Child Support Nightmares...

I think different countries have different family laws. I think our law here is much lenient and child support automatically cease when the child reach 18 years or if they get married. Non payment or late payment of child support does not land a person in prison. All they can do is wait and if the wait is too long they send reminders to the ex to pay up. If I have no job and no money, I will surrender and experience prison life. At least I don't have to think where my next meal come from while in prison.

Even though I am in a situation where my children's father refuses to look for a job (I believe) and hasn't paid anything in 8 months, I still don't understand the penalties for fathers when they don't pay. If he doesn't have a driver's license, how is he supposed to find work. Yes I know there are buses, but in my city that is one of the reason I don't work now; the majority of the jobs that I have the qualifications for are in locations that public transportation doesn't cover. If you lock the man up, how is that contributing anything to the support of the child that you locked him up for? Now this man is costing society twice as much, the mother goes on welfare, the state pays for his stay. I could be one of the typical mothers with deadbeat dads and talk about how my children's father should be locked up for what he is doing (actually I will, because most of the reason he isn't working are due to his personal issues) but has anyone in government actually taken a look at these laws, even before the light of this bad job market and economy? How is taking a man's license and locking him up supposed to help him provide for his child(ren)?

Since I have been very happily married for 50 years, I have no personal experience of child support hardships. However, I have been involved in counselling on a voluntary basis for many years and have come across a few such cases. I believe child support is necessary and right. A father should not be able to walk away from his responsibilities towards his children. On the other hand, they should be fair and all circumstances should be investigated. If the children are not infants, the mother should be able to work and support or part support the children. After all, she is equally responsible for them. In one case that I know of, a man was still paying child support for his children after his ex wife had remarried. Her new husband was quite wealthy. In my opinion, if the wife remarries, the new husband takes her AND her children and they become a new family. HE takes on the responsibility of the children. This is not the way the Law interprets it here in Australia and I think it is unfair. In the case of a man losing his job or suffering ill health, the amount of child support should be reevaluated. If he was still married, he would still have to support his family, so it shouldn't be wiped, but should be adjusted (and if necessary, the living conditions of the family) in accordance with his situation.

I know a lady that had a child in the court system and she had to pay $180. a month for child support. Now mind you this was with a minimum wage job. She has 3 children by her 2nd husband and he only had to pay $193. He had a high paying job. She was pregnant and put on bed rest being very ill and many complications with the pregnancy and they took her to court for being a couple of weeks late and was going to put her in jail. He mom had to help her or she would have been sent to jail. Meanwhile her ex is over $3000 in the rears and he has not went to court. She had to garnish his wages to get what she gets but they have never went after him for the rears he owes. If I were in this predicament and since I am not able to work, they would just have to put me in jail. My son has two states after him for child support on one child. They won't drop either one of them and he borrowed money from the bank to pay one of them off. We have been trying to fix this mess for years.

Its really weird how things work out about this sometimes. Seems like everytime i had a male friend that paid child support they hardly left him anything to live on. But when it came to me recieving i hardly got anything. My son's father paid $50. and month. He told me he lost the house him and his new family was living in because of that $50. I thought boohoo your son will probably never live ina house that i owned. My daughter's father paid $75 a month. When my daughter and i became homeless i tryed to get it raised up since it had been 15 yrs and i figured he was making more money. Since he was studing to be a doctor. They told me they couldnt help me because I HAD NO ADDRESS. Seems to me that would be an ergent reason to raise it. This one friend i had they left him with $35. checks. He had to work 80 hrs a week to bring home less than what i got ina week of 40 hrs. We worked at the same place. His hourly pay was higher than mine.

Hello my friend My brother is going through this although he takes care of the child the mother still sues him imo just because they are not together, its not fair when the father is trying to do the best he can do, in some cases sure lock their behinds up, it should be easy to wein out the good from the bad, my daughter gets child support but she did not do it out of spite like some woman she did it to make sure she had help which was smart. I think child support is a great thing don't get me wrong, in some cases it pushes the fathers to get a job out of fear of going to prison, still they should be lenient with the fathers that do try. Great duscussion my friend.

if they're unemployed and can prove they've been trying to find new work,the judge could cut them some slack/reset the amount.i know that makes it harder on the mother in a lot of cases,but what can you do in this economy? i know a guy with 8 kids that has been jailed a couple of times now.first his hours were cut (and they wouldn't reassess the per month) then he was let go and couldn't pay.off to jail he went.in my state you're lucky to have one job let along two,so he was screwed.

There have been so many deadbeats out there over the years that Judges are calloused and just don't care anymore. And of course the ex that goes out and hires the money hungry attorney is crazy. I personally feel that all attorneys should be lined up and every other one shot, we have far to many of them. As to paying child support to a married dependent it is illegal in my state. Once they marry or quit school they are on their own as it well should be. So if he is still paying child support for a married child then the Judge and or attorney is pocketing some extra cash.

It's like being between a rock and a hard spot...just cause he doesn't have an income, doesn't make the expense of a child go away. On the other side, if he has no income, how does he pay for the expense of a child? And they have to dosomething as if just being unemployed means you don't have to pay child support... many would purposely not get a job or get one that pays "under the table" and say they are unemployed so as not to have to pay for their child. On the other side of that...alot of the fathers love their kids and want to do right by them. Then you have the side that the mothers abuse the use of the child support they get. They don't go make it on their own, but move in with family, relatives.. another man.. and don't have to pay rent or utilities or the basics. The child support goes to pay for nails, hair fun etc. And on the other side of that you have the mothers that are working and doing it on their own and need that money to support the child. Other than the basics of rent and groceries and such, it isn't that expensive to raise a child these days...granted they won't have all the current expensive "in demand" toys and name brand hot clothes and things like that, but I raised mine on non-name brands and budget and all that and now one is a Deputy SHeriff and the other is CSI. So not having name brands and most current expensive and popular atoys didn't hurt them. SO they have to do something to make sure the child is cared for. I just think that they should do more to investigate where/how the mother is spending the child support money to make sure it is spent on the child and not her. My son's divorce I can look back now and see, that marriage was doomed cause his wife is just a lazy, do nothing sloppy kind of person. For five years they were married and she just never did anything to make their life better or make herself better. Long story, but after five years, and a 1 year old child she filed for divorce. Again, long story, but now...here she is 28 years old and no better off than she was 8 years ago, (married 5, divorced 3) but she has a child to care for. She moved back in with her parents and pays no "household expenses like rent and utilities, doesn't even try to keep a part time job (she has not skills other than a little bit of day care experience) and dresses like she rolled out of a trash bag but always has moeny for concerts, and doing things like that for herself. She doesn't even feed the child healthy. He had to pay her $350 in spousal support for 3 years and she got 5 years share of his retirement and half of about $16k that my brother had given to my son over the years (before they were married) for an IRA. She got all the assets and he ended up with all the debts. She got the car that was paid off, he was without one and had to buy another. She took everything. Did she get a job? NO. Just part time stuff and she called out sick or whatever all the time to do this or that. I keep the baby in between their days so we speak and she always tells me about the things she does and all. She can't even keep a part time job as she is always telling me about her new job or that "old crummy" job. She only had to pay taxes on the spousal support. the Child support was free and clear. But with a small income and that... she paid no taxes and got refunds for what she did pay in. She literally had it made in the money department. Throw in the fact that she told me herself that she has no intention of getting a job until the child starts 1st grade. She isn't going to miss a single moment of her life until she has to.(more to the point due to the kind of person she is...she saw that she could get lot of moeny from him and he support her, while she lives free with her parents...) But I told her while they were married..take college coruses.. 1 a semester. And in 5 years you can graduate with a degree of some kind. She didn't. Now, I tell her again...go to college online...in 5 years you can have a marketable skill...1,1/2 late now, she is still just flipping from PT job to nothing to temp here or there. My son has a steady stable job for the last 7 years. But my son kept his child support and the alimony current and never missed a beat. Even tho he knows his money is being spent on others and not his child. Alimony was supposed to end in August.. but they didn't stop taking it out of his check like hte divorce decree said to, and he had to go to court again to get it stopped. All this time she refused to sign the divorce papers (3 years!) and it was because she was trying to get more money out of him. Finally, after him paying her $350 a month for 6 months (from August to last month) and her not signing the divorce papers, he gave her the option.. sign the divorce papers and keep the alimony you have gotten illegally (as she knew it should have stopped but she took it anyway) or I will sue you for the return of nearly $2500 and attorney fees. Her attorney strongly advised her to sign the papers..he can sue and will win. So she finally did sign. So I think that the courts need to do more investigation on how the mothers spend the money on the kids or what they spend the money on the kids for etc.

The examples you have shared surely fall into the category of exceptions to the child support laws. The father is diligently seeking employment and there's no work. There's no way he can pay full child support. With that kind of pressure the guy needs help, not harassment. Maybe dad needs a pro bono attorney to plead his case. Then is that ridiculous or what? Paying back child support for a grown child? Sure, it partially reimburses mom for footing the whole bill in raising the child, but doesn't account for dad's inability to pay due to disability. Sheesh, you're getting me up on a soapbox. I'm not in support of deadbeat dads, but dads who are struggling to pay at least something and still meet their own basic living expenses need a break.

True. And my thought is always, why would you want to put the guy in jail? How can he work and pay anything to you if he is in jail? That isn't doing the family owed child support any good. Being someone who has been job searching for a long time after being laid off from a job last year, I can attest to the fact that you can search long and hard and still not find anything for months in this day and age! I thought they HAD to lower the child support according to income? All seems a little trying to get at someone instead of dealing with what is really happening to the guy. Just another way things are so screwed up in law and government way of doing things these days!

The idea behind child support is that the parent not living with the children assume at least 50% of the up keep of that child. After all 100% of the couple, man and wife, choose to give life to the child. If they had stayed together they would have supported the child 100% together. Since these parents choose to not live together and involved the government, that government has to determine how to divide the support of the child between them. It would be wonderful if the law could be as flexable as the parents would have been if they stayed together, but this is just not possible. If things change and both the parents can agree to adjust the payments they can do so, but if they still need the government to do this for them they will pay the price. Is it fair? No. But then life is rarely fair. the main concern of the government is that the child not suffer from the parents choice.

for myself I do not have to pay child support. but if I did I would have no choice. I would simp;y have to do what the law says I must do. I do think the courts should be more sinitive to the siutuations of the persons that you desciibed. but there are the deadbeat dads and the parents who take the money for themself and use no of it for the children. I would do what I had to to make payments so I do not have to go to jail.

My husband has never met his biological father and his mother never pressed for child support while Tom was growing up. I think that she was wrong to not press for child support when Tom was small because their family struggled quite a bit financially. As far as the child support goes in the situations that you've listed, I think that the judge should reduce the amount of child support that the father's should be paying at the time when they reach difficulties in their lives, but I don't think that it is right to erase the responsibility of child support completely because if they lived with their children they would be expected to support them in some way. Additionally, if they do end up going to jail over child support issues, the state (at least in our state) picks up part of that responsibility to help the mother and the child through that period of their lives.

Having had two husbands I've seen both sides of the fence. My hubby is almost through with his payments but is behind because someone hacked into his savings and he lost several hundred dollars which put him behind. My first husband owes me nearly twenty thousand dollars. He quit paying a year ago. Personally I think jail or taking licenses away wont help. If you work at a job which requires one why do that? Jail doesn't earn money. There has to be a better way.

hi twoeye, I think with something like this, they should review each case individually. If the man is out of work, is he collecting unemployment? If so then I think they should lower the payments. I actually don't feel the child support should be based on what a man earns only. It should be based on both parents income and ability to pay. The childs needs should also be factored in. Some men pay outrageous amounts and so much so that the mother could almost quit her job and live off the support. Now, my ex got a 2nd DWI offense and they not only dropped child support while he was in jail but they set it at 25.00 a month for almost 2 yrs when he got out! And even then, he didn't pay half the time! I was trying to raise 3 kids on my own. I did not have them on my own. He was working under the table so was telling them he was not working. It finally got raised to 80.00 per week. If he still owed it to me once they turned 18, you bet I would still want it.While I raised the kids, he bought some land and built a house. I picked up his slack for years and times were really tough. At one point, I useed a credit card just to put food in the house. They had turned 18 and I was still paying on that card and it was used only for things like food, sometimes gas. Now with my youngest girl's dad I don't get any child support at all. I dropped it in exchange for him being here for her on the nights that I work. He does not come thru but I just can't fight that battle again...I won't. If a person is out of work for a legitimate reason then child support should be lowered. If he could convince his ex to request it to be lowered then there would be no problem.

If I were ordered to pay it I would certainly keep in contact with them. Here if you don't pay they can jail you if you are delinquent and are picked up on something. We all have our responsibilities and we have to stand up and take care of them. It is only right.

I don’t know the ins and outs of the laws here in Australia and I have not been the recipient of child support although my sister is and the way it has worked for her and her ex is that each time the amount he owes is reviewed his income is taken into consideration and child support is worked out that way. He has been out of work since they separated and was not required to pay as much during that period. I have heard some men say that the figure that is decided upon is too high but my sister begs to differ! As far as I know child support ceases when the kid turns 18.

In my case if ever me and my husband will decide to separate (which I hope would not ever happen) I would not require him that much for a child support. Maybe it's because I have the capability to raise my child on my own. As long as I have my son it's fine. If he wants to give financial support then that will be fine but if he can't or does not want to do so it's also fine. However, things might be different if I don't have a job. I would definitely require my husband to support our child.

I have mixed emotions on this one. While I empathize with some fathers in some situations, if he doesn't pay, and the mother with the child can't make it without child support, who do you think picks up the slack? We do. But I've become extremely concerned that we, as taxpayers, can't continue to pick up the slack for these parents, who can't find a way to make it work. I don't think prison is a solution; that just adds to the burden on society. Maybe we should carve out functions for the good of society, cleaning up parks, repairing government equipment, government administrative work, etc. for fathers who can't find jobs elsewhere, are limited by poor health, etc. I also think child support should end when the child reaches the age of 18 and/or finishes high school. If the child wants to continue to college, then go for it, but the kid may have to foot the bill. College is a "good", it is not a "right" under our constitution. (For that matter, education is a "good", not a "right", under our constitution.)