet until the end. Because I will think of it as avoidance or does not want to be confronted and that will make me thing that the person is somehow guilty. Yes after we have brought up all our points then let's forgive and forget. But all facts and reasons must be laid out first.

Exactly! If you choose to be silent, you are missing the chance that you think you can say something to ease each others hurting or pain. But we always have to be mindful of what we say or do to avoid regretting in the long run because this might cause a long term damage in the relationship.