What do you do when your only invited to a wedding for the gift?

I would simply respond to the RSVP with an "I/We will not be attending" and leave it at that. Only a completely self-centered person would actually expect a gift from someone they're not speaking to. You are NOT obligated to send a gift, even if you WERE on speaking terms with them. But, if you feel guilty about it, then send them a "gift" of a tree. Print out a certificate telling them that you will plant a tree in their name. Then, go find some woods somewhere, dig up a seedling tree growing where you know it would die otherwise (from lack of light, etc.) and transplant it to a place where it should grow well. Or, take a seed from a cherry, apple, or some other fruit and plant it in the dirt somewhere. That's good enough! It won't be your fault if it doesn't grow or if it's mowed down or chopped down by someone else later on. I received a gift like this myself once. I wasn't offended at all. Quite the contrary! I was pleased.

Hi Moonlit, Ok so what did you do when you got married? Did you send them the invite because your family expected you to? If you did...did you do it for the gift or did you do it to keep peace within the family? Just trying to look at this from another angle....maybe they sent the invite just to keep peace. If I were in your shoes, I would send a nice card with a little note explaining that because of illnesses with you and your husband that you are unable to send a gift or attend the wedding. Wish them a happy life together and call it done.

didnt you just als post a discussion about trying to eliminate drama from yer life? hun.. this is a perfect opportunity to eradicate a bit more of it from yer existance. just because the person is a relative, that doesnt mean you HAVE to have them in yer life if theyre going to treat you like crap, cut them loose. if people give you grief for wanting a happier life.. cut THEM loose. by no means whatsoever send these people a wedding gift or even acknowledge the invite. especially since you know theyre only playin on the bloodline factor to use you when they know full well you cant afford it.

getting married can be a total turn around for some people that this might make them do things they normally wouldn't do especially when emotions towards the invited are concerned. this might be their way of saying they're sorry. however, if you still feel any anger the decision is in your hands and not in theirs.

Did they send an RSVP card with the invitation? If so, simply choose, we will not be attending this function. You should never be expected to purchase a gift that does not come from the heart. Or if you absolutely feel that you need to send them something do something creative. You could do something creative with the invitation and frame it and send it to them. Hopefully they would acknoledge that your gift came from the heart if you put some time and creativity into it.

Just because you are invited does not mean that you have to attend or give them gift. I can understand your situation though. My advice to you would be to stop feeling guilty about not attending and not giving them gifts. They cannot make you do anything you don't want to. Send them a 'Thank you for your invitation, however, we would not be able to make it. Hope you have a lovely wedding' Nothing more than that. It's not like you owe them anything. As for the relatives part, if you haven't spoken to each other for so many years, I don't think you can still count them as family. Know what I mean?

Um, I don't go. I've been invited to a wedding for that very reason before. Or at least I'm pretty sure it was for that reason anyway. I don't see any other reason as I've only met this family member, a 2nd cousin, a few times before and we didn't even say so much as a hello to each other back then. Okay, so the invite could have been sent just out of politeness. After all, the wedding was basically down the street from me. However, I don't think that was the case as there was a gift registry card sent along with it, which seemed rather strange to me. And some of the stuff they were asking for was way out there (price wise). Yep, I checked the registry online. Still, I did contemplate about going at first. After all, I was guessing that a lot of other family members were going to be there. Family members that I would have loved to have seen, even if I couldn't afford to give some fancy gift. But in the end I didn't accept as it didn't feel right to go when the bride and groom are practically strangers to me. Hmm, I don't know, I couldn't see myself going (or in this case even giving a gift) if someone like that treated me like crap. It would seem rather pointless and stupid. Couldn't you just acknowledge it with a letter or a card instead? Saying something in the lines like "Congratulations!", "thank you for the invite", "sorry we couldn't make it", and leave it at that? Or would your family still get upset?

I get discouraged when I learn i was only invited to a wedding so the couple would get another wedding gift. It can make you feel very unappreciated. You are only worth something to the couple to be wed for material value. It makes you not want to attend their wedding at all.

if this happened to me i would simply ignore the invitation. what invitation? no we did not get any invitation. considering how strongly you feel about these so-called relatives, not going to the wedding and not sending a gift should send them a message that you don't want anything to do with them.

So you have choices. Don't acknowledge it, and start more crap with people you already don't like. Or strain husbands health problems when you guys don't have money. Sounds like a easy choice. They already don't like you so forget them. Don't be fake people and smile at someones wedding you don't even like. Take their invitation and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

it's hard to be in such situation.. if im in your foot, i would choose not to go.. i think it is better not to rather than show up with bitter feelings.. it's still good to be true to what you really feels. sometimes, we have to make such moves in order to avoid greater clashes among relatives. just try to make an excuse and tell your relative that you really can't make it to her wedding.. but, if you find it in your heart that the gap or clash between you is temporary and can be resolve, try to attend and show courtesy to your relative.. you'll never know, maybe at the wedding you'll be able to make up and resolve your problems.

hi! it's quite a difficult situation but what you can do is you send them a card thanking them of the invitation and at the same time telling them that you cannot make it due to some reasons, also tell them that you wish them happiness. If your budget permits you, you can send a small gift together with the card. If they feel bad about this, it's their problem, you have done your part and cared for them.

I think then i will gift them with an empty box having a note written smile on it as smile is the most precious gift.may be that can tell us the morality.

First you find other invitees who will not be attending the wedding. Then you all send a joint gift -- a really nice one for which you can split the cost into small amounts for each sender.

Maybe they are trying to make a kind gesture in hopes you guys can all become friends again? I doubt its for a gift, but then again, who knows. People are greedy these days. But have you ever stopped to think maybe they want to make things work with the friendship & this is their way of showing it? People work in strange ways.

You say that you were told to send them an invitation to your wedding? Were you on speaking terms then? I think that is utterly rude to send someone an invitation for the sole purpose of obtaining a gift. A wedding is something to celebrate with family and friends, it is not to see how many gifts you can get. I would respectfully decline the invitation, however if she sent you a gift for your wedding (whether you were on speaking terms then or not) I believe that your obligated to send a gift. As always just my 2 cents worth!!! Happy Mylotting!!!

I would send a generic wedding card wishing them happiness and forget about a gift. That way you acknowledge the invitation....send best wishes..etc...who could be mad about that?

I go to only those places where I can be happy and i feel that other are also happy because of my presence. otherwise it is better not to worry about what those people will say who do not like you. If you already know the cpnsequences of decision and then taking decision then why should the consequnce be bothering you. Have discussion with your husband and do what your heart says you to. And be clear in mind that ill talking by other about you is not going to depress you. and there is no need to explain to anybody. you are entitles to make your own choice.

That's not a good thing to do, inviting people just for their gifts is so disrespectful, so immature and so unprofessional. If I were you, I wouldn't sacrifice my money, time and effort just for them to be pleased. They won't get pleased with you anyway. I am sure, they will just look at you the same way, even if you go to their wedding and give them a gift. They would still treat you like hell.

Perhaps they are trying to make themselves feel like good people by sending the invite knowing you cant make it? "Well honey, we TRIED to invite them." A lot of people think that way. It makes them feel better that they at least attempted to invite you. Don't go, put it in the back of your mind and don't let it get to you. The only way i would go AND buy a gift was if it was local and offered an open bar. A trade for a trade so to speak. Be realistic about things, if you cant do it, then you just cant do it. Letting it get to you will only bring your blood pressure up and keep you awake at night. If your not on speaking terms, why would you want to go anyhow?