I said yes, then he said no!
By jfier001
@jfier001 (14)
United States
April 6, 2010 1:22pm CST
My boyfriend was always telling me how much he loves me and that I'm his everything, the love of his life. This past December he proposed to me! He gave me the ring right before a party my family was having. At the party my mom announced to everyone we were getting married, it was great. Then he went home a week later (long distance). His mom knew he had a ring for me and asked if he gave it to me. He said yes. Then she asked if it was an engagement ring; he said no. We started a registry and he didn't want anything sent to his house because he didn't want anyone to see, just in case his parents found out. Well, because of that and other reasons, we broke up. He always asks if we can get back together, says he misses me, and says he still loves me. But his parents still don't know we were getting married, and they don't know we broke up because he wouldn't tell them. They think it's because of the long distance. His mom used to always talk bad about me, and he would just sit there and sometimes walk away. So my question for everyone is this: What would you have done?
1 person likes this
18 responses
@Ritchelle (3790)
• Philippines
8 Apr 10
if you feel he had already suffered enough to make up for the humiliation he gave you and if you still love him then take him back. if he really loves you and fate intends you to be together then all would be well in the end. but before you take him back make him make up first for the lost of face you had. make him suffer.
@momtrying2makeit (3270)
• United States
7 Apr 10
I think I would be very upset about this. But long distance realtionships are hard to keep going. I think they ca be done however I think both people must be very strong mentally in order for it to work. For me I would never do a long distance relation ship for very long at some point I would want to live together and get to really know one another. I am sorry for you that this happened but as they say there are more fish in the sea and you will find someone better than him. Take care and do not give up on finding love:)
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
I would like to ask you this, do you really talk to his family, specially to his mom? if not, then it will be two options here, either your bf does not want or you don't want to confide with them. It takes two to tango still, if the guy hides you from his folks, then what good would a relationship be, while your family is happy for you, the guys folks aren't.
I am sad to hear that this ended up like this but it was really weak if the relationship was like this from the start. How long have you known each other? The question of what to do is obvious but the reasons for getting a remedy with this one stands out.
@1anurag1 (3576)
• India
7 Apr 10
i think this is really a bad situation with you. i dont know what happened and why happened to you.
but i would like to say you to see the brighter side of the thing that the person who is not loyal to you before the engagement how can you think to be with him for your whole life.
be positive and i think some thing better is waiting for you
@warvial (1146)
• Singapore
7 Apr 10
Hi, sorry to hear about your situation.
If I were you, and I really like him, I think either I will tell him that I will talk to his parents instead or I will just totally let go of this relationship.
I don't know what's keeping him from letting his family knows about him marrying you but it's shouldn't be kept under wraps. It's not like he's starting to date you. It's already marriage stage. I feel strongly that it's already in a do or don't situation.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
7 Apr 10
this doesn't sound right to me... a relationship shouldn't be based on lies and if your boyfriend really loves you, then he wouldn't be lying to his family at all about your relationship with him... i mean, what is the reason for him for doing that??? i don't really understand... also, an engagement and marriage is supposed to be happy occasions... i think i will dump him and wouldn't want to be with him anymore after what he had done to me... it is just too hurtful... take care and have a nice day...
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
7 Apr 10
Broke up with him same as you. I don't need someone whose still attached to Mama and dada's umbilical cord. Parents always think they know best and sometimes they do but parents can also be very ignorant like any other human being and they can wrongly judge people as his mom did you. Mine have threatened me a few times "I'll disown you bla bla" but in the end you have to say "Well yah know what pops? Thats fine by me" otherwise you're going to always be alone. If he really cared he wouldn't worry about what his parents have to say about you.
@piya84 (2581)
• India
7 Apr 10
Hiii there
i would say that this guys want that much into to you.I dont know why he gave you ring and said all those things first.But when he said to his mum that ring wasnt of engagement you must understand that he is not that much into you.Probably his parents dont have much good opinion about you and he is to able to oppose them.
Its good you break up with him.He is not a guy having enough strong mind.When you choose mate make sure they trust you and when time comes they take your side infront of all wold.
@nitinshukla (278)
• United Kingdom
7 Apr 10
Well,its for you to decide how much the guy and the relationship matters to you.If you really love each other and want to be together, then you should!!Why care about how his mom is and what do his parents think about you??I know its easier said than done but ultimately its the guy you got to spend your life with,right??And as you say,he himself doesn't want his parents to know about it,so as long as he matters to you,then the rest shouldn't bother you really.Take your time,think about it and decide what you want yourself.Ultimately,you are in the best position to judge.....Cheers...:)
@khalida (1126)
• India
7 Apr 10
well the question to be asked here is, why is he having a problem to tell his parents or anyone for that matter?? if u also love him and want him back u should just go to his house and be introduced by him to his family and have a small general chat and try to be friendly with them.
why is his mom saying bad things about u? she doesn't even know u right??
@babycecelia (21)
•
7 Apr 10
Well, it's really troublesome. As to your situation, your boyfriend really loves you so much. He could ignore his mother's dislike to you. I am a girl who has a boyfriend, but unfortunately, I am not as happy as you are. My boyfriend never says how much he loves me ,how much he misses me, ect. But I have a good relationship with his family.
According to you, your boyfriend's mother does not like you pretty much. May be you can do something to ingratiate her. Our chinese say, haveing a good relationship with boyfriend's family is the most important thing. As to your boyfriend, you can tell him what he has done hurt you very much. You two need to talk frankly. Just tell him what you feel and what you want.
@aisa62379 (150)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
he shouldnt have given you the ring in the first place if he wasnt sure about marrying you and if he really loves you then he shouldnt be afraid of telling his parents about his relationship with you. WEll if i was in your place... I'd probably confront him and say to his face that he should be a man enough and never fool around with especially when it comes to marriage.
@lologirl2021 (5542)
• United States
6 Apr 10
A relationship can not rely on lies. I do not know how you even took him saying no to your family. It is something the both of you are supossed to be so happy about and he just lies to his family like that. I would have stepped in and said Yes we are engaged and very happy to be getting married to one another. His family is his family and i understand that 100 % percent but they should be happy for the both of you even if they have issues with you. Maybe you should all sit down together and work the things out and talk about the pro's and con's on why they dont like you and maybe you can all work it out together. '
Marriage is supossed to be your happy life and not supossed to be sad. Enjoy life and your surroundings.
@apoljuice1 (730)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
If that happened to me, I would make him tell his parents. A marriage is supposed to be happy, all the parents should be there. It's the time in your parents lives where they let go of their children so they can start their own family. It's the time in your lives to continue another branch of the family. A marriage is one of the biggest things that could happen in everyone's lives. You can't make his parents like you, and it's not your fault either. (Have you seen the movie, Monster-in-Law?)
I'm sure you know that this was very wrong of him not to tell his parents what's going on. It's not like you guys are kids anymore. I'm sure you love him very much, and you miss him a lot. But if that's the way things are going, then your marriage if ever is not going to work out. He only stands up for you in front of people he chooses. He can't stand up for you in front of his parents, and they're supposed to be one of the most important people in his life. If he can't do that, then I'm sure there are a whole bunch of things he's not ready to do even if you do get married.
@stewartsquall (72)
• Philippines
7 Apr 10
Well for me, you should discuss with your (ex)boyfriend what is the problem with him and his parents. Why doesn't he stand up in front of them. And why did he lied about the "engagement ring"? Does he really love you or just to scarred to face his parents? Well for me, if he really want you, he should fight for you! Talk to him and if it's possible to meet with both of you and his parents to fight for your relationship. If he does that, well you know if he is really worth having a family with him, if not then I say NO! Maybe it is not the right time or he is not the guy for you at this time. A better one will come, you just have to wait and see.
@abbeyr212 (30)
• United States
7 Apr 10
When was he planning on telling them? After children were born?
If he can't stand up to his parents and tell them that he loves you and intends on marrying you, then I think you did the right thing. Parents can be difficult, but if he plans on spending his life with you, then he has to tell them that you are the one he chose and they need to get on board, whether they like you or not.
